CHANGE THE CHANNEL

[East Fredonia]

*Tony Blair talking*

*changes channel*

"On today's episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills . . ."

*changes channel, resisting the urge to yeet the TV into a volcano*

[Upper Saust Latiegebestica]

*This is a test of the Emergency Alert System*
*its cable, can't change channel, put some funny alert below*

[GLBT]

“All of the ice cream companies have gone out of business. Citizens are encouraged to stay indoors and not join in the distraught rioting.”

*changes channel*

[Epoecuaotoe]

Welcome to the monthly snow phoenix race in the micronation of Tjeska. And now for the contestants:

First, Lisa Patjœnja, riding on Sexen (29 kg).

Second, Marten Sjinsel, riding on Tjotqa (33 kg).

*changes channel*

[Upper Saust Latiegebestica]

"This is CNN, Real News!"
"Nope!"
*Changes Channel

[Ginicun]

*The Frank Zappa Crossfire interview plays*
hmm, this frank zappa guy seemed pretty smart at the ti-
*the channel changes automatically*
Oh come on!

[Unitarian Universalism]

“YIPPY YIPPY YIPPY YAY!!!! YIPPY YIPPY YIPPY YAY!!!! YIPPY YIPPY YIPPY YAY!!!! YIPPY YIPPY YIPPY YAY!!!! YIPPY YIPPY YIPPY YAY!!!!”

*changes channel*

[95X]

"From Hollywood, it's the annual music awards!"

*Changes channel immediately*

[Boring People]

"...bring to life everything that you fear..."

*changes channel*

[Fatatatutti]

"Alphonse is beside himself when he learns he is to be his own guest on Baking with Alphonse...."

*changes channel*

"... General Marie-Louise Castro-Stalina was present today for the send-off of peacekeeping troops bound for Africa. Her inspection ran long because she seemed to know all of them personally and she had a special goodbye for each one of them..."

*changes channel*

[Greater Nestorenkia]

"...tonight, on Vremya, we go for interview with President Putin about how Russia does not collusion with upcoming elect-..."
*changes channel*

[Hippie Utopia]

"This is the series premiere of Real Housewives of Wichita, K..."
*changes channel*

[United States of Americanas]

Welcome to TNN today on Technology News Network we will be looking at the top tech headlines from this week.

* A cryptobank lost $1 Billion dollars thanks to a server technician somehow managing to delete the money.
* Windows has yet again 50 critical security vulnerabilities and you’re going to need to do a two hour long update if you want your computer to be secure.
* Ransomware has hit refrigerators, are smart fridges worth it?

This and more after the commercial break.

*commercial*

Have you or a loved one received the diagnosis of mesothelioma? You may be able to receive compensation, Contact Ripp & Crook associates today for your free confidential case review. *changes channel*

[Nooooooooooooooo]

*changes channel*

[Fatatatutti]

"One fish to rule them all, one fish to find them, One fish to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.... This message has been authorized by the Fish for President Committee...."

*changes channel*

[Quaeg]

"Oh my God, YOU PUT CYANIDE IN MY DRINK?!"
"Bazinga."
[10 minutes of uproarious laughter ensues as the camera focuses on a dying caricature of a solitary nerd, slowly dying.]

*Changes Channel*

[Nooooooooooooooo]

"Yeah, man, I think we just beat the fool -- Because he's got good brains. Hahaha."




*changes channel*

[Boring People]

“Carol Burnett has been working as a mechanic for several years, but has now decided to run for president as both a Democrat and a Republican!”

*changes channel*

[United States of Americanas]

Tonight’s top stories

* A plane crashed into the runway at a major airstrip because the pilot was texting while using AutoLand. Minimal injuries but the plane is totaled. Why and how pilots are bringing their personal phones into the cockpit.

* Autonomous car rams it’s self into the side of a drug store to avoid hitting a school bus
Minimal injury to the driver but over $250,000 in property damage, will your insurance cover this type of thing?

* Robots, will they take over the world?

This and more at 11!

*turns off the television*

*screams* WHY ARE PILOTS TEXTING AND FLYING!

[Ubekibekibekibekistanstan]

*turns TV back on*

“And now for more of the World Bingo Championships!”

*changes channel*

[Fatatatutti]

"Alphonse misreads the calendar and shows up for Thanksgiving dinner dressed as a turkey. Mayhem ensues...."

*changes channel*

"Another explosion at the Puffa Puffa Rice factory floods the streets of Fat City with cereal...."

*changes channel*

"... tour of whaling museums...."

*changes channel*

[95X]

"…Your generous contribution of only $19 a month will help us place more ads on TV convincing people to contribute $19 a month!"

*Changes channel*

[Nooooooooooooooo]

"I'm Mr. Mister, Bobbob bobbity bobbobbob, and that's channel 2 news."

*changes channel*

"Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good."

*sits with pleasure*

"I'm sorry, but you're just gonna have to get over it.

See? You're fading away into dust because you didn't get over it."

me: That's the way, Tony! Forget Spider Man!

*I sit on the remote and change the channel*

[Fatatatutti]

"... The Insidious Dr. Alphonse...."

*changes channel*

"... The Abominable Dr. Alphonse...."

*changes channel*

"... Dr. Alphonse Rises Again...."

*unsubscribes from Netflix*

[United States of Americanas]

*turns on TV*

“If you’re seeing this message your cable bill has not been paid and is now overdue. Please call 1-800-GO-CABLE to pay your cable bill. If you do not pay within 24 hours of reading this we will come to your house and take your cable box and first born”

*pays cable bill and cancels service*

*hooks up antenna*

*static*

Dammit, analog antenna and everything here is digital.

*throws antenna out the window and turns on YouTube from laptop plugged into the TV*

You’re watching FailVid on YouTube today’s topic, forklift fails. Here we go, the top 100 forklift fails starting *internet crashes*

*resets the modem*

“If you’re reading this the Internet is down, we don’t know when it will be back up. Our apologies InternetCo Inc”

*gets in car and goes to library to get some DVDs*