CHANGE THE CHANNEL

[B o r o v a n]

"Hey kids it's the last week of school but I want to give you some tips for life."
begins presentation
"How to live Longer. Can anyone name me what you can do to live longer?"
"Exercise?"
"Exercise is one."
"Don't smoke?"
"Yes not smoking will increase your lifespan by much as 14 years. I mean really if you are a habitual smoker and can cut one pack you will not only live longer but you will make those around you happy. Anyone?"
"Eat healthy?"
"Yes there's still one more that's most important. Anyone? "

"Friends. People who have friends tend to live longer. Because the more you have the happier. It acts like a chemical that scientists cannot explain.Studies show that men who live alone tend to die faster. Even those who own a pet like a dog live longer because it boosts their emotions. So go make some friends! Go-"

*changes channel *

[La Xinga]

You are now watching...the grave channel! Please stay seated. A coffin gets put into the ground. Everyone is very sad Happ-

*Changes Chanel*

[95X]

"NewsChannel 14 is at the grand opening of the 99-Percent-Off store, where excited customers have been waiting, some in tents, overnight. We'll have a live report a bit later this half hour.

In other news, metro police cleared a homeless camp and cited a dozen people for violating various vagrancy ordinances. Authorities even arrested three individuals for disorderly conduct, resisting arrest, and interfering with law enforcement. They sit behind bars tonight, which is under a roof where they also get access to food and a shower. The others were provided referrals to already full shelters and purposely underfunded community programs."

*changes channel*

[Lincolnite States]

"...because everyone knows that shapeshifting lizards rule the..."

*changes channel*

[Arduo]

"WE WILL NO LONGER LISTEN TO THE OPPRESSIVE AND PARANOID WAYS OF THE ARDUYAN GOVERNMENT, AND DEMAND IMMEDIATE REF-"

*Changes channel*

[Gaazikumukh]

"*Changes channel*"

*Changes channel*

[Cupofchar]

accidentally leans on remote

=changes channel

[Lincolnite States]

Man On Screen: I lost my remote, so I guess I'll just take yours.
*reaches through screen and takes it*

Me: Well, it's a good thing there's an extra remote control here...
*pulls one out from under sofa cushion and changes channel*

[Uinted Communist of Africa]

*tapping on the tv screen*

Wow thats a lovely sofa you got there buddy. Yeah im talking to you!!! What do you do when someone give you a compliment?
Yeesh people these days...


*changes the channel with god like speed *

[B o r o v a n]

"Professor I got a F."
"Have you been studying?"
"Yes."
"If you have studied you will have earn a B at least."
"You have not even taught anything all you did was talk about stories and useless examples."
"That's not true."
"Yes"
"No I gave you the problems. And you supposed to figure out with your other classmates."
"But I'm too shy to talk and they don't know it too."
"I am a professor. I don't do the work for you okay?"
"Isn't the job for a professor is to teach? Even The textbook is incoherent and useless."
"No no you ask for help. Please. And you have to go and solve it I cannot give give you the answer. It would be too stupid."

*changes channel*

[West DEN And East Invaders]

"Fendas-"

*changes channel and destroys the remote*

[Lincolnite States]

Me: "Oh, look – a soap opera."
Woman: "All I've been hearing lately is a rumor that you've been burglarizing homes. You need to tell me what's going on!"
Man: "Well..." *shrugs* "It's true. My doctor thinks I might have kleptomania."
Woman: *shrieks* *throws remote at him as he ducks, sending it through the TV screen*
Me: *catches it, changes the channel*

[La Xinga]

Hey kid, wanna buy a balloon for only 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000?! "Sure!" Then come into this car!...*Drives off* "MOMMY!"

Me:AHHHHH!

*Changes channel.*

[Vallermoore]

"This is a Party Political Broadcast by the White People's Party..."

*changes channel*

[Arduo]

"If Communism is so good, why isn't there a Communism 2??? In other news, the Germans hav-"

*Changes channel*

[The Glass Oasis]

“It’s my turn at this time to pass the food.. I’m serving the soviet onions? Anyone? Okay, so here’s a twenty-fifth for you.. a twenty-fifth for you.. a.. Hey, don’t give me that look, its my policy to give an equal amount to everyone! Hey, what do you mean I already have 16 out of the 20 soviet onions already on m-“
*changes channel with a tear in eye*

[Strahcoin]

STRAH NEWS
Reporter: "Good evening, and welcome to-"
*transmission cuts off*
Unknown voice: "This is a message from the former Political Correctness Party of this so-called utopia. Listen if you want to live."
*reaches for the remote*
Unknown voice: "The Republic of Strahcoin is evil. It claims it wants the best for its people, yet it gives them so-called 'rights' like the 'right to free speech', the 'right to private property', and the 'right to life.'"
*grabs remote*
Unknown voice: "But they shall never win! Stand with us, and we shall destroy this Constitu-"
*changes channel*

[95X]

"In the upcoming Star Wars movie—"

*Changes channel*

[Arduo]

"No, you watch the latest Star Wars movie, it is sexist not to!"

*Changes Channel*

[Ubekibekibekibekistanstan]

*man stares directly into my soul while riding a pogo stick*


*changes channel*

[Main Nation Ministry]

*Channel consists of a standard SMPTE color bars*

*tries to change channel*

Me: "...?"

*tries to change channel again*

Me: "Crap, the batteries must have died."

Me: *gets up from couch and exits the house*

*while away, the TV switches to a different channel, which consists of demonic images that our world may never attempt to describe, as the sheer mention can drive one into madness to the point of going mad from the revelation*

Me: *front door opens*

*channel immediately switches back to SMPTE color bars*

Me: "Ok, here we go."

*changes channel*

[San Lumen]

welcome to the Geography Channel. All Geography all the time. 24/7 365 days a year

changes channel

[The Glass Oasis]

“Hey! I see you haven’t finished your factbooks yet! Yeah you! Do it already yo-“
*changes channel*
Me: “Fiiine, but I’m only gonna make a new one! You can’t defeat me mysterious channel on TV!”

[95X]

"—all of it! That means all three contestants finish with zero, and tomorrow we will have no returning champion! Sorry!"

*changes channel*

[Malonian]

"Hey! Are you sick of real doors clogging up your house where you open them and they actually go somewhe-"

*changes channel*