She quietly excused herself from the table and left the room, taking the little mouse in her shirt with her. She took a last bit of a carrot, wondering if mice liked carrots like bunnies did, and handed it to the rodent before leaving and making her way to her apartment.
Katya still wasn't home. She didn't show up to the dinner. The room was still cold and dark, having been vacant since Tora went to the feast.
"Probably still fucking, leaving me here all by myself. Doesn't she have ANY kind of responsibility? I'm her fucking sibling!"
No use fettering over now. She'd say something later. She wasn't in the mood to be angry; she needed to think for a while. She crashed into the bed and flipped on the television for some comfort. The dog tried getting up, but Torii lightly pushed it away, and even put her mouse away, and shrank into the sheets, quivering.
She thought about the great time she had for a few minutes, and how excited she was to be going back to her second favorite place in the world (Her dad's homestead was always #1), and how they'd make "The most bitch'in clubhouse/bunker in the world", and how she was going to fix up her hut and experience all the nostalgia....after that, though, she had more serious stuff to think about. She thought about the event that transpired just hours earlier, and what she had learned about her Girlfriend. It pained her to think about it, but she knew she had to, or else it would just fester and explode soon, and she couldn't express it to anyone.
She thought about how after Lidev had left her that note and gone, and how heartbroken she was that her first real partner was gone, and then she remembered how Tsu was the first person she had even seen back in Vaffleheim, and how the two were alike. She remembered how, even though she wasn't very bright, she was always cheerful and encouraging, and that drew Tora to her. She remembered how everyone came to hate Tsu, and that made Torii angry and determined to defend her, even if it meant making enemies of her own "family", and how the two had nicknames, and spent time together, and how she was always sorry for missing something, and how Tsu was always excitedly talking about how they would one day get married, and it would be so brilliant, and that's when it really hit Tora. She remembered the promise, and their marriage, and their secrets, and it tore her up to where her heart literally panged and throbbed, and it felt like she was slowly dying. She remembered the time that she got prettied up and got a dress, and Tsu didn't even show up to the party, or Tsu's absences, and she almost felt anger, but then she remembered Tsu's sincere apologies and her hating herself for being late, and she knew that Tsu always really loved her, even with all those problems, and Torii was starting to cry again. She went on like this for a long time, until the sheets and pillows were soaked, and she felt like she was going to puke, and it felt good. When it was all over with, Tora was relieved, and felt at peace for the time being. She felt at peace with Tsu, but now she was also feeling angry; angry about why Tsu left. Yes, Tsu left without so much as even a note. Maybe there was just nobody who would even read the note; after all, everybody did hate her. Maybe Tsu left because of trouble? It would make sense. Everyone wanted to knock her down, even those damned adults and their childish grudges and bickering.
Torii never liked them much, anyway. Maybe she could get'em one day, for Tsu...
But that was one day. Now, Torii just needed a drink; not as in, one of her sisters old bottles of wine, or the whiskey she kept hidden behind the headboard, but just some cold water, or tea...yea, tea. Everything would be better with a cup of tea, and maybe some music. Maybe Torii should dig out her guitar tomorrow. She could really express herself with it on the island, much more then her old Les Paul, which required an amp and electricity. She'd think about it tomorrow, or before going to bed...wait, she still had one thing to do.
Sitting up at the kitchen counter, watching TV and sipping her tea, Torii hoisted up and flipped open the little diary that Giovenith had given her, and grabbed a black pen from off of the top of the microwave, and began looking for the next page. She had already added several long entries, though it wasn't an "every day" diary, and dates were sporadic.
In her best cursive handwriting, she began.
Thanksgiving Day, 2013
So I found out today that Tsu was gone. There wasn't even so much as a note, just nothing. I don't know why she would do this, and I feel so...I don't know how to describe it. I feel like it isn't real, if that makes any sense. I feel sad that Tsu is gone, and I feel mad because I feel like some of the others actually interacting with each other would have fucking prevented her from leaving!
Giovenith helped me get through it again, even though we disagreed a bit. We may have very differing thoughts and behaviors, but she's always there to help me, and she's so sweet, even when she's being frustrating. I guess that since Tsu isn't around for me anymore, that makes the Godling my best friend here. Well, anyway, best friend that's actually my age. Speaking of kids my age, me, Gio, and Yuna hung out at the feast, and it was really fun. For a darkie, Yuna is really cool, and I actually like those Pyersai, or whatever they're called. They have cool wings. We all agreed to build a kickass clubhouse at the island, and I figured we could use the old bunker that Dear Lidev built all those months ago. It's run-down and musty, and I wasn't using it, so we'll give it a better use, and it's right behind the hut, too. Ya know, I think I'll put pictures of Lidev and Tsu all over the place when I get there.
P.S., I remembered that note, the little red one with the heart sticker? I can't believe that thing is still around! So glad nobody found it and read it, that would've been so embarrassing! I'll give it to her sometime in the future, if I still have any motivation. God, I'm so awkward sometimes. I wish my sister was a help.I miss you, Tsu~
Her job done, Torii clasped the book shut, and carefully climbed up to the top of the heavy wooden cover over the bed, and slipped her diary far enough on it so that nobody would see, then crashed back into the bed to finish the night with TV and music.
