The Incredible Adventures of Crazy Joseph!

[Afanis]

Joseph Afanis sat in his office in Lesa. His desk was pushed to the side of the room and he was sitting on a comfy arabian cushion on the floor. "Pass me the lighter, Chuck, will you?" he asked. Chuck, a young man with long dreads was also sitting on a floor cushion opposite of Joseph and took out a zippo engraved with the Lesian Vulture.
"Here you go, Afanadude. Enjoy the bud!"
"Duuuude , this is good shit dude, where d'you get it?" Afanis asked while lighting up his joint. "It's super lemon haze, the best frickin weed in all of southern Austritaria, man. Can't get it anywhere for such a cheap price anymore." Chuck answered, and took another hit from the epic bong that stood in front of him.
The windows were closed, and so was the door, which was being "guarded" by two guards who were slowly getting stoned by just being near it. The corridor -a grey, concrete hallway- was filled with smoke and for some reason had become the hotspot for guards to come chill during their breaks.

Afanis exhaled, and opened his laptop in front of him. "We need some music, man. I mean, we reaally need some music" Chuck nodded, and said: "This weed right here has been grown in the personal greenhouse of the Ketua himself, in his secret plantation in Moxie Grand. It's the best, man!"
Joseph Afanis, a man responsible for the death of millions of people, giggled like a little girl. "I've got mail!! What's this? the At... Atlan..ieeegan.. whatever- union has released ultra-secret documents? We HAVE to read them!"

But Chuck shook his head, took the laptop and said "First we're going to get stoned, then we're gonna go into town and get us some chicks, we'll party all night long and THEN if you stil feel like it, we'l read these stupid documents, allright, Joseph? "

Joseph nodded and said. "I wish I had met you earlier, Chuck. Now let's get to the music!" Chuck went on Youtube, and typed in a stoner song that he had heard while touring Austritaria. He didn't remember where it came from, but that didn't matter. Joseph Afanis took another deep drag and scratched his privates. "F*ck yeah." He said.. The sweet sounds of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUnMOG8xKsg filled the residence, and all was good.

[Afanis]

"Allright man, you sure you're ready?" Chuck asked, while checking his leader's suit for wrinkles. Joseph looked at him with squinted red eyes. His voice was incredibly hoarse, and he struggled to remain standing. "Chuck, from the moment I was born, I wanted to do this. I never fail, and with this, we will conquer the world! I'm ready."
Joseph Afanis was standing on the western coast of the Isle of Wood. He had brought some 20 close friends with him, who would assist him in completing his masterplan that he had thought of three hours ago while chilling with his homies in his residence in Lesa.

They were all sitting on one side of a large green-brown sausage, and were attempting to roll it to the middle of a huge 5x10 square feet paper. Stoned out of their minds, the 20 men managed to roll the aromatic sausage to the middle of the paper. "What a beast!" One of
the men exclaimed, sweating.

Suddenly, Joseph Afanis gave the sign. The 20 men gathered around their massive creation and delicately started folding the paper. Then they opened one of the trucks and while 7 men were holding the thin paper, the others took two buckets each and went to fill them with ocean water. When they came back, they poured out the water onto the licking side of the rolling paper until it was wet enoug and then they folded it one more time.
After a while, their creation was finished. In three hours, 20 Afanisian men succeeded in rolling the biggest joint ever in the history of Austritaria. Weighing 72 kilograms, the monstrocity was hauled up by a forklift and placed right in front of Joseph Afanis' mouth.

This was the moment that all of mankind had been waiting for. Time and reality all revolved around this one moment, this one moment of glory.
Afanis suddenly raised both of his arms and gloriously exclaimed "Prepare the divine joint!!" Immediately, Chuck ran to his truck and took out a device.
"This divine gloriously royal joint shall bring my opponents to their very knees, and they shall beg me for mercy!!" Afanis yelled in a fanatic voice, delicately sniffing the air.
Chuck turned the switch of his flamethrower and the weapon produced a burst so powerful that he got hurled 5 metres up into the air before landing again. But the joint was lighted...

[Afanis]

11.20am. Lesa, Isle of Woods.
Joseph Afanis slowly tried to open his eyes. Beams of sunlight penetrated through the gaps between his curtains, and blinded him for a few seconds, making him blink repeatedly. Afanis realised he was in his bedroom in his residence in Lesa. How he got there was a mystery to him, but he was glad to be alive. In his mind, the image of the enormous joint his friends and him had rolled was still fresh. Afanis yawned, and squinted his eyes so that he could see without having to blink so often. He knew that roller blinds did a better job at shutting off sunlight, but he had always found ordinary curtains much more charming.
He pushed his sheets down with his right foot and looked at himself in the large mirror which hung above his bed. He figured that for a 51-year old, he had quite a good body. He examined his medium-long hair, which was brown by nature, but had slowly started to go gray near his temples a few years ago.
Suddenly, he heard a short sigh. Slightly startled, Afanis looked to his left. A young, blonde woman was sleeping next to him. She looked exhausted. The Marshall shrugged, yawned once again, and silently got out of bed. Next to it stood a pine-wooden nightstand. He opened the second drawer from the top and took out a small, wooden chest with his initials engraved on it. Joseph opened it. It contained all kinds of high-quality marihuana and hashish, both grown in Moxie Grand.

A few minutes later, Joseph Afanis was looking for his lighter, a zippo engraved with the Lesian vulture. Eventually, he found it in a pocket of his jeans, which he had carelessly thrown on the ground last night before going to bed. He took his lighter, sat himself in a comfy leather chair and lit his divine creation.
While calmly enjoying his first joint of the morning, Afanis reflected on what he would do that day. It was the third last day of his official holiday before he would go back to Dorium and recommence rebuilding his nation. As he sat there, a sudden knock on the door sounded. When Afanis opened it he was greeted with a jovial: "Allright, Afanaboy! You got laid! High five!"

Afanis smiled and high-fived Chuck, who then eagerly took a glance at Afanis' joint. The Marshall offered it to him and exclaimed :"Oh, how rude of me! Take a drag, Chuck!" Chuck gratefully took a drag so long that the entire joint was turned to ash when he gave it back. Afanis didn't mind. He had enough weed left, and -after all- Chuck was his buddy.
Chuck exhaled for an entire minute before speaking. "I got an idea, man. It's really great!" He finally said after blowing an enormous cloud of smoke into the bedroom. Joseph looked at him. "Your last idea nearly got me into a coma." He said sceptically while recalling the enormous green-brown sausage. Chuck smiled."No, man. This time it's gonna be EPIC!" Joseph stood there, reflecting about his words with the remainder of the joint in his hand. "Hmm... allright then. Let's have sex with it, right?" Chuck broadly smiled. "I wanna show you something!" Afanis looked at Chuck, and then pointed at his wooden box. "Wanna smoke first?" He asked. Chuck sighed. "Fine. But then I wanna show you something!"

Later at an unspecified time, Isle of Woods.
Once again, Joseph Afanis, Chuck and some 20 close friends were standing together in an open spot somewhere in the woods. It was extremely sunny and the sky was clear. General Zabel was rubbing his eyes while others were yawning and stretching. Chuck stood on a dead tree stump, smiling feebly.
"Friends, brothers, fellow Afanadudes!" He said, looking at his crowd with great pride and emotion. "None of us remembers the ordeal we have all been through not so long ago..." Chuck hesitated. Over the island dark clouds very quickly began to gather right above the group. "Well, yesterday, actually. But that doesn't matter! Because..." The young stoner paused, creating an almost cinematic tension as the entire group -including Afanis- held their breath to hear his next idea.
Today... Chuck's eyes suddenly went from his usual, relaxed look to a more energetic glare. "Today, my friends..." He continued. "We will create something which will make us both loved and hated! Both feared and respected throughout the region... Chuck's voice began to shrill and his eyes had an almost fanatical look.
"What I have in mind, gentlemen, exceeds all laws of nature! Everything we know will be called into question, because we... will... create... The Black Lesian DEATH!!"
Chuck's eyes suddenly went red. He spread his arms in one, powerful movement and his body started floating over the ground. Chuck's voice became demonic. "I AM ZUXUR, DEMON OF HALLUCINOGENS. SERVE ME OR DIE!" He said without his moving his lips, while two black leathery wings started growing out of his back. Afanis and his friends fell on their knees in awe and started to worship Chuck Zuxur, the satanic demon of hallucinogens.

To be continued...