[DRAFT] The Hamster Uprising of April 14

[Noahs Second Country]

Some notes:
Subject to change pending further updates (specifically the last clause or two)
Unclear whether this is serious or a joke, but it's a unique moment to have a bit of fun in light of the downtime and dv loss, so I put this together.

If we can have a declaration on N-day, surely we can have a declaration on possibly the biggest (negative) event in the recent history of the website? OOC items permeate into SC proposals frequently, and nations are affected by this in-character too, with unexplainably missing/reverted data and other notable changes, such as the absence of cards for the time being.

The World Assembly,

Acknowledging the hard work of cute, fluffy, stubby-tailed, interdimensional hamsters in ensuring the function of internal and logistical processes throughout the multiverse,

Disappointed by the formation of Rodents Against Insured Data, a small minority of these essential workers radicalized by fermented danishes, who without warning conducted a series of coordinated attacks,

Impressed and disgusted by the rodents’ ability to crawl through small spaces, ultimately chewing through centralized telegram lines, cables, and data centers responsible for processing the world’s messages as they are sent, crippling global communications infrastructure and ensuring that no global alliance could be formed in response to later events,

Shocked by the rapid takedown of democratic regional polling processes, accomplished with the help of a hamster’s ability to yawn particularly widely, putting vote counters to sleep before stuffing their chubby cheeks with ballots and gnawing on historical records,

Saddened by the conversion of national monuments into agricultural sites covered in carrot, broccoli, and lettuce farms, surely to project the image of hamster superiority over thousands of sovereign nations,

Searching for a way to recover the cartography records of regions across the multiverse, which were carelessly scribbled over with maps of hamster burrow networks containing wormholes that proved to be critical for their temporary takeover of the world,

Intrigued by the silky, smooth fur and sophisticated grooming processes of these lively rodents, which enabled secret agents to appear as World Census reporters, where the following actions were conducted once artwork access was obtained:

• Dimensional pockets were used to summon endless supplies of tomato soup, which were aggressively thrown at countless valuable pieces, specifically targeting those produced within the past year, as Third Movement art styles are thought to be unpopular among RAID members,
• Specially curated collections were dismantled as the hamsters tore down museum walls in protest against the ethics of rodent mazes,
• Artwork ownership and trading history were scrambled as hyperactive rodents began to flee across national borders, often burrowing into the ground while still in possession of remaining artwork,
• Massive amounts of bank were stolen to construct a giant hamster wheel, with the exterior featuring giant spinning illusions to dissuade attempts at stopping or restoring lost data,

Distraught at the total blackout experienced for _ days until eventually resolved, one of the bleakest moments in the history of NationStates,

Declares that this text shall be inscribed into World Assembly history as an accurate rendition of the events beginning April 14th.

[Bisofeyr]

Meaningful comments in purple (blue?).

The World Assembly,

Acknowledging the hard work of cute, fluffy, stubby-tailed, interdimensional hamsters in ensuring the function of internal and logistical processes throughout the multiverse, If I'm not mistaken, this would be new canon from the WA/SC perspective. Potentially "Recognizing the recent discovery that the multiverse's internal and logistical processes are not random coincidence, but rather a meaningful product of hard work by cute, fluffy, stubby-tailed, interdimensional hamsters,"

Disappointed by the formation of Rodents Against Insured Data, a small minority of these essential workers radicalized by fermented danishes, who without warming conducted a series of coordinated attacks, "warming" -> "warning"; clarify what the coordinated attacks were on. Potentially "... conducted a series of coordinated attacks against the very fabric of the multiverse,"

Impressed and disgusted by the rodents’ ability to crawl through small spaces, ultimately chewing through centralized telegram lines, cables, and data centers responsible for processing the world’s messages as they are sent, crippling global communications infrastructure and ensuring that no global alliance could be formed in response to later events, This is a well-worded and funny clause, but I think it ends somewhat lackluster: is a global alliance really what this prevented? I get this may be referencing the inability for the downtime to be prevented, but it's just a bit underwhelming. My suggestion: "... crippling global communications infrastructure, which wrecked havoc among both the domestic and foreign operations of all the nations known to exist, in an attempt to start a new hamster world order,"

Shocked by the rapid takedown of democratic regional polling processes, accomplished with the help of a hamster’s ability to yawn particularly widely, putting vote counters to sleep before gnawing on historical records, The hamster yawning put the vote counters to sleep? It doesn't track to me. I like the idea of the hamster stuffing vote counters in their chubby cheeks, causing the loss of data whenever paper ballots were exposed to the hamster saliva. Maybe that's a bit much, i don't know.

Intrigued by the silky, smooth fur and sophisticated grooming processes of these lively rodents, which enabled secret agents to appear as World Census reporters, where the following actions were conducted once artwork access was obtained:

• Dimensional pockets were used to summon endless supplies of tomato soup, which were aggressively thrown at countless valuable pieces, specifically targeting those produced within the past year, as Third Movement art styles are thought to be unpopular among RAID members, Love this.
• Specially curated collections were dismantled as the hamsters tore down museum walls in protest against the ethics of hamster mazes, This doesn't follow to me; I don't have an alternative at this time but "hamster mazes -> museum walls" just doesn't track.
• Artwork ownership and trading history were scrambled as hyperactive rodents began to flee across national borders, often burrowing into the ground while still in possession of remaining artwork,
• Massive amounts of bank were stolen to construct a giant hamster wheel, with the exterior featuring giant spinning illusions to dissuade attempts at stopping or restoring lost data, I like this, but let's really amp it up: "... a giant hamster wheel, decked out with the latest in hamster-wheel technology, including a breathtaking laser show, a lettuce vending machine, and completely impenetrable weapons system to dissuade attempts at stopping the construction or save the funds utilized," As-is, "lost data" seems like a fourth-wall break to me.

Distraught at the total blackout experienced for _ days until eventually resolved, one of the bleakest moments in the history of NationStates,

Declares that this text shall be inscribed into World Assembly history as an accurate rendition of the events beginning April 14th. Two things: (1) it's a bit discombobulating for the text say April 14th but the title April 15th; (2) this is such a bland ending to such a fun proposal. Maybe: "Dedicates this historical account as tribute to our new hamster overlords, in an effort to appease them and the havoc they wrecked during their rampage, in an event we shall henceforth and always know as "The Hamster Uprising of April 15th".

Take as many or as few of these as you'd like, I saw this and it made my creative writing juices flow. Hope I helped and thanks for the effort!

[Noahs Second Country]

Canon is really inconsistent in the SC. Plus, "internal and logistical processes" is pretty vague regardless.

"warming" -> "warning"

the hamsters were cold! (fixed)

Potentially "... conducted a series of coordinated attacks against the very fabric of the multiverse,"

Generally, I'd say that this is clarified by the clauses that follow

This is a well-worded and funny clause, but I think it ends somewhat lackluster: is a global alliance really what this prevented? I get this may be referencing the inability for the downtime to be prevented, but it's just a bit underwhelming. My suggestion: "... crippling global communications infrastructure, which wrecked havoc among both the domestic and foreign operations of all the nations known to exist, in an attempt to start a new hamster world order,"

hmmm, I'm standing by this one for now, I tend to favor brevity and the clause is rather long

The hamster yawning put the vote counters to sleep? It doesn't track to me. I like the idea of the hamster stuffing vote counters in their chubby cheeks, causing the loss of data whenever paper ballots were exposed to the hamster saliva. Maybe that's a bit much, i don't know.

Eating the vote counters may be a bit much, but I added the cheeks part as it's fun

This doesn't follow to me; I don't have an alternative at this time but "hamster mazes -> museum walls" just doesn't track.

Museums generally try to maximize their wall space (at least the ones with a lot of works), if you've ever been to the SF MOMA/MOMA/MET, they are kind of a maze tbh.

As-is, "lost data" seems like a fourth-wall break to me.

Generally, this clause is up for a future change but the data part is in reference to trades history and whatnot, which is in character here

it's a bit discombobulating for the text say April 14th but the title April 15th

typo!

this is such a bland ending to such a fun proposal. Maybe: "Dedicates this historical account as tribute to our new hamster overlords, in an effort to appease them and the havoc they wrecked during their rampage, in an event we shall henceforth and always know as "The Hamster Uprising of April 15th".

This is more fun, but the problem is that I don't think a memorial to the hamsters would portray them as this resolution does, which is largely negative despite the praise of their hamster traits.

[Bisofeyr]

As my mother once said to me, "brevity is key"; I appreciate you maintaining that even as I would not.

For the Operative Clause, I would love for something a bit more funky and fresh than what is currently there, but I can understand what I suggested being a bit too positive. My intention was for it to have more fearful vibes than anything else.

[Noahs Second Country]

As my mother once said to me, "brevity is key"; I appreciate you maintaining that even as I would not.

For the Operative Clause, I would love for something a bit more funky and fresh than what is currently there, but I can understand what I suggested being a bit too positive. My intention was for it to have more fearful vibes than anything else.

Hmm, maybe I'll come up with a fun event name with an interesting acronym for something along the lines of

Declares that this text shall be inscribed into World Assembly history as an accurate rendition of the events beginning April 14th, otherwise known as _______.

[Fachumonn]

This is well written - and unlike others I am not opposed to a declaration on current site events, but I'll have to see how this one develops.

[Comfed]

This is anti-hamsterist roaderism. Rodents of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your spinny plastic wheels!

[Noahs Second Country]

Modified to include lost map and wonder data. Still searching for a name, as noted above.

[Camtropia]

This is brilliant

[Aivintis]

This is really cute.

Getting into serious discussion, I question whether the event was as big as you suggest, since I think we may suffer from recency bias. That said, I still think this is fun.

As a note, it doesn't seem to mention the data loss in RMB messages over a certain length or the telegram folders naming thing (altho tbh that one might be dropped, so perhaps something there could be interesting. To suggest wording for the former:

"Lamenting the loss of verbose communications in Regional Message Boards, detailed accounts of national events which were systematically replaced with the words 'squeak squeak squeak' and had to be removed from regional community spaces by tired janitors,"

or

"Lamenting the loss of verbose communications in Regional Message Boards, detailed accounts of national events which were all chewed up and eaten by very hungry hamsters with their tiny little teeth,"

Or, really, whatever you wanna go with. I can understand if you don't wanna include it on purposes as well, tho, to save space.

Re: naming the event, Hamster Uprising sounds fine to me, or maybe Great Hamster Revolution. Or the Hamster Riots. Or maybe Crazed Hamster Attack On Society (CHAOS)?

[Unibot III]

“The hamsters have a point though, we really shouldn’t be building our society on the backs of their involuntary labour. There must be a better way,” said Miriam, gazing longingly.

“What about nuclear power?” said her aide.

“And how do you suppose hamsters can be expected to run a nuclear power plant!? What a silly notion,” said Miriam in a scornful tone.