Your Reaction to AN's News (III)

[Terra Britania]

"Oooh, old Ricky here has done something for once... more than a month into this shitstorm, but eh, better late than never, am I right? I bet the Christly Farmers^[1] are loving their newfound backing from the crown, much to the Boundsrede's^[2] and Here^[3] Cabot's dretchness^[4], I'm guessing—better get ready to hand in your errand of offtreading^[5] soon, lads. Now, though, I'm looking forward to the angry crowds taking a shit in front of His Majesty's palace; knowing how rowdy these things get, some mad cunt would likely open fire at the palace and maybe even land a shot on him... you never know in America."
- Egwine Mathilde of Lancashire, Heretogine of Lancasire

[1] Agrarian Christians
[2] Federal Council's
[3] respectful term of address for a man, equivalent to "Mister" or "Sir"
[4] irritation, annoyance
[5] letter of resignation

[Aumbura]

"I reckon the public condemnation may have something to do with the failure of your diplomatic overtures, no? Almost as if trying to reach a detente requires you not publicly condemning the other country for some stupid shit they did."

Edwin van Horn, New Yorker

sig

The condemnation came after continued attempts to establish peaceful relations with a totalitarian state, all of which failed when it became clear that they were not interested in diplomacy of any sort. Condemnation did not take place during the process of these attempts.

/skip me

[Mets Hayk]

Girls, 13 and 10 y/o, in Bristol rammed by sportswagon going 20 km/st over speedthreshold, in thoroughcare; driver, 19 y/o, filmed yelling "the demons told me to" many times while being taken by police

"...alrighty then, that's disturbing. I hope that motherfucker gets what's coming to him, y'know? There's been a lot of messed up crimes here, but something like this? I don't think we've had that happen...yet."

-Nerses Gevorgyan, political commentator

[Reich of the New World Order]

I am wondering who would sell out their country for a messily 4.7 million NSD, especially to a country which hates them. How many crimes will the little armenians unleash upon the turks. Will any be left or will they be fully eradicated. Not like it matters to me, enjoy your new land little armenians but dont get to greedy or else you may suffer the same fate as byzantium.
-Archon Nirin

[Continental Free States]

"'Terran' infestation? Who the hell even calls the place Terra? How the hell did you come to call it that, Terra is from Latin, a human language. Shouldn't you, aliens that you are, have your own words for a planet that at some point you didn't know was inhabited? What is mother earth even infested by- oh, right, dumb question. Wonder how you even define 'acceptable levels' of infestation though."

Edwin van Horn, New Yorker

sig

[Soveiniesberg]

"Finland awards Cross of Liberty to air defense crew that shot down two jets during Russian violation of Finnish airspace last year."

"The Russians are never doing anything good, you know, last week they tried to give a pipe bomb to the Southwest border station..."
- Stanislav Ryolovich, political columnist in Tynaslau News' regional newspaper

[Aumbura]

No good news here. Sixteen dead? Really? That might be the worst barfight I've ever heard of. I do hope those police were investigated. You can't have incompetency running rampant in law enforcement. I hope they catch that Angolan criminal too. The mafia is a horrible organization.

[Free Ravensburg]

President Leland Friece confirms the existence of Aumburan nuclear weapons

Why would you confirm it? Why just not answer the question?

[Reich of the New World Order]

A new disease how wonderful, i will be monitoring your planet with great interest. If it is deadly i might even send agents to gather a few samples.
-Archon Nirin

[New Henrico]

20 million people to be sacrificed, mandatory limb replacement...
im somewhat concerned, but it aint my country, aint my problem. do your thing brother.

[Palladion State]

Shots fired outside of the Goochland Governors Mansion, no damage reported

Wow, interesting!

[Continental Free States]

Doing New Henrico because their BN did not spare even a lick of effort.

Shots fired outside of the Goochland Governors Mansion, no damage reported

"Hm. Fully expect that we'll start seeing this exact thing the longer that whole Exclusion Amendment stupidity goes on, at some point I fully expect someone try to shoot the Emperor himself. Thankfully, nobody has been harmed here, do you know who is responsible, and for what motive?"

Edwin van Horn, New Yorker

AN: "Well if there was even a lick of a chance I'd believe in the polls projecting the oncoming election, it's gone with that approval rating. There's a point where falsified information just becomes an insult to the viewer's intelligence, and I think yours far passed it."

Edwin van Horn, New Yorker

sig

[Undemocacy]

/ still Palladion State

[Continental Free States]

/Stillme

[Undemocacy]

/ still Palladion State

[Soveiniesberg]

"Seven civilians killed after fighting between Bove Coast government and Casamantine separatists spilled over to Kettlerland. Kettlerland officially requests British Imperial Federation to 'help keep the rabble out'."

"Normal African conflicts.. this stuff happens all the time, it seems. It's sad."
- Stanislav Ryolovich, political columnist in Tynaslau News' regional newspaper

[Mets Hayk]

INDIANA INDIANA INDIANA-NEWS FEED SIGNAL INTERRUPTED

"Ah...there's nothing like some confusing bullshit to start the day, huh? Y'know...I could go on and on about his is some sort of secret Soveinian coverup or some shit, but then I'd sound like a conspiracy theorist, huh? I'm sure everything's a-okay...right?"

-Arshavir Davidian, journalist

[Kahekordne Union of Spib]

Armenia annexes Azerbaijan and Georgia

I can understand Azerbaijan, you've been at war with them for like 100 years when all conflicts are added, but Georgia? They haven't been doing much and have mostly watched but I guess maybe stopping them now might be useful in the long run. However maybe the neighbors might have something to say

[Continental Free States]

"Whatever intelligence agency was responsible for that big gaffe should clear house completely and just hire new agents, officials, everything from the start. How do you mix a stationary microwave oven for a nuke anyway?"

Edwin van Horn, New Yorker

sig

[Dyrrhonian Isles]

"Whatever intelligence agency was responsible for that big gaffe should clear house completely and just hire new agents, officials, everything from the start. How do you mix a stationary microwave oven for a nuke anyway?"

Edwin van Horn, New Yorker

sig

Emperor Richard III comes out in support of the Exclusion Amendment. "The basic order can't protect those who openly want it overthrown."

I have no idea what the Exclusion Amendment contains. But it's unsurprising that a country would seek to preserve itself.

The latest news is that the vice-duke Luke has departed the dieresis as part of the Diarcesian delegation in its state visit to the Commonwealth of Baker Park to assess the situation leading up to the enforcement of a no fly zone over the Vilitan Cove and western Calania.

[Reich of the New World Order]

Now this sounds interesting, a new conflict may be possible. Maybe a few planes should be sent there to see if they will actually enforce the no fly zone.
-Hekil Fegorsh Yukshu

[Novaros]

Ritual of Purity to be held at Geshvol. A total of 20 million Terrans are to be sacrificed

Now… what kind of f-ed up tradition is that? Are these savages really sacrificing 20 million?! They need to be converted to the right path! They need to be converted to Islam! « Ritual of Purity »? More like a ritual of Impurity!

-Ahmed Al Madbouh, owner of a restaurant on Karbala Road, Novapolis.

---

Novarosian News Agency: Notorious Suronian terrorist « Bjalken » was arrested during a raid on his house by the Saddeq Special Forces, in the Hosjar Region.


.

[Drongonia]

Notorious Suronian terrorist « Bjalken » was arrested during a raid on his house by the Saddeq Special Forces, in the Hosjar Region.

Good! All terrorists should be arrested or taken out, no matter what. Glad to see the special forces were involved to help things go smoothly.

[Kahekordne Union of Spib]

FUX host defends saying "womp womp" to disabled child turned back at border

"Brick Launching Systems online. High velocity air pressure cannon loaded. Cinder block brick ready. Firing at this bloke in T minus 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Launch" I hope this brick hits him in the foot, as stubbing your toe sucks.

[Red Lake Circle]

Spibean public lavatories considered "7th least smelly"

"How... how do you even quantify that in data? Why in all cosmos would you put funds to researching this? There are so many questions, none of them even vaguely answered by this headline..."

Fairguni Whaitley, Minister of Foreign Affairs