CHANGE THE CHANNEL

[95X]

An announcer voice says, "Tonight on Slide Leap, our intermultiversal travelers find themselves in a world where the newspaper date says '2021', but the events and people of 1981 are unfolding! Can our travelers, trapped in a past that's also the present, really get jobs by walking into a business and giving the manager a firm handshake while looking them in the eye and asking if they can start today?"

*A "Breaking News" announcement appears*

"We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming for continuing coverage of the New York Governor's Scandal. As you may already know—"

*changes channel*

[Carrelie]

"Chimpanzees are absolutely fascinating beings, but I shouldn't get too close because one killed my wife in cold blood and told me he would kill again. Oh, one seems to be approa- it has a knife. The chimpanzee has a-" *scream*

*Changes channel*

[The Arbys Cult]

Hero: "You won't get away with this!"

Villain: "Oh, but I already have. Well not yet, actually, but soon! You see, my plan is simple:

Tonight, the planets will align, and Shrebgelfuthor the demon spirit will descend from his portal atop Mt. Pullabooka. My scientists have developed a device that will capture his essence and distill it into a massive crystal. Once the crystal is transported safely to my fortress, we will grind it into microscopic specks of dust made out of PURE EVIL! We shall bake the dust into a delicious cake, which will be served at the President's birthday dinner next week. Then, once the evil dust is in the President's bloodstream, he shall become the vessel of evil spirits. Meanwhile, I will be constructing a scale model of the Presidential Palace. Since the evil spirits controlling the President won't know where the Palace is, they will follow the arrows which I will have conveniently placed, leading straight to the replica and TO MY TRAP! Once the evil spirits are trapped, they will summon Shrebgelfuthor to free them, but not before the military arrives to rescue the President. They will each blame the other for the kidnapping, and fight in a fierce battle. That is when I will appear to begin the peace negotiations. Due to the fact that I prevented the battle from escalating to a full-scale war between humanity and demons, they will have no choice but to return the favor. That is when I will make my demand: an ULTRA! POWERFUL! DEATH RAAAAAAAAAAAY! AH HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Hero: "And you couldn't just build a death ray because..."

Villain: "Uhhhhhhh..."

*Changes channel*

[Gabingston]

Are YOU being called about taxes? Want the IRS to stick it up their ass?? Call 1800-IRS-STINGOP for 50% off of our professional tax evaders. Call within the next 30 minutes for a free ticket to a country of your choice with no extradition laws. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

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*Changes channel*

[Kauzat]

HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO GO CANOEING IN A DRIED OUT RIVER?
WELL ME TOO! AND NOW YOU CAN, IN THE KYHAJAI RIVER!

*changes channel*

[Pirusavia]

"Ario's getting close, Ario's getting close, Geoff is preparing the keep and and AND AND HE KICKED IT GOOOOOAAAAAALLLLL *INCOHERENT SCREAM OF SPECTATORS* *VUVUZELA SOUNDS*"

*changes channel*

[Steves Anomaly Agency]

the sound of breaking glass and somebody yelling in simplified Soveinian
FREDRICK, THE SOVEINIANS ARE HERE, GET YOUR ARSE OUT OF THERE!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

*changes channel*

[95X]

Applause is heard, then a very irritated person begins talking.

"Facebook, Google, and NationStates are creating databases of our information!"

"How do you know?" a skeptical interviewer asks.

"Because everytime you access one of their sites, it creates a connection between my computer and theirs!"

"You're literally describing how the internet has always worked," replies the straight-faced interviewer. "Are there any other relevant points in your new book?"

"We should continue defunding the police and replace it with a domestic peace-keeping organization!"

"That's the literal definition of a police department," the unconvinced interviewer replies.

"Well, then what about Social Security? It's a bankrupt pyramid scheme! It should be replaced with a program where you get the money you put in once you retire or become disabled!"

"You're literally describing Social Security," the interviewer looks to his side. "The book The American Conspiracy on store shelves now, might be on dollar store shelves by next month. Stay tuned—"

*changes channel*

[95X]

(Tough crowd this week?)

*95X walks in, sees the TV is unplugged, plugs it back in, and presses the power button to turn it back on.*

"Next on Mikey plays Minecraft—"

*changes channel*

"In the next thirty minutes, we'll introduce you to the best Forex trading app that's free to joi—"

*changes channel*

[The Arbys Cult]

"You have 2 minutes."

"Look, all I'm trying to say is that everyone has the right to complain, and everyone has the right to complain about everyone having the right to complain. That's free speech, and that's fine. Of course, that being said, WILL YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP FOR 5 MINUTES? I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" The speaker stops to breathe. "YOU PEOPLE ARE THE REASON ASPIRIN SALES ARE GOING UP!"

*Changes channel*

[Fatatatutti]

"... and later, Alphonse and Fish ride again in the classic western, Rio Fisho, starring Fish is the tough sheriff who doesn't need anybody's help. Alphonse steals the show as the drunken deputy who's no use to anybody - and a downright danger with a wagon load of dynamite. And introducing nine Lufthansa stewardesses as the heart-of-gold saloon girls who get under everybody's feet. Tonight at nine, followed by...."

*changes channel*

[Inner Planets]

"Welcome back to jeopardy! Today's contestants are-"
*changes channel*
"Aliens. They did-"
*changes channel*

[95X]

"Tonight on Conan Rerun of the Night—"

*changes channel*

[Arpasia]

And here we see a human in it's natural habita-

*changes channel *

[Merimenea]

"In this weeks episode of Real Housewives of New Jerse-.."

*aggressively changes channel*

[Sanhana]

"Today on Sands and Sun news- THE GOVERNMENT HAS BEEN LYING TO YOU. SAND AND SUN IS A SC-"

Azia changes the channel, not about to have government secrets be exposed again

[Constitutional Liberistan]

“…John Doe, a CIA staffer allegedly turned spy for the Soviet Union. President McCarthy tweeted today that Mr Doe was summarily shot by federal officers, continuing a string of “entirely justified” extrajudicial killings that has alarmed civil rights groups and led some totally radical communist groups to accuse the President of being an autocrat”

*changes channel*

[Gabingston]

"At 7 PM our panel will discuss whether or not nations with a large economy are compensating for something small? At 8 PM our panel will discuss whether or not a laser sight pointed at a someone's head will change their topic of conversation? Watch all this on BNN"

*Changes channel*

[The Time Has Come]

"In Germany, Jews are being ensla-"
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[Meebritolia]

"The Figmene-Chimpanoya war has now evolved into a stalemate, troops on each side have fortified opposite areas of Fighamschter. Since yesterday, Chimpanoyan troops have been trying to charge the enemy trenches, to mild success. We will report updates as they occur."
*changes channel*

[The Arbys Cult]

"Over the years, he's been in hundreds of shows, movies, and even video games, so today we'll be counting down the top 5 quotes by Dee Bradley Baker."

Number 5: "Wraaoooogh!"
Number 4: "Meow"
Number 3: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Number 2: "Hiiiiieeeerrrrrgggg"
Number 1: "Grdgrdgrdgrdgrdgr"

*Changes channel*

[Lumio Magika]

"Jumpin' Jehosaphat, his head came clean off! That's gotta hurt!"

Changes channel

[Fatatatutti]

"Bloop."

"Wek."

"Bloop."

"Wek."

"Bloop."

"Wek."

"We will return to the Alphonse-Fish Presidential debate after these messages from our sponsor...."

*changes channel*

[Jabanese]

"So Today We Are Going To Interview BAStartgaming With His Friend Frank sanchez"

*Changes Channel*

[Rose-Wood]

America’s Favirote Sports Channel

0-0, Boat is up to bat in the bottom of the 9th. 2 outs, bases loaded. The pitch… IT’S GOING, IT’S GOING, IT’S GO-

*Changes channel as he burns his Not the Nationals Jersey*