[DRAFT] Condemn Tuah

[Kewlz]

Kewlz you were with me during the liberation right.

Yes,I was. But rn I'm trying to peace things out. I understand why waaaar's proposal was illegal. Law 1a and 2b. But try not to criticize it too hard. make it more constructive.

[Kewlz]

can someone ban this guy already.

No ownership of SC threads. But here’s a couple of hints - SC Rules 1(a) and 2(a). Try looking those up, though I doubt you will.

It was actually 2b I think.

[Waaaar]

World Assembly legislation: Proposals must be written from the perspective of the World Assembly or Security Council, not that of your nation, region or another organisation.

and

NationStates game: Proposals cannot refer to the game, or events or actions in it, as part of a game.

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

He is driving me insane

Am I flaming the OP. Am I baiting them? I am robustly criticizing their draft and their attitude towards writing a legal one.

[Waaaar]

Real world: Proposals cannot reference the "real world" outside of NationStates. In particular, they must refer to nations as nations, not as the player behind them. This includes avoiding the use of personal pronouns such as "he" or "she"; instead use "they".
also I fixed that check it out.

[Kewlz]

Am I flaming the OP? Am I baiting them? I am robustly criticizing their draft and their attitude towards writing a legal one.

Fixed your grammar errors

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

No ownership of SC threads. But here’s a couple of hints - SC Rules 1(a) and 2(a). Try looking those up, though I doubt you will.

It was actually 2b I think.

Personal pronouns are also in R2(a) - try reading the details.

[Yelda]

Maybe we should consider raising the age limit...

[Kewlz]

It was actually 2b I think.

Personal pronouns are also in R2(a) - try reading the details.

Okay.

[Waaaar]

Here is the new draft.

On 3/22 the nation of Tuah invaded the peaceful frontier called Utopeus with his own region, Depressed Keslo warning him that if they invade, they would be against them. Nevertheless Tuah and their followers invaded and captured Utopeus. The next day armys from The Planet Renooth marched in and liberated Utopeus. The citizens Utopeus may be safe for now, because of that The Security Council Herby Condemns Tuah.

[Kewlz]

Here is the new draft.

On 3/22 the nation of Tuah invaded the peaceful frontier called Utopeus with his own region, Depressed Keslo warning him that if they invade, they would be against them. Nevertheless Tuah and their followers invaded and captured Utopeus. The next day armys from The Planet Renooth marched in and liberated Utopeus. The citizens Utopeus may be safe for now, because of that The Security Council Herby Condemns Tuah.

Wait. I can make it better.
On 3/20 the nation of Tuah invaded the peaceful frontier called Utopeus with their own region, Depressed Keslo warning them that if they invade, they would be against them. Nevertheless Tuah and their followers invaded and captured Utopeus. The next day,Members of The Planet Renooth came in and defended Utopeus. The citizens Utopeus may be safe for now, because of that The Security Council Herby Condemns Tuah.

[Waaaar]

Can I use that.

[Kewlz]

Can I use that.

Yep!

[Kreigsreich of Iron]

Here is the new draft.

On 3/22 the nation of Tuah invaded the peaceful frontier called Utopeus with his own region, Depressed Keslo warning him that if they invade, they would be against them. Nevertheless Tuah and their followers invaded and captured Utopeus. The next day armys from The Planet Renooth marched in and liberated Utopeus. The citizens Utopeus may be safe for now, because of that The Security Council Herby Condemns Tuah.

Wait. I can make it better.
On 3/20 the nation of Tuah invaded the peaceful frontier called Utopeus with their own region, Depressed Keslo warning them that if they invade, they would be against them. Nevertheless Tuah and their followers invaded and captured Utopeus. The next day,Members of The Planet Renooth came in and defended Utopeus. The citizens Utopeus may be safe for now, because of that The Security Council Herby Condemns Tuah.

Here is the new draft.

On 3/22 the nation of Tuah invaded the peaceful frontier called Utopeus with his own region, Depressed Keslo warning him that if they invade, they would be against them. Nevertheless Tuah and their followers invaded and captured Utopeus. The next day armys from The Planet Renooth marched in and liberated Utopeus. The citizens Utopeus may be safe for now, because of that The Security Council Herby Condemns Tuah.

1) I don’t see any arguments here. Fails to meet Rule 1b
2) Barely scrapes by with Rule 1c. Make it more explicit you’re condemning Tuah. (It would also help with Rule 1a)
3) Don’t use pronouns to refer to nations. Violation of rule 2a. Applicable to draft 1.
4) I would recommend working on your grammar. I’m starting up a business of sorts, where I get paid cards to proofread WA proposals and Dispatches. You can be my very first client!

[Kewlz]

Wait. I can make it better.
On 3/20 the nation of Tuah invaded the peaceful frontier called Utopeus with their own region, Depressed Keslo warning them that if they invade, they would be against them. Nevertheless Tuah and their followers invaded and captured Utopeus. The next day,Members of The Planet Renooth came in and defended Utopeus. The citizens Utopeus may be safe for now, because of that The Security Council Herby Condemns Tuah.

Here is the new draft.

On 3/22 the nation of Tuah invaded the peaceful frontier called Utopeus with his own region, Depressed Keslo warning him that if they invade, they would be against them. Nevertheless Tuah and their followers invaded and captured Utopeus. The next day armys from The Planet Renooth marched in and liberated Utopeus. The citizens Utopeus may be safe for now, because of that The Security Council Herby Condemns Tuah.

1) I don’t see any arguments here. Fails to meet Rule 1b
2) Barely scrapes by with Rule 1c. Make it more explicit you’re condemning Tuah. (It would also help with Rule 1a)
3) Don’t use pronouns to refer to nations. Violation of rule 2a. Applicable to draft 1.
4) I would recommend working on your grammar. I’m starting up a business of sorts, where I get paid cards to proofread WA proposals and Dispatches. You can be my very first client!

You know what,sure! I'll do it! Do you want my card worth 100 credits or whatever its called.

[Waaaar]

Yes I will give you all of my card if you can help make it better.

[Kreigsreich of Iron]

Yes I will give you all of my card if you can help make it better.

1) I don’t see any arguments here. Fails to meet Rule 1b
2) Barely scrapes by with Rule 1c. Make it more explicit you’re condemning Tuah. (It would also help with Rule 1a)
3) Don’t use pronouns to refer to nations. Violation of rule 2a. Applicable to draft 1.
4) I would recommend working on your grammar. I’m starting up a business of sorts, where I get paid cards to proofread WA proposals and Dispatches. You can be my very first client!

You know what,sure! I'll do it! Do I have to pay you?

Lie I said, in trading cards. I’ll determine the rarity of the card based on how hard proofreading it was.

[Kewlz]

Yes I will give you all of my card if you can help make it better.

You know what,sure! I'll do it! Do I have to pay you?

Lie I said, in trading cards. I’ll determine the rarity of the card based on how hard proofreading it was.

Ok.

[Waaaar]

we will both give you our cards if you can make a better draft.

[Waaaar]

should I give them to you now and when will you finish.

[Kewlz]

should I give them to you now and when will you finish.

They said after. Don't give all they will decide the rarity

[Witchcraft and Sorcery]

I would strongly advise the author and all other would-be drafters in this thread to take a long, hard look at some passed resolutions. If the draft in the OP is reflective of the work you intend to submit, this has a very long way to go before it's anywhere near worth consideration.

[Waaaar]

sure I will check

[Waaaar]

But you get what I am trying to do.

[The Xolbarian Opposition]

Can y’all stop fighting??? tbh the proposal sucked (no offense)