[PASSED] Commend Andusre

[Honeydewistania]

What's the difference between this and Draft 4? (sorry - superbusy right now)

From a glance, reference to the invasion of England was removed, and Reflections of 2021 was added.

[Maowi]

Yes those are the substantive changes - other than that there have been some minor wording edits throughout. (Edit: also updated the reference to the Eurovision watch party to say that the 2022 version "has taken place" rather than "is due to take place".)

[Nova Vandalia]

MAOWI! Hi! Well wrtiten so far.

The only critisism I have of this draft is since you got rid of specific mentions of operations I'm not sure this

"Further appreciating Andusre’s contributions to the vigour of NationStates’ military scene through their frequent spearheading of joint operations with Thaecia’s allies;"

is strong enough to be included. Without the specific operations if just feel to nebulous and open to critism and judgement, because it doesn't tell it what type of operations, what level of frequency, no the success of the operations. I also feel like you cover the vim and vigour Andurse has added to the R/D in the previous clause pretty well.

So I'm wondering if the previous clause doesn't cover the specific contributions and energy Andruse has developed well enough that this clause isn't needed, and that this might be a slight detriment to the strength of the proposal over all.

I may be off base here though as drafting and writing really isn't my forte.

[Hulldom]

Right, well, I would be remiss if I didn’t offer some feedback.

Convinced that Andusre has determinedly been a force for positive change in NationStates via the extensive work they have put into creating, developing, and fostering the lively community and interregional presence of Thaecia;

Praising Andusre’s co-founding of Thaecia in January 2019, where they established a thriving population with a unique regional identity characterised by its sophisticated executive government, bicameral legislature, and highly social atmosphere;

I think it would be best to somehow rework these to combine them. They talk about the same subject. If you want two clauses, I would suggest reworking the first to be more general and the second to be more specific.

Celebrating Andusre’s conception of the body known as the Electoral Commission (EC) in Thaecia’s first ever Legislative Resolution; despite the resolution’s later repeal, the EC continues to run regional elections and plays an integral role in Thaecian politics, generating an extremely exciting atmosphere at every election;

I know I brought this up privately, but I don’t see how this is internationally notable. I’ve done the role, it’s management more than anything, and there’s certainly the “reveal” aspect of it that’s different from, say, the Europeian Chancellery or the TNP Election Commission, but I really don’t think this communicates what makes it so unique as to be worthy of recognition.

Applauding Andusre’s two terms as the region’s first Prime Minister, during which they paved the way for all future administrations by:

• creating and solidifying the framework of ministries that underpins Thaecia’s executive to this day;
• organising regular cultural activities, such as contests and game nights, that strengthened the charisma and outreach of the community, routinely attracting foreign nations to participate and even to join the region;
• cultivating high-quality activity on Thaecia’s Regional Message Board (RMB), which provided a unique level of accessibility for all nations and sustained the region's model of official legislative and judicial business taking place on satellite regions’ RMBs;

You can remove the spaces between the list elements, it’ll help with reducing your character count (even marginally). This is a problem of specificity, how did Andy do the first? Merely stating he did it isn’t doing much. The second is fine. With the third, I would more emphasize the accessibility aspect of doing government things like the Legislature and Court on-site.

Recognising that Andusre has become synonymous with Thaecia’s foreign affairs, their personal and effective style of diplomacy forging strong bonds between Thaecia and a wide range of regions and communities, exemplified by:

• their negotiation of embassies with 10000 Islands (XKI) and The Rejected Realms (TRR) as Foreign Affairs Minister, both of which remain very close to Thaecia;
• their organisation of a musical watch party event involving Thaecia, XKI, and TRR in 2021 that drew high attendance from all three regions and was repeated on a larger scale in 2022, as well as the foreign affairs side of Thaecia’s similarly successful Late Nite Festival II, which brought in dozens of foreign participants from several other regions;
• their key role in drafting or negotiating all of Thaecia’s current treaties, i.e. those with The East Pacific (TEP), Europeia, The League, and Balder, through their many terms as a Senior Diplomat, spreading harmony throughout the multiverse;

This is generally good. On the first point, I would emphasize (if you can) what makes those embassies so notable to Thaecian FP. Is it a major ideological shift? Did it signify a step up from what Thaecia had been doing and contracting with larger partners? I think that needs to be made clear. On the second point, I would rework the second sub point to talk more about organization of cultural events more generally. I know Andy’s been involved in a few cultural things over the years in an organizational capacity, so I would do it.

Acclaiming Andusre’s influence in the construction of Thaecia’s military, elevating it to become one of NationStates’ largest forces through the development and articulation of Thaecia’s military ideology, and bringing awareness to the prosperity that an unaligned military can bring to a region both by fostering internal activity and as a crucial means of strengthening ties with influential regions all over the military spectrum;

Further appreciating Andusre’s contributions to the vigour of NationStates’ military scene through their frequent spearheading of joint operations with Thaecia’s allies;

Provide specific examples in the latter. Things like Operation Boom Beach, the raid on England (which, contrary to others I’d be fine with), Major defenses and liberations they’ve been a part of would be great.

Revelling in the considerable growth Andusre has fostered in regional World Assembly (WA) participation, supporting new Thaecian authors and promoting WA relevancy; their work in the WA culminated in their role as president, where:

• they dedicated themselves to reforming the region’s WA program, causing its activity to skyrocket and heavily increasing WA literacy and awareness among Thaecians;
• they acted as a key advisor to the Prime Minister on executive policy and served as Commander in Chief of Thaecia’s military, making important calls on military operations;

This is good, but three things. First, you can eliminate the space between the points. Second, I wouldn’t say Andy “reformed” the WA program, he built it. There was no such thing prior to him! Third, I wouldn’t say “important calls” in the second sub point, but rather “important decisions”.

Appreciative of Andusre’s efforts as an author of four Security Council resolutions including [resolution=SC#349]SC 349: Commend Marrabuk[/resolution], in which they highlighted the legacy of a key figure in TEP’s internal and foreign affairs, and [resolution=SC#379]SC #379: Reflections On 2021[/resolution], in which they thoughtfully catalogued the major events of that year;

Wishing to enshrine a record of Andusre’s impact on NationStates in the history books as a shining example for future trailblazers to draw inspiration from;

Hereby Commends Andusre.

Co-author: Thousand Branches

This is good. I like this. I do question whether the Appreciative clause might be better situated above the Revelling clause given the Appreciative clause talking about WA. Might be worth considering.

Additionally, as one big stylistic part, instead of repeating “Andusre” over and over, you can use the nickname of Andy. This is common practice and will help the resolution not feel too repetitive.

[West Barack and East Obama]

Additionally, as one big stylistic part, instead of repeating “Andusre” over and over, you can use the nickname of Andy. This is common practice and will help the resolution not feel too repetitive.

Dr Justin Obama, Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs: How? Then it’d just be repetitive saying the word ‘Andy’ instead. And considering that ‘Andy’ is not ‘Andusre’, this may cause confusion.

[Fachumonn]

Additionally, as one big stylistic part, instead of repeating “Andusre” over and over, you can use the nickname of Andy. This is common practice and will help the resolution not feel too repetitive.

Dr Justin Obama, Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs: How? Then it’d just be repetitive saying the word ‘Andy’ instead. And considering that ‘Andy’ is not ‘Andusre’, this may cause confusion.

"The Fachumonn Delegation believes they are commonly referred to as the name "Andy"."

[Hulldom]

And to wit, what I meant was to alternate the two anyways.

[Fachumonn]

And to wit, what I meant was to alternate the two anyways.

I don't think I've ever seen anybody do it that way. I say Maowi should pick one or the other.

[Hulldom]

And to wit, what I meant was to alternate the two anyways.

I don't think I've ever seen anybody do it that way. I say Maowi should pick one or the other.

Alternating between a formal title and a commonly known nickname has definitely been done before

[Maowi]

MAOWI! Hi! Well wrtiten so far.

The only critisism I have of this draft is since you got rid of specific mentions of operations I'm not sure this

"Further appreciating Andusre’s contributions to the vigour of NationStates’ military scene through their frequent spearheading of joint operations with Thaecia’s allies;"

is strong enough to be included. Without the specific operations if just feel to nebulous and open to critism and judgement, because it doesn't tell it what type of operations, what level of frequency, no the success of the operations. I also feel like you cover the vim and vigour Andurse has added to the R/D in the previous clause pretty well.

So I'm wondering if the previous clause doesn't cover the specific contributions and energy Andruse has developed well enough that this clause isn't needed, and that this might be a slight detriment to the strength of the proposal over all.

I may be off base here though as drafting and writing really isn't my forte.

Nova!!! Thank you very much for stopping by :) that sounds like good advice to me. I'm still hopeful I can include some specific examples of military operations Andy's helped organise (I've asked around to try and find something suitable) so I'm leaving that clause in for now. If I don't end up finding anything though I will probably go ahead and remove it as you suggest.

Right, well, I would be remiss if I didn’t offer some feedback.

Hello Hull, I'm very grateful for all your detailed feedback on this draft! I've had a go at implementing almost all of it, the only exceptions being the military clause which I'm going to work on and a couple of things below -

Applauding Andusre’s two terms as the region’s first Prime Minister, during which they paved the way for all future administrations by:

• creating and solidifying the framework of ministries that underpins Thaecia’s executive to this day;

[...] This is a problem of specificity, how did Andy do the first? Merely stating he did it isn’t doing much.

I'm not entirely sure how to expand on this point. Andy created the framework of ministries by deciding, when he became PM, that there should be a domestically focused branch consisting of certain ministries and a foreign-facing branch consisting of other ministries, and he solidified this framework by making sure all these roles were well-defined and provided with strong leadership. I don't think it would be suitable to write that all out in the draft itself though, I feel like the thrust of it is pretty much conveyed by the words "creating and solidifying" themselves?

Additionally, as one big stylistic part, instead of repeating “Andusre” over and over, you can use the nickname of Andy. This is common practice and will help the resolution not feel too repetitive.

Thanks for the suggestion - I hadn't even thought about using "Andy" in the draft itself because to my ear it sounded a bit informal, but upon further thought I don't think that's necessarily the case. I've reached out to Andy to see if he has a preference.

[Maowi]

Draft has been updated! The military operations clause now has some detail, and I decided to keep referring to Andy as "Andusre" in the proposal (but I have tried to cut down on the repetition).

[Maowi]

Bump - I am provisionally planning to submit this on Wednesday (unless it turns out that any major changes need to be made)!

[Apatosaurus]

Good luck

EDIT: What's "Operation Cayenne Pepper"?

[Honeydewistania]

Good luck

EDIT: What's "Operation Cayenne Pepper"?

iirc, a del bump of RtL and NWA

[Maowi]

It was a delegate bump of Right to Life, New Western Empire, and Enadia (here's the report)

[Maowi]

This has been submitted!

[Guess and Check]

HYPE

[Fachumonn]

This has been approved.

[Fachumonn]

The Libertarian Socialist Confederation [delegate] has voted FOR this proposal.

[Santa Byzantina]

Religious worship is prohibited in Andusre? AGAINST without further ado!

Santa Byzantina is never going to endorse ignorance that exceeds human comprehension, and it is never going to endorse human worship - because if people don't show humility and reverence for the divine, then they will worship themselves (or their nation, or their ruling party) in their own megalomania.

That's just a reality check from the actual world.

[Outer Sparta]

Religious worship is prohibited in Andusre? AGAINST without further ado!

Santa Byzantina is never going to endorse ignorance that exceeds human comprehension, and it is never going to endorse human worship - because if people don't show humility and reverence for the divine, then they will worship themselves (or their nation, or their ruling party) in their own megalomania.

That's just a reality check from the actual world.

Weird reason to vote against any c/c, but you do you I guess.

[Saint Tomas and the Northern Ice Islands]

The Security Council resolution Commend Andusre was passed 11,165 votes to 3,640.

Congrats Andy!!

[Andusre]

Thanks to everyone who supported this <3 I really appreciate it.

[RiderSyl]

Probably a premature Commend, if only because this will need an updated replacement in the future. Congratulations Andy.

[Vorhollah]

Congratulations big man! Happy to see this commend come in RIGHT ON TIME