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[Deblar]

“The Industrial Revolution and its consequences-“

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[Hanovereich]

"And now we are interviewing a civil engineer, a doctor from the University of Giessen, and-"

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[Lincolnite States]

“The Agricultural Revolution is the primary cause of suffering in the world today.”

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[The Hazar Amisnery]

"this southerly change will bring light to moderate showers right across the coast which will continue until mond-"
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[Grootfries Rijk]

Tonight on Aemstel News: Michael Jean-Charles, President of Saint Dominic, found dead in his-

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[Fatatatutti]

"Alphonse escapes from the Hospital for the Criminally Insane. Fish puts him back in."

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[The Arbys Cult]

"North Korea has just fired 7 missiles carrying nuclear warheads at the United States. Anyway, Donald Trump, Republicans, Russia, Q-Anon, January 6th."

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[Grootfries Rijk]

"Carel of Lewhook, the Prince Lewfeld attacked by unknown assailants while on the streets of Aemstel. The infamous anti-war activist was refused service by nearby hospitals after-"

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[Hanovereich]

"Good morning. Or evening. Or actually, it might be night time. Why would you be watching TV at night?It could also be noon, but you don't say 'Good Noon'. Midday only applies for 12 o'clock. Anything past that is actually not the middle of the day. Or-"

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[Fatatatutti]

"Fish loses his glasses. Alphonse finds them on his head."

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"Fish tries to eat the optometrist. Alphonse buys a motorcycle."

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[Apocalyst Italy]

"Local man loses sight of future, sent back in time to before he did."

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[Keira]

- "...and now our lovely Isabella is going to provide you - our dear viewers - with a fantastic half-hour ASMR session where she'll be sucking on lollipops! Except, you know, I wouldn't so much call them lollipops - more like gigapops, eh, Susan?" the co-host turns to his partner.
- "Yeah, they're quite big!" She awkwardly does an exaggerated impressed face as if she was caught off guard by the question.
- "Can she handle them?" He grins like a weirdo.
- "Oh, don't you worry about it!"
The two giggle awkwardly before a not-so-smooth transition animation brings us to Isabella. She's sat in a small, pink room and has just finished unwrapping her first lollipop.
- "Strawberry!" she exclaims somewhat joyfully and puts it in her mouth. "*slurp glop slurp pop fwoop gop hlop chwoop pfoff plop glop gawk huck quok clop slurp*..."

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[Arpasia]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
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[Grootfries Rijk]

"Arise, men! Arise, wolves! Our foe is ahead! The foe who would enslave us! Who would rob us of our freedom! March, march for the Messhall! For food and-"

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[Pirusavia]

"...local seafood restaurateurs complains about increasing price of saltwater fishes, currently known due to..."

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[Lotaijuunn]

"...some Senegalese men robbed a bank-"

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[Palmyrion]

"...the coronation of Nigerian prince–"

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[Arpasia]

-five years ago I lived downtown in a major city in the US. I've always been a night person, so I would often find myself bored after my roommate, who was decidedly not a night person, went to sleep. To pass the time, I used to go for long walks and spend the time thinking.

I spent four years like that, walking alone at night, and never once had a reason to feel afraid. I always used to joke with my roommate that even the drug dealers in the city were polite. But all of that changed in just a few minutes of one evening.

It was a Wednesday, somewhere between one and two in the morning, and I was walking near a police-patrolled park quite a ways from my apartment. It was a quiet night, even for a weeknight, with very little traffic and almost no one on foot. The park, as it was most nights, was completely empty.

I turned down a short side-street in order to loop back to my apartment when I first noticed him. At the far end of the street, on my side, was the silhouette of a man, dancing. It was a strange dance, similar to a waltz, but he finished each "box" with an odd forward stride. I guess you could say he was dance-walking, headed straight for me.

Deciding he was probably drunk, I stepped as close as I could to the road to give him the majority of the sidewalk to pass me by. The closer he got, the more I realized how gracefully he was moving. He was very tall and lanky, and wearing an old suit. He danced clos-

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[Tringapore]

"And next up, we have Ellen NotGeneres coming up with her 999 Days of Stealing Everything Back From Everyone!"

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[Keira]

"Sheeee--"

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[95X]

"Today on Hal's Movie Reviews, a movie so bad I just have to review it. This was a low-budget movie with bad acting, bad writing, a bad plot, just about everything is so bad I just have to show you. Just look at the opening scene—"

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[Jutsa]

"And that's when I realized, we don't even need our sludge tube!"

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[Fatatatutti]

"Due to technical difficulties, Alphonse and Fish will not be seen today. In its place, we present a rerun of The Fishingtons.... Good luck telling the difference.... What? it's still on? @#$%!"

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[Inner Planets]

"Tis but a scratch."
"A scratch? Your arm's off"
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[Grootfries Rijk]

"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die."

*Changes channel*