CHANGE THE CHANNEL

[B o r o v a n]

"That will be $54.45 please."
"God prices so high." Man gives fifty dollars bill and five bucks.
"Your change."
"Thank you," he said.
"Next customer." She looks up.
It can't be.
She gives a off a mean scary menacing stare for a few seconds.
"Yes I have a few groceries I wanna purchase," showing some items.
She kept looking menacingly and slowly took the first item to scan it. The man was looking deep into her. She scanned a few more items and flashed a mad look at him. She finished scanning.
"24.36." she said quietly.
He got the items and then was about to go when he turned.
He got up next to the cashier and looked at her light tanned legs for several seconds. "Do you know if they check-"
"You know what just go, I don't want to see you."
"But-"
"I DONT WANT TO TALK TO YOU."
He was about to say something but she kept flashing a angry look as if she was going to kill him.

*changes channel*

[Western Fardelshufflestein]

"In these unprecedented times--"

*Changes channel*

"We know things are uncertain right now."

*Changes channel*

"Due to the COVID-19 global pandemic--"

*Changes channel while pondering the redundancy of the phrase "Global Pandemic"*

"More than ever, we are spending time at home--"

*Changes channel*

"We're all in this togeth--"

*Yeets remote at the wall with a frustrated scream, causing the channel to change*

[Zeritae]

"In these unprecedented times--"

*Changes channel*

"We know things are uncertain right now."

*Changes channel*

"Due to the COVID-19 global pandemic--"

*Changes channel while pondering the redundancy of the phrase "Global Pandemic"*

"More than ever, we are spending time at home--"

*Changes channel*

"We're all in this togeth--"

*Yeets remote at the wall with a frustrated scream, causing the channel to change*

Loooooooorem iiiiiiiiiipsum dolor sit amet! Consectetur adipiiiiiiiscing elit! ♫
*changes channel*

[B o r o v a n]

"Just read the textbook, cloudhead."
"Look I already have the online textbook but I hate reading online. It makes my head sick. I have retinal detachment and everytime I get floaters I stare at the screen for longer than thirty seconds."
"Don't come to me if you fail."
"Look man-"
"Stop calling me man I'm a girl!"
"Look we have the professor and she doesn't even teach! Professor Lin all she does is drone on and on and has her accent and it's dreadfully boring. I even skipped two classes."
She gave a stare.
"Ok fine," he relented.

Two months later after the second midterm.
"Oh yay she's handing out my final."
"Midterm."
"Whatever!"
Professor Lin hands the test to him.
"Probably another fai-" his eyes scanned the front page and every page on the test that was graded.
"I can't believe it...I got a A!"

*changes channel*

[B o r o v a n]

"Professor what do you have right now?"
"Interesting question. I have a jet propelled rocket modified to be a run on three wheels holding two people. And I will test running in it."
"Professor I don't think it is safe to be running it on campus." said Rebecca.
The professor pushes her into the rocket vehicle, "It will be fun don't be silly!"
"Professor!" She tries to get out but the professor already is in the seat and can't get out because her foot is stuck.
"Uh what button starts it? " He clicked on a random button. "Nope. Ahh start the switch and rests the button!"
SKRRRRRREEEEEEEECCCHHHHH!!!!!
A high pitched sound scratches the air and the rocket vehicle starts running past everyone in less than four seconds leaving every person with long hair and dresses blowing leaving everyone confused or surprised.
ZOOM!!!
The rocket zoomed past down the main walkway crashing every student, "AAAH!!" and speeded 450 miles per hour. It zoomed past the biology building, destroying someone's project, speeded past the physical education building knocking two athletes down, and circled around the Malcolm X Memorial Building before heading towards the Music building.
"AAAAAAAHHHHH!! We're not stopping!!" yelled Rebecca,"How many times did we crash into every person?!"
The rocket smashed the instrument room and crashed a play recital and then crashed into a Black Lives Matter event before crashing into the tables in the Food Court and made its way back to the empty space near the physics building but before speeding quickly inside the business building.
"Professor! Where are you going! This is the stairs and the hallway!"
The rocket shot past the first floor miraculously evading everyone but zoomed inside a classroom where someone was teaching marketing before the rocket zoomed back out and now went up to the second floor.
"And so you take these coupon payments from-"
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"
ZOOM!!!
"Uh who was that?"
The rocket filed out the second floor back to the first floor and then landed on the Kristen Davis grounds.
"That was great! Bit of damage but it works like a charm!"

*changes channel*

[Western Fardelshufflestein]

*The scene opens on a frazzled, soot-stained reporter standing before a swath of burning buildings.*
"I am at the scene of what appears to be a capybara uprising in La Paz, Bolivia. Repeat, the capybaras are taking over Boliv--" *A capybara launches toward the camera, and the screen goes black*

*Hastily changes channel*

[B o r o v a n]

"Cesar you need to see this."

A woman was speaking on a podium.
"...your council leader has failed you. We are left hungry, left in an anarchy world where the strong prey on the weak and Council Leader Harry Darn has failed you. We used to be a great country with over 200 years of rich history from Lincoln to Roosevelt but ever since The Great Disaster, we have been left in ruins. Crops laid waste, people sent to hiding after destruction was set bare everywhere, cities have fallen and society returning to primitive anarchy. I will be your Savior!! I will be leading!"
The crowd murmurs in agreement.
"With me as your Eternal Leader, I promise no more hiding, no more starvation, no more of the past but only prosperity and security!! All Hail Surya, your Eternal Leader, All Hail!"
The crowd excited.
"We will bring this Glorious Change however in bringing so, it will come at a great cost but we must stop at nothing to set things right. Our forces will do whatever it is necessary to achieve stability. Once we drive back the mercenaries and gangs and thugs running the landscape, we will drive the final stake to make sure once and for all, people will have the security they need! You are part of the Brokered States of America and we are part of you. All Hail Surya! All Hail Fascism!! All Hail Stability!!"
"All Hail Surya! All Hail Fascism! All Hail Stability!" The crowd chanted in unison.

"Oh God I created a monster..."
"Cesar what did you do?"

*changes channel*

[Wack-i]

*a marathon of watermelon bashing and egg cracking was on there*

*I proceeded to yell*

"Change the channel! This is...no!"

*changes channel*

[Western Fardelshufflestein]

"Welcome to the Paint Drying Channel, where all your dreams of watching paint dry come true. On this episode of Interior Walls, we watch an Indiana family's guest bedroom--"

*Changes channel*

[B o r o v a n]

"Aaarghhh, maties set sail to Singapore. We heard there's be some rich millionaires and merchants we can plundure!"
"But I'm scared of the Coronavirus!"
"Don't be or I'll send you to Davy-"
Splash! The deckhand abandoned ship.
"Anyone else who abandons this ship will get a taste of my cutlass! Yarrr, maties!!"
Splash! Splash!
"Pirate what are you doing!"
"I'm practicing sorcery so I can make magic spells!"
"None of my pirates are doing magic jumbo jumbo!"
"Captain?"
"And when I was a young lad, I stole 10,000 karat diamonds from Atlantis!"
"Captain?"
"What?"
"The kraken is behind you."
"Aaahhhhh!!" The kraken reached for the captain but the pirate coughed at the kraken misleading him thinking he has Coronavirus and used his magic to put his tentac-"

*changes channel*

[Zeritae]

Welcome to the World Assembly Channel.
Bonveniu a "World Assembly" canali.
Vilkomen bar Verld Asembli Kanaliche.
*changes channel*

[B o r o v a n]

We are everywhere. You cannot stop fascism.
"Who are you. Show yourself!"
Fascism has already won. We will take your life and happiness away.
"Show yourself!"
You will convert to Fascism. You will be a Fascist. Everyone will become Fascists.
"Show yourself!" The man kept yelling at darkness.

"Mr. Sandoval, what are you yelling about in your sleep?"
"Huh?"
"You were asleep for five minutes. We have a English le-"

*changes channel*

[Nacrad]

"An act of valour by the Nacradian military, as they forcibly boarded a slave ship..."

*Changes channel*

[Voxija]

"Nein, nein nein nein NEIN! Please no..."

"Don't resist. You will, in time, see the benefits of learning Esperanto."

*changes channel*

[Western Fardelshufflestein]

"Snape. Snape. Severus Snape. Snape. Snape. Severus Sna--"
"--DUMBLEDORE!"
*drops remotes, accidentally changing the chananel*

[95X]

*A spinning disc appears on the screen*
An off-camera crowd shouts: "Wheel! Of! Food!"

Off-camera announcer: "Watch as hungry contestants spin the wheel in hopes of premium prizes like a loaf of bread, produce, even the grand prize of delicious meat, today on Wheel of Food! And now, here's our host and hostess, Pat Flapjack and Vanilla Frosting!"

Pat: "Thank you announcer Hungry Jack, let's jump right in with our appetizer question; which item of food is marketed with a dough boy?"

*Contestant buzzes in*: "I'm only here because the food stamp office sent me, gimmie the food!"

Contestant charges at the freezers of food just off-camera.

*Changes channel*

[La Montevideo]

"Everyo-"

*changes channel*

[Transadhea]

And now we present you!
The Dancing Banana!
*Sadly changes the channel*

[South Acren]

"The Firebombing of Dresden did almost nothing to impact the wa-"
*Gets forced to change the channel*

[B o r o v a n]

"Professor what's this"
"This is the hyper goggles. It can let you see into the past and the future in all different timelines."
"Oh so cool!"
"You try it!" He hands it to her.
She tries on the goggles.
"I'm not seeing anything!"
"It has to adjust first!"
The goggles start to change color.
"Can you see now?"
"Yes! I see myself... being-" Rebecca Estrella started to frown, "fat, and I'm poor." Gasp "Now I'm a biologist and successful married to a great guy!" The scene shifts again. "I'm an accountant and I'm the Vice President of a business society!" Shift "I'm a social worker taking care of people." Shift "Financial manager evaluating company profiles and investments." Shift "Forecaster." Shift "Homeless Woman." Shift "I'm married to that guy?!!"

*changes channel*

[Western Fardelshufflestein]

"THE WILD GNEISS IN ITS NATURAL HABITAT--"
*changes channel*

[Nacrad]

"The Nacradian fleet has already passed the Strait of Malacca, and will head to Tupeia for their initial strike missions...."

*Changes channel*

[95X]

*The next channel is in the middle of a music video featuring a singer that used autotune re-releasing a song with updated lyrics*

"—day, Friday, washing hands on Friday—"

*Changes channel immediately*

[BlazingAngel]

"Is this thing on---oh oh right. Helloo, my name is Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, owner and inventor of Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated. Are you tired of doing thing the hard way or continuously getting beaten by spy agents and the IRS?"

"Then I have a solution for you! For the first time, I am creating and selling all kind of my inventions that can make your pathetic cheap little lives a little easier. Behold! My very own Evil Doofenshmirtz Store! Where you can find all kind of inventions that can fulfill your drastic needs!"

"Like this Hatinator!" *Hatinator explodes*

"Or this Lawnmowerinator!" *Lawnmowerinator explodes*

"And my personal favorite! Catch-a-Platypusinator! Which is my recent invention." *Catch-a-Platypusinator double explosions*

"And finally, we have a Toasterinator which is um....hmmmm....just a microwave with a toaster taped on top." *Silences then Toasterinator explodes majestically*

"So come on down while we're still around before the government shut us down! And remember this, never eva push this big red button like right here." *pushes red button on a table*

*Entire Evil Doffenshmirtz Store explodes*

This entire commercial is paid for by Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated and are no way responsible for the injuries that the exploding machine may cau-

*Changes channel*

[Balaslandia]

2,000 post!
changes channel