CHANGE THE CHANNEL

[95X]

Computer-generated graphics appear while a recorded narrator announces the program: "From CSPN, the worldwide leader in politics, this is PoliticsCenter!"

Camera cuts to an anchor at a desk.

"Welcome to PoliticsCenter, we've got a full day of politics to discuss, and later in the show we'll replay the Washington Journal Crank Call of the Day, but first, Stephen A. will analyze the current standoff between Democrats and Repub—"

*changes channel immediately*

[Fatatatutti]

Alphonse gets his foot stuck in the tar pit. Fish tells him he's going to be a fossil. Alphonse says he wants to be a pterodactyl. Fish says it doesn't work that way, he'll be a duck. Alphonse says that's even better.

*changes channel*

[Nuloerkun]

Select star properties:

Mass: 0.094
Metallicity: 0.0136
# planets: 3
# other objects > 1km: 365,195,402,390

Radius: 0.116
Temperature: 1550 K
Spectral class: L2 V
Luminosity: 0.00007

*enter*

*MTT Oh yes sound plays*

*Starting system...*
T=-100M yr
.
.
.
T=+150M yr
Planet C has 100 moons
.
.
.
T=+500M yr
Oceans form on planet B at 0.0097 AU


*changes channel*

[95X]

"Stay tuned, the Movie of the Night is Oofsie McOof and the Oof of the Centuroof!"

*changes channel*

[Cereskia 2]

"-ferno has engulfed a 15-story apartment in the southern side of the suburbs this evening, authorities aren't sure what had caused the fire, but what we know for sure is there might be a short circuit or something. Firefighters are now racing to the scene to stop the fire and-"

*changes channel*

[Fatatatutti]

"Tonight on Baking With Alphonse special guest Pippi Longstocking helps Alphonse make cinnamon buns. Fish wonders how Alphonse gets so many fictional characters to guest-star on his show. Alphonse chases Pippi around the studio with a rolling-pin. Fish explains that Alphonse and Pippi used to date but Alphonse found her too high-maintenance. Alphonse wonders why Fish is hosting the show."

*changes channel*

[Sladski]

"So today we're gonna ask; how GOOD was royduaza actually? And we're also gonna be covering these competitive forma-"


*changes channel*

[95X]

A man sitting at a table says, "hmm, I wish I could have a soup that wasn't full of preservatives!"

Another man in a suit walks up from the left, "now you can!", he hands the seated man a can, "Congresso Soup!"

"Thanks!", the seated man says, who somehow immediately opens the can.

"Hey, the can's empty!" he exclaims.

A jingle plays, "There's no soup in Congresso!"

"And now, back to I dated a Vampire Zombie!"

*changes channel immediately*

[Deblar]

“Today on Bottom Gear, I drive a Silent Electric Car™, Hammond uses a fookin toilet and James commits arson.”

“WARNING SHOWN BUDGET DOES NOT EXCEED 23¥“

“Good evening ladies and gents today, our todayz sponsor is MSI colgate b450 check them out, promo code: revving my wife tonoight.”

“Today we will be reviewing one of a kin vehicle that has about 2.3 ghz revving engine sound, goes up to idk 88 mm per every time I find a proper job in today's economy.”

“helo mate we're going to asda you want anything. MMM MMMMMMMMMM MMMMM.”

“oy luv you posh dickhead oy 'ave cum bak gimme a siggy innit cheesed off bloke daft fucker bollocks fish and chips bloody bloody arse.”

“hammon you tiny man where is the lambo chevy?”

“gon ei crashed it into James car.”

“hammond you sodding tic tac this was my lamborghini aventador.”

“call 999 my fokin car's beaning on Fire mate.”

“ham ond i have crack addiction i am die.”

“Jeremy I have to write divorce papers today I don't know what to do next please help me I can't go o-.”
“we don ot have petroleum hmalet.”

“Tody on Medium gear, what happens when taste exhoost fume?”

“K, I'll have a whiff.”

…

“Ery nice.”

“No Jeremia, car gad bas for health.”

“Shut mouth hammock.

“cock.”

“shut up jams.”

“th Esped is a lot mate !”

“weed. car. feet. Bottom Gear.”

*changes channel*

[New Wolvers]

We interrupt this broadcast for an important announcement:


*changes channel*

[Tringapore]

"My anaconda don't, my anaconda don't, my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, h-

*changes channel*

[Cereskia 2]

*Opening trumpets* BREAKING NEWS!



*changes channel*

[Fatatatutti]

Alphonse tries to make coffee in the oven. Fish doesn't understand the concept of coffee.

*changes channel*

[Imperial States of Duotona]

*loud garand ping* "URA!"

*changes channel*

[The Arbys Cult]

"Today, I will tell you about our almighty ruler, Ahrbis. When the world needed him most, he descended from the heavens to unite the warring kingdoms. To show them the truth of the universe, he put all the ingredients in the land between two slices of bread, and—huh?"

"Get out of our studio!"

"There seems to be some sort of misunderstanding. You see, I am a faithful follower of The Arby's Cult, and I am spreading my message to—"

"No, you're trespassing on private property! We're trying to film the nightly news here!"

"Uh-oh." The cultist jumps onto a purple ostrich, which was not foreshadowed or even implied to exist in any way before. "Let's get out of here, Fluffy!" The ostrich screams, and the two jump out of the building through an open window.

A newscaster sits down at the desk where the cultist was sitting less than a minute ago, and begins speaking as if that entire event didn't just happen. "Good evening, everyone. In today's news, stock prices are currently—"

*Changes channel*

[North Cromch]

"sus."
"suS."
"sU-"

*le channel change*

[Redfell]

"sus."
"suS."
"sU-"

*le channel change*

Head-On. Apply directly to the forehead. Head-On. Apply directly to the forehead. Head-On. Apply directly to the forehead. Head-On. Apply directly to the forehead. Head-On. Apply directly to the forehead. Head-On. Apply directly to the forehead. Head-On. Apply directly to the forehead. Head-On. Apply directly to the forehead. Head-On. Apply directly to the forehead. Head-On. Apply directly to the forehead. Head-On. Apply directly to the forehead. Head-On. Apply directly to the forehead. Head-On. Apply directly to the forehead. Head-On. Apply directly to the forehead. Head-On. Apply directly to the fore--

*CHANGES CHANNEL*

[Fatatatutti]

Alphonse puts a big-block engine into the toaster. Fish points out that toasters don't have engines. Several bystanders are injured by flying toast.

[Cereskia 2]

A-

*Loud as fuck laugh track plays*

*changes channel*

[Ostrov Pestsa]

Przyszła do mnie raz dziewczyna
W ciemną noc, w ciemną noc.
Po cichutku się wsunęła pod mój koc, pod mój koc.

A będzie to, będzie to, będzie to lekcja miłości.
Ta pierwsza lekcja miłości mej, mej, mej.
A będzie to, będzie to, będzie to lekcja-

*Changes channel*

[Fatatatutti]

"To you, my friend, and you, my friend and all of us together, here's a toast to life and to laughter and song...."

*Alphonse changes the channel*

*Fish changes it back*

*Alphonse sticks his head through the fourth wall to look at the audience*

*Fish doesn't understand the concept of walls*

[Neo Parkiant]

Elephants are mammals,VERY BIG,knowed by th-
*Change Channel*

[Imperial Britannia]

"A new law has been passed in Wisconsin requiring everyone to drink at least two beers every day."

*changes channel*

[Ostrov Pestsa]

I started singin', bye-bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry
Them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singin', "This'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die"
Now, for ten years we've been on our own
And moss grows fat on a-

*Changes channel*

[Random Country 453632]

title song plays
BORING FACTS!

The country of Laos seems to be a shooting star. Lucky for them, shooting stars aren't stars, but meteors. Falling from the sky. Fascinating fact-sinating fact-sinating fact-sinating fact, am I-

*changes channel*