The New 3WB

[Improper Classifications]

Amb. Dravis, sitting next to the Unibot vice-rep, snorts. “Who let him out of cryostasis?”

[Unibot III]

Amb. Dravis, sitting next to the Unibot vice-rep, snorts. “Who let him out of cryostasis?”

Mandrake stood up from his barstool and unsheathed his prop sword. “Why, I oudda!!!” he said, clenching his fist in rage.

“If you don’t smarten up, I’ll send you to the Kandy Man!” said Mandrake.

Miriam shook her head. “We don’t say that anymore,” she said.

“Uhh, I will dispatch a few black helicopters your way, good sir!” he said.

“We don’t say that either anymore,” she said.

[Puppet of a Tim]

*takes a sip*

It's weird authoring stuff again

[Unibot III]

*takes a sip*

It's weird authoring stuff again

Mandrake, deaf as a post, yelled out “Is that you, Tanner Frank??”

Shaking her head, Miriam collapsed her face into her hands. “That’s Tim.”

“Ah-ha! Right! Grand Central. Now I remember,” said Mandrake, smiling wistfully. “It’s always a strange feeling to return to one’s pen and scribble a good resolve, aye!!!”

“I didn’t realize you were so passionate about resolution-writing,” said Miriam.

Mandrake, blushing, looked down at his scotch and shrugged. “You’re getting to know me pretty well, mum. Aye, I’m no writer but I imagine it can’t be all that different than being a drinker.”

[Simone Republic]

The bear rushes over to place terminals running on Telnet and some text based computers swiped from the 1980s for drinkers to also play text based games like Zork and the original text version of the Hitchhiker's Guide.

[Unibot III]

The bear rushes over to place terminals running on Telnet and some text based computers swiped from the 1980s for drinkers to also play text based games like Zork and the original text version of the Hitchhiker's Guide.

“I hope those are Heir^® computers,” said Mandrake.

“Hey! My grandfather had one of those,” said Vidal with a bemused look.

[Simone Republic]

The Milky white bear returns to the 3WB, karaoke in tow, and starts singing "All I want for Christmas is You", while the vote for "All We Want For Christmas Is You" is up on screen.

[Wallenburg]

Holt, miserable from his bar allowance having run dry, cries out against the a capella assault. "Oh, the noise! Oh the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise! There's one thing I hate! All the noise, noise, noise!"

[Simone Republic]

Holt, miserable from his bar allowance having run dry, cries out against the a capella assault. "Oh, the noise! Oh the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise! There's one thing I hate! All the noise, noise, noise!"

The bear stares at Holt, not realizing until now that Wallenburg has different representatives for the GA and the SC, since the bear does both for Simone Republic. Unsure what Holt's proper title is, the bear turns to an assistant and says "go over there politely and ask Holt what the proper way to address them is, titles and pronouns and stuff." And, the bear says to another assistant, " ask the bartender - I forgot the chap's name, and add, um, 5,000 Mones to Holt's tab." The bear does some arithmetic on its tablet, stares at the drinks menu for prices, and says "that should last that ambassador for a year at least, at current exchange rates. Put it on the Merchandise budget."

The white bear continues to sing karaoke, blissfully unaware that other bears are hunting for him across the campus for singing Christmas songs in November, especially that song.

[Simone Republic]

Amb. Dravis, sitting next to the Unibot vice-rep, snorts. “Who let him out of cryostasis?”

The white bear starts to bring in serious amounts of unthawing equipment and starts to unthaw various ambassadors. And tries to find Cedric.

"Okay, send two robots to go to try to find Cedric", the bear asks an assistant as it pours itself some whiskey using glasses that says "World Assembly Strangers' Bar". "Also get some new cutlery, glasses and other stuff. Just take them from the Simone Republic Gift Shop down the road, we've got so much of that crap... Um, fine ware in there anyway."

The bear turns to another assistant. "See if you can find the Kennyites and the Unibotians." It quickly adds, after its assistant's face turns whiter than the bear's white skin. "Send two robots of course, not you going in person. Make the bar rowdier."

An assistant dusts off the screen which shows the current vote.

[Unibot III]

Amb. Dravis, sitting next to the Unibot vice-rep, snorts. “Who let him out of cryostasis?”

The white bear starts to bring in serious amounts of unthawing equipment and starts to unthaw various ambassadors. And tries to find Cedric.

"Okay, send two robots to go to try to find Cedric", the bear asks an assistant as it pours itself some whiskey using glasses that says "World Assembly Strangers' Bar". "Also get some new cutlery, glasses and other stuff. Just take them from the Simone Republic Gift Shop down the road, we've got so much of that crap... Um, fine ware in there anyway."

The bear turns to another assistant. "See if you can find the Kennyites and the Unibotians." It quickly adds, after its assistant's face turns whiter than the bear's white skin. "Send two robots of course, not you going in person. Make the bar rowdier."

An assistant dusts off the screen which shows the current vote.

As two robots approached, Mandrake rose from his chair with his drink in hand. “Heavens me!” he exclaimed as he kneeled and begged for mercy.

“Pray, tell me - are you the spirits of Christmas past?” said Mandrake.

The ghostly apparition of Ambassador Pascal Wager, which was known to haunt these parts, turned to comfort Mandrake from the bar.

“Relax, Mandrake, the Ghost of Christmas Past failed their security clearance last year,” said Wager. As he lit his pipe, Wager continued: “Say, is that a cryogenic kit?”

[0rville Redenbacher]

*sits in the corner eating popcorn*

[Unibot III]

The holidays were a quiet time in the World Assembly. Its ornate corridors, dressed in tinsel garland and sausage links. Slow, meandering carols echoing through the halls....

♪ It's Christmastime ... in Unibot
The land that happiness forgot ♫

Every dish of candy canes, every nutcracker, and tinkle light — all vetted thoroughly for cultural-sensitivity and compliance through EPARC and the IFWO, the ITSC, WATCH, and others. There had been a minor uproar (several years ago now) after mistletoe had been declared an evasive species which resulted in the AISRS combing the building with flamethrowers.

As most ambassadors had returned home, those that remained either were required to be present or simply had no other place to be.

*sits in the corner eating popcorn*

Mandrake, sighing with relief after his brief terror, took a sip of his whiskey sour and nudged his ghostly colleague, Dr. Wager. "That Orville fellow...errr," said Mandrake quietly, under his breath, "didn't his... er, 'Rule Four' Appreciation Society boil you alive in a vat of oil?"

Mandrake poked his friend again. "Hhhmm?" said Wager.

"Well that's what the plaque says!" said Mandrake, pointing to the deerstalker shrine in the corner of the bar.

Dr. Wager took one look at Orville over his shoulder and chuckled, "Simply water under a bridge, Mandrake! That was more than a decade ago. Mr. Redenbacher and I have no animus between us. Water under a bridge!" said Wager as he returned his attention to his chess-set.

"More like oil under the bridge," quipped Miriam from across the room, snorting some cider from her nose.

_________________________

A page entered the Three Walled Bar, red-faced and out of breath. She called to the bar’s patrons: "Who here is the Unibotian Vice Ambassador?"

Mandrake, Vidal, and Dr. Wager all raised their hand, responding in near unison: "I am!"

The page did a triple-take, visibly perplexed.

“Dear miss, there are three Unibotian delegations," explained Dr. Wager.

"But two of them are defunct," added Vidal.

“I am not defunct!” said Mandrake, deeply affronted… "And aren’t you only the Acting Vice Ambassador?"

"Yes, but only until my predecessor is declared legally dead," said Vidal.

"That was true for me as well, alas," interjected Dr. Wager absent-mindedly, "— and my successor, come to think of it..."

The page raised her hands in the air. "Well, the roll call has started for the division vote - which one of you is voting?"

"Depends on what we're voting on," said Vidal with a skeptical tone.

“Are we banning mummers, finally?” said Mandrake.

"It's for the 3WB," said the page.

“If it passes, will it get rid of the mold?” said Wager.

“Actually, I’ve come to reckon the mold might be a diplomatic mission of some kind,” said Mandrake, eyeing the black marks that stretched across the pub’s ceiling. “We mean you, nor your mycelium, no harm, mold-people!” he called out to the ceiling in a rare act of diplomacy.

Vidal, unimpressed, turned to the page and said “I’ll vote ‘for’ if it means we get a space heater.”

[Simone Republic]

Cedric started, and jerked his head around to look at the newcomer. He winced as the man hammered a piece of paper onto the wall. Something was playing at the back of his mind -- a painful memory which he was unable to focus on. Putting down the glass he'd been cleaning for the last 20 minutes, he limped over to read the parchment.

Any way we can find Cedric now that SC#488 has been passed?

"It's for the 3WB," said the page.

“If it passes, will it get rid of the mold?” said Wager.

“Actually, I’ve come to reckon the mold might be a diplomatic mission of some kind,” said Mandrake, eyeing the black marks that stretched across the pub’s ceiling. “We mean you, nor your mycelium, no harm, mold-people!” he called out to the ceiling in a rare act of diplomacy.

Vidal, unimpressed, turned to the page and said “I’ll vote ‘for’ if it means we get a space heater.”

An assistant of the bear drags a couple of heaters into the 3WB. It says "Made in Simone Republic. Not likely to explode in a fireball if used properly". Another assistant directs robots to clean molds and redecorates the bar with wallpaper from Simone Republic, and taking out the asbestos in the process.

Yet another group of robots clean the glasses and other cutlery, all of which says "World Assembly Strangers' Bar".

The bear, allergic to asbestos, leave all the redecoration to the robots and assistants (none of which are humans so do not face issues with asbestos) to their work, while it returns to the Strangers' Bar, whistling "All we want for Christmas is you".

[Unibot III]

Cedric started, and jerked his head around to look at the newcomer. He winced as the man hammered a piece of paper onto the wall. Something was playing at the back of his mind -- a painful memory which he was unable to focus on. Putting down the glass he'd been cleaning for the last 20 minutes, he limped over to read the parchment.

Any way we can find Cedric now that SC#488 has been passed?

"It's for the 3WB," said the page.

“If it passes, will it get rid of the mold?” said Wager.

“Actually, I’ve come to reckon the mold might be a diplomatic mission of some kind,” said Mandrake, eyeing the black marks that stretched across the pub’s ceiling. “We mean you, nor your mycelium, no harm, mold-people!” he called out to the ceiling in a rare act of diplomacy.

Vidal, unimpressed, turned to the page and said “I’ll vote ‘for’ if it means we get a space heater.”

An assistant of the bear drags a couple of heaters into the 3WB. It says "Made in Simone Republic. Not likely to explode in a fireball if used properly". Another assistant directs robots to clean molds and redecorates the bar with wallpaper from Simone Republic, and taking out the asbestos in the process.

Yet another group of robots clean the glasses and other cutlery, all of which says "World Assembly Strangers' Bar".

The bear, allergic to asbestos, leave all the redecoration to the robots and assistants (none of which are humans so do not face issues with asbestos) to their work, while it returns to the Strangers' Bar, whistling "All we want for Christmas is you".

Vidal picks some clumps of saw dust from her cider, muttering obscenities to herself. Mandrake, unable to hear himself over the HEPA vacuum, shouts from across the room: "I heard Cedric ran away with a mistress."

"I heard he become a millionaire from Eddy's will," said Dr. Wager, also shouting.

"You're both wrong," exclaimed Vidal, "The bequest was conditional on him hiring fumigators."

"They're fumigating now," said Mandrake.

"But he didn't hire them," said Vidal.

"Maybe he hired the fumigators, then cancelled it," said Dr. Wager.

"Why would anyone do that!?" said Vidal, raising her voice to compete with the vaccum.

"To save money?" said Dr. Wager. "And if Cedric's not around, who is serving you, anyways?"

"I prefer my own eco-friendly cider over what ever slosh this place would have on tap. Who is serving you?" said Vidal.

"I'm a ghost!" said Dr. Wager.

Both Dr. Wager and Miriam slowly turned their heads to Mandrake, who soon realized he had fallen under their accusatory gaze, after a few blissful moments sipping his scotch. A flustered Mandrake said, "Well, I have may been helping myself to the bar, but I've been adding everything to my tab! Honest! And now that I think about it, I do recall Cedric saying something or other about 'stepping out for something.'"

"Very illuminating," said Vidal, rolling her eyes.

[0rville Redenbacher]

The ghost of 0rville Redenbacher drifts about forlornly, moaning, rattling its chains, and tossing handfuls of popcorn which no one will ever eat (because it's ghost popcorn).

"Whoo will pop the corn?
Whoo will pop the corn?
Whoo will pop the corn?"

[Simone Republic]

An assistant of the bear drags a couple of heaters into the 3WB. It says "Made in Simone Republic. Not likely to explode in a fireball if used properly". Another assistant directs robots to clean molds and redecorates the bar with wallpaper from Simone Republic, and taking out the asbestos in the process.

Yet another group of robots clean the glasses and other cutlery, all of which says "World Assembly Strangers' Bar".

The bear, allergic to asbestos, leave all the redecoration to the robots and assistants (none of which are humans so do not face issues with asbestos) to their work, while it returns to the Strangers' Bar, whistling "All we want for Christmas is you".

Having also shipped in dozens upon dozens of cases of wine, liquor, mineral water, beer and cider from the Simone Republic collection (and not from the Strangers' Bar for once), the ursine and human assistants leave the 3WB and return to their office.

[Fishelle]

OOC Note (this is necessary to understand the joke):

Feces Town is not a real nation, I swear, it is just a false rumor spread by the Anti-WA separatists!

Also, if there is a real nation named Feces Town, it is either
- Made purely because of that joke
- Unrelated to the Feces Town I'm talking about

---

IC:

"The number of Anti-WA separatists that consider Feces Town a real nation is alarming."

[Feces Town]

"The number of Anti-WA separatists that consider Feces Town a real nation is alarming."

That so?

[Simone Republic]

Two robotic assistants and a catering truck turn up at the 3WB, bringing new supplies into a new fridge, new cutlery, and bottles of Australian wine that they boughtly cheaply.

All of them have stickers on them that says "Courtesy of tax payers of Simone Republic - Because Capitalism Works"

[Feces Town]

Two robotic assistants and a catering truck turn up at the 3WB, bringing new supplies into a new fridge, new cutlery, and bottles of Australian wine that they boughtly cheaply.

All of them have stickers on them that says "Courtesy of tax payers of Simone Republic - Because Capitalism Works"

Hello there good sir may I interest you in some dung?

[Feces Town]

OOC: Turd Ferguson, the representative from Feces Town is an anthropomorphic dung beetle, about 6 ft tall. It has a giant ball of dung that it rolls around, sometimes offering some dung to passersby.

It’s funny, because it’s bigger than a normal ball of dung.

[Fachumonn]

OOC: Turd Ferguson, the representative from Feces Town is an anthropomorphic dung beetle, about 6 ft tall. It has a giant ball of dung that it rolls around, sometimes offering some dung to passersby.

It’s funny, because it’s bigger than a normal ball of dung.

"I don't recall this being a place for that wretched OOC thing I heard outside the bar."

[Feces Town]

OOC: Turd Ferguson, the representative from Feces Town is an anthropomorphic dung beetle, about 6 ft tall. It has a giant ball of dung that it rolls around, sometimes offering some dung to passersby.

It’s funny, because it’s bigger than a normal ball of dung.

"I don't recall this being a place for that wretched OOC thing I heard outside the bar."

The player behind the nation of Feces Town types the words “Want some dung?” and hits submit

[Improper Classifications]

"I don't recall this being a place for that wretched OOC thing I heard outside the bar."

The player behind the nation of Feces Town types the words “Want some dung?” and hits submit

The Improper Classifications ambassador spits out his drink. "He broke the system. That's not supposed to happen."