Roads Untraveled- An Elfen High Documentary

[Nationstatelandsville]

Erik blinked once, twice, thrice... About ten times total, rather quickly. His eyes went wide after that.

"So... Before human... But after dinosaur?" He asked. "Amazing. Wonder what race build that. Seen some Hell books speak of Ancients, but not sure if that related." He commented afterwards, staring at the spaceship.

"Oh, goddamn it," Gopher swore, "This is where this is going?

We're going to end up on some bullshit adventure fighting some fucking precursor race and their fucking bullshit technology, accompanied by some goddamn weirdo Indians with motherfucking machine guns. We're all gonna' learn some dumb-ass lesson about friendship and acceptance and Cameraman 2 is probably going to save the fucking day because he sucks so bad. I bet Crawford dies and Howard cries over his grave."

He sighed.

"And I - no, Cameraman 2 forgot the HD cameras," he finished, "Fuck you, the universe."

[Nightkill the Emperor]

The Native American scientist stared at Gopher. "...Really? I was just showing you the cool shit." he said. "Like this, watch. Amitsan! Get out the big gun!"

Amitsan picked something up and walked back over, carrying a large gun in both his hand.

Then demonstrated on a poor defenceless rock.

"Just one of the guns we found aboard that ship." the scientist said, almost hopping up and down with joy at seeing big shit explode. "And there's still many more discoveries to be made."

"It was, however, a military machine. That much is clear." Amitsan said, more calm. "Some of you are military yourself. We may need you. Scientists and researchers, you should come as well, help us understand this. Then you may leave."

[Nationstatelandsville]

The Native American scientist stared at Gopher. "...Really? I was just showing you the cool shit." he said. "Like this, watch. Amitsan! Get out the big gun!"

Amitsan picked something up and walked back over, carrying a large gun in both his hand.

Then demonstrated on a poor defenceless rock.

"Just one of the guns we found aboard that ship." the scientist said, almost hopping up and down with joy at seeing big shit explode. "And there's still many more discoveries to be made."

"It was, however, a military machine. That much is clear." Amitsan said, more calm. "Some of you are military yourself. We may need you. Scientists and researchers, you should come as well, help us understand this. Then you may leave."

Gopher blinked.

"Military machine?" he asked, "Fuck you. Aren't you guys supposed to be all in tune with nature and graveyards and monuments and shit? Are you retarded shamans? You don't touch the giant fucking alien warship. You run away and hope no one ever finds it again."

He grabbed Cameraman 2, lifted him in the air, and pointed him at the sky.

"PROBE HIM FIRST!" he shouted.

"Aren't you the gay one?" Cameraman 2 asked.

"HIM!" Gopher reiterated.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

The Native American scientist stared at Gopher. "...Really? I was just showing you the cool shit." he said. "Like this, watch. Amitsan! Get out the big gun!"

Amitsan picked something up and walked back over, carrying a large gun in both his hand.

Then demonstrated on a poor defenceless rock.

"Just one of the guns we found aboard that ship." the scientist said, almost hopping up and down with joy at seeing big shit explode. "And there's still many more discoveries to be made."

"It was, however, a military machine. That much is clear." Amitsan said, more calm. "Some of you are military yourself. We may need you. Scientists and researchers, you should come as well, help us understand this. Then you may leave."

Gopher blinked.

"Military machine?" he asked, "Fuck you. Aren't you guys supposed to be all in tune with nature and graveyards and monuments and shit? Are you retarded shamans? You don't touch the giant fucking alien warship. You run away and hope no one ever finds it again."

He grabbed Cameraman 2, lifted him in the air, and pointed him at the sky.

"PROBE HIM FIRST!" he shouted.

"Aren't you the gay one?" Cameraman 2 asked.

"HIM!" Gopher reiterated.

Aditsan sighed. "Those aliens or demons or gods or whatever are long dead. No trace of them anywhere. And the computers in that ship are nearly uncrackable- just plain impossible to get into. Besides, we need to prepare for war at any time. We live in Hell- not exactly the most nurturing environment- and most of us remember our race becoming nearly extinct on Earth itself."

[Nationstatelandsville]

Gopher blinked.

"Military machine?" he asked, "Fuck you. Aren't you guys supposed to be all in tune with nature and graveyards and monuments and shit? Are you retarded shamans? You don't touch the giant fucking alien warship. You run away and hope no one ever finds it again."

He grabbed Cameraman 2, lifted him in the air, and pointed him at the sky.

"PROBE HIM FIRST!" he shouted.

"Aren't you the gay one?" Cameraman 2 asked.

"HIM!" Gopher reiterated.

Aditsan sighed. "Those aliens or demons or gods or whatever are long dead. No trace of them anywhere. And the computers in that ship are nearly uncrackable- just plain impossible to get into. Besides, we need to prepare for war at any time. We live in Hell- not exactly the most nurturing environment- and most of us remember our race becoming nearly extinct on Earth itself."

"Oh, they're dead?" replied sarcastically, throwing Cameraman 2 roughly to the ground, "Well, fuck, I'm so sorry. Because nothing dead ever comes to Hell."

[Zarkenis Ultima]

"Makes sense." Erik commented when Aditsan spoke. "With weapon like that, nobody with half brain dare attack you." He stated, examining - And, naturally, smelling the weapon they had shown them earlier carefully.

"I help you understand this, but first tell something." He stated afterwards. "Know what big black cloud is? It come and take us from our base to here." He explained, hoping they would shed some light on that.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

"Makes sense." Erik commented when Aditsan spoke. "With weapon like that, nobody with half brain dare attack you." He stated, examining - And, naturally, smelling the weapon they had shown them earlier carefully.

"I help you understand this, but first tell something." He stated afterwards. "Know what big black cloud is? It come and take us from our base to here." He explained, hoping they would shed some light on that.

"Oh, that." Johnson said dismissively. "I had heard information you were coming here anywhere and I knew you guys were exactly what I needed. So I decided to speed up your trip as much as I could by asking one of the shamans to do their magic." Johnson winced. He didn't like that word. It hurt to use it. "I'm sorry, did it cause any problems?"

[Ende]

"Makes sense." Erik commented when Aditsan spoke. "With weapon like that, nobody with half brain dare attack you." He stated, examining - And, naturally, smelling the weapon they had shown them earlier carefully.

"I help you understand this, but first tell something." He stated afterwards. "Know what big black cloud is? It come and take us from our base to here." He explained, hoping they would shed some light on that.

"Oh, that." Johnson said dismissively. "I had heard information you were coming here anywhere and I knew you guys were exactly what I needed. So I decided to speed up your trip as much as I could by asking one of the shamans to do their magic." Johnson winced. He didn't like that word. It hurt to use it. "I'm sorry, did it cause any problems?"

Mary slapped Johnson in the face.

"Did it cause any problems? Oh, yes, just a few." she hissed, glaring at him viciously. "Let's see - we're stranded in Natal, several hundred miles away from our base, in the middle of Hell, and this was just supposed to be a routine trip! Now it's going to take much longer to get back, and...you did this all to show us, what, this thing? This giant space-ship? It's fantastic, and interesting, and I'd love to check it out in further detail, but you teleported us out here without even a single message? Do you know how worried I was? You teleported us into the middle of Hell with no warning at all! I thought we were going to die out here, because, really, that's what happens to people who get stranded. My blood pressure is already high enough!" she shrieked, and then she calmed down and stepped back, clearly embarrassed.

"Asides from the being stranded and almost giving me a heart attack, I suppose there aren't really any other problems." she muttered, looking down at the ground.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

"Oh, that." Johnson said dismissively. "I had heard information you were coming here anywhere and I knew you guys were exactly what I needed. So I decided to speed up your trip as much as I could by asking one of the shamans to do their magic." Johnson winced. He didn't like that word. It hurt to use it. "I'm sorry, did it cause any problems?"

Mary slapped Johnson in the face.

"Did it cause any problems? Oh, yes, just a few." she hissed, glaring at him viciously. "Let's see - we're stranded in Natal, several hundred miles away from our base, in the middle of Hell, and this was just supposed to be a routine trip! Now it's going to take much longer to get back, and...you did this all to show us, what, this thing? This giant space-ship? It's fantastic, and interesting, and I'd love to check it out in further detail, but you teleported us out here without even a single message? Do you know how worried I was? You teleported us into the middle of Hell with no warning at all! I thought we were going to die out here, because, really, that's what happens to people who get stranded. My blood pressure is already high enough!" she shrieked, and then she calmed down and stepped back, clearly embarrassed.

"Asides from the being stranded and almost giving me a heart attack, I suppose there aren't really any other problems." she muttered, looking down at the ground.

Johnson looked genuinely apologetic and his thoughts- in between calculating various mathematical equations and his joy at science- would express this. "I really, sincerely apologise then. I just was worried those military men would actually turn the machine around. I couldn't risk that happening."

[Zarkenis Ultima]

"Shaman magic, huh." Erik commented. "Interesting. Heard Shaman magic so powerful, they managed to take New Dubai from Rommel II. But that unimportant." He stated, and then walked back to Mary, giving her a gentle punch on the shoulder, realizing that Hellish methods of consoling someone were probably not the right thing to do, but not really knowing what else to do. She could probably tell, though.

"There, there, we alive. Forgive the man. He not smart enough to tell this can happen." He said.

[Rupudska]

Yuzuki, meanwhile, was staggering, zombie-like, towards the ship. She had a big, stupid, retarded-monkey grin on her face, and seemed to be very close to drooling. She had one arm out, reaching towards the ship.

So shiny... so many things to reverse engineer... I must have it.... yes, I must have it...

"I want it alll.... yes...."

[Nightkill the Emperor]

Johnson looked concerned at Yuzuki. "Those breasts are unusually large. Do you have a cancer tumour-"

"My breasts!" Emily interjected.

Johnson looked somewhat puzzled by this, but shrugged. "In any case, let us go on the ship." he said, virtually skipping ahead.

Howard turned to the camera. "So, err..." he shrugged. "Shit's happening. Let's just go on."

And on they did go, seeing a largely sparkling clean shiny metal hallway. Which is rather strange, considering the age of this vessel. "It was very well sealed." Johnson explained. "All the dirt from the outside made virtually no effect. It's really rather astounding."

[Zarkenis Ultima]

When the researcher explained why the hallway inside the ship was squeaky clean, Erik nodded repeatedly, and then started inspecting and sniffing the vessel from inside, looking (Smelling, rather) for anything that could prove interesting and that he might know something about. As he walked, he also spoke.

"When did you find?" Erik asked Johnson, glancing over at the researcher. "Also, what else you find?" He inquired afterwards.

[Constaniana]

Corporal Alanstols followed the group onto the ship. He felt like he should have wiped his feet on a door mat before walking through the pristine ship. Ma Mum would'nae be happy wae this, Alanstols thought, before examining his sniper rifle absentmindedly.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

When the researcher explained why the hallway inside the ship was squeaky clean, Erik nodded repeatedly, and then started inspecting and sniffing the vessel from inside, looking (Smelling, rather) for anything that could prove interesting and that he might know something about. As he walked, he also spoke.

"When did you find?" Erik asked Johnson, glancing over at the researcher. "Also, what else you find?" He inquired afterwards.

"Two weeks ago," Johnson replied, pointing at the advanced computers and piles of guns and other assorted weapons. "Mostly weapons tech. The food and organic stuff has degraded. But the computers are here." he said, pointing at a giant monitor on the wall. "If only we could get into it..."

Then the ship shook and they felt it take off into the air.

Neil spoke up. "What just happened?""

[Nationstatelandsville]

When the researcher explained why the hallway inside the ship was squeaky clean, Erik nodded repeatedly, and then started inspecting and sniffing the vessel from inside, looking (Smelling, rather) for anything that could prove interesting and that he might know something about. As he walked, he also spoke.

"When did you find?" Erik asked Johnson, glancing over at the researcher. "Also, what else you find?" He inquired afterwards.

"Two weeks ago," Johnson replied, pointing at the advanced computers and piles of guns and other assorted weapons. "Mostly weapons tech. The food and organic stuff has degraded. But the computers are here." he said, pointing at a giant monitor on the wall. "If only we could get into it..."

Then the ship shook and they felt it take off into the air.

Neil spoke up. "What just happened?""

"Uh, boss!" the other cameraman (not Gopher's beloved Cameraman 2) shouted, still on the ground and recording the take-off, "...Boss?"

And then he was left behind with some pissed-off Natives. That was going to be fun.

---

"Fuck you, kemosabe," Gopher swore, kicking the ship, "Now we're on a goddamn god-plane built by a bunch of assholes too engrossed by curry to get out of the call center stage of civilization. I bet you twenty fucking dollars this thing fucking explodes in the middle of the trip."

"Uh, sir," Cameraman 2 said, "This ship's been around for a while. It must be well-built."

"Good point!" Gopher replied, "That means the weapons are still working! Go look for them!"

"...What," Cameraman 2 stuttered.

"Go look for the weapons," Gopher answered, "NOW!"

Cameraman 2 yelped and ran off in a random direction.

"So, he's gonna' die," Gopher said, "If only he were black. I'd feel safer then."

[Zarkenis Ultima]

Erik simply watched Cameraman 2 run off on Gopher's command, and shook his head. "What a idiot." He commented, seemingly unfazed by the fact that the beyblade spaceship they were on had just taken off. "Weapons right there, on pile." He added afterwards, pointing to the weapon piles Johnson had pointed out earlier, and picking out one that looked like a sword, because he liked swords.

"Someone check if anyone mess with computers." He said absent-mindedly while examining the weapon. He then decided to combine it with the giant water buffalo horn to somehow create a jet-pack, just because.

[Rupudska]

For the primary purpose of moving the RP along, Yuzuki, too, picked up what appeared to be a sword. She did a few motions with it, then held it at her side, point down and at a slight angle.

"Well, at least we know that whoever built this ship was about the same size as a human... probably."