(OOC NOTE: The link to the Ram's Head thread is Here, for anyone interested)
Willie-Pete's Emporium of Pyroclastic Fun is a wholly owned subsidiary of Godulan Guns Incorporated, not that Willie-Pete ever listens to corporate directives.
The Future of Chill/Chat Location Threads [FINAL RULING] — Read Before Posting
COME ONE, COME ALL! WELCOME TRAVELERS, TO WILLIE-PETE'S EMPORIUM OF PYROCLASTIC FUN! LIKE ANY SELF-RESPECTING INCENDIARY WEAPONS STOREFRONT, WE ALSO HAVE AN ATTACHED RESTAURANT ESTABLISHMENT, THE CRISPY CRITTER BAR AND GRILL!
Nothing says responsible firearms merchantry like having it close to flammable alcoholic beverages and copious stockpiles of charcoal!
Now, you might be asking: Doesn't 'Pyroclastic' only relate to volcanoes? Well, I'm Willie-Pete, and I'm here to tell you that NO, It does not only relate to volcanoes. Look at the structure of the word. 'Pyro' means 'fire'. 'Clastic' means 'experiencing breakage'. Here at Willie-Pete's Emporium of Pyroclastic Fun, WE BREAK SHIT WITH FIRE. THE ETYMOLOGY IS SOUND. DON'T QUESTION IT.
Here at Willie-Pete's Emporium of Pyroclastic Fun we have all manner of incendiary weapons including a wide variety that violate the laws of physics and more than a few of the almighty! Sodom and Gomorrah gonna look like baby farts compared to the shit I can drop! We've got Napalm in easy-to-use spray bottles! We've got napalm sprinkler systems! We've got knives that inject liquid potassium metal into your bad guy of the hour! We've got Thermobaric Hand Grenades! We've got Thermobaric BULLETS!
People told me: "You can't have thermobaric bullets! There's a size limitation to those kind of explosives! It's basic engineering!" Well, I'm Willie-Pete, and I'm here to tell you FUCK ENGINEERING! NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT I CAN OR CAN'T DO! I TOOK A HUNDRED KILOGRAM THERMOBARIC DEVICE AND I STUFFED THAT FUCKER INTO A FIFTY CAL BULLET WITH NO CHANGE IN THE BULLET'S MASS! The laws of physics apply when I LET THEM. DON'T QUESTION IT.
Now, I'd love to tell you all about my space-based flamethrowers and rubidium kinetic rods, but I am legally required to be OVERJOYED to introduce you to our attached restaurant experience, The Crispy Critter Bar and Grill
Welcome, friends and honored patrons, to the The Crispy Critter Bar And Grill! We are situated out here in the boonies just beyond the vanishing point on the horizon and within a natural crater that we were in no way responsible for. Nope. No sirree! DON'T QUESTION IT. Now you might be asking, how are people supposed to get here if this thing has somehow managed to bend space the way it has? It is specifically BECAUSE of all that space-bendy wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey jiggery-pokery that anybody who WANTS to come here can do so as easily as a quick two-minute walk from wherever they hold their office, while ensuring that none of the local constabulary are capable of establishing any direct connection to this location in the event they wish to 'investigate' us for crimes as small as petit larceny of public bikes to 'accidental' detonation of a nuclear device in somebody's toilet!
It also helps keep noise complaints to a minimum!
That toilet had it coming.
Here on the south-ish wall you'll see our great assortment of roasting animals of all shapes and sizes. Here's a cow, here's a pig, here's an ostrich... they do NOT taste like chicken, by the way. More like turkey, ANYWAY... y'all feel free to cut off strips as you feel inclined, and stuff your face to your stomach's content! We've got a selection of condiments and spices off to the side right here, so you can gussy-up your cremated critter bits however you like! Wanna put nutmeg and cinnamon on steak and mayonnaise on your roast ostrich? TO EACH THEIR OWN, I'M NOT A JUDGEMENTAL PERSON! You can also order dishes directly from our automated kitchen! Anything you want, however you want, in twenty minutes! Exactly twenty minutes. You can synchronize watches with it.
Now, this establishment is presided over by several persons of interest! There is of course yours-truly, Willie-Pete the Pyromantic Purveyor of Pyroclastic Pulverization that you all know and love and if you don't I will find you and CRUS-- give you a nice flowery business-card that may or may not be made of strontium-90. I handle the business on the market floor, but I also moonlight as the piano player! I got magic hands in more ways than one!
Other folks dwelling within this particular branch of paradise are Kal the Gardener, Kaz the Cat Cafe Proprietor, Ilia the Ice Lady, Zodiac and Antares the Bartenders, and the lady in the basement! DO NOT ASK ABOUT THE LADY IN THE BASEMENT. We're all here to ensure that your venture within these walls will be the most memorable of experiences!
Now over on the North-ish side, directly opposite the open flames for *PFF* SAFETY REASONS, you can find the bar! It is stocked with LITERALLY EVERYTHING THAT YOU CAN THINK OF and a great variety of things that you can't! How does that fit into a single wall, you ask? WIBBLY. WOBBLY. TIMEY. WIMEY. JIGGERY. POKERY. And before you ask, that is going to be the answer to a LOT of things you see in this establishment. Zodiac and Antares are QUITE knowledgeable on the topic of mixing drinks and are familiar with any combination you can think of and a wide variety of things you can't! Feel free to challenge them!
Behind that is the door to the basement that nobody can get open because they wind up teleported into a dumpster in Seattle for some reason. Strangest thing. Big Mystery. Jazz hands! DON'T QUESTION IT.
To the west-ish is the door we just came through that leads to the Showroom floor. On the East side we have the piano, the jukebox, the door to the cat cafe, and the stairs leading to the garden and the ice cream parlor. You'll find Kaz in the cat cafe, Kal in the Garden, and Ilia in the Ice Cream Parlor! You can find any flavor that you can think of in the Ice Cream Parlor, and a wide variety of... I'm sure you get the idea. There's plenty of seating, there's pool tables, slot machines, and card tables all around if that's your schtick. If you want booze, bombs, or a pint of rocky road, y'all done come to the right place!
Come right on in; all are welcome!
Nothing says responsible firearms merchantry like having it close to flammable alcoholic beverages and copious stockpiles of charcoal!
Now, you might be asking: Doesn't 'Pyroclastic' only relate to volcanoes? Well, I'm Willie-Pete, and I'm here to tell you that NO, It does not only relate to volcanoes. Look at the structure of the word. 'Pyro' means 'fire'. 'Clastic' means 'experiencing breakage'. Here at Willie-Pete's Emporium of Pyroclastic Fun, WE BREAK SHIT WITH FIRE. THE ETYMOLOGY IS SOUND. DON'T QUESTION IT.
Here at Willie-Pete's Emporium of Pyroclastic Fun we have all manner of incendiary weapons including a wide variety that violate the laws of physics and more than a few of the almighty! Sodom and Gomorrah gonna look like baby farts compared to the shit I can drop! We've got Napalm in easy-to-use spray bottles! We've got napalm sprinkler systems! We've got knives that inject liquid potassium metal into your bad guy of the hour! We've got Thermobaric Hand Grenades! We've got Thermobaric BULLETS!
People told me: "You can't have thermobaric bullets! There's a size limitation to those kind of explosives! It's basic engineering!" Well, I'm Willie-Pete, and I'm here to tell you FUCK ENGINEERING! NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT I CAN OR CAN'T DO! I TOOK A HUNDRED KILOGRAM THERMOBARIC DEVICE AND I STUFFED THAT FUCKER INTO A FIFTY CAL BULLET WITH NO CHANGE IN THE BULLET'S MASS! The laws of physics apply when I LET THEM. DON'T QUESTION IT.
Now, I'd love to tell you all about my space-based flamethrowers and rubidium kinetic rods, but I am legally required to be OVERJOYED to introduce you to our attached restaurant experience, The Crispy Critter Bar and Grill
Welcome, friends and honored patrons, to the The Crispy Critter Bar And Grill! We are situated out here in the boonies just beyond the vanishing point on the horizon and within a natural crater that we were in no way responsible for. Nope. No sirree! DON'T QUESTION IT. Now you might be asking, how are people supposed to get here if this thing has somehow managed to bend space the way it has? It is specifically BECAUSE of all that space-bendy wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey jiggery-pokery that anybody who WANTS to come here can do so as easily as a quick two-minute walk from wherever they hold their office, while ensuring that none of the local constabulary are capable of establishing any direct connection to this location in the event they wish to 'investigate' us for crimes as small as petit larceny of public bikes to 'accidental' detonation of a nuclear device in somebody's toilet!
It also helps keep noise complaints to a minimum!
That toilet had it coming.
Here on the south-ish wall you'll see our great assortment of roasting animals of all shapes and sizes. Here's a cow, here's a pig, here's an ostrich... they do NOT taste like chicken, by the way. More like turkey, ANYWAY... y'all feel free to cut off strips as you feel inclined, and stuff your face to your stomach's content! We've got a selection of condiments and spices off to the side right here, so you can gussy-up your cremated critter bits however you like! Wanna put nutmeg and cinnamon on steak and mayonnaise on your roast ostrich? TO EACH THEIR OWN, I'M NOT A JUDGEMENTAL PERSON! You can also order dishes directly from our automated kitchen! Anything you want, however you want, in twenty minutes! Exactly twenty minutes. You can synchronize watches with it.
Now, this establishment is presided over by several persons of interest! There is of course yours-truly, Willie-Pete the Pyromantic Purveyor of Pyroclastic Pulverization that you all know and love and if you don't I will find you and CRUS-- give you a nice flowery business-card that may or may not be made of strontium-90. I handle the business on the market floor, but I also moonlight as the piano player! I got magic hands in more ways than one!
Other folks dwelling within this particular branch of paradise are Kal the Gardener, Kaz the Cat Cafe Proprietor, Ilia the Ice Lady, Zodiac and Antares the Bartenders, and the lady in the basement! DO NOT ASK ABOUT THE LADY IN THE BASEMENT. We're all here to ensure that your venture within these walls will be the most memorable of experiences!
Now over on the North-ish side, directly opposite the open flames for *PFF* SAFETY REASONS, you can find the bar! It is stocked with LITERALLY EVERYTHING THAT YOU CAN THINK OF and a great variety of things that you can't! How does that fit into a single wall, you ask? WIBBLY. WOBBLY. TIMEY. WIMEY. JIGGERY. POKERY. And before you ask, that is going to be the answer to a LOT of things you see in this establishment. Zodiac and Antares are QUITE knowledgeable on the topic of mixing drinks and are familiar with any combination you can think of and a wide variety of things you can't! Feel free to challenge them!
Behind that is the door to the basement that nobody can get open because they wind up teleported into a dumpster in Seattle for some reason. Strangest thing. Big Mystery. Jazz hands! DON'T QUESTION IT.
To the west-ish is the door we just came through that leads to the Showroom floor. On the East side we have the piano, the jukebox, the door to the cat cafe, and the stairs leading to the garden and the ice cream parlor. You'll find Kaz in the cat cafe, Kal in the Garden, and Ilia in the Ice Cream Parlor! You can find any flavor that you can think of in the Ice Cream Parlor, and a wide variety of... I'm sure you get the idea. There's plenty of seating, there's pool tables, slot machines, and card tables all around if that's your schtick. If you want booze, bombs, or a pint of rocky road, y'all done come to the right place!
Come right on in; all are welcome!
Locations
- The Crispy Critter Bar and Grill
The Bar and Grill is the main focus of customer traffic that isn't specifically looking to set worlds on fire, and as I mentioned before it's got games, gambling, and grills. Everybody here knows your name, not least because the instant you walk in there is a holographic nametag that pops over your head. It does not contribute lighting of its own accord, but it is obvious to even the most oblivious of persons! Door to the showroom floor there, door to the cat cafe there, door to the BASEMENT THAT NOBODY SHOULD TOUCH there, and stairs up to the garden and the ice cream over that way. The game tables are staffed by automated robots who are specialized in ensuring the games progress in an honest manner. Do not try to cheat them. Dumpster. Krakow. The piano's over yonder and you can occasionally find me plinking away at the keys. The jukebox can play whatever you want, though for some reason people keep choosing Freebird and that song now haunts my dreams... - The Cat Cafe
A place for folks who REALLY just want to get away from it all, the Cat Cafe is home to innumerable feline companions who want nothing more than to take a nap on your lap and get a good ear-scritching. They are guaranteed to make you feel as if all your problems have washed away within five minutes or your money back! Heh heh, it's a joke because it's free. These cats never need to eat (though they will readily come and devour any treat that you might present to them), drink, or shed, and will not set off your allergies IN ANY WAY. Kaz wrangles the little darlings with remarkable skill and can even make them dance if you want a show that will be so adorable your eardrums will rupture from the magnitude of the squee-ing you will experience. Please do not attempt to abuse the cats. Folks who do strangely wake up in a dumpster in Milwaukee. It's very specific. Milwaukee. - The Garden
Just up the stairs, one can pass through the first door and find themselves in an enormous garden that is your go-to place for quiet contemplation and meditation! Kal the gardener offers an enormous selection of herbal teas that may or may not contain psychogenic substances but only if you ask for them. There's flowers, trees, a fountain, all the assorted meditative garden accoutrements, and even a hedge maze! You might ask how we can fit a hedge maze into an upstairs garden! I think you can predict the answer. Hint, it begins with 'Wibbly'. You will also find that sound is dampened so that two people fifteen feet away from each other could scream at the top of their lungs and neither would hear the other! If you just want the sound of a babbling brook, or to concentrate wholly on the little rock garden with no disruptions whatsoever, this is your place to be! - The Ice Cream Parlor
Did you know that in some realities, there was a time called 'Prohibition' in which alcoholic drinks were banned? Did you also know that during that time, ICE CREAM filled the void in the hearts of those who could no longer afford to get their brains roflstomped by the devil's juice? Well, if Ice Cream, Frozen Yogurt, or any other kind of frozen confectionery is your thing, then this is your slice of heaven! Ilia the Ice Lady handles this most esteemed den of sub-zero delights. Don't mind her blue skin, that's not frostbite, it's just how she is. She's very matter of fact. Tell her what you want, and you will have what you want within the span of thirty seconds. No fuss, no muss, sit down and enjoy your stuff. Feel free to look out the window at the desert landscape that seemingly occupies the same space as the garden. Do not try to climb through the windows. Dumpster. Mumbasa. You get the idea. - The Showroom Floor
You want to buy some things that make other things explode in fiery glory? OF COURSE YOU DO! Down on the showroom floor, you can find anything you want if you know the name, and I'll be happy to help expand your knowledge of the options we provide! Do you want intercontinental flamethrowers? Do you want flammenwafflewurfers (They throw flaming waffles at people!)? Do you want thermobaric bullets that can fit in any kind of firearm you can name? WE GOT ALL THAT SHIT. I MADE SURE OF IT. We've got a firing range with ALL POSSIBLE RANGES. And I do mean ALL POSSIBLE. Wibbly. We offer any number of pricing options and generous financing for any budget! If I'm not here, I'm at the piano in the bar! Please don't bring showroom items into the bar. Dumpster. Khartoum.
Non-Player Characters
- Zodiac and Antares — Bartenders of the Crispy Critter
Zodiac is a short and lanky gentleman with a sour expression. Don't worry about him, his mother told him to be careful or his face would freeze that way and damned if she wasn't right. Antares is a seven foot tall bear of a man with a jovial grin on his face even in dire emergencies. Zodiac isn't particularly chatty, but Antares MORE than makes up the difference! Players may roleplay the bartenders at their job. - Willie-Pete — Pianist and Occasional Vocalist
'Tis I! Yours truly! When I'm not making sales, I plink at the keys and sing along with any song the verse can conjure up! I have access to a limitless repertoire of songs, and can even sing it in native languages if that is your wish! You can of course easily spot me in my red-and-white pinstripes and bright red hat! I don't do no stealth shit. Players may roleplay Willie-Pete at the piano. - Kal'Shazzar / Kal — The Gardener / Tea Shop Proprietor
He goes by 'Kal' because nobody can seem to get the apostrophe right when pronouncing his full name. You can find him in the garden at all hours of the day, fiddling about with the various plants and devising new herbal concoctions with a focus that might seem creepy at first glance and only gets worse the more you pay attention! Ask him what you want and he'll get it for ya! Tall guy, pinstripes. Surprised he doesn't wear an apron, but to each their own!Players may roleplay Kal at his job. - Kaz'Ramael / Kaz — Cat Cafe Proprietor
He doesn't talk much, and when he does it sounds like a knife on a grindstone. This doesn't faze the cats AT ALL. He can set you up in a comfy chair with a nice cup of coffee however you like it, a selection of somehow-freshly-made pastries, and any kinds of kitty treats you care to employ. The kitties are soft and cuddly. Would you like to pet them? This one is named Mewspelheim. That one is named Armeowgeddon. There's Ragpurrok, Apawcalypse, blah blah blah yes they all relate to the end of the world for some reason DON'T QUESTION IT. He never seems to look the same to any two people. Players may roleplay Kaz at his job. - Ilia'Tyr'Nuruodo / Ilia — The Ice (cream) Lady
The strange thing about the ice cream parlor is that there is no door between the main diner and the storage where the bajillions of different types of ice cream can be found, but this statuesque blue-skinned femme-fatale will still get you exactly what you ask for within the span of a minute, nonetheless. Players may roleplay Ilia at her job. - The Lady in the Basement — Basement-Dwelling Lady
WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE LADY IN THE BASEMENT. HER WILL IS IRON AND HER CONTROL IS ABSOLUTE. SHE MONITORS THE CHANNEL. FEAR NOT THE PRESSURE IN THE BACK OF YOUR MIND. IT IS WHERE ALL OF YOUR WORRIES GO TO DIE. IT IS THERE TO HELP YOU. WELCOME IT. LET IT IN. LET IT EMBRACE YOU IN WARMTH AND PEACE.
Any official edicts will ostensibly come from the lady in the basement.
Things to Remember
- The Rules apply, as ever. Violate them at your own risk. Be sure to read the announcement linked at the top of this thread for further information.
- This is the only accepted chill/chat location thread in Forum 7. Final Ruling. Please read.
- If a Moderator tells you to leave the thread, you leave the thread. If you are told to leave, that does not mean you are permitted to make your own C/CLT;
it means you chose to spoil your opportunity in being involved in C/CLTs up until the point the Moderation Team decides to allow them to be created again - if the Moderation Team decides such.- Any content which violates the PG-13/Offensive Material Rules is forbidden and will result in punitive actions. Depending on the severity of the infraction, combined with the player's history, this can range from a splitting-out of the content and a warning, to the Moderation Team opening-up a discussion on whether or not the player should be dis-invited from NationStates. Keep things family-friendly; a little flirting, hugging, etc. here and there is fine. Go over-board with it at your own risk. This is not a "hook-up thread."
- This is not your personal blog, echo chamber, or the place to field your drama. If the thread begins to devolve into a mud-slinging fight or a place where everyone decides to air their dirty laundry, the involved players may be removed from the thread. Leave your cliques, accusations, drama, and similar at the door; they will not be accepted here.
- While the purpose of this thread is for players to demonstrate they can coalesce as a community and engage in a degree of community policing, do not cross the line into impersonating a Moderator or attempting to use Moderators as a weapon. Politely remind someone of the rules and the nature of the thread; if unacceptable behavior continues, report it.
- Even so, keep things in context: this is a chill/chat location thread, so some degree of rapid-fire posting is expected. If it's not something egregious, leave it be. Players don't need to report every tiny bit of snark as baiting; a simple polite, "I don't appreciate that; would you mind not doing such in the future," should be enough. If it continues, report it.
- Setting Specific Rules: No, you cannot invade. No, you cannot use NPCs as punching bags; they're there to be utilized to help move the story along and players can use them for their intended purposes (playing music, serving drinks, dealing cards, etc.). No, your character does not have to be Western-themed; you can play with an alien, a cyborg, or any other character you can think of (that adheres to the rules).
Further, there is to be no godmodding; this means no declaring/presuming/dictating the actions of another player's character without their consent. This includes killing their characters. Player consent is required and cooperation is strongly encouraged; if you want to get into a fight with another character, approach things sensibly. That being said, dictating the actions of the above-posted saloon employees is not only accepted, but encouraged. Feel free to portray them within their roles, providing you drinks, etc.
Lastly, please make a point to differentiate In-Character posting from Out-of-Character posting. It is understandable that there may be more OOC in this thread, given its nature; just make the differences apparent. Further, keep OOC posting from becoming needlessly excessive; a one-two, "Hi," "Howdy," is one thing. Carrying on a tangential conversation is another; take it to telegrams. An exception shall be made for discussions directly pertinent to the thread. See here for details.- Remember to have fun and enjoy the time spent here.
Final Ruling on Chill/Chat Location Threads
Kyrusia wrote:On December 27, 2016, the NS Moderation Team extended the moratorium on chill/chat location threads until September of this year, stating that a discussion would be had as to their fate. Following a lengthy discussion spanning several months, we have come to a final decision regarding C/CLTs in Forum 7.
During this moratorium, we have only ever seen minimal community involvement, usually surrounding our self-imposed deadlines; self-policing has been minimal and reporting has been hit-or-miss, with several threads being created throughout this time specifically to violate this moratorium being indulged until discovered by a Moderator on patrol. Furthermore, we have come to believe that the worst offenders have either taken their actionable content offsite, have chosen to attempt to hide it in other thread styles (specifically certain "Above Nation" thread types), or have chosen to hide it within telegrams - something that is still unacceptable, but there is very little we can do unless it is reported.
Conversely, due to the Moderator-run chill/chat location thread, we have overall seen actionable content surrounding C/CLTs diminish. This is a positive outcome, and is ultimately why we have chosen to rule as we have. Even so, we do not have much in the way of confidence that were the moratorium to be rescinded that actionable behavior would not quickly return; it returned following the first moratorium, and there is very little indication this will not happen again provided time and distance from the moratorium itself.
As such, the following is considered our final ruling on chill/chat location threads in F7:Players that wish to participate in C/CLT-like threads on the forums are welcome in the Ram's Head. Any C/CLTs opened elsewhere will be locked, with the creators facing penalties - warnings, bans, or more severe actions. We do not see this ruling changing for the foreseeable future.
- Chill/chat location threads are now explicitly prohibited.
- The only exception shall be the "Ram's Head Saloon," which shall henceforth be the only permissible C/CLT in F7.
— NS Moderation Team
