CHANGE THE CHANNEL

[B o r o v a n]

"There's no police here let's say the f word!"
ahem
"I mean I like pie!"

*changes channel*

[Abarri]

"Tonight, here is Pam Karen promoting her new album Let's Talk About Political Correctness!"

*changes channel*

[Fatatatutti]

"But Herr Fishenheim...."
"That's Herr BARON... VON Fishenheim."

*changes channel*

[Myfanwyski]

#change the channel

oops hand slip, sorry. Was anyone watching that? Ouch! guess you were.

[Cossack Peoples]

Man with heavy german accent exclaiming at cans of vegetable juice in their oven: "MEIER VHY DID YOU PUT ZE JEWS IN ZE OVEN, VE CAN'T HAVE JEWS IN ZE OVEN"

*Changes channel*

[B o r o v a n]

Warren: "Dream big. Fight hard. Win."
Me when drunk: "The fuck?! Is that my college?!

*changes channel*

[B o r o v a n]

"This week we spoke to a voter. Here is random guy. Sir can you tell us who you are supporting?"
"I like the diversity and I'm divided between warren and sanders. Joe is too moderate. But I dunno about the progressives there was some sign that the office put to support and volunteers for sanders campaign but it was at the more affluent hipster part of my neighborhood. I mean I dunno maybe I'll vote but I may stay..."

*changes channel*

[Dome Artan]

You were watching some football game being reaired from the weekend when suddenly the broadcast cuts out and this white bald guy with a decidedly fake moustache appears on the screen. "Hi I'm Jefferson Bezos, no relation to that incredibly attractive and super rich guy Jeff Bezos" says the mysterious tv host, who now that you think about it looks suspiciously similar to Jeff Bezos, "and I'm here to let you all know about a fantastic new product on offer from Amazon, Prime Citizenship. Are you tired of paying taxes to a government who doesn't seem to do anything productive? Then join my, ahem, Jeff Bezos' new splinter state in open revolt now for a limited ti-"

*changes the channel* Man these infomercials are just too much these days.

[B o r o v a n]

"If you look on your right folks in this cage is one of the most endangered species in the city..."
"Oooh," the crowd exclaimed. A few took pictures.
"Right here is the Republican. Did you know that only 6% of voters are Republicans? They are really rare so it's important to treat them with respect."
"How come the Republicans are a endangered spec..."

*changes channel*

[95X]

"The 5 O'Clock News will not be seen tonight so our news department can bring you the following sponsored messages."

*Changes channel*

[B o r o v a n]

"Ok folks we need to win some elections and convince voters to support Republicans what should we do?"
"We need to support DEPORTING ILLEGAL ALIENS!!"
"Yeah!" a third of the crowd roared in agreement.
"I don't think-"
"Donald Trump is the best!"
A third applauded.
"Well I think we need to go persuade non white young voters we are big tent party but we need to show ourselves as the smart alter-"
Some dude was snoring loudly.
"-ative to democrats who will cut taxes, unreasonable regulations, and invent solutions to stop homelessness, poverty and unemplo-"
Stronger snoring noises
"-meant. We need to be new party. And we need to support immigran-"
A third of the crowd booed.
"We are losing elections and I am not afraid, we should not be afraid to immigration."
Some of the crowd applauded or nodded while others shook their heads or booed.

*changes channel*

[Tulenia]

In other news, the king of tulenia is dead

changes channel

[B o r o v a n]

"In recent news, political polarization has gotten so bad far left and far right groups are now advocating killing each other."
"We need to implement socialism and we are sick of Republicans blocking everything we waited so long the only way to do it is by blood. OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!" Says one socialist.
"We are sick and tired of the mainstream media taking away our guns, the SJWs, and the illegals crossing our borders. And we are sick of the mother***** high taxes on literally everything and taking away our property in the name of eminent domain. I say we gonna drive a revolution and go pierce all the left wing politicians with spears into their bodies and we are going to take over the government and if anyone stands in the way game on." says far right guy.
"Recently Sanders and Trump tried to calm the militia groups saying bloodshed is unnecessary but to no avail as there is a three way war between the socialist, reactionary, and the U.S. Military. near the Capitol. The three faction war showed socialists and reactionaries fighting each..."

*changes channel*

[Gurori]

SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME-

*Changes Channel*

[West Leas Oros 2]

HEY YOU! GET OFF OF MY CLOUD!
change channel

[Cossack Peoples]

*Abrupt NSFW moaning of Carl Wheezer*

*Changes Channel*

[B o r o v a n]

"Spider man was nearly captured by aliens but he escaped to Mary Janes apartment.

*changes channel*

[Caleonia]

”My perfect world is crumbling before m-“

*changes channel*

[Vallermoore]

"If I am elected as President, I will..."

*changes channel*

[Nuloerkun]

"Now, let's find the nation where the legal currency is Pillsbury dough. "

"At least you can exchange it for dollars without an additional fee!"


*changes channel*

[B o r o v a n]

"Ah Mr. Pam you've come for to vote in the Democratic Party. You've come to the right place. We got great candidates. Moderate Biden, Liberal Warren, Socialist Sanders and the rest of the field."
"Can I vote for a moderate republican?"
"No Trumps the only guy running."
"Awww."
"May I suggest one of the democrats? Ooh wait we got senator candidates no they're all democrats. Oh how about congressional no all democrats. Ah state assembly! Dan Barns is running as a Republican!"
"Ooh who's him?"
"Tea Party..."
"Dam..."

*changes channel*

[Fatatatutti]

"... Alphonse joins the Daleks. Dr. Fish gets a speeding ticket in the TARDIS. The Daleks try to escape from Alphonse...."

*sets PVR*

[Voxija]

"If Amazon.com is run by Amazons, why is Jeff Bezos a dude?"

*changes channel*

"It's the conspiracy! The reptilians were Jews the whole time!"

*changes channel*

"This is the the Xirroni Journal, your trustworthy news channel! Now for the analysis of the news story The World Wrote Something Offensive, an article by the Voxijan Chronicle about a story written by the News about an article written by the World."

*changes channel*

[B o r o v a n]

"Oh yay Billie Eilish lives right near me! I want to go see her!"
"So cool that we have a celebrity living in the same neighborhood!"
"Jeez guys leave her alone she doesn't want creepy stalkers."
"Billie Eilish!!!"
The two girls run down the guy over to the ground stepping over him.

*changes channel*

[Catacomb Dwellers]

“We will now be playing The Wizard Of Oz in its entirety backwards.”

*changes channel*