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Tell a Joke

The place to relax, unwind, share a joke, and generally goof off.
User avatar
New Cabo Azul
Bureaucrat
 
Posts: 57
Founded: Mar 04, 2019
Left-wing Utopia

Tell a Joke

Postby New Cabo Azul » Fri Jun 21, 2019 4:25 am

Pretty self-explanatory. Jokes can be as long or as short as you like. Groaners are also accepted.
Last edited by New Cabo Azul on Fri Jun 21, 2019 5:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
Embassy Program
A class 2 nation, according to this index
Want to tell a joke? Click here!

8values

Political Compass:
Economic Left/Right: -6.75
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -8.21

2001 is the greatest film ever made. Change my mind.

Here are some awful movies for your enjoyment:
Kimchi Warrior
Spaceship Day
Trolland

And some scenes from my favorite movie:
Docking Sequence
HAL's Deactivation
Stargate Sequence

User avatar
New Cabo Azul
Bureaucrat
 
Posts: 57
Founded: Mar 04, 2019
Left-wing Utopia

Postby New Cabo Azul » Fri Jun 21, 2019 5:16 am

Here's one from camp.

A European wasp expert walks into a record store and asks the attendant on duty if they have a copy of Wasp Acoustics, Volume III.
"Why, certainly!" replies the attendant. "Would you like to listen to a sample before making a purchase?"
"Sure," says the wasp expert.
The attendant puts the record on the player, the needle on the record, and the headphones on the wasp experts head. After listening for a moment, the expert takes the headphones off. He thoughtfully says,
"Are you sure that this is the right record? These don't sound like European wasps to me."
"Try another track," replies the attendant.
The European wasp expert moves the needle to another track and puts the headphones back on. He listens for a few seconds and puts the headphones down, somewhat more forcefully this time.
"I have never heard any noise like this ever come from a wasp in all my 37 years of being an expert in this field."
"Just one more track," responded the increasingly confused attendant.
The expert put the headphones back on, then immediately threw them to the floor.
"NO EUROPE WASP HAS EVER MADE THIS NOISE AND EVER WILL!"

The attendant picked up the record, then he said,
"Ah... I see what the problem is: You've been listening to the B side!"
Embassy Program
A class 2 nation, according to this index
Want to tell a joke? Click here!

8values

Political Compass:
Economic Left/Right: -6.75
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -8.21

2001 is the greatest film ever made. Change my mind.

Here are some awful movies for your enjoyment:
Kimchi Warrior
Spaceship Day
Trolland

And some scenes from my favorite movie:
Docking Sequence
HAL's Deactivation
Stargate Sequence

User avatar
Fatatatutti
Postmaster-General
 
Posts: 10933
Founded: Jun 02, 2006
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Fatatatutti » Fri Jun 21, 2019 10:11 am

A man walks into a Fatatatutian restaurant and says, "I'll have an elephant-ear sandwich."

"I'm sorry," the waitress replies, "but we're out of elephant ears."

A week later, the same customer comes in and says, "I'll have an elephant-ear sandwich."

The waitress says again, "I'm sorry, but we're out of elephant ears."

The customer frowns, "Well, why do you have them on the menu if you never have any?"

"We do get them in," the waitress explains, "but there's only two to an elephant, you know."

Another week later, the same customer comes in and says, "I'll have.... No, wait, don't tell me. You're out of elephant ears again."

"No. We just got a shipment in this morning."

The customer smiles, "Okay, then I'll have an elephant-ear sandwich."

The waitress says, "I'm sorry, but we're out of those big buns."

User avatar
Catigula
Attaché
 
Posts: 92
Founded: May 19, 2019
Iron Fist Consumerists

Postby Catigula » Sun Jun 23, 2019 5:38 am

JOKES ARE SINFUL!!!

HAIL CATIGULA!!!
:bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow:
I AM CATIGULA, FOUNDER OF THE CATIGULAN CONFEDERATION!!!
Catigula Declares War! (International Incidents)
An 0.066666667 civilization according to this index
A 2 civilization, according to this index.
I have two cats, their names are Harry and Sneaker.
The flag is a picture of Sneaker, he's a real chonker.
My dispatches (please look at all the dispatches, not just the factbook)

User avatar
Billtonland
Civilian
 
Posts: 0
Founded: Mar 08, 2019
Right-wing Utopia

Postby Billtonland » Sun Jun 23, 2019 7:00 am

Catigula wrote:JOKES ARE SINFUL!!!

HAIL CATIGULA!!!
:bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow:


wtf

User avatar
Yegla Islands
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 128
Founded: Oct 19, 2016
Iron Fist Socialists

Postby Yegla Islands » Sun Jun 23, 2019 8:09 am

"A baby seal walks into a club."
The Federal Bureaucracy of Yegla Islands is a nation forged from a war-torn, ownerless state into a gleaming bastion of socialism, scientific advancement and personal freedoms. Can be seen as a strange amalgam of Cuba and Norway, with patently ridiculous tax rates balanced out by a plethora of government-funded amenities for its citizens. Religion is ignored, the military is powerful beyond reason, and the government manages to function despite its monstrous size. All this balances on the shoulders of an ex-revolutionary, questionably-human, mostly-benevolent dictator, along with his ragtag band of ministers. Oh, and they've discovered magic a while ago.


Yes, this nation uses NS stats. Sort of. In a general kind of way. Canon policies may be found here.

User avatar
Mzeusia
Chargé d'Affaires
 
Posts: 440
Founded: Oct 30, 2017
Democratic Socialists

Postby Mzeusia » Sun Jun 23, 2019 8:13 am

Yegla Islands wrote:"A baby seal walks into a club."

And then what happens?
I set out to build a nation and so that is exactly what I will achieve, I hope.

Also, if you are interested in having the Mzeusian Library write something for your nation, click here!

User avatar
Inkopolitia
Chargé d'Affaires
 
Posts: 403
Founded: Mar 06, 2019
New York Times Democracy

Postby Inkopolitia » Sun Jun 23, 2019 8:15 am

Communism.
<コ:彡 United States Of Inkopolitia <コ:彡

"From the Sea we have Emerged!"

THE WOOMY TIMES: The Final Fest concludes, mandating the end of government-provided Splatfests | Chaos rises victorious against Order in a 3-0 Win | The day following the end of the Final Fest, July 22, is declared as National Splatfest Day
Capitalism, Libertarianism
Communism
♀️ I'm a woman ♀️
I also like women ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Tax rates not canon! :)
Hexaco babyyyy


User avatar
Ravennog
Bureaucrat
 
Posts: 48
Founded: Oct 24, 2017
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Ravennog » Sun Jun 23, 2019 8:15 am

Person A
"Hey, are you pro-vaccine?"

Person B
"Yes, why?"

Person A
"It's nothing, but, y'know, I could tell you were pro-vaccine because you are still alive."
The Materialist Technocracy of Ravennog
Anti-vaxxers should be the group of people to be hated the most. They mislead misguided parents, they bring back preventable diseases, and they are too self-righteous to acknowledge, or even look at, or hear the truth. Most of all, they kill people, young and old, all for lies.

The Riveno Chronicle: Ravennog rejoices after an anti-vaccine movement in the countryside is thoroughly destroyed. A massive campaign of advertisements about vaccines is launched for Ravennogans to be scientifically aware of the greatness of vaccines, the government says.


User avatar
Ravennog
Bureaucrat
 
Posts: 48
Founded: Oct 24, 2017
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Ravennog » Sun Jun 23, 2019 8:15 am

Mzeusia wrote:
Yegla Islands wrote:"A baby seal walks into a club."

And then what happens?

We all know
The Materialist Technocracy of Ravennog
Anti-vaxxers should be the group of people to be hated the most. They mislead misguided parents, they bring back preventable diseases, and they are too self-righteous to acknowledge, or even look at, or hear the truth. Most of all, they kill people, young and old, all for lies.

The Riveno Chronicle: Ravennog rejoices after an anti-vaccine movement in the countryside is thoroughly destroyed. A massive campaign of advertisements about vaccines is launched for Ravennogans to be scientifically aware of the greatness of vaccines, the government says.


User avatar
Fatatatutti
Postmaster-General
 
Posts: 10933
Founded: Jun 02, 2006
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Fatatatutti » Sun Jun 23, 2019 12:25 pm

Inkopolitia wrote:Communism.

Rudolph was a minor functionary at Communist Party headquarters. One gloomy afternoon, his wife picked him up after work. "I hope it doesn't snow all night," she said.

"That isn't snow," Rudolph replied. "It's rain."

"No, Rudolph, it's snow," she insisted.

"Rain."

"Snow."

"Rain."

"Snow."

"Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

User avatar
Nooooooooooooooo
Bureaucrat
 
Posts: 57
Founded: Oct 18, 2017
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Nooooooooooooooo » Sun Jun 23, 2019 11:19 pm

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first one orders a pint, the second a half of a pint, the third a quarter, etc.
The bartender pours two pints and says "You guys sort it out."
(Currently a candidate for the position of) Prime Minister of Forum 7
The New California Republic wrote:
Ifreann wrote:How do the police know the name of the murderer if there's no evidence at any of the crime scenes?

Yes I was wondering this too. Maybe a ghost informed him.

The Chuck wrote:I too like to go balls to the walls with my twin J-58 turboramjet engines and burn JP-7 all around the world while making folks scratch their heads and think I'm flying a UFO space craft when it's just a very fast plane...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jQ44iAWvww
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmSqorj-EC0

User avatar
Reru Tanda
Lobbyist
 
Posts: 22
Founded: Jun 03, 2019
Moralistic Democracy

Postby Reru Tanda » Mon Jun 24, 2019 11:22 am

So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living.
He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air - but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.


Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. Somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people. The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was once again unharmed.


Well, this of course meant that he was free to go. And once again, he somehow managed to get his old job back. To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people. And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal: three bananas.


"You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat; we're strapping you in and doing this now." Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal. The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.


The man looked at the executioner and said, "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."

User avatar
Catigula
Attaché
 
Posts: 92
Founded: May 19, 2019
Iron Fist Consumerists

Postby Catigula » Mon Jun 24, 2019 1:39 pm

Reru Tanda wrote:So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living.
He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air - but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.


Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. Somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people. The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was once again unharmed.


Well, this of course meant that he was free to go. And once again, he somehow managed to get his old job back. To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people. And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal: three bananas.


"You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat; we're strapping you in and doing this now." Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal. The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.


The man looked at the executioner and said, "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."


:rofl:
I think I've heard that one before, but it still makes me laugh in a groan-y sort of way.
I AM CATIGULA, FOUNDER OF THE CATIGULAN CONFEDERATION!!!
Catigula Declares War! (International Incidents)
An 0.066666667 civilization according to this index
A 2 civilization, according to this index.
I have two cats, their names are Harry and Sneaker.
The flag is a picture of Sneaker, he's a real chonker.
My dispatches (please look at all the dispatches, not just the factbook)

User avatar
Nooooooooooooooo
Bureaucrat
 
Posts: 57
Founded: Oct 18, 2017
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Nooooooooooooooo » Mon Jun 24, 2019 9:18 pm

One day, Mario went to law school. He decided that he wanted to be an attorney. Well, he worked hard and finally got the job. He also had a PhD.

Then when a guy on the street fell down and broke his leg, someone asked, "Is anyone here a doctor?"

That's how we get Mario the MEDICAL Doctor
(Currently a candidate for the position of) Prime Minister of Forum 7
The New California Republic wrote:
Ifreann wrote:How do the police know the name of the murderer if there's no evidence at any of the crime scenes?

Yes I was wondering this too. Maybe a ghost informed him.

The Chuck wrote:I too like to go balls to the walls with my twin J-58 turboramjet engines and burn JP-7 all around the world while making folks scratch their heads and think I'm flying a UFO space craft when it's just a very fast plane...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jQ44iAWvww
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmSqorj-EC0

User avatar
Catalibla
Civilian
 
Posts: 1
Founded: Dec 06, 2017
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Catalibla » Mon Jun 24, 2019 10:44 pm

If Stevie Wonder could have any superpower, what would it be?

X-Ray Charles vision
Catalibla is a little micronation in the Alps; we would like to stay away from your drama, and we're in a love triangle with Switzerland and Austria
2019 | MT tech level | Population is ~53,000

CBN News | There is nothing newsworthy at the moment

User avatar
Pavonistade
Minister
 
Posts: 2742
Founded: Jan 26, 2013
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Pavonistade » Mon Jun 24, 2019 11:23 pm

Time flies like an arrow,
fruit flies like a banana.
Political Compass:
Economic Left/Right: 0.75
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -3.54
President: Calvin Elmore
Vice President: Otakta Sgriki
IIwiki
I don't use NS stats

User avatar
JapanNihon
Civil Servant
 
Posts: 9
Founded: Apr 30, 2018
Father Knows Best State

Postby JapanNihon » Mon Jun 24, 2019 11:57 pm

When a German tank commander sees a random French civilian on the streets.

"I'm gonna do what's called a Pro Gamer move." said the German tank commander.
xdddd

User avatar
Walkerfort
Envoy
 
Posts: 231
Founded: Mar 21, 2019
Father Knows Best State

Postby Walkerfort » Mon Jun 24, 2019 11:58 pm

a joke



Walkerfort's peacekeepers
leader: "i thought life was a tragedy... know i realize... it's a godamn comedy.."

DON'T CALL US HONG KONG OR CHINA! WE ARE INDEPENDENT

I think it's in the best intrests of those going through forums at sonic speed to be given a TL;DR
walkerfort stands alone against china

User avatar
Medfield Public Schools
Civilian
 
Posts: 1
Founded: Jun 01, 2019
Psychotic Dictatorship

Postby Medfield Public Schools » Tue Jun 25, 2019 11:29 am

school

User avatar
Nooooooooooooooo
Bureaucrat
 
Posts: 57
Founded: Oct 18, 2017
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Nooooooooooooooo » Tue Jun 25, 2019 4:18 pm

Public access television in North Korea
(Currently a candidate for the position of) Prime Minister of Forum 7
The New California Republic wrote:
Ifreann wrote:How do the police know the name of the murderer if there's no evidence at any of the crime scenes?

Yes I was wondering this too. Maybe a ghost informed him.

The Chuck wrote:I too like to go balls to the walls with my twin J-58 turboramjet engines and burn JP-7 all around the world while making folks scratch their heads and think I'm flying a UFO space craft when it's just a very fast plane...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jQ44iAWvww
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmSqorj-EC0

User avatar
United Syndicalist States of America
Civil Servant
 
Posts: 7
Founded: Jun 13, 2019
Psychotic Dictatorship

Postby United Syndicalist States of America » Tue Jun 25, 2019 4:22 pm

What do you call a laptop on the bottom of the ocean

A-Dell rolling in the deep

User avatar
Demorvian
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 159
Founded: Apr 09, 2019
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Demorvian » Tue Jun 25, 2019 4:38 pm

Minecraft players
(Typing With Autocomplete.)

The United States Government,and the rabies virus is a Kyle that overdoses on caffeine,and the rabies virus is not only about the rabies virus from this align with hydroelectric or working trebuchet against your have been flooded with vegetation align with Russia and Japan and internet explorer is the beginning of man's decline for you to find yourself in.

User avatar
Nooooooooooooooo
Bureaucrat
 
Posts: 57
Founded: Oct 18, 2017
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Nooooooooooooooo » Tue Jun 25, 2019 4:43 pm

Demorvian wrote:Minecraft players


Now you have gone too far
(Currently a candidate for the position of) Prime Minister of Forum 7
The New California Republic wrote:
Ifreann wrote:How do the police know the name of the murderer if there's no evidence at any of the crime scenes?

Yes I was wondering this too. Maybe a ghost informed him.

The Chuck wrote:I too like to go balls to the walls with my twin J-58 turboramjet engines and burn JP-7 all around the world while making folks scratch their heads and think I'm flying a UFO space craft when it's just a very fast plane...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jQ44iAWvww
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmSqorj-EC0

User avatar
Demorvian
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 159
Founded: Apr 09, 2019
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Demorvian » Tue Jun 25, 2019 4:45 pm

Nooooooooooooooo wrote:
Demorvian wrote:Minecraft players


Now you have gone too far

No u
(Typing With Autocomplete.)

The United States Government,and the rabies virus is a Kyle that overdoses on caffeine,and the rabies virus is not only about the rabies virus from this align with hydroelectric or working trebuchet against your have been flooded with vegetation align with Russia and Japan and internet explorer is the beginning of man's decline for you to find yourself in.

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