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[PASSED] Commend Neasmyrna

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Westinor
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[PASSED] Commend Neasmyrna

Postby Westinor » Sat Apr 01, 2023 7:34 pm

Helllooooooo!! Been working on this for a bit - another historical defender that has been overlooked for recognition, in my view. I’m not at all very good at research from this era but I have tried my best to make do, I do want to say a very big thank you to NuCa and Sedge for their helpful insight which helped mold this proposal, and Magecastle for letting me continue taking the head on this :> hopefully this is worthy of the career Neas has built up as a player! Comments, feedback, criticisms etc. are greatly appreciated!!! Oh yes and this is like 40 characters away from the limit so any changes will be minor or require rewrite D:
The Security Council,

Understanding that the stories told in these halls are scattered with homages to the time-old struggle between those who seek to build and create, and those who seek to destroy; a battle defined by conquerors and titans, who stand steadfast in the path of destruction — a description that befits none better than [nation=Neasmyrna] (Neas),

Observing Neas’ creation of [region=00000 A World Power] (AWP), which would soon be derailed by rogue delegate Sith Clans of Doom, who undid much of Neas’ initial work and banned them along with much of the native population. This disaster would fuel Neas’ determination to return to AWP to forge it into a true power, and ensure the same fate would never again befall AWP, nor any other community,

Admiring AWP's rise under Neas, engaging residents with a championship-style recruitment competition that would welcome over 200 nations in the span of 7 months during a period of great stagnation across the world. They followed up this increased activity by creating new forums for AWP, which served to integrate and engage members of the region and act as the base for the region’s military, the Regional Defense Force (RDF),

Awed that under Neas' leadership, the RDF grew into a cutting-edge fighting force known as one of the best of its time, defended over 300 regions, and became a key contributor to many defensive efforts such as those in the East Pacific, Lazarus, the Rejected Realms, and Feudal Japan, for years alongside allies like the Founderless Regions Alliance (FRA).

Appreciating Neas’ role in the FRA, leading AWP to become a principal member and crucial force in the alliance during military efforts in regions like Sweden, Austria, and Islam. Neas would serve as Chief of Defense twice, a resume that does not reflect their great breadth of achievement on the battlefield, where Neas’s level-headed approach alongside their incredible strategic ability would see them command forces or head the charge in many legendary defenses like:
  • the defeat of the Crimson Order in the North Pacific (TNP) led by Lewis and Clark, in which Neas was crucial in supporting TNP’s internal resistance and the orchestration of a massive coalition of militaries to free the region from its tyrannical clutches,
  • the refounding of Egypt, which, in coordination with a native and former AWP member known as Sun God, Neas snatched away from the clutches of DEN in a monumental effort that kept the region in safe hands,
  • the liberation of Anarchy following a month-long occupation, during which a brief window to strike suddenly and strangely materialized, which Neas quickly capitalized upon by quickly organizing a liberation of the region from raider hands,

Wonderstruck at Neas’ influence far beyond the battlefield, developing AWP’s extensive foreign affairs network and uniting regions in a common cause, be it to oppose tyranny or protect regions from destruction. Neas’ informal FA approach and incredible diplomatic ability would see them uplift and bring together interregional actors in a shockingly effective manner, working to:
  • coordinate and maintain effective communication between leading defender organizations 10000 Islands (XKI) and the FRA, which enabled a continued front to combat raider forces upon,
  • extend relationships to regions old and new, utilizing the RDF to help build up Europeia's military capabilities and network, including in Europeia's first joint military exercise with defenders, or in facilitating aforementioned resistance efforts in coups of regions like TNP,
  • establish the AWP Alliance, giving regions like the Kodiak Republic, Nintendo, and Alliance of Queens access to the AWP’s resources and community, and generally expanding AWP’s treaty network to key regions like Equilism or XKI, resulting in prosperous relationships that would see them aid one another on the battlefield or work together at home,

Applauding Neas’ further regionbuilding in XKI from their satellite state of [nation=Petalumadom], where they compounded on their impressive recruitment record with an astonishing 841 nations recruited on their own, and established the XKI Investment Corporation, which allowed residents to capitalize on its incredible taco-economy with the purchase of assets or shares, stimulating the region’s culture by increasing the prevalence of its unique economy,

Certain that Neas has left their mark in the halls of history, having not only born the great weight of the unending fight against the forces of destruction aloft on their shoulders, but in their work and legacy prepared and inspired the next generation of defenders with the tools and ideals needed to carry on the fight,

Hereby Commends Neasmyrna.
Last edited by Sedgistan on Mon May 29, 2023 1:21 am, edited 11 times in total.
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Westinor
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Postby Westinor » Sat Apr 01, 2023 7:34 pm

Reservedoodle
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Improper Classifications
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Postby Improper Classifications » Sat Apr 01, 2023 7:36 pm

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Postby Ostrovskiy » Sat Apr 01, 2023 7:37 pm

Full support

How
Literally how
how do you write a proposal a week
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Postby Team Leo » Sun Apr 02, 2023 9:43 am

Ostrovskiy wrote:Full support

How
Literally how
how do you write a proposal a week

They're just like that.

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Esfalsa
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Postby Esfalsa » Sun Apr 02, 2023 6:13 pm

Some initial thoughts on the writing:

Admiring AWP’s rise under Neas’, focusing on recruitment and engaging residents in the effort with a championship-style competition, which would see the region gain over 200 nations in the span of 7 months during a period of great stagnation across the world. They followed up this increased activity by creating new forums for AWP, which served to integrate and engage members of the region and act as the base for the region’s military, the Regional Defense Force (RDF),

It feels a bit unclear to me that "the effort" refers to the recruitment effort — perhaps it might be clarified with something like "Admiring AWP's rise under Neas, engaging residents with a championship-style recruitment competition that would welcome over 200 nations in the span of 7 months..."

Awed by the RDF’s work in defending over 300 regions, shaped into a cutting-edge fighting force known as one of the best in its time under Neas’ command, running as a key contributor to any defensive effort alongside allies like the Founderless Regions Alliance (FRA) across the span of years, from the early invasions and coups of the East Pacific and Lazarus to the Rejected Realms and Feudal Japan,

This feels a bit runny, grammatically. I might suggest orienting the clause around Neas' role directly, such as "Awed that under Neas' leadership, the RDF grew into a cutting-edge fighting force known as one of the best of its time, defended over 300 regions, and became a key contributor to any defensive effort such as those in the East Pacific, Lazarus, the Rejected Realms, and Feudal Japan, for years alongside allies like the Founderless Regions Alliance (FRA)." Alternatively, maybe listing everything out feels a little too cookie-cutter; I just felt

Neas would also serve as Chief of Defense twice

Forgive my lack of historical knowledge — is there a reason why this is a role that Neas "also" held? As opposed to, for example, directly "Appreciating Neas’ two terms as Chief of Defense in the FRA" or something to that effect.

the liberation of Anarchy following a month-long occupation, during which a brief window to strike suddenly and strangely materialized, which Neas quickly capitalized upon by quickly organizing a liberation of the region from raider hands,

This reads a little clunkily to me, and I think it would also lend more agency to Neas to describe "the liberation of Anarchy following a month-long occupation, which Neas quickly organized to seize a brief window to strike" or something to that effect. The window to strike being so sudden and strange doesn't strike me as particularly important to the commendation, in the way that quickly seizing the moment does.

Wonderstruck at Neas’ influence far beyond the battlefield, developing AWP’s extensive foreign affairs network and uniting regions in a common cause, be it to oppose tyranny or protect regions from destruction.

Maybe I'm just nitpicking, but it feels awkward to call out a common cause and then list... two different causes?

extend relationships to regions old and new, utilizing the RDF in Europeia’s first joint military exercise with defenders, which would help in building up their military, or in facilitating aforementioned resistance efforts in coups of regions like TNP,

I'm assuming "their military" is Europeia's? Gramatically speaking, I think it could technically refer to the RDF as well. Maybe something like "utilizing the RDF to help build up Europeia's military, including in Europeia's first joint military exercise with defenders" would work; that feels a bit clumsy to me too but, well, you're the author :P

Certain that Neas has left their mark in the halls of history, having not only born the great weight of the unending fight against the forces of destruction aloft on their shoulders, but in their work and legacy prepared and inspired the next generation of defenders with the tools and ideals needed to carry on the fight,

I'm not sure where "tools and ideals" are referenced earlier in the draft — I see descriptions of FA groundwork, recruitment, or region-building, but I'm not sure what clauses reference Neas' role in shaping defender ideals or creating defender tools?

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Westinor
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Postby Westinor » Sun Apr 02, 2023 6:44 pm

Thanks for the rewording suggestions Pronoun! Grammatic witchery has been applied :> I can not escape my wording woes and bad writing, it seems!!

Esfalsa wrote:Wonderstruck at Neas’ influence far beyond the battlefield, developing AWP’s extensive foreign affairs network and uniting regions in a common cause, be it to oppose tyranny or protect regions from destruction.

Maybe I'm just nitpicking, but it feels awkward to call out a common cause and then list... two different causes?

"a common cause" is abstract here, not referring to a specific cause. It's the idea that Neas was able to help unify regions or organizations, and lists some of them.

Esfalsa wrote:Certain that Neas has left their mark in the halls of history, having not only born the great weight of the unending fight against the forces of destruction aloft on their shoulders, but in their work and legacy prepared and inspired the next generation of defenders with the tools and ideals needed to carry on the fight,

I'm not sure where "tools and ideals" are referenced earlier in the draft — I see descriptions of FA groundwork, recruitment, or region-building, but I'm not sure what clauses reference Neas' role in shaping defender ideals or creating defender tools?

My concluding clauses tend to speak more abstractly, being full IC, with "tools" being synonymous to "groundwork" and ideals really being a reference to their place in leading a formative era in defending; while I understand that ambiguity can be annoying I feel that this doesn't chance misrepresentation. I'll definitely think on it though! Thanks for the callout :3
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Postby Witchcraft and Sorcery » Sun Apr 02, 2023 7:52 pm

whoaaaaaaaaa

at this point i'm gonna stop being surprised at the insane amount of effort you put into these things. but this is one that absolutely should have been done ages ago. full and unreserved support for this. neas/petal/whatever name they went by they were a force to be reckoned with at one time and this is very well written and argued as always. love seeing some historical defenders get the recognition they deserve.
Last edited by Witchcraft and Sorcery on Sun Apr 02, 2023 7:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.


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Postby Numero Capitan » Sun Apr 02, 2023 11:57 pm

To noone’s surprise this has my full support. Aside from their effective leadership of AWP, Neas was a huge asset to the defender faction as a Commander for several years, pretty much an ever present at major updates alongside Anime Daisuki and always able to recruit willing volunteers for a liberation.

Neas had an excellent ability to rise above the politics and be the glue between defender organisations, maintaining an excellent working relationship with E-Army (Equilism) commanders whilst they drifted away from other defenders politically and staying in the good graces of TITO commanders even when TITO and the FRAs very different defending philosophies clashed. He was a very inclusive and collaborative leader who must have been nominated as FRA Chief of Defense Forces nearly every election, but was always happy to raise others up instead.
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Neasmyrna
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Postby Neasmyrna » Wed Apr 12, 2023 10:18 am

Hi all-

Just want to say this means a lot to me. It’s been many years since I was active here but I still make an effort to keep my nations going. Hopeful that I left a good mark on nation states.

Best,
Neasmyrna
Founder of 00000 A World Power

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Postby Guess and Check » Wed Apr 12, 2023 11:23 am

Admiring AWP's rise under Neas, engaging residents with a championship-style recruitment competition that would welcome over 200 nations in the span of 7 monthsduring a period of great stagnation across the world. They followed up this increased activity by creating new forums for AWP, which served to integrate and engage members of the region and act as the base for the region’s military, the Regional Defense Force (RDF),

Need space between month and during
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Postby Westinor » Wed Apr 12, 2023 12:53 pm

Guess and Check wrote:Admiring AWP's rise under Neas, engaging residents with a championship-style recruitment competition that would welcome over 200 nations in the span of 7 monthsduring a period of great stagnation across the world. They followed up this increased activity by creating new forums for AWP, which served to integrate and engage members of the region and act as the base for the region’s military, the Regional Defense Force (RDF),

Need space between month and during

Edited!
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Westinor
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Postby Westinor » Wed Apr 19, 2023 10:02 am

Hihi everyone! Hope you've been doing awesome, looking for more feedback if possible! ^-^ thank you
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Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Wed Apr 19, 2023 1:05 pm

Not sure my good friend Westwind would appreciate me saying nice things about a Commendation for the nation that took down the Crimson Order in TNP. :)

Overall, the draft is up to your usual high standards. I do have a couple of nitpicks, but they’ll have to wait until I can get onto a bigger screen than my phone - tomorrow or Friday.
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Westinor
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Postby Westinor » Wed Apr 19, 2023 1:07 pm

Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:Not sure my good friend Westwind would appreciate me saying nice things about a Commendation for the nation that took down the Crimson Order in TNP. :)

Overall, the draft is up to your usual high standards. I do have a couple of nitpicks, but they’ll have to wait until I can get onto a bigger screen than my phone - tomorrow or Friday.

xD Thank you, BBD!
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Bhang Bhang Duc
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Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Fri Apr 21, 2023 6:39 am

Nit pick time (very minor).

This disaster would fuel Neas’ determination to return to AWP to forge it into its namesake, and ensure the same fate would never again befall AWP, nor any other community,

“Forge it into its namesake” doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. I think I know what you’re trying to say, but it’s not super clear to me.

My other nit pick seems to have gone - it was use of the word “leadership” used twice in close proximity, but looks like you’ve got that or I misread it.

Anyway, that’s it.
Last edited by Bhang Bhang Duc on Fri Apr 21, 2023 6:45 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Pierconium wrote:I see Funk as an opportunistic manipulator that utilises the means available to him to reach his goals. In other words, a nation after my own heart.

RiderSyl wrote:If an enchantress made it so one raid could bring about world peace, Unibot would ask raiders to just sign a petition instead.

Sedgistan wrote:The SC has just has a spate of really shitty ones recently from Northumbria, his Watermelon fanboy…..

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Westinor
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Postby Westinor » Wed Apr 26, 2023 12:55 am

Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:Nit pick time (very minor).

This disaster would fuel Neas’ determination to return to AWP to forge it into its namesake, and ensure the same fate would never again befall AWP, nor any other community,

“Forge it into its namesake” doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. I think I know what you’re trying to say, but it’s not super clear to me.

My other nit pick seems to have gone - it was use of the word “leadership” used twice in close proximity, but looks like you’ve got that or I misread it.

Anyway, that’s it.

That's fair! I've edited it to be more direct. Hopefully that works out better?
Stay safe, be kind, and have a great day! :)

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Bhang Bhang Duc
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Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Wed Apr 26, 2023 5:54 am

Westinor wrote:
Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:Nit pick time (very minor).

This disaster would fuel Neas’ determination to return to AWP to forge it into its namesake, and ensure the same fate would never again befall AWP, nor any other community,

“Forge it into its namesake” doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. I think I know what you’re trying to say, but it’s not super clear to me.

My other nit pick seems to have gone - it was use of the word “leadership” used twice in close proximity, but looks like you’ve got that or I misread it.

Anyway, that’s it.

That's fair! I've edited it to be more direct. Hopefully that works out better?

Much better, thank you.

I’ve found the other nitpick! Yay.
Appreciating Neas’ role in the FRA, leading AWP to become a leading member

Repetition of the word “leading”.
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Pierconium wrote:I see Funk as an opportunistic manipulator that utilises the means available to him to reach his goals. In other words, a nation after my own heart.

RiderSyl wrote:If an enchantress made it so one raid could bring about world peace, Unibot would ask raiders to just sign a petition instead.

Sedgistan wrote:The SC has just has a spate of really shitty ones recently from Northumbria, his Watermelon fanboy…..

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Westinor
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Postby Westinor » Wed Apr 26, 2023 10:51 am

Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:
Westinor wrote:That's fair! I've edited it to be more direct. Hopefully that works out better?

Much better, thank you.

I’ve found the other nitpick! Yay.
Appreciating Neas’ role in the FRA, leading AWP to become a leading member

Repetition of the word “leading”.

Ack! Thank you for catching that, has been replaced.
Stay safe, be kind, and have a great day! :)

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Westinor
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Postby Westinor » Tue May 09, 2023 7:19 pm

Putting this on last call and hoping to submit this in a few days! If there are any comments or feedback in regards to the stupid things I probably missed, they would be much appreciated :D
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The Ice States
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Postby The Ice States » Tue May 09, 2023 7:59 pm

Westinor wrote:...and became a key contributor to any defensive effort such as those in...

Is "any defensive effort" here meant to say "many defensive efforts"?

You also seem to now be well under the character limit by several hundred characters, so I think it would be wise to add BBCode to the nations and regions.
Last edited by The Ice States on Tue May 09, 2023 8:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Westinor
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Postby Westinor » Tue May 09, 2023 8:08 pm

The Ice States wrote:
Westinor wrote:...and became a key contributor to any defensive effort such as those in...

Is "any defensive effort" here meant to say "many defensive efforts"?

You also seem to now be well under the character limit by several hundred characters, so I think it would be wise to add BBCode to the nations and regions.

Fixed! Will consider doing that if there's space upon submission :>
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Westinor
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Postby Westinor » Thu May 11, 2023 8:49 pm

This has been submitted! The proposal can be viewed here -> https://www.nationstates.net/page=UN_vi ... 1683844836 :>
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Drop Your Pants
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Postby Drop Your Pants » Fri May 26, 2023 5:21 pm

Neasmyrna wrote:Hi all-

Just want to say this means a lot to me. It’s been many years since I was active here but I still make an effort to keep my nations going. Hopeful that I left a good mark on nation states.

Best,
Neasmyrna

From one old fart to another, you deserve this. You put a hell of a lot of work into NS in your time and the players around you really appreciated your involvement and charisma.
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Tinhampton
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Postby Tinhampton » Sun May 28, 2023 9:02 am

Commend Neasmyrna was passed 9,857 votes to 2,949. (76.97% support)
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