CHANGE THE CHANNEL

[Chan Island]

“- as you can see, the yellow tailed scorpion has a unique set of groves on its claws. Perfect for hunting.”

*dramatic music*

*changes channel*

[95X]

"If elected, I will run my own email server!"

*Changes channel*

[Nooooooooooooooo]

"..And once again we bring you the romance of Helen Trent... who sets out to prove that just because a woman is thirty-five or more, romance in life need not be over."

Wait, is this Annie?

"Hey Annie!"

Ah.. I watched this yesterday.

*changes channel*

[Ashakad]

The screen is static, but you're captivated. Enthralled. Enslaved. You can't look away. Waves of emotion wash over you-an existential dread, euphoria, terror-but the screen still draws you in. Yes, closer now. The rapidly moving black and white swirls and tosses like a stormy sea. You're lost in its attraction. You come closer. You can't see anything out of your peripheral now. It's only static, but you're still moving forward. A small part of your brain breaks free at this point and tries to push you away from this-this thing, but its resistance is futile. You go in further. The static stops. You fall into the screen. You're surrounded by an endless, vast sea of white. There is a chair in front of you. And in front of that chair, a TV.
You feel nothing now.
There is a remote on the chair. You pick it up, and turn on the TV.
And you change the channel.

[Drongonia]

DRONGODIRECT'S BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG SALEEEEEEEE IS BRINGING YOU MASSIVE SAVINGS ON TVS, APPLIANCES, COMPUTERS AND ELECTRICAL, HOMEWARES, BED LINEN AND MORE! 60 MONTHS INTEREST FREE WITH NO PAYMENTS UNTIL 20-

*changes channel*

[Byeolttang]

Now incomes new episodes of super action numer one puppet television series in Byeolttang! Fell now the power of Nightcore in your heart and reach out to the limits of infinity and beyond. Because this is Nightcore Land, adapted from a novel spin-off of favourite series in Byeolttang. Starting today at 18:00 on BPBS5.
*changes channel*

[Hippie Utopia]

"...and now on The English Shopping Telecast's 5th network anniversary marathon..."

*changes channel*

[Cul-Ed-Sac]

"And to the right you'll see...

...oh...oh God, nope, nope, NOP-"

*changes channel*

[95X]

(Public service ad music, clips of people sitting on stools on empty set, "Public Service of K6 TV" graphic in the lower right-hand corner.)

Person 1: "I didn't know how much it hurt."

Person 2: "I was set on doing the right thing, I promise!"

Person 3: "I knew I didn't have to."

Narrator: "There's a million excuses, but one things clear: when you respond to online adbots, money and resources leave our community and someone somewhere we don't like makes money. Please, don't respond to adbots."

Narrator number 2: "This message aired as a public service of K6."

(Next ad.)

Anchor: "Despite the warnings, people continue to respond to online adbots. Film at 11."

*Facepalms and changes channel*

[Fatatatutti]

"Tonight on Baking With Alphonse, special guest Mick Jagger helps Alphonse make German pfeffernussen."

*changes channel*

[Palins]

"...and next on World News at Noon, why Albania says they were forced to annex Malta..."

*changes channel*

[Borovan entered the region as he]

Hey I'm here to give cooking lesson

Changes channel

[Khomney]

"-And that's how my dad se-"

*changes channel*

[Lincolnite States]

"Well, yes, but..."
*changes channel*

[Cul-Ed-Sac]

"Why can't we be friends, why can't we be friends, why can't we be friends, why can't we b-"

*changes channel*

[Fatatatutti]

"Next on FatatatuTV, Country Alphonse and Fish at Woodstock...."

*changes channel*

[Cul-Ed-Sac]

"Give your hands up for Alphonse, who is about to perform "(You're) Having My Baby" with the one, and only, Fi-"

*changes channel*

[ImperialRussia]

Operation Green begins

Operation A Go Operation Green is a GO

*Changes channel*

[Abject Ludicrosity]

"This here is the world's tallest weed."

*changes channel*

[95X]

"Our regularly-scheduled programming will not be seen tonight, so we can bring you an encore presentation of the Summer Fireworks Spectacular—"

*Changes channel*

[Grotesque Spore Creatures]

"Welcome to the Navy's automated phone service"

changes channel

[Cul-Ed-Sac]

"If you're happy and you know it, snor-"

*changes channel*

[UniversalCommons]

A woman in a bright yellow dress, "Did you know about the dog food epidemic. What is your opinion on how this is affecting poodles?" Three women are sitting on a couch in the middle of the room. A squirrely looking woman takes the Mike, "It is terrible, my dog Mikey had to go the vet." Another woman leans over and says "Give me the mic."

Changes Channel.

[Greater Yukon Lands]

"A massive increase in the number of squirrels has led to a nut shortage at local grocery stores. More at 10."

*changes channel*

[Terropo]

"And in other news, purple flowers are rated as the best looking flower."
*changes channel*