Blasted to Bits: It's Raining Men! [IC]

[The Empire of Pretantia]

OOC: http://forum.nationstates.net/viewtopic.php?f=31&t=232520

War! Hm! What is it good for? Fun!

"No, no, no! It was Tom who tried to kill the tank with an axe!"

The new base in the fields was lively compared to the one in the city, maybe because of the relatively fresh air. The Commander had noticed that on the way to see the new platoon. This go round would be better than last, as now they didn't need to wander endlessly for weeks until they found what they were searching for, if anything in particular. Still, there were good memories in the city; except Commander and Fightmaster couldn't agree on who did what.

"I'm tellin' ya,"Commander retorted in his southern gentleman accent,"it was Dick who was swingin' that axe!"

"You're full of shit!" Accused Fightmaster, who couldn't even remember the name of that medic blown to bits by an airship's cannon.

"Tom was the one you tied to a mortar shell and sent flying into a zeppelin! Dick was the crazy asshole who's sustenance was two bottles labeled 'rage' and 'bloodlust!'"

Fightmaster gave a contemplating look,"Huh. Guess you're right. Dick was hung over when he came to tanking 101. Who wore the fursuit then?"

"Fursuit, obviously."

"Oh right! That's how he got the nickname, when we found him running around his barrack in a flaming fursuit!"

"And then remember when we infiltrated the purple base?"

"That's right! I had Anne dress up in a red dress and enter the officer's quarters, and then the rest of us popped out and killed them all, one by one!"

"I can still remember that song they sang!"

"Amazing Grace! How sweet the sound!"

The two laughed the whole way to the gate, reciting hilarious moments with the old platoon. Shame it was broken up after the heavy casualties to help keep them silent about... That.

At the gate waited the two's new platoon; some four infantry squads, two tanker teams, and two sniper teams. Reviewing them was the general himself. Like the commander, no one knew the general's name except for Commander and Fightmaster. Not even the doc the general's name. Not even the general's aid knew the general's name. There was no need to, as there's only one general in the whole army.

"Mornin', General!" Commander greeted.

"Morning, you son of a bitch. What the hell am I looking at?"

"That'd be our new platoon sir,"Fightmaster replied.

"This is your new platoon? Looks like a bunch of hobos to me. Did the recruiters pick these sumbitches off the bombed out streets too?"

"Now, General,"Commander retorted,"No need to be so judgemental on their first day. Now run along and do whatever it is you stars-and-stripes usually do."

"Hmph. Fine, I'll leave it to you. Rather be doing something useful anyway."And with that, General walked off.

"Now then," Commander turned back to the rookies,"With General Tsundere out of our hair, let's introduce ourselves in an orderly fashion. I'm your commander. Charmed."

"I am Lieutenant Max Fightmaster, XO, chaplain, cook, engineer, magician, PhD. Extraordinare. You!"

He pointed to the first squad leader to the left,"You start us off. Name and squaddies!"

[SSTxReaper]

When Lt. Fightmaster pointed at Trent, he stood straighter and gave a quick salute.

"Sir, my name is Trent Gale, and this is my squad" he said as he pointed to each of his members.

" Tony Dule the Rifleman, Jack Fields the Engineer, Mia Reems the Medic, and Jeremy Stout the Pyro Grenadier."

Trent said at last waiting for Lt. Fightmaster to say the next thing.

[Ralnis]

The sniper Myles Bennet Dyson and his "sane" spotter Nikolai who saluted.
Myles saluted while he had his sniper rifle at his side as he spoke"My name is LT. Myles Bennet Dyson, sharpshooter,ninja, drunk,and a person who enjoys long walks on the beach."
Then Nikolai spoke"Really LT? Are you really going to say that to the our superior"
Myles looked at him stupid"Yes I am going to say that, now please by a good grunt and say your name and rank"
Nikolai just saluted and did as Myles told him to"Corpral Nikolai Chevof, spotter, scout, and babysitter for the sniper and the Shadows of Corsica"
Myles just looked at him"That is what we call ourselves, can't we change it becuase none of us our from Corsica!"
Nikolai responded"Sir, I think we should just keep it, you name the team that when you where drunk"
Myles just facepalmed himself"Right, I forgot, well superior, it looks like we are the Shadows of Corsica."

[Monfrox]

Arike looked to the rest of her squad and shrugged. "Dagger One reporting, sir. Honey Badger." "Widow." "Wolverine!" "Viper." "Fox." Arike saluted. "At your service, sir." The squad's uniforms had covered their faces well, and their voices from behind their gas masks. Unless one was told prior to the meeting, no one would know they were an all-female squad. Except, maybe the higher ups if they looked at their files. Wolverine's was a very colorful one out of all of them, that was for sure.

[G-Tech Corporation]

Red Encampment, Da Forest

Dmitri flicked away the cigarette butt he had finished as the General and a lewie walked over towards the cluster of new lads. With a low breath he exhaled the smoke, then closed the tiny non-regulation flap on his gas mask. You weren't supposed to take them off ever, truth be told, but Sarge liked his smokes almost as much as he liked not breathing poison. It was a tradeoff, but he'd survived every gas attack so far, so fuck if it didn't work. With a languid movement that betrayed pantherlike strength and poise, the Red tank sergeant stood up straight away from the pitted side of Slapdash, patting it affectionately.

With a jerk of his thumb and a slap on the tank the sergeant motioned that his crew should go stand on review like all the other pukes fresh to the camp, and from various reclining or squatting postures around the vehicles armored shape more figures lounged into view.

First came Molotov, his slightly hunched posture and quick steps, as well as his height, telling Dmitri who he was. The driver had somewhat furtive movements, not to mention a little tread mark on his helmet that the squad had put there to help them find him in the midst of all the faceless infantry mooks. He skulked over to the line of other Reds, then stood at something approximating attention. Behind him came a taller more fluid form; Turolov always for some reason reminded his sergeant of some exotic wading bird, as his over-large goggles captured from a crashed Purple airship gave him a too-big eyed appearance. It was strange, but the gunner said it helped him pick out enemy vehicles and hiding infantry better, and with all the kill rings on Slapdash's barrel Dmitri wasn't inclined to argue.

Finally the other two crewmembers showed up from behind the large MBT; Mendshev and Vladimir, cards still clutched in their gloved fingers. As the giant Grunt passed he cocked his head at his sergeant quizzically, but Dmitri merely shook his head. He didn't know anything more than they did. Today was supposed to be the day they got something to do with good ole Slapdash, and the entire crew was looking forward to some killing to break the monotony. Behind his men Sarge followed, then assumed a parade rest stance, his hands behind his back, and waited.

[The Empire of Pretantia]

Arike looked to the rest of her squad and shrugged. "Dagger One reporting, sir. Honey Badger." "Widow." "Wolverine!" "Viper." "Fox." Arike saluted. "At your service, sir." The squad's uniforms had covered their faces well, and their voices from behind their gas masks. Unless one was told prior to the meeting, no one would know they were an all-female squad. Except, maybe the higher ups if they looked at their files. Wolverine's was a very colorful one out of all of them, that was for sure.

Fightmaster gave a flat expression. Vermin. Murderous vermin. Great. He could tell through the mask that Commander wasn't fond of "Widow," what with hating the damn things.

"Renaming time! In order: Squirrel, Daddy Long-Legs, Ferret-"

"That won't be necessary, Max,"Commander stopped him,"I'm not that bothered by such names."

Fightmaster leaned towards Commander and whispered,"I'm not."

Commander shrugged,"Call them what you want. They'll all be green to us."

"Anyway," Fightmaster continued,"Squirrel, Daddy Long-Legs, Ferret, Lizzy, and... Rat. Much better, ain't it Commander?"

"They're still the more vicious animals in my dictionary."

"Your dictionary's out of date."

"It's a dictionary. They ain't ever out of date."

"I bet you still spell 'theater' with the e and r switched around."

"I bet you spell 'dictionary' D-i-k-s-h-u-n-a-r-e-e."

"I bet you spell 'asshole' C-O!"

"I bet you spell 'loser' J-a-c-k!"

"I do!"

[Monfrox]

Arike shrugged the renames off. It would be very hard for them to stick new nicknames to them, as the squad itself would never use those when addressing each other. It was all about getting away with the little things. That, and it was the squad's tradition since it was formed to get tattoos of their corresponding animals somewhere on their body, however small or large and in any place they saw fit. It was part of what separated them from the generic, faceless pricks that were the bulk of the army.

[G-Tech Corporation]

Red Encampment, Somewhere in a Forest

Dmitri shrugged as his new superiors argued over English semantics, and figured now would be a good time to make sure they didn't count his command awol. He stepped forward a pace and struck a neat salute- not perfect, but good enough for a veteran- then spoke, his eyes straight ahead.

"Tank Sergeant Dmitri Yashnev and the crew of the Slapdash reporting in, sir." His voice was flat and neutral, but directed at the lieutenant named Fightmaster. He hadn't blinked at the man's ridiculous proclamations; those were par for the course in this army.

[AETEN II]

"Grinning Grims reporting for duty, SIR." Ozzall yelled the final word as he snapped to attention from his previously lazy slouch to a sharp salute.
"Sergeant Ozzall Griffin reporting for service and Private.. Private?" Ozzall inquired as he suddenly realized that his incompetent inferior was nowhere to be seen. Fuming at the sight of his pathetic spotter gone missing again, at the expense of his reputation, the furious Sergeant stormed into the barracks, fetching his cowardly spotter. Hoisting the man by the collar of his uniform, Ozzall then literally kicked the man into gear, shoving his left boot into the man's ass-cheek and thus causing him to snap into a proper standing position.

"SERGEANT OZZALL GRIFFIN AND PRIVATE R. DUNFORE REPORTING FOR DUTY, SIR!"

Ozzall's arm snapped into a salute with such vigor that one could almost hear the microbes in the air screaming as they were splattered by a supersonic arm, which was soon cracked on the back of the Private's neck for his lack of patriotic display. Dunfore winced at the blow and scowled as the Sergeant before he meekly saluted. It was obvious that this was a common exercise.

[Monfrox]

While the rest of Dagger One stood at attention, Arike looked around at the other squads. They were a Motely bunch, all right. Each one as rag-tag as the last. Even her own squad wasn't without a misfit. Wolverine, or Ronlen, was a perfect Yandere soldier. She had bloodlust like her animal on a bad day, hence her given nickname and callsign. Out of battle, she was rather sweet. She had even discussed how to properly execute someone, and how to do it painfully slow, all with a smile like she was listening to a beautiful song. With such an individual, Arike was confident that she could have them out of most any situation in one piece. Each squad member was as valuable as the last. Maybe not to anyone else, but they were to her.

[Sulamalik]

"So our last squad leader lost his trigger finger in a bet."

"Wow, really?"

"Yes sir."

"What was the bet?"

"Whether he would cut off his trigger finger or not."

Hotel2Tango was one the Red's engineering teams, in charge of levelling mountains and buildings roads through the rubble. When Lieutenant Jenny was assigned the position of leading this squad, he thought he was in for an easy tour. Stay behind the frontlines-- far away from the city-- and spend his days overseeing the construction of pretty little bridges and bunkers. Only after signing all the prerequisite papers did they let him now he'd be serving as a combat sapper, laying minefields and disabling vehicles while very real bullets buzzed over his head. "Well, at least it earned him a way out of here." Jenny said to his right-hand man, Corporal Singh, unfailingly polite, and with more battle-field experience than the rest of his team combined.

"Actually sir... his hand got infected before we could get him out."

"Oh." Jenny said.

"He died."

"Oh."

With that delightful news in mind, the officer took a deep breath in and kept himself as stiff as a board. trying to present himself as the most prim and proper soldier in the entire camp. They were a sapper squad, Jenny reminded himself, let the other, less classy, fools get themselves killed. His team would be smart, or if they couldn't be smart they'd be pragmatic.

[Thrice Crownlands]

(Boos)

"Look, I told you we were supposed to take a right at the pile of smoldering ash." A dry voice sounded from outside the war room, the sound of footfalls coming with it.

"Hades, there's millions of piles of smoldering ash. How on Din's red earth do you expect us to know which one you were referring to?" Another voice, with a strong Eastern accent and a bit too much stress,answered tiredly, the footfalls growing closer every second."

"Quiet you two!" Another voice, proud and authoritativeness, sounded louder then both of them, accompained by the door swinging open and revealing the squad of five men, the feathered headdress topping a thin, partially bearded face painted visible through a crack in his vizer, which was attached to what was obviously and officer's uniform. His attention quickly snapped to The Fightmaster, hand coming up in a salute as he marched in, followed by his motley assortment of troops. "Pagan Smash reporting for duty, Sir!" He addressed the commanders, keeping his salute strong. "I apologize for our tardiness. We had a slight navigational error. But we're ready to fight for Color and Country, right?" Nods of assorted degrees of attachment came from his group. "What are your orders?"

[The Strategic Air Command]

“Joe D’Amato, commander of the ‘Great White Hunter’, the best tank on either side of the Hudson, reporting as ordered sir!” D’Amato said in his North Jersey accent, “We would have been here sooner, but we ran into some trouble…”

“Our radioman lost the tank in a rigged poker game to somebody in Charlie Company,” the driver, “Little Eddy” Stewart interrupted, his 6’5” frame easily towering over many of the other soldiers,

“We were then assigned to an artillery unit, a much more fitting challenge for someone of my caliber,” the gunner “Duke” Dukakis continued, sounding as arrogant as ever,

“But he then lost that in another rigged poker game to somebody in Foxtrot Company,” D’Amato continued, “So I had…”

“So I hosted my own rigged card game and won the ‘Hunter’, five watches, three boxes of dirty magazines, six cans of diesel fuel, a Blue flight suit, and somebody’s soul!” the radioman, Bob Pigg, said with some sense of accomplishment, “The store will be open later,” Pigg added for the benefit of the other soldiers

“DA!” the loader, Tim O’Shenko exclaimed in an accident that differed from what his name might suggest, “Pigg is good scrounger and wheeler-dealer. Reminds me of time growing up in County Cork with brother Paddy. Paddy always causing trouble for village with average child antics.”

“Ah Timmy you Irish bastard,” D’Amato said giving O’Shenko a slap on the shoulder, “Your folksy tales of old Ireland always make me laugh. Either way sir, we’re ready whenever you are.”

[Monfrox]

While the other squads were still introducing themselves, Allison noticed Juliet shaking a little. "What the hell's your problem?" She asked in a hushed tone. Eva nudged her. "Hey. Get a hold of yourself. We'll be on the battlefield soon." She said. Juliet's eyes darted around on the ground. "She's got that look again..." "Oh Christ....hey, girlie. Come on, get it together. You can paint the walls red once we get sent in but for now, just keep it cool." Juliet snapped up and looked to Eva. "Really?!" Eva hesitantly nodded yes. "Sure. We'll find the enemies and let you have yourself a wonderfully gory time." Juliet grinned and began thinking of extensive ways to cause people pain while the other two looked forward.

[The Empire of Pretantia]

While the other squads were still introducing themselves, Allison noticed Juliet shaking a little. "What the hell's your problem?" She asked in a hushed tone. Eva nudged her. "Hey. Get a hold of yourself. We'll be on the battlefield soon." She said. Juliet's eyes darted around on the ground. "She's got that look again..." "Oh Christ....hey, girlie. Come on, get it together. You can paint the walls red once we get sent in but for now, just keep it cool." Juliet snapped up and looked to Eva. "Really?!" Eva hesitantly nodded yes. "Sure. We'll find the enemies and let you have yourself a wonderfully gory time." Juliet grinned and began thinking of extensive ways to cause people pain while the other two looked forward.

Fightmaster couldn't help but notice that one of those chicks were shaking, like she just saw Jack walk by. Eventually he had to say something about it when the other girls started whispering to her. If it were so urgent that they had to keep her relaxed, then now was the time to alert Fightmaster.

"Hey, what's up with her? Cold in here? Pissed? Dirty thoughts? Did Jack walk by? That must be it. Jack! Front and center!"

From through the tent walls burst a figure wearing a wild face, full of bloodlust and murder-ocity. This was Jack Fightmaster, son of Max Fightmaster.

"I JUST FRIGGIN' POPPED A TANK IT WAS SO COOL!"

"Calm the hell down, boy!" Fightmaster snapped,"Did you walk into the line of sight of this poor girl?"

Jack glanced at Juliet,"Nope, never seen her."

"Must be the cold then, because of your tearing half the tent down. Mystery solved, now go get a blanket for the poor girl before I make you swing!"

[SSTxReaper]

Trent and his squad were standing still at attention when, Jack started to jump around.

"Jack what the hell are you doing?" Trent said when he turned around.

"I got to take a pee now!" replied Jack as he began to shake and jump and do every type of movement to hold his piss in.

"Oh, for christ sake! Jeremy make Jack stop shaking or else!"

" Yes Sir!" Jeremy said as he began to walk to where Jack was.

"Uh...Sir... I think Jack will be just fine." Jeremy said as he went back to his back.

"Why do you say tha-" Trent was stopped when he looked at the ground to see a flow of liquid run through his shoe.

"Jack, all you alright now?" Trent asked.

"Why Yes Sir I am. " Jack replied.

"Oh god, cant believe im going to be stuck with you.." Trent muttered.

[Monfrox]

"That won't be necessary sir!" Juliet said happily. "I'm just....anxious...is all." Arike raised an eyebrow. "Oh...she's gonna spill it...." Eva, Allison, and Griselda looked to her and shook their heads. Juliet looked at them and shrugged. "What? Blood's good for the skin." Arike facepalmed. "Oh for the love of..." The other three coughed awkwardly and looked away.

[The Empire of Pretantia]

"That won't be necessary sir!" Juliet said happily. "I'm just....anxious...is all." Arike raised an eyebrow. "Oh...she's gonna spill it...." Eva, Allison, and Griselda looked to her and shook their heads. Juliet looked at them and shrugged. "What? Blood's good for the skin." Arike facepalmed. "Oh for the love of..." The other three coughed awkwardly and looked away.

"Blood's good for the skin", she said. That makes absolutely no sense! The blood would coagulate into an ugly mess and have the opposite effect of body wash or soap, not to mention the terrible stench.

"Max,"Commander whispered,"I think anxious is a euphamism for bloodthirsty."

"Oh,"Fightmaster realized out loud,"Well, I guess it's bad manners to make her wait for the slaughter, ain't it? Alright you apes and Jack!"

From out of his metaphorical ass Fightmaster pulled a map of the region,"I know you're all new here, but to hell with getting situated. You're with Commander and Commander wanna fight! The Purples are trying to make a push from the east. We are going to kill them all. Jack! Go get my squad and the Dixie Pounder warmed up. The rest of you grab your asses, pick up your gear, button up in your tanks, and meet Commander at the east gate. Split!"

[Monfrox]

"You heard him. Let's move!" Arike called to her squad. The rest of Dagger One followed the Sergeant to the rendezvous point. Once there, they sat and waited. "This hurry up and wait shit is really starting to get old." Allison said. "Oh lighten up. We're almost there." Eva said. "Knife goes in, blood comes out. Knife goes in, blood comes out." Juliet dragged the tip of her combat knife around in a circle in front of her while muttering to herself happily. Griselda yawned a bit and looked around. "I guess we're the first ones here." She said to herself.

[SSTxReaper]

"Squad!" Trent called out. Trent's squad moved to a parade rest position.

"Attention!" This time the squad moved back again to the Attention position.

"Move out and follow me." Trent said.

Everyone gather their gear and followed Trent to the rendezvous point. Usually the squad is always silent and but with Jack shouting out their moves every now and then.

"WE MOVE ABOUT 1 FOOT.... WE PASSED BY A BURNT TREE!!!"

"Jack shut the hell up or I will not fucking heal you and possibly make it worse for you!" Mia said as she pinched Jack's arm.

"Okay...." Jack said in agreement.

When Trent and his squad arrived they found that they were not the first ones.

"See you lazy bastards!!! We're late! How dare we call ourselves Fearless Ninja, if we can't arrive here on time or be QUIET!!!" Trent said as he emphasized the last part to Jack.

"Tony!!!"

"Yes Sir!" Tony replied back.

"Go find out what they are doing." Trent said as he moved a log to sit on.

"Yes, sir." Tony said as he took off running. Unfortunately for him his boots were untied and he tripped halfway there. Trent and his squad laughed, while Tony quickly got up and tied his boots. Still running he made it to the other squad and introduced himself.

"Hey, name's Tony. Im from the Fearless Ninja Squad." he said to no one in particular.

[The Strategic Air Command]

“Alright boys, break’s over!” D’Amato yelled to his crew from atop the tank, “Let’s get back to work!” As the crewmembers took their stations, D’Amato noticed that his radioman was still missing. “Bob!” he yelled, “Close down that damn store and get your ass in here!”

“Right away boss!” Pigg yelled towards D’Amato, as he handed a solider one of the magazines and pocketing the money handed to him, “Remember to support your local profiteer, and say no to company level crooks.”

“NOW BOB!” With that final call, Pigg came running carrying one of the many boxes that constituted his “store” of items collected from other soldiers through means both legal and illegal. As Pigg climbed in the tank and manned his radio set D’Amato gave the order to move out.

[Monfrox]

Arike wasn't very impressed with the other squads. However, it was very difficult to be impressed by anything nowadays with the army. She had pulled strings a bit to get her squad the way it was, making some rather obvious points in order to present her case. She looked over at Tony. "You can call me Honey Badger. Call me Honey and you'll see how fast that'll get a boot up your ass." She said in a friendly tone, looking the kid over. The others were still chatting among themselves.

[SSTxReaper]

Arike wasn't very impressed with the other squads. However, it was very difficult to be impressed by anything nowadays with the army. She had pulled strings a bit to get her squad the way it was, making some rather obvious points in order to present her case. She looked over at Tony. "You can call me Honey Badger. Call me Honey and you'll see how fast that'll get a boot up your ass." She said in a friendly tone, looking the kid over. The others were still chatting among themselves.

"Uhh...Yea Honey.... I mean Honey Badger!!!" Tony said quickly.

Trent and the others laughed out loud when they saw that Tony started to shake.

"Hey Tony, tell them how you liked them!" Jeremy called out.

"Yea, tell them how you will protect them!" Jack called out as well.

Trent and Mia sat there watching the whole thing, while Tony was shaking and turning redder by the second.


"Uh, bye!!!" Tony said as he ran off and back to his squad.

"You guys are assholes...." Tony said to them.

[Monfrox]

"Well, that was eventful." Allison said. Arike sat back down. "Right. Next thing you know, he'll be jumping on grenades or landmines to save us." "Works for me. I get to keep a limb and not have a stomach full of shrapnel." Arike glared at Allison. "What? I was just saying." "I think that once we get in there, we're going to be the ones to have to protect [i[him[/i]." The squad shared a slight chuckle before looking over their weapons.

[The Empire of Pretantia]

"Swifter than eagles! Stronger than lions!"

The Dixie Pounder rumbled out of the motor pool, it's Commander shouting quotes at the top of his lungs.

"More power than a locomotive!"

"That's not right!" Commented the tank's loader, Moriarty.

"Again with them negative waves, Moriarty!" The gunner, Oddball retorted. The two were opposites; Moriarty was cynical and serious, while Oddball was... Less so.

"Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound!"

"A tank? Leaping?" Queried the radioman Katyusha Vladof.

"Locked and loaded!"

"Now he's spewing random shit!" Stated Maddox the driver, as vulgar as ever.

"Semper fi, do or... don't?"

"Wrong!" The crew said together.

"Well excuse me for my insufficient knowledge in ancient military culture!" Retorted Commander,"Now if you'll excuse me, we are at the meeting point. Oddball, play some sweet music!"

"Yes sir!"

Oddball flipped on the record player, and from the loudspeaker on the turret's right came sweet, sweet... glorious Soviet music? Commander staggered at the tune of 'Katyusha,' an unexpected piece impossible to confuse with 'Sweet Home Alabama.'

"Goddammit Kat!"He exclaimed.

"Oops! My bad!"Vladof apologized. She forgot to put Lynyrd Skynyrd back in last night after her time on 101.5 was over. She handed Oddball 'Sweet Home Alabama' and placed 'Katyusha' back in its place on the small shelf. Now that sweet, sweet music played, giving Commander a feeling of homesickness.

"Anyway,"Fightmaster turned his attention to the platoon as he climbed from the hatch,"Ladies and gentlemen, are we ready for the conflict of interests that shall ensue on the Eastern Front?"