NationStates

"Tonight's biggest news is that a biker gang made up of pandas has robbed a liquor store."

*changes channel*

"As part of tonight's headlines, a dog has been bitten by a man at..."

*changes channel*

" Is fortnite really turning kids into zombies, we have"



*changes channel*

"Fatatatutti's annual Charity Hockey Game was held this weekend at the Tutlingburg Memorial Arena, which was graciously donated by the nation of Tutlingburg several years ago. With a final score of zero to zero, team Captains Alphonse and Fish agreed to split the proceeds between their two charities, the Home for Wayward Ducks and the Fatatatutti Academy of Fish Actors (FAFA). Play was interrupted briefly during the third period when Fish's bowl froze solid...."

*changes channel*

*Here is 10 reasons why AOC is smart*
*changes channel*

“Sorry, this channel is not available unless you pay 1,000,000 dollars to get the Premium Plan”
*throws TV on the ground and breaks it*

Terropo wrote:“Sorry, this channel is not available unless you pay 1,000,000 dollars to get the Prenium Plan”
*throws TV on the ground and breaks it*

*buys another TV, picks random Filipino channel*

"Isa sa mga batayan sa paghuli sa binatilyo ay ang mga pribadong conversation niya sa biktima, na nagpapahiwatig na may problema sa kanilang relasyon, ani Banac.
Patuloy naman ang paghahanap ng mga awtoridad sa 2 pang suspe..."

*changes channel*

*more gibberish*

Hmm... *goes into TV settings* ah there we go. Somebody set the audio track to... what the hell is this language. Never seen this one in the menus before. *switches it back to English*

*changes channel*

Welcome to the 10:30 morning news. Today we will be discussing the worst of the worst news. Yet another shooting has happened in *turns off TV and throws remote in the trash*

*Takes remote out of trash*

"Looks like somebody got themselves a free remote! Ahahahaha!" *runs off*

Meanwhile on another television...

"A man was struck by a car today after he ran into traffic. Witnesses say he seemed to be running from police with a remote in his hand. Police are still unsure of the-"

*Changes channel*

Click

Grizzled middle-age man in a suit, President Two-Bear of the Commonwealth of Narland at Press: "The fake news ain't gonna give you the truths. When you look at it the way the Chigaco Commune has controlling the lake, ehh that lake, er Michigan, but we have the Big Muddy River. What we need is reciprocal trade -- real trade -- trade that doesn't put our factories in the drink, not this rip-off of a deal we have been getting from previous administrations. You won't find that from the fake news.

We will return to big factories that make remotes. Big byu-tiee-ful remotes. Big beautiful safe remotes that won't get you killed in traffic...

Click

'The question is Janice, did the ancient Egyptians really have the capability to make those pyramids? Myself and many ancient astronaut theorists have our doubts..."

*changes channel*

“Unfortunately, the channel you are currently attempting to view at this moment is currently unavailiable. Please pay EA games 700 dollars to-

*changes channel*

"Quacksalber!"
"Bloopf!"
"Quacksalber!"
"Bloopf!"
"Quacksalber!"
"Bloopf!"

*changes channel*

"That was Alphonse and Fish doing their famous comedy routine in character as Oberduckenfuhrer Schwimfuss and Baron von Fischenheim."

*changes channel*

Have you reached your wits end with insomnia? Tried all the sleeping pills? Tried everything your doctor threw at you? Now approved by many nations Home Anesthesia Services Incorporated is here to help. With a vast array of gas and intravenous anesthesia systems and certified registered anesthesiologists who will travel to your home with a full operating room anesthesia cart and crash cart we can safely eliminate sleepless nights. Our services are covered by most health insurance plans with preauthorization proving intractable insomnia.

To get started call 1-800-ZZZ-NOW1

*hurriedly picks up the phone and dials like there’s no tomorrow*

*turns off the TV and awaits insurance authorization and anesthesiologist arrival*

*barricades door*

*turns on TV*

"This channel is blocked due to incontinence..."

*changes channel*

*strange music plays*
Man On Television: You are now hypnotized. Please get up.
*gets up*
Man On Television: Undo the barricading of the door.
*undoes door barricading*
Man On Television: Open the door.
*opens door*
Man On Television: Here we see a young man under the power of hypnosis. *takes wallet, puts it in own pocket* I hereby release you from hypnosis.
*perplexed, closes door and changes channel*

Alphonse: "And they think WE'RE strange."

Fish: "Indubitably, old chap."

*changes channel*

"In other news, the vandal who has been dubbing nonsense on the sound tracks of popular TV shows is still at large...."

*changes channel*

Interviewer: "We now join John Jacobvich Schmidt as he tells us about his unsuccessful aspirations to join TurtleShroom's new private-public sector space program co-op."

Subject: "Well, when I arrived there, I expected 'em to be more supportive. Instead, they just said things like 'you ain't qualified', 'why are y'all naked', and 'I CAN'T CATCH 'EM HE'S COVERED IN BABY ULL*'..."

Interviewer: "Well, I guess that's the moral of the story. This was Misha Slamalamadingdong at the Nuekular detainment center. Mister Schmidt is awaiting trial for-"


* changes channel *


{ * = Oil. TurtleShroomers pronounce it as one syllable. }

*Naked people show on TV*
News: Ununderstandable stuff i'm too lazy to change into English

*CHANGES CHANNEL TO CARTOON NETWORK AND NICK HYBRID*

Dexters Laboratory featuring Spongebob Squarepants as DeeDee’s sidekick.

Dexter *quietly sitting in laboratory using a wrench on a single bolt over and over*

Spongebob walks into frame “Hmm, this isn’t my TV show! Where’s my grill, where’s the fish? Where’s the Krista Krab!!! AHHHH ITS A NIGHTMARE!!!

Spongebob runs around the laboratory screaming and panicking while DeeDee enters the frame “No Spongebob, you’re in a different TV show.”

Dexter “WILL THE TWO OF YOU GET OUT OF MY LABORATORY, AND AS FOR YOU YOU BIG SPONGE GO BE USEFUL AND CLEAN SOMETHING OR GET OUT OF MY TV SHOW!”

*commercials come on*

Heh this is pretty good. Though I need to go to the office and get some work done.

*gets in car and drives to office leaving TV on*

*returns*
"I have now partially retconed the Hurricania Imperium"
*changes channel*

"And in other news today, the record for the world's largest meatball has been broken by -- "

*changes channel*

“Es la espanol bano. La bano es estupido”
*changes channel*

"In today's news, China is reporting that they successfully colonized Mars in 1987 and forgot to let anyone know about it. The colony is still inhabited."

*changes channel*