CHANGE THE CHANNEL

[Beliras]

"Beliras here, and to you all TNPers, I accidentally created a controversial joke. I'm sorry-

---

It's okay, don't worry. Anyways,
*insert channel change*

[Jerzylvania]

"the internet is killing everyone! No.

Yes! ...Really?

*looks off into the distance*

"Let's do it now. Let's get that place now... "

*changes channel*

[Random Country 453632]

"Wake up! Aardvarkartichokeland needs you!"

"Nah, I'm fine... *cough* I'll just... I'll just respawn in-"

*changes channel*

[2nd Apil Republic]

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
"TOK TOK KA OKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK"
"What the fri-"

*changes channel*

[Naui Tu]

"Welcome to Fish Down, the best show on television."

"What on earth is this"

*changes channel*

[Matamorosia]

-pproximately 10:33 AM, 17/2/2037, the National Areonautical and Space Administration and the US department of Temporal Phenomena have found a presence of a temporal anomaly affecting our world, The United Nations ordered a meeting, shortly after, communication with the countries of Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, The Baltic States, Kazakhstan, Armenia, Georgia, Azerbaijan, Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, and Greater Kyrgyzstan have ceased, replaced by the former Soviet Union.

It i-
*changes channel*

[Jerzylvania]

"..so ding dong the witch is dead the wicked witch is really dead, ding dong... wake up you sleepy heads and... WAIT! Look at the size of her ruby red booty... "

*observes the size size of her booty.*

So, they made a Stormy Daniels version of the Wizard of Oz?
Hey look. That one munchkin with the comb over has pulled his d#ck out is.. Oh sh!t.

*grabs remote, pushes record button*

[Matamorosia]

*throws Wii at TV, which destroys the TV and the Wii is intact., then buys a new TV and places it where the old tv was*

/skipme

[Jerzylvania]

*old TV repaired by OP*

*grabs remote, lights doobie - turns TV on*

Choose language. Select - Vulgarian.

"...but Captain, Captain... the stars are all gone!

...Grrrr! You've somehow switched off your viewing screen, Lieutenant Honke.... "

*changes channel*

[Jerzylvania]

I particularly like this post...

*sounds of glass breaking, things falling over*
" w-what do you want from me!?!?"
"We've been TRYING to reach you about your car's extended warranty, but someone DIDN'T LISTEN!"
*punches him in the stomach*

*changes channel*

"Go ahead.. punch him again. Jimmy can take it! HE HAS ENDURANCE!"

*punches kid hard in gut, his body drops on floor*

"He's dead, Jim. You've killed him...

*changes channel*

[2nd Apil Republic]

"Mooing continues as the tok tokaoks become less irritating"
"we will continue on our National Animology"
"OIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK"
"bruh-"

*skips channel*

[Jerzylvania]

"...have it your waaaaaaaaay, have it your way, have it your way, have it..."

welp bitches, my way means it's half price or fuckin' forget it. I ain't paying ten or twelve bucks for a cheeseless whopper mofos...

*changes channel*

[Matamorosia]

And for only 150$, you can get this state of the art Wii!

Includes one Wii, cables, 4 controllers and Mario Kart Wii all for 150$!

Call 1800-033-7855 now and you-

*calls number*

^changes channel*

[Relmont]

-nd now, the biggest deal of the year, you can purchase a bulk order of blakc expo markes for only 350$! Call the number below now to cla-

*calls number*

*changes channel*

[Ravemath]

Israel just bombed Gaza for the 100000000000000000000000000000000000th time. Hundreds of starving Palestinians were killed in the bombing.

Me: CHANGE THE CHANNEL!!!!!!!!! *changes channel*

[Uvolla]

Russia has once again bombed Ukrai-

*changes channel*

[Jerzylvania]

"People of Earth, keep watching the skies. Soon we shall be arriving from our planet with high tech gifts from across the univ.... "

*changes channel*

[Matamorosia]

-nd.
In other news, the Polandball Not Safe for World: Goodest Edition has finally been funded.
The devs say it will be released in…

Breaking news, a alien ship has been spo-

*changes channel*

[Last Choicia]

Comedian: "How's everybody doing tonight?"

Audience: "WOOOOOOOO!!"

Comedian: "I'm also feeling pretty woo tonight."

*Changes channel*

[Jerzylvania]

"Tonight on Arkansas LIVE! - Senator Tom Cottonball wears nylon pantyhose and a Stormy Daniels sized Wonderbar to show his firm support for women's... "

*CHANGES CHANNEL*

[ImSaLiA]

"-read catastrophe as darkness has fallen over countries Universe wide, people are panicking, and some conspiracy theorists have uncovered a database known as Natio- *scuffle sounds*"
*changes the channel*

[Matamorosia]

-esto no es un simulacro/this is not a drill.

Hace 12 horas, una niebla tóxica apareció en la Ciudad de México.
Esta niebla causó miles de personas a morir, pero desde la última hora, los cuerpos de los muertos empezaron a moverse, y a atacar a ciudadanos de la Ciudad de México.

Evacue de La Ciudad de México ahora, mueve al Norte de México preferiblemente no a Nuevo León.

Campos de refugio están siendo construidos en el norte son: Ciudad Victoria, Chihuahua, Saltillo, Tijuana, Reynosa, Monclova, Torreón, Ciudad Juárez, Ciudad Obregón, Heroica Matamoros y Hermosillo

Si no puede ir al Norte ve al Sur, preferiblemente a la península Yucatán

Campos de refugio están siendo construidos en el sur son: Cancún, Mérida, Chetumal, Progreso, Valladolid, Campeche, Ciudad del Carmen, Villahermosa, Tuxtla Gutiérrez y Oaxaca.

No evacue a los Estados Unidos, muchas ciudades también ocurrió estos eventos hace meses: es muy probable que no sobreviva.

Moveremos la capital a Ciudad Victoria.

La condición de nuestro presidente, Andrés Manuel López Obrador está desconocido.

Manténganse a salvo, cuiden su familia.

Este mensaje se repetirá en inglés/this message will now repeat in English.

12 hours ago, a toxic fog appeared in Mexico City.
This fog caused thousands of people to die, but since the last hour, the bodies of the dead began to move, and attack citizens of Mexico City.

Evacuate from Mexico City now, move to Northern Mexico preferably not to Nuevo León.

Refuge camps are being built in the north: Ciudad Victoria, Chihuahua, Saltillo, Tijuana, Reynosa, Monclova, Torreón, Ciudad Juárez, Ciudad Obregón, Heroica Matamoros and Hermosillo

If you can't go North, go South, preferably to the Yucatan Peninsula.

Refuge camps are being built in the south are: Cancún, Mérida, Chetumal, Progreso, Valladolid, Campeche, Ciudad del Carmen, Villahermosa, Tuxtla Gutiérrez and Oaxaca.

Do not evacuate to the United States, many cities also these events occurred months ago: it is very likely that you will not survive.

We will move the capital to Ciudad Victoria.

The condition of our president, Andrés Manuel López Obrador, is unknown.

Stay safe, Take care of your family.

This message will now repeat in Spanish/este mensaje se repetirá en Español-
*changes channel*

/PS: sorry for it being long, I couldn’t get a spoiler to work/

[Jerzylvania]

" ...of friends is walking a trail of tears from Kansas to OK. It's dark so they're using the flashlight on a phone to light the way. Pretty weak idea. Being a marginally scared group by now, they notice there's an axe murderer on a bike gaining on them from behind so they decide to pretend they don’t see him. So naturally the phone dies and we suddenly hear lions and tigers and bears.
Oh my God, shouts Dorothy!
Then suddenly, out of the gloom, a squadron of flying monkeys appear and picks up some random dog belonging to this pigtailed Dorothy girl. Thankfully the dog had a chip implanted by her Auntie Emm's Vet, but alas, the cell phone was still dead. They desperately needed a charge. Next thing an eves-dropping Lion jumps out from a bush and lights a nearby scare crow on fire. He starts looking for an outlet on a nearby high tension power pole but just then some guy pulls up in a 1966 Oldsmobile Toronado and introduces himself as Tim Mann. He just happens to have an axe to grind when the lion begins sobbing terribly since the car had stopped on his foot. Meanwhile, an inexperienced Uber driver rear-ends the Olds and gunfire breaks out. The burning scarecrow throws himself under the car which explodes and.. "

*CHANGES CHANNEL*

[Nyoskova]

“…Big Bill Hell’s Cars! Baltimore’s filthiest and exclusive home of the meanest—”

*changes channel*

[Washington-Columbia]

...You'll always be Slippin Jimmy!"

"Woouu... uuAAGGH!"

-CHANGES CHANNEL-