[PASSED] Condemn Gholgoth

[Fachumonn]

Full support.
Along with the fact that I will have to say this is the most creative SC draft I've ever seen with my own two eyes. It doesn't get better than this Ara!

[Twertis]

Playing with the structure of SC drafts may be dangerous, but you seem pretty committed, it looks well-written to me, and I can't see anyone else being insane enough to challenge themselves with a more difficult writing style (thus ruining the standard we have now).

I like it.

[Cheesy Tots]

i'd to the rp thing but i dun have much time sorry :<

feedback

The tale of Gholgoth is a terrible one, the story of a region so stuck in its own complacency that it has failed numerous times to stop the festering immoralities within its own borders. A history doomed to repeat itself. A place of conflict, hatred, and death where a single spark can set off a fire that ravages the lives of billions. Even thegood nations and thegoodpeople are drowned out and manipulated by those in power - those who will never be good themselves.

Sytlistic quibbles

Such evils have resided in Gholgoth from the very founding of the region in 2005 by Automagfreek, whoa nation that was - at the time - ruled by the iron hand of Damien Dreadfire, a man who committed numerous war crimes under the Gothic flag including the brutal murder of millions of innocent casualties as human sacrifices for Gholgoth's theirgod of war and the blatant bullying and domination of small nations and alliances all across the multiverse. The seeds were planted with Dreadfire, but they would only get worse as the years passed on.

More specificity

These are unfortunately not unique examples. The Scandinvans, another Gothic nation, may be one of the most repulsive and terrifyingly powerful nations ever known to the multiverse. They are responsible for fire bombing entire cities, sponsoring foreign religious fanatics and slaving cartels, and advocating for the end of all non-human intelligent life. Oh, and they also sport quite possibly the largest military known to man.

to maintain parallel structure, I would make "and slaving cartels" its own sub-clause in the list.

Even Zneyvind Outpost is a puppet of the Zneyvind Federation, a notoriously isolationist organization that refuses to do its part in combating Gothic threats.

Would reword this somehow because it makes it seem like all the previous nations in the clause were also puppets of Zneyvind Federation.

The tension of so many opposing powers led to the battle of Hab Centre 006, a bloodbath sparked by Kraven’s seizure and unrelenting pursuit to subjugate ofVetalia as a puppet stateunder their control. The ensuing conflict was one of the bloodiest battles in recent memory, with anti-aircraft weapons and deadly traps being used to directly target troops from Ghant and Havensky as they evacuated civilians from the battle site.

Style stuff, but if you can't accept it I would still suggest rewording the Vetalia sentence as it reads a bit off.

In light of that battle, the region decided to take action.the region decided to do something, and t To their credit, modern peacemaking efforts in Golgoth have been prevalent,; but alas, the diplomatic meetings that occurred in response to the battle of Hab Centre 006 were almost entirely a sham, and the representatives involved were fooled into believing the belief that peace could be in the cards for Gholgoth.

some grammar, some stylistic

Another attempt at some form of peace was the formation of the Pax Gothica - a regional capital and neutral ground between the ever-warring nations of Gholgoth that also acts as an entrance point for inter-regional diplomacy - but whatever peace Golgothitsought by this act has been fully and terribly distorted. It Pax Gothica features districts such as the aptly named "Sin" district, a place where widespread human sacrifice, gladiatorial arenas, cannibal courts, and nearly every other vice is performed on an unmentionable and unimaginable scale. At the center lives the Hall of Heroes, a monument to the many "heroes'' of Gholgoth, most of whom are ruthless and terrible warlords such as Damien Dreadfire.

needs to be more clear here

Despite Gholgoth's best post-war efforts, the region remains teetering on the edge of violent warconflict. So many evils can only live in peace for so long.

This is a bit more important - I feel if it isn't directly mentioned that Golgoth tried its "best" post-war, then it would make the resolution read weird because pre-war Golgoth seems to have not tried to do anything to stop evil.

Knowing you will never change, and in fear that fearing that you will one day corrupt our own august halls,

Parallel structure, although in this case I think it works if you want to keep "in fear", so either way works

[Thousand Branches]

IC: Alandra sat at her desk once again. It was nice to be out of that room, away from the crowds and the hecklers and the danger. She opened the letter that sat on her desk — addressed from Cheesy Tots, what a delicious sounding nation, perhaps she should visit there once this was all over. Inside lay a very nicely written letter, a set of writing edits, remarkably similar to the variety she wrote herself from time to time. Unfortunately some of them were doomed to fall to the Assembly’s ironhanded character limits. Either way, it was nice to have another experienced writer lay their eyes on the thing.

OOC: Most have been implemented or slightly altered and then implemented. We are still below limit

[Outer Sparta]

Very creative and unique draft that perfectly encapsulates their accomplishments.

[Thousand Branches]

Bump!

[Twertis]

Bump!

I know you want constructive criticism, but you may find it difficult to receive on this forum. Not many of us are roleplayers. Though you could contact Electrum, Zwanzug (NS Sports I think), or Yohannes if you can find him. Also, this forum moves rather slow compared to roleplay, issues, and GA, so you may only need to bump every blue moon.

A few points, however:

• Bhang Bhang Duc is right (per usual). It can read as a sanction even without addressing the region as "you", which in my opinion is rather clunky.
• Nationalist Northumbria is wrong, everyone thinks he's wrong, and you need not listen to him. A few examples for NN to wrap his head around: Commend Karputsk, Condemn Wickedly Evil People, Condemn Dalimbar, Commend Pope Hope, Commend Drop Your Pants, Commend King HEM, Condemn Gatesville Inc, Condemn Atlantic, Condemn Durkadurkiranistan II (MMF's), Condemn The New Inquisition, Commend Tsunamy, Condemn North East Somerset, Condemn Pierconium, Condemn Darkesia, Commend Yggdrasil, Commend Westwind, Commend Flemingovia, etc. I really don't feel the need to go on.
• Milograd's crazy shenanigans in TSP was bolstered by RPers (he was a RPer). You can find them complaining about them here and here, though I could not find any mention of Gholgoth there. All I could find was some propaganda in Mall's own Liberate Haven thread to justify destroying Haven by blaming Milo's coup on roleplaying groups like Gholgoth (and I guess Haven). I really don't think you have enough to put the coup in.

In my opinion, it's a very entertaining and convincing draft as is.

[Thousand Branches]

Bump!

I know you want constructive criticism, but you may find it difficult to receive on this forum. Not many of us are roleplayers. Though you could contact Electrum, Zwanzug (NS Sports I think), or Yohannes if you can find him. Also, this forum moves rather slow compared to roleplay, issues, and GA, so you may only need to bump every blue moon.

A few points, however:

• Bhang Bhang Duc is right (per usual). It can read as a sanction even without addressing the region as "you", which in my opinion is rather clunky.
• Nationalist Northumbria is wrong, everyone thinks he's wrong, and you need not listen to him. A few examples for NN to wrap his head around: Commend Karputsk, Condemn Wickedly Evil People, Condemn Dalimbar, Commend Pope Hope, Commend Drop Your Pants, Commend King HEM, Condemn Gatesville Inc, Condemn Atlantic, Condemn Durkadurkiranistan II (MMF's), Condemn The New Inquisition, Commend Tsunamy, Condemn North East Somerset, Condemn Pierconium, Condemn Darkesia, Commend Yggdrasil, Commend Westwind, Commend Flemingovia, etc. I really don't feel the need to go on.
• Milograd's crazy shenanigans in TSP was bolstered by RPers (he was a RPer). You can find them complaining about them here and here, though I could not find any mention of Gholgoth there. All I could find was some propaganda in Mall's own Liberate Haven thread to justify destroying Haven by blaming Milo's coup on roleplaying groups like Gholgoth (and I guess Haven). I really don't think you have enough to put the coup in.

In my opinion, it's a very entertaining and convincing draft as is.

OOC: You’re probably right on a bump being unnecessary but I have a good solid weekend of free time coming up so I wanted to bump now instead of later so I could make any changes over the weekend.

As for RPers, I haven’t had a ton of experience with RPers being majorly active in the SC. When I wrote Zark’s commendation, I think I got one P2TMer to pop over despite posting in their community discussion thread. We’ve alienated the hell out of RP in the last couple years here so getting their opinions is a bit more difficult than you make it seem

Couple of quick other notes: NN is wrong and always has been. After his fiasco with TCB I pretty much give no real credence to anything that comes out of his mouth. It’s not that I disagree with BBD, I absolutely could write the sanctions bit without addressing Gholgoth directly, but it’s something I wanted to try and I’ve always been a proponent for creativity over pretty much anything else. Also yeah, the coup would’ve been a solid idea to research further if I had tons of time and any available characters but without either of those things, it’s probably a no-go.

[Twertis]

As for RPers, I haven’t had a ton of experience with RPers being majorly active in the SC. When I wrote Zark’s commendation, I think I got one P2TMer to pop over despite posting in their community discussion thread. We’ve alienated the hell out of RP in the last couple years here so getting their opinions is a bit more difficult than you make it seem

That was my point.

Also, I think my tone might have been slightly off. Being as out-of-touch as I am, I thought that this was your first SC draft! That's why I felt the need to mention the lack of RPers in the SC, the bumping thing, and that you shouldn't be swayed by NN's opinion. Very sorry if that came across wrong.

Perhaps this draft (which I assume is written in a RP style) will prove more attractive to roleplayers than those written in the standard format. Whenever I read really old SC threads I see a lot more of that "OOC: " \ "IC: " thing that y'all do. There's no reason we can't have that again.

[Nationalist Northumbria]

Well, I'm right, actually.

And on today of all days you would hope people would understand that "everyone thinks he's wrong" does not mean someone is wrong.

[Thousand Branches]

Well, I'm right, actually.

And on today of all days you would hope people would understand that "everyone thinks he's wrong" does not mean someone is wrong.

OOC: GIve it up. Even your ridiculous gotcha is completely defunct because none of those comments were made today. You were proved wrong some days ago and you're using a religious holiday to fit your narrative. Laughable and mildly gross. I would ask you if you would kindly keep out of this thread but since no thread ownership exists here, you may feel free to legally post here. I will not respond to you again either way. You have now successfully made your way to my ignore list, cheers!

On a much brighter note, as per moderation, Article II has been marked as legal so that's another loop cleared! I'll likely leave this up for another week or two and submit towards the end of April.

[Nationalist Northumbria]

Even your ridiculous gotcha is completely defunct because none of those comments were made today.

Yeah, but I read them today.

[Twertis]

Well, I'm right, actually.

And on today of all days you would hope people would understand that "everyone thinks he's wrong" does not mean someone is wrong.

HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHA!

It doesn't mean you are wrong. But it means the draft will pass despite your opinions! Lol.

Edit: don't compare yourself to Jesus.

[Nationalist Northumbria]

Well, I'm right, actually.

And on today of all days you would hope people would understand that "everyone thinks he's wrong" does not mean someone is wrong.

HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHA!

It doesn't mean you are wrong. But it means the draft will pass despite your opinions! Lol.

Well, I'm glad that you could at least admit I'm not wrong. While people may very well vote for this when it comes to vote - forgive them for they know not what they do - I have no doubt I will be ultimately vindicated, no matter how long that takes.

[Giovanniland]

Full support, especially in regards to the creative writing! I don't have any comments at the moment, looking forward to seeing this at vote

[Fachumonn]

Full support, especially in regards to the creative writing! I don't have any comments at the moment, looking forward to seeing this at vote

Yeah, we haven't condemned anything in ages, have we? It would be nice to have a change of flavor.

[Hulldom]

Full support, especially in regards to the creative writing! I don't have any comments at the moment, looking forward to seeing this at vote

Yeah, we haven't condemned anything in ages, have we? It would be nice to have a change of flavor.

To wit, it'll have been six months on Wednesday since the last condemn passed, Condemn Wickedly evil people. Ironically, Gio wrote it.

[Fachumonn]

Yeah, we haven't condemned anything in ages, have we? It would be nice to have a change of flavor.

To wit, it'll have been six months on Wednesday since the last condemn passed, Condemn Wickedly evil people. Ironically, Gio wrote it.

Adding on to that, before SC#373 and SC#372 (Both written by Gio), the last condemnation was SC#348.

[Thousand Branches]

IC: Alandra sipped a cup of steaming tea, something with cloves if she had to guess but she wasn't exactly a tea connoisseur. A singular paper remained on her desk, a grim reminder of the task at hand. The submission form was an oddly short process, proof of membership, proof of endorsement. The only box left unchecked now was the date. She'd been putting it off for several days now, the Gothic contingent so eerily quiet on the horizon. The quiet was nice, but it scared her in a way, like the eye of a storm that you can't see. Or maybe that was a poor metaphor -- being surrounded by rain at all times could really shove a certain thematic element into one's thoughts.

She stood and began to pace about, eyes still locked on that empty box. She'd spent so much of this process scared of the future, perhaps it was time for her to suck it up and face it. Perhaps it was time to lock eyes with that Gothic contingent and warn the world of the terrors behind them. Perhaps this, perhaps that, screw all this perhaps. She slammed a fist down on the table and picked up her pen, marking the paper with a date...

25/4/2022

OOC: Yes this is a bump, yes that is when I plan on submitting this, yes that is Monday.

[Thousand Branches]

Submitted!

[Honeydewistania]

Well written yassss I support it yasss

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

While I may not like the way Article 2 is written, that is purely a stylistic choice - it’s legal is the main thing.

Overall this is a well written, deeply researched proposal that makes a convincing case for the nominee region to be Condemned. Full support from me Ara.

[Fenwick Foundation]

"Don't you mean Commend Gholgoth?" says George Fenwick, appearing by videolink from the World Slavery Conference.

[TheMothman]

Full support from me, for what it counts for. I absolutely adore when the writing style is taylored to the subject of the commend or condemn, and on top of that as other have you state it is well researched and you make your case quite well.

[Thousand Branches]

"Don't you mean Commend Gholgoth?" says George Fenwick, appearing by videolink from the World Slavery Conference.

IC: Oh heavens no. What part of Gholgoth is worth commendation? Did you read the proposal? Did you read the terrifying acts of slavery and murder and war crimes that members of Gholgoth have committed? They are a terrifying region of singularly evil people. I well intended my condemnation.