Elfen High 2: Skin to Bone, Steel to Rust

[Nightkill the Emperor]

Raphael nodded and smiled warmly at Ivy. "Calliel is currently fighting. But I can take you there to see him soon. He'll be glad to see you."

Sanchez stared at Khana, the rabbits and the bears. He took a deep breath. "OK. OK. I halfway agree with Lewis." he noted, shaking his head. "Alright." He told Alastor. "Azazel's army is attacking Heavensgate. Your first job will be to help us clear some of them out. I don't expect you to finish it, but we need some grasp of your ability and some aid here before you let you gallivant across the dimensions to prepare your armies and do the other missions."

[Constaniana]

William and Reddy walked through Crowley's door, both of them looking grim and serious. William had Excalibur in its sheath across his back, and Reddy had surprisingly cut his hair a bit. The pair of them nodded at Ciel and Celes, before turning their attention to Crowley and the others. But they both kept relatively quiet for the time being.

[Hardened Pyrokinetics]

"Hold the fuck up."

Alt!James appeared in the fourth wall, staring directly at the players. "Alright you miserable piles of festering fecal matter who squandered your New Years posting on an Internet roleplay when you could have been out getting laid, not counting you in that one Navan, listen up. You've got a choice to make here, and I suggest making it quickly.

Do you want me, the lying little piece of shit who totally still wants the Swords to himself, spoilers by the way, to stick around? Or do you want my counterpart, who is a lot more mentally stable and likeable now, back? Choice is yours, but ya gotta make it soon."

[Olthar]

The past couple months had been quite eye-opening for Lily. She continued to stick around Lewis for a while, but she eventually got more used to Elfen High and stopped, giving him his space. She still respected him more than anyone else in the school, especially after finding out that he was some sort of bear king, but she didn't need to cling to him to feel safe. She hadn't made any friends, though, nor had she really talked to anyone. In fact, she didn't leave much of an impression at all. In fact, just the other day, one of the kids in the class she had been in since the day she arrived asked if she had just transfered there, and he was only the fifth one to actually acknowledge her. However, she liked that. The more the insanity ignored her, the better she could cope with it. She still regretted coming to the school every single day since she came, but that likely wasn't going to change. Ever. Especially not since the school had apparently just forced her to become a soldier fighting in some sort of war in Hell.

Lily had been in Crowley's office since the meeting started, but, naturally, she doubted anyone had noticed. It's not that Crowley's telepathic message had been sent to her (She would be surprised if he still remembered she existed.) but she had been walking past it when Crowley and a couple people she had never seen walked in. She figured that hanging out in the room might help explain the shaking that had just happened. Unfortunately, that assumption was right; she now fully understood the situation in which she found herself.

Unsure of what to do next, Lily continued standing in the corner, waiting for someone to notice her and give her orders. Though, if no one did, she supposed she could just follow Lewis. Lily wasn't a bear, but maybe she could still become his soldier, anyways? She figured he'd make a better commanding officer than anyone else in the room.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

Suddenly, a large portal appeared in Crowley's office, a swirling green vortex. Out of it stepped regular James. "Here you go." Ganesh's voice said briefly. "He's back."

Crowley sighed. "Is my office just a gathering place for the weirdest shit?"

Minh stared at his boss. "Did you honestly have to ask that question?"

[Nationstatelandsville]

Suddenly, a large portal appeared in Crowley's office, a swirling green vortex. Out of it stepped regular James. "Here you go." Ganesh's voice said briefly. "He's back."

Crowley sighed. "Is my office just a gathering place for the weirdest shit?"

Minh stared at his boss. "Did you honestly have to ask that question?"

"Hey, anti-James," Lewis said absentmindedly.

"THIS MAN IS A BITCH!" Slotheater concluded after a second of sniffing the air around James - which likely made him incredibly uncomfortable, given the whole "angry bear general" thing.

"Be nice," Lewis reprimanded, "we need that bitch."

"YES, SIR!" Slotheater accepted, standing rigid and saluting Lewis.

[Hardened Pyrokinetics]

And then Anti!James walked in, chuckling. "You mean you still haven't said anything, Al?" He asked Crowley. "I told you I would if you didn't." He turned to his counterpart. "Gig's up, friend, and your side needs you here. Do you want to tell them, or should I?"

James shrugged, grabbed a chair and a bag of popcorn that appeared out of nowhere, and sat down to watch. He offered the bag to Lily. "Feel free to have some." He said sincerely. "When Lewis and Crowley go at it, it's usually hilarious."

[Nationstatelandsville]

And then Anti!James walked in, chuckling. "You mean you still haven't said anything, Al?" He asked Crowley. "I told you I would if you didn't." He turned to his counterpart. "Gig's up, friend, and your side needs you here. Do you want to tell them, or should I?"

James shrugged, grabbed a chair and a bag of popcorn that appeared out of nowhere, and sat down to watch. He offered the bag to Lily. "Feel free to have some." He said sincerely. "When Lewis and Crowley go at it, it's usually hilarious."

Lewis sighed.

"I really hate ye' two," he said, "and to think I was gonna' give ye' a magical weapon of bullshit.

Crowley, I really don't give a shit what's happenin'. Just fix it so I can show Azazel his own intestines."

[Hardened Pyrokinetics]

And then Anti!James walked in, chuckling. "You mean you still haven't said anything, Al?" He asked Crowley. "I told you I would if you didn't." He turned to his counterpart. "Gig's up, friend, and your side needs you here. Do you want to tell them, or should I?"

James shrugged, grabbed a chair and a bag of popcorn that appeared out of nowhere, and sat down to watch. He offered the bag to Lily. "Feel free to have some." He said sincerely. "When Lewis and Crowley go at it, it's usually hilarious."

Lewis sighed.

"I really hate ye' two," he said, "and to think I was gonna' give ye' a magical weapon of bullshit.

Crowley, I really don't give a shit what's happenin'. Just fix it so I can show Azazel his own intestines."

Then James threw popcorn at Lewis. "BOOOOO! We want blood and swearing, dammit!" He heckled sarcastically. "Christ, I leave for a few months and all of you are suddenly civilized? What, did my counterpart finally pull your heads out of your asses?"

[Olthar]

"Huh?" Lily asked, surprised that someone spoke to her, especially someone who had just shown up mere seconds earlier, "Uh...No thanks. I don't like popcorn. It's usually too buttery or salty, but thanks for asking."

Lily paused for a moment before continuing, "So...why are there two of you? Are you twin brothers or something?"

[Nightkill the Emperor]

And then Anti!James walked in, chuckling. "You mean you still haven't said anything, Al?" He asked Crowley. "I told you I would if you didn't." He turned to his counterpart. "Gig's up, friend, and your side needs you here. Do you want to tell them, or should I?"

James shrugged, grabbed a chair and a bag of popcorn that appeared out of nowhere, and sat down to watch. He offered the bag to Lily. "Feel free to have some." He said sincerely. "When Lewis and Crowley go at it, it's usually hilarious."

Lewis sighed.

"I really hate ye' two," he said, "and to think I was gonna' give ye' a magical weapon of bullshit.

Crowley, I really don't give a shit what's happenin'. Just fix it so I can show Azazel his own intestines."

Crowley shrugged. "DH James turned out to not be the real DH James, just some fucker who came from a third universe that got killed by Leviathan. I seem to have had an eyepatch in that universe. And DH James who isn't DH James is an asshole. I sincerely want him to go away now." he said, grabbing DH James by the skull and snapping him back into DH. Before he did, he simply said "Get your own fucking armies ready."

Then Crowley glared at normal James and the popcorn throwing, taking one deep breath.

Sanchez was suddenly extremely pleased he did not try to make EH an organised military.

[Nationstatelandsville]

Lewis sighed.

"I really hate ye' two," he said, "and to think I was gonna' give ye' a magical weapon of bullshit.

Crowley, I really don't give a shit what's happenin'. Just fix it so I can show Azazel his own intestines."

Then James threw popcorn at Lewis. "BOOOOO! We want blood and swearing, dammit!" He heckled sarcastically. "Christ, I leave for a few months and all of you are suddenly civilized? What, did my counterpart finally pull your heads out of your asses?"

Immediately, there was a claw pressed against James' throat, Slotheater leaning in close.

"YOU DID NOT PELT THE BEAR-KING WITH FOREIGN OBJECTS!" he roared loudly into the Canadian's ear, "I WILL DEVOUR ENTIRE UNIVERSES AND SHIT THEM ON YOU!"

Lewis brushed some popcorn off his pants and sighed.

"What the angry bear said," he said, "His name's Slotheater. He's, like, seven thousand years old and he's in charge of Demonslayer's legions now."

[Olthar]

"...I'm so confused." Lily said quietly to herself as Crowley through the other James into some sort of portal, and apparently a bear is 7,000 years old, "I guess I'm still not used to this place yet..."

Sighing, she continued sitting in the corner waiting for something to happen. She hoped that maybe Lewis would notice her now that James sat next to her so that he could as her to be in his army. She'd hate to try asking him, especially since she wouldn't want to accidentally offend that ancient bear. He seemed a bit fidgety.

[Hardened Pyrokinetics]

Then James threw popcorn at Lewis. "BOOOOO! We want blood and swearing, dammit!" He heckled sarcastically. "Christ, I leave for a few months and all of you are suddenly civilized? What, did my counterpart finally pull your heads out of your asses?"

Immediately, there was a claw pressed against James' throat, Slotheater leaning in close.

"YOU DID NOT PELT THE BEAR-KING WITH FOREIGN OBJECTS!" he roared loudly into the Canadian's ear, "I WILL DEVOUR ENTIRE UNIVERSES AND SHIT THEM ON YOU!"

Lewis brushed some popcorn off his pants and sighed.

"What the angry bear said," he said, "His name's Slotheater. He's, like, seven thousand years old and he's in charge of Demonslayer's legions now."

*click*

"Claws. Off. Now." James said coldy, no hint of fear in his voice as he pressed the barrel of his revolver, which he had inexplicably managed to grab from his alternative self. In fact, somehow, they had managed to completely swap clothing by the time Alt!James returned to Dwarven High. Only thing they didn't manage was the hair, causing some of it to cover James' right eye.

Either way, he was glaring into the eyes of Slotheater with his finger on the trigger, ready to fire. "And don't even THINK of squeezing harder. By the time my motor functions become impaired, the top of your skull will be painting the ceiling of Crowley's office."

[Nationstatelandsville]

Immediately, there was a claw pressed against James' throat, Slotheater leaning in close.

"YOU DID NOT PELT THE BEAR-KING WITH FOREIGN OBJECTS!" he roared loudly into the Canadian's ear, "I WILL DEVOUR ENTIRE UNIVERSES AND SHIT THEM ON YOU!"

Lewis brushed some popcorn off his pants and sighed.

"What the angry bear said," he said, "His name's Slotheater. He's, like, seven thousand years old and he's in charge of Demonslayer's legions now."

*click*

"Claws. Off. Now." James said coldy, no hint of fear in his voice as he pressed the barrel of his revolver, which he had inexplicably managed to grab from his alternative self. In fact, somehow, they had managed to completely swap clothing by the time Alt!James returned to Dwarven High. Only thing they didn't manage was the hair, causing some of it to cover James' right eye.

Either way, he was glaring into the eyes of Slotheater with his finger on the trigger, ready to fire. "And don't even THINK of squeezing harder. By the time my motor functions become impaired, the top of your skull will be painting the ceiling of Crowley's office."

Slotheater laughed. Violently.

"Yeah, he's pretty much immune to bullets," Lewis chimed in, "He tends to eat them. And then shoot them back out of his eyeball."

"How is that possible?" questioned one of Sanchez's soldiers.

"I don't know, but I have nightmares about it constantly," Lewis shuddered.

"You amuse me, child," he laughed, smacking James on the back, "But, seriously, if you touch the Bear King, I WILL END YOU!"

[Nightkill the Emperor]

There was a long pause before Sanchez sighed, He, for once, could not wait to return to a battle instead of this. "Any questions then?"

[Olthar]

There was a long pause before Sanchez sighed, He, for once, could not wait to return to a battle instead of this. "Any questions then?"

Lily weakly raised her had and asked, "Can I go home?"

[Astrolinium]

Michael Clade was in class (because fuck you, at this school going to class is sticking it to the mainstream corporate fat cats) when he found Crowley inside his head. Not literally, of course, but it was a telepathic summons. From Crowley. Michael had no goddamn clue why he'd received it, but he had. So, without a word, he stood and walked out of class.

Several hours later (mere seconds to anyone else) he was in Crowley's office. So were a bunch of other people, it seemed. He wore a light blue hoodie, blue jeans, and tennis shoes. Seeing that the situation was a bit tense, he asked, "What the hell is going on?"

---

Day 71. It was dark and cold, and his rear end was as sore as ever. Soft light filtered through the window in the cell as the days slowly grew brighter. Suddenly, footsteps. Eric groaned as he heard the elf approaching him again. He had been that thing's slave for months. Months!

The door creaked open, and the elf entered the cell. He wasn't wearing pants, just as always. Eric shuddered.

The shudder, however, was not from the thought of being assaulted yet again by his captor. No, he'd received a summons. A mental summons. The elf had felt it too, because his eyes went wide and he dropped to his knees.

The elf said, "Oh... oh... god... it hurts! It hurts!"

Eric took his chance and ran, kicking the elf in the nuts on his way out. As he exited the cell, he found himself... not at the North Pole, as he'd thought. He was, in fact, still in school.

The fuck.

The absolute mother of fuck. He was so fucking pissed that he was cursing like there were some motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane. Regardless, that was for later. Now, he had been summoned.

***

The door to Crowley's office was kicked open. This would have been less underwhelming if so many people hadn't already gathered in one way or another. Regardless, Eric Manischewitz entered, holding his foot and shouting expletives, because kicking a door open hurts. He had, of course, changed, shaved, and gotten a haircut in the meantime. He wore a bright pink dress shirt, black slacks, black work boots, and rainbow suspenders. Under his arm was a baritone horn, carried like it was some sort of firearm.

"Gay Eric's back in town, kvetches."

---

"Et sic," said Hooby Nubblenocker, "est quare Caesar Rubiconem transiverit."

Suddenly, the Latin lesson was interrupted. Hooby's Crowley sense was tingling. "Eheu!" the Pillsbury Doughboy/Latin teacher shouted, before running out of the room. He made sure to grab a Roman-style sword along the way - it hung over the overhead projector screen for use on unruly students. A short while later, he found himself outside Crowley's office. Fortunately, he was currently only about 6 feet tall, so he walked in and said, "Adsum! Quid consilium est?"

Then, realizing that he wasn't teaching the Latin class anymore, he repeated, "I'm here; what is the plan?"

[Nightkill the Emperor]

There was a long pause before Sanchez sighed, He, for once, could not wait to return to a battle instead of this. "Any questions then?"

Lily weakly raised her had and asked, "Can I go home?"

Sanchez stared at the girl. "You. You're fucking awesome. You are possibly the first sane person here. Thank you for restoring my faith in the universe." Sanchez said, a smile on his face. Then the smile disappeared. "But the answer is no and I'm so very sorry."

[Olthar]

Lily weakly raised her had and asked, "Can I go home?"

Sanchez stared at the girl. "You. You're fucking awesome. You are possibly the first sane person here. Thank you for restoring my faith in the universe." Sanchez said, a smile on his face. Then the smile disappeared. "But the answer is no and I'm so very sorry."

"Aww," Lily responded, disappointment in her voice, "Okay."

She slumped down in her chair and continued to wait for the fight. She didn't really think it would work, but there was no harm in trying. Besides, she apparently made him feel better. That was reward enough for now. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad...

Yeah right.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

Crowley stared at Slotheater and James. "Both of you, calm the fuck down now. Slotheater, let go of the Canadian."

[Nationstatelandsville]

Crowley stared at Slotheater and James. "Both of you, calm the fuck down now. Slotheater, let go of the Canadian."

Slotheater blinked.

"I... did," he said slowly, "Like, a minute ago. Are you blind, sir?"

"Be nice to the wizard," Lewis ordered.

"YES, SIR!" Slotheater shouted, saluting Crowley, "YOU SMELL NICE AND HAVE A BEAUTIFUL SMILE, SIR!"

[Nightkill the Emperor]

Michael Clade was in class (because fuck you, at this school going to class is sticking it to the mainstream corporate fat cats) when he found Crowley inside his head. Not literally, of course, but it was a telepathic summons. From Crowley. Michael had no goddamn clue why he'd received it, but he had. So, without a word, he stood and walked out of class.

Several hours later (mere seconds to anyone else) he was in Crowley's office. So were a bunch of other people, it seemed. He wore a light blue hoodie, blue jeans, and tennis shoes. Seeing that the situation was a bit tense, he asked, "What the hell is going on?"

---

Day 71. It was dark and cold, and his rear end was as sore as ever. Soft light filtered through the window in the cell as the days slowly grew brighter. Suddenly, footsteps. Eric groaned as he heard the elf approaching him again. He had been that thing's slave for months. Months!

The door creaked open, and the elf entered the cell. He wasn't wearing pants, just as always. Eric shuddered.

The shudder, however, was not from the thought of being assaulted yet again by his captor. No, he'd received a summons. A mental summons. The elf had felt it too, because his eyes went wide and he dropped to his knees.

The elf said, "Oh... oh... god... it hurts! It hurts!"

Eric took his chance and ran, kicking the elf in the nuts on his way out. As he exited the cell, he found himself... not at the North Pole, as he'd thought. He was, in fact, still in school.

The fuck.

The absolute mother of fuck. He was so fucking pissed that he was cursing like there were some motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane. Regardless, that was for later. Now, he had been summoned.

***

The door to Crowley's office was kicked open. This would have been less underwhelming if so many people hadn't already gathered in one way or another. Regardless, Eric Manischewitz entered, holding his foot and shouting expletives, because kicking a door open hurts. He had, of course, changed, shaved, and gotten a haircut in the meantime. He wore a bright pink dress shirt, black slacks, black work boots, and rainbow suspenders. Under his arm was a baritone horn, carried like it was some sort of firearm.

"Gay Eric's back in town, kvetches."

---

"Et sic," said Hooby Nubblenocker, "est quare Caesar Rubiconem transiverit."

Suddenly, the Latin lesson was interrupted. Hooby's Crowley sense was tingling. "Eheu!" the Pillsbury Doughboy/Latin teacher shouted, before running out of the room. He made sure to grab a Roman-style sword along the way - it hung over the overhead projector screen for use on unruly students. A short while later, he found himself outside Crowley's office. Fortunately, he was currently only about 6 feet tall, so he walked in and said, "Adsum! Quid consilium est?"

Then, realizing that he wasn't teaching the Latin class anymore, he repeated, "I'm here; what is the plan?"

Sanchez stared at the three. Rolling up his sleeve, he applied another nicotine patch to his arm, which was already sprouting one. "We're going to fighting demons outside of Heavensgate." he told the three bizarre people, if some of them could be called that, who had entered. "Some of them are now beginning to breach the walls."

[Nightkill the Emperor]

Crowley stared at Slotheater and James. "Both of you, calm the fuck down now. Slotheater, let go of the Canadian."

Slotheater blinked.

"I... did," he said slowly, "Like, a minute ago. Are you blind, sir?"

"Be nice to the wizard," Lewis ordered.

"YES, SIR!" Slotheater shouted, saluting Crowley, "YOU SMELL NICE AND HAVE A BEAUTIFUL SMILE, SIR!"

Crowley paused. "Er...thank you? Your coat is well groomed too, I guess..." his face had a plain "the fuck?" expression.

[Nude East Ireland]

Slotheater blinked.

"I... did," he said slowly, "Like, a minute ago. Are you blind, sir?"

"Be nice to the wizard," Lewis ordered.

"YES, SIR!" Slotheater shouted, saluting Crowley, "YOU SMELL NICE AND HAVE A BEAUTIFUL SMILE, SIR!"

Crowley paused. "Er...thank you? Your coat is well groomed too, I guess..." his face had a plain "the fuck?" expression.

"You're very big and manly," Khana said, to his junk.

The bunny mecha lowered its hand, and Jacquelyn ran down, into the room. She hopped onto Crowley's shoulder. "Aleister, it's good to see you again. It's been a long time since we broke up. A few years, maybe? Anyways, I'm the Queen of Bunnies now. Since Love the Cuddliest was captured, I decided it would be best if I lead my people into the fight."

She looked at Sanchez next. "Ah, Rick Sanchez. Still as strange as ever, I see. We're ready when you are."