Draft 6 changes the wording only slightly, dropping the "text-based games" bit.
Category: Declaration
Draft 6
The Security Council,
Noting that the Strangers' Bar and the Three Walled Bar have been key meeting places for ambassadors to gather, whether to merely exchange ideas, discuss serious political issues, engage in old fashioned bar fights, or occasional nuclear attacks;
Noting that despite advances in technologies such as video calls, many diplomats still attend the World Assembly in person, for reasons such as seeking interaction with other species, cultural exchanges, or a lack of better things to do, the usual alternatives being either (a) starting pedantic arguments, (b) starting nuclear wars, or (c) starting nuclear wars due to pedantic arguments;
- Hereby expresses its gratitude to the Strangers' Bar for, among other things:
- The loyalty of the staff, such as Neville, Violet, Jimmy, and the chef, Dazza, for concocting drinks of all kinds, some barely edible pizzas, occasional free donuts for certain patrons, at least one half-decent sandwich and magical teas; and for enduring such work conditions and not find other jobs such as butcher, health and safety inspector specializing in asbestos, or delegate;
- Protection inside from threats from the outside world such as getting mauled down by hippos, lawyers, auditors and, through judicious use of Acme machinery, an absence of weapons, giving ambassadors a place to hide from their bosses, loved ones (emphasis on the plural), debt collectors (again, plural) and assorted enemies;
- Protection for the outside world from those inside by letting diplomats brawl, sing karaoke (especially dreadful off-key parodies) or otherwise make themselves "comfortable" inside it (including access to the House of Wonders), as long as the outside world avert their eyes, notwithstanding that the windows of the Strangers' Bar are fairly accessible in order to defenestrate patrons out to the pool;
- Hereby expresses its gratitude to the Three Walled Bar for, among other things:
- Providing at least one type of drink at a 50% discount to the Strangers' Bar by swiping nearly all drinks and bar supplies from the Strangers' Bar, thus giving less affluent ambassadors a chance to get drunk at a low price and relieve them of their boredom;
- Having the (allegedly) deranged Cedric as perennially underpaid bartender, who has been forced to make do with less resources such as having to chop off reindeer heads for decoration and installing the heads themselves, enduring far rowdier patrons, and copping the flak for numerous health and safety violations;
- Somehow ending up being far seedier than the Strangers' Bar despite the usual topics of discussion being far more serious such as war, peace, national development and correct use of the semi-colon, versus frivolous discussions on abortions, pedophilia and cannibalism that usually prevail in the Strangers' Bar;
- Finally, hereby also expresses its deep appreciation to the founders of the two bars, which have spent countless years nurturing the communities that gather at the two bars today, who unfortunately shall remain nameless due to the constant breaking of walls during the ongoing construction (or destruction) of the bars, complete lack of any rent payments since time immemorial, and other factors beyond the comprehension of drunken bar regulars.
Char count: 3,275
