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[DEFEATED] Commend Kyorgia

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Minskiev
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[DEFEATED] Commend Kyorgia

Postby Minskiev » Thu Dec 23, 2021 2:20 pm

Hello, feedback is appreciated, etc. Character Count: 4382
The Security Council,

Knowing that [nation=Kyorgia] has contributed massively to NationStates through its military prowess and distinguished regional services; and certain that such colossal contributions should not go unnoticed by this council,

Applauding Kyorgia's commitment to [region=the Rejected Realms] (TRR), serving an impressive seven terms as Officer (Minister) at various points between November 2014 and April 2020, and in that time fostering Reject culture by hosting events such as Wisdom of the Crowds where delegations participated in a competition surrounding the theory that the median of many guesses is more accurate than one guess,

Thrilled that, in Kyorgia’s December 2015 to April 2016 term as Outreach Officer of TRR (the Officer responsible for increasing the Delegate’s endorsement count), Kyorgia showcased its immense talent with communicating between the region and its member states and increasing its region’s influence in the world stage through endorsement campaigns; TRR Delegate Libetarian Republics saw a 90% increase from its endorsement count at the beginning of Kyorgia’s term and from the endorsement count of the Delegate before (from 111 to 211),

Praising Kyorgia's 212-day term as World Assembly Delegate of TRR from May to December 2019, where it:
  • solidified TRR's relationship with [region=the North Pacific] (TNP) by signing the Unicorn Star Treaty between the two parties, thereby allying itself with a powerful region and a robust military power, keeping TRR secure;
  • oversaw the Epic Gamer Party alongside Officers Dead I Jack and A Leaf on the Wind, a joint cultural event between TRR and TNP, conducting a week of contests and games for nations to participate in and strengthening the cultural ties between the regions; and
  • showed support for the government of [region=The East Pacific] during the coup by Fedele, publishing statements, criticism, news articles, and foreign affairs preparation months before the coup and ultimately influencing the deployment of the Rejected Realms Army (RRA, TRR-affiliated military) to support the original (and widely believed to be the legitimate) government.
Acknowledging that Kyorgia (through the puppet state Arastaoir) served two terms as Statsminister of [region=Balder] in 2015, ensuring stability during a tumultuous transitional period following the resignation of its predecessors by managing the region's day to day affairs and keeping the government in check, improving communication between residents and officials via Balder's Regional Message Board and telegrams, and government approval polls, thereby improving the government's outreach to its regional nations and helping make Balder more inclusive,

Pleased that Kyorgia, with the puppet Congratulations On Being Featured since 2015, has supplied constant encouragement from its Foreign Office to the governments of small and upcoming regions and documented globally featured regions,

Inspired by Kyorgia's rich, 7-year military history and dedication to military affairs; seeing such an industrious military powerhouse, nefarious raiders mind-controlled the Kyorgian top brass (one possible suspect is known only as "E-girl serum") into participating in the invader sphere; among these invader organizations is the colorful [region=Canterlot] which Kyorgia unwillingly co-founded, intent on "spreading the colors of the rainbow and cartoon ponies across the world" through the abhorrent occupation of innocent regions and the heinous subjugation of native nations.

During Kyorgia's darkest hour, however, it saw the warm, bright light of defending; looking with disgust upon the suffering the unchecked wrath of evil brings, Kyorgia turned its back on invaders in 2017 when it was needed most by them and converted into a full-time diligent member of the RRA in 2020, further showing its dedication to TRR and its ideals. Its military (referred to as E-girls are ruining my life) has sieged the occupations of notable regions such as [region=Boston], [region=South Pacific], and [region=Christmas],

Holding that any nation with accomplishments of such a wide range and grand scale deserves Security Council recognition,

Hereby commends [nation=Kyorgia].

Co-author: Toerana
Last edited by Sedgistan on Tue Feb 08, 2022 10:31 am, edited 37 times in total.
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Minskiev
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Postby Minskiev » Thu Dec 23, 2021 2:24 pm

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Tinhampton
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Postby Tinhampton » Thu Dec 23, 2021 2:55 pm

In principle, Hell yea :sunglassesCat:. In practice, however, this is worded a bit... too bloatedly for my likings? To the point where it's literally 400 over the character limit :P do consider the below rewrite of sorts
The Security Council,

Believing that [nation=Kyorgia]'s colossal service to [region=the Rejected Realms] (TRR) should not remain unnoticed by this council,

Applauding Kyorgia's early commitment to TRR, including through their serving an impressive seven terms as Officer - equivalent to a government minister - at various points between November 2014 and April 2020, and in that time fostering Reject culture by hosting events such as Wisdom of the Crowds (where delegations participated in a competition to guess the number of nations that would be ejected throughout May 2015, in efforts to prove that the median of many guesses would indeed be more accurate than one guess),

Thrilled at the immense talent that Kyorgia has shown engaging its region and increasing its region’s influence in the world stage, especially through impressive communication between the region and its member states: in Kyorgia’s term as Outreach Officer of TRR, for example, they provided great assistance in increasing the vote count of Delegate Libetarian Republics from 111 in December 2015 to 167 in February 2016, before helping it rise again to a ridiculous 211 by the end of their term that April,

Appreciating Kyorgia’s two terms as Speaker of TRR's Assembly from July 2017 to January 2018, where it oversaw the passage of two of TRR's eight non-constitutional acts, the Hall of Fame Act (which sought to honor the greatest Rejects of past eras) and the Government Accountability Act (which required TRR's government to update the public bimonthly on their actions); Kyorgia would later serve three Officer terms and one Delegate term dutifully complying with their obligations under the latter Act,

Respecting Kyorgia's seven-month term as World Assembly Delegate of TRR, where it:
  • agreed the Unicorn Star Treaty with [region=the North Pacific] (TNP), thereby solidifying its relationship with one of the world's great diplomatic and military powers;
  • oversaw the Epic Gamer Party, a joint cultural event between TRR and TNP, conducting a week of contests and games for nations to participate in and strengthening the cultural ties between the regions; and
  • showed support for the legitimate government of [region=The East Pacific] during the October 2019 coup by Fedele, publishing statements, criticism, news articles, and foreign affairs preparation in the runup to the coup, and ultimately influencing the deployment of the Rejected Realms Army to restore the legitimate administration's rule;

Celebrating Kyorgia's liberation of Warzone Airspace from the hands of Lazarene occupiers, overseeing the formation of a new government to hand power back to regional natives, valiantly defending the Warzone against multiple attempted invasions, and providing stalwart support to Rei I for over 100 days to that effect,

Acknowledging that Kyorgia (through the puppet state of [nation=Arastaoir]) served two terms as Statsminister of Balder, ensuring stability during two transitional periods following the resignation of its predecessors through regional management, communication between residents and officials, and government approval polls,

Inspired by the dedication of the leadership of Kyorgia to military affairs, including having a rich military history with its regretful participation in many aggressive invader organizations, such as through their co-founding of Canterlot, which was so effective in spreading the colours of the rainbow and cartoon ponies across the world through the abhorrent occupation of innocent regions and the heinous subjugation of their natives that it was Condemned by this august body within weeks of starting to raid,

Thankful, however, that Kyorgia later became a diligent member of the Rejected Realms Army after their service as TRR Delegate, further showing its dedication to TRR and its ideals; its military wing (referred to as E-girls are ruining my life) has participated in the sieges of occupations of notable regions such as [region=Boston], [region=South Pacific], and [region=Christmas],

Recognizing that the nation of Congratulations On Being Featured, another Kyorgian puppet, has documented globally featured regions since 2015, forever preserving its state when featured and supplying constant encouragement from its Foreign Office to the governments of small and upcoming regions,

Impressed by the Kyorgian dedication to the arts, maintaining an international artwork collection worth more than ten thousand bank and producing culinary works of art for The Rejected Times, thereby spreading the national cuisine of Kyorgia to an international audience, and

Holding that any nations with accomplishments of such a wide range and grand scale deserves Security Council recognition,

Hereby commends [nation=Kyorgia].

Co-author: Toerana
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Giovanniland
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Postby Giovanniland » Thu Dec 23, 2021 2:58 pm

This is an improvement in comparison to the previous draft of the proposal, but it can still be enhanced:

Minskiev wrote:Applauding Kyorgia's early commitment to the Rejected Realms (TRR), serving an impressive seven terms as Officer (Minister) at various points between November 2014 and April 2020, and in that time fostering Reject culture by hosting events such as Wisdom of the Crowds (where delegations participated in a competition surrounding the theory that the median of many guesses is more accurate than one guess; nations tried to guess the number of nations that would be ejected throughout May 2015),

The explanation of the event looks far too long in my opinion, and organizing an event where people had to "guess the number of nations that would be ejected" doesn't really come across as commendable. If there's other events that Kyo hosted in the role of Officer, then perhaps one of those would be a better option here.

Minskiev wrote:Thrilled by Kyorgia’s substantial boost of the voting power of TRR through impressive communication between the region and its member states during its tenure. In Kyorgia’s term as Outreach Officer of TRR- the Officer responsible for increasing the Delegate’s endorsement count, from December 2015 to April 2016, the TRR Delegate Libetarian Republics saw a 50% increase in its endorsement count in early February 2016 from its endorsement count in January 2016 (111 to 167), and by the end of Kyorgia’s term in April 2016, Libetarian Republics peaked at 211 endorsements, a 90% increase from its endorsement count at the beginning of Kyorgia’s term and from the endorsement count of the Delegate before, showing Kyorgia’s immense talent with engaging its region and increasing its region’s influence in the world stage,

I think you forgot a dash after the description of the Outreach Officer's role. More importantly, the level of detail here would be good for something like a deeper analysis or a newspaper article, but not really for a SC commendation. I think you can simply compare the endorsement count at the start and end of Kyo's term, so the clause isn't too wordy and unnecessarily detailed.

Minskiev wrote:Acknowledging that Kyorgia (through the puppet state [nation=Arastaoir]),served two terms as Statsminister of Balder, ensuring stability during a transitional period following the resignation of its predecessors through regional management, communication between residents and officials, and government approval polls,

The part of "regional management, communication between residents and officials, and government approval polls" sounds far too vague I'm afraid (especially the first two), so this clause needs some more specific actions that helped ensure stability as the proposal says.

Minskiev wrote:Inspired by the dedication of the leadership of Kyorgia to military affairs, including having a rich military history with its regretful participation in many aggressive invader organizations- among these is Canterlot, a colourful raiding organization that Kyorgia co-founded, intent on spreading the colours of the rainbow and cartoon ponies across the world through the abhorrent occupation of innocent regions and the heinous subjugation of native nations. Kyorgia thankfully later transitioned to become a diligent member of the Rejected Realms Army, further showing its dedication to TRR and its ideals; its military (referred to as E-girls are ruining my life) has participated in the sieges of occupations of notable regions such as Boston, South Pacific, and Christmas,

I don't get why the Canterlot part is there if you refer to it with such negative terms such as "regretful participation in many aggressive invader organizations", "abhorrent occupation of innocent regions" and "the heinous subjugation of native nations". After all, this is supposed to be a commendation. I'd cut it entirely and focus on the later part of the clause where you state the service in the RRA, although it also needs some expanding, since there should be more to it than simply participating on some operations to defend regions.

Minskiev wrote:Impressed by the Kyorgian dedication to the arts, maintaining an international artwork collection worth more than ten thousand bank and producing culinary works of art for The Rejected Times, thereby spreading the national cuisine of Kyorgia to an international audience,

There are over 150 nations whose deck value is higher than 10k, so that's not particularly commendable.
Last edited by Giovanniland on Thu Dec 23, 2021 3:00 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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Minskiev
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Postby Minskiev » Thu Dec 23, 2021 4:25 pm

Giovanniland wrote:I don't get why the Canterlot part is there if you refer to it with such negative terms such as "regretful participation in many aggressive invader organizations", "abhorrent occupation of innocent regions" and "the heinous subjugation of native nations". After all, this is supposed to be a commendation. I'd cut it entirely and focus on the later part of the clause where you state the service in the RRA, although it also needs some expanding, since there should be more to it than simply participating on some operations to defend regions.

Cutting it out forgets a large part of Kyorgia's character, and if their character doesn't show, that's a huge blunder in authoring this resolution in particular. Commendations are rather boring if it's all perfect, don't you think? It's supposed to be a story, a tale, and in this tale, Kyorgia undergoes character development, switching from a rather prolific raider to a defender, and that is noble - far more noble than just their defending contributions.
There are over 150 nations whose deck value is higher than 10k, so that's not particularly commendable.

Perhaps, but it's one part of a larger argument for Kyorgia's art dedication. I might still remove it though, as I'm not particularly convinced by myself.
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Postby Minskiev » Thu Dec 23, 2021 4:31 pm

Tinhampton wrote:snip

Just a question: does [nation=#NATION#] not work when the nation isn't the nominee?
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Tinhampton
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Postby Tinhampton » Thu Dec 23, 2021 5:05 pm

Minskiev wrote:
Tinhampton wrote:snip

Just a question: does [nation=#NATION#] not work when the nation isn't the nominee?

[nation=NATION_NAME] works for all nations.

RE Gio: Kyorgia's deck is the 109th-largest in the world or so.
Last edited by Tinhampton on Thu Dec 23, 2021 5:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Authorships & co-authorships: SC#250, SC#251, Issue #1115, SC#267, GA#484, GA#491, GA#533, GA#540, GA#549, SC#356, GA#559, GA#562, GA#567, GA#578, SC#374, GA#582, SC#375, GA#589, GA#590, SC#382, SC#385*, GA#597, GA#607, SC#415, GA#647, GA#656, GA#664, GA#671, GA#674, GA#675, GA#677, GA#680, Issue #1580, GA#682, GA#683, GA#684, GA#692, GA#693, GA#715
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Postby Queen Yuno » Thu Dec 23, 2021 5:11 pm

Full support for Commend Kyorgia, an excellent TRR Delegate

Great proposal, Miniskiev
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Postby Minskiev » Thu Dec 23, 2021 6:53 pm

Queen Yuno wrote:Full support for Commend Kyorgia, an excellent TRR Delegate

Great proposal, Miniskiev

Thank you, Yuno.
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Giovanniland
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Postby Giovanniland » Fri Dec 24, 2021 6:05 am

Minskiev wrote:
Giovanniland wrote:I don't get why the Canterlot part is there if you refer to it with such negative terms such as "regretful participation in many aggressive invader organizations", "abhorrent occupation of innocent regions" and "the heinous subjugation of native nations". After all, this is supposed to be a commendation. I'd cut it entirely and focus on the later part of the clause where you state the service in the RRA, although it also needs some expanding, since there should be more to it than simply participating on some operations to defend regions.

Cutting it out forgets a large part of Kyorgia's character, and if their character doesn't show, that's a huge blunder in authoring this resolution in particular. Commendations are rather boring if it's all perfect, don't you think? It's supposed to be a story, a tale, and in this tale, Kyorgia undergoes character development, switching from a rather prolific raider to a defender, and that is noble - far more noble than just their defending contributions.
There are over 150 nations whose deck value is higher than 10k, so that's not particularly commendable.

Perhaps, but it's one part of a larger argument for Kyorgia's art dedication. I might still remove it though, as I'm not particularly convinced by myself.

There are better ways to storytell though, especially when the current one sounds like it's praising Kyo's raider leadership ("Inspired by the dedication of the leadership of Kyorgia to military affairs, including having a rich military history with its regretful participation ... in many aggressive invader organizations"). I agree that resolutions should include the nominee's character, but that clause and its wording sound like something you'd find in a condemnation, not a commendation. Surely there ought to be another way, even if it's some subtle references or a mention to their character in the opening or closing clauses.
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Postby Minskiev » Fri Dec 24, 2021 5:06 pm

Slimmed under the character limit, but just barely.
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Postby Minskiev » Fri Dec 31, 2021 8:00 pm

Bump
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Postby Apatosaurus » Fri Dec 31, 2021 8:11 pm

Minskiev wrote:Hello, feedback is appreciated, etc. Character Count: 4995
The Security Council,

Knowing that the nation of [nation=Kyorgia] has contributed massively to NationStates through its military prowess, artwork expertise, and hefty regional services; and certain that such colossal contributions should not go unnoticed by this council,

Applauding Kyorgia's early commitment to [region=the Rejected Realms] (TRR), serving an impressive seven terms as Officer (Minister) at various points between November 2014 and April 2020, and in that time fostering Reject culture by hosting events such as Wisdom of the Crowds where delegations participated in a competition surrounding the theory that the median of many guesses is more accurate than one guess,

Thrilled by Kyorgia’s substantial boost of the voting power of TRR through impressive communication between the region and its member states; in Kyorgia’s December 2015 to April 2016 term as Outreach Officer of TRR (the Officer responsible for increasing the Delegate’s endorsement count), TRR Delegate [nation=Libetarian Republics] saw a 90% increase from its endorsement count at the beginning of Kyorgia’s term and from the endorsement count of the Delegate before (from 111 to 211), showing Kyorgia’s immense talent with engaging its region and increasing its region’s influence in the world stage,

Appreciating Kyorgia’s two terms as Speaker of TRR's Assembly, starting from July 2017, where its skilled leadership resulted in oversaw the passage of a quarter of non-Constitutional TRR Law, including both such as the Hall of Fame Act and the Government Accountability Act in TRR, honoring past Rejects of the highest caliber and keeping the actions of TRR’s executive transparent respectively,

Respecting Kyorgia's 212-day term as World Assembly Delegate of TRR, where it:
  • solidified TRR's relationship with [region=the North Pacific] (TNP) by signing the Unicorn Star Treaty between the two parties, thereby allying itself with a powerful region and a robust military power;
  • oversaw the Epic Gamer Party alongside Officers [nation=Dead I Jack] and [nation=A Leaf on the Wind], a joint cultural event between TRR and TNP, conducting a week of contests and games for nations to participate in and strengthening the cultural ties between the regions; and I don't think a random festival I haven't heard of until now is really commendable, so it's best to find better examples of Kyo's work, or explain how this is actually significant.
  • showed support for the government of [region=The East Pacific] during the coup by [nation=Fedele], publishing statements, criticism, news articles, and foreign affairs preparation months before the coup and ultimately influencing the deployment of the Rejected Realms Army (RRA) to support the original government, which Kyorgia viewed as legitimate Who apart from Fedele/Davelands and co didn't actually view TEP's non-coup government as legitimate, lol.
Celebrating Kyorgia's liberation of [region=Warzone Airspace] from the hands of Lazarene occupiers by overseeing the formation of a new government to hand power back to regional natives, valiantly defending Warzone Airspace against multiple attempted invasions, and providing stalwart support to [nation=Rei I] for over 100 days in an attempt to secure the region from [region=Lazarus] "providing stalwart support" as in having a WA nation and endorsing the Delegate? :P Commend me because I'm endorsing FNR's delegate right now.,

Acknowledging that Kyorgia (through the puppet state [nation=Arastaoir]) served two terms as Statsminister of [region=Balder], ensuring stability during a transitional period following the resignation of its predecessors by managing the region's day to day affairs and keeping the government in check, communication between residents and officials via Balder's Regional Message Board and telegrams, and government approval polls, Did Kyo do anything besides the job description?

Inspired by the dedication of the leadership of Kyorgia to military affairs and Kyorgia's rich military history, although deeply regretting its participation in many aggressive invader organizations before turning into a model defender. Among these invader organizations is the colorful [region=Canterlot] which Kyorgia co-founded, intent on spreading the colors of the rainbow and cartoon ponies across the world through the abhorrent known for its brutal occupation of innocent regions and the heinous subjugation of native nations. Kyorgia thankfully later transitioned to become a diligent member of the RRA, further showing its dedication to TRR and its ideals; its military (referred to as [nation=E-girls are ruining my life]) has sieged the occupations of notable regions such as [region=Boston], [region=South Pacific], and [rgion=Christmas],

Recognizing that [nation=Congratulations On Being Featured] is a puppet of Kyorgia that documents globally featured regions since 2015 and supplies constant encouragement from its Foreign Office to the governments of small and upcoming regions, becoming one of the most well-known of the "featured region followers",

Impressed by the Kyorgian dedication to the arts, maintaining an international artwork collection worth more than fourteen thousand bank, with ten thousand of that coming from only legendary cards, and producing culinary works of art for The Rejected Times, thereby spreading the national cuisine of Kyorgia to an international audience, ... I am not convinced that being below the top 100 in cards is commendable.

Holding that any nation with accomplishments of such a wide range and grand scale deserves Security Council recognition,

Hereby commends [nation=Kyorgia].

Co-author: Toerana
Last edited by Apatosaurus on Fri Dec 31, 2021 8:17 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Minskiev
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Postby Minskiev » Fri Dec 31, 2021 8:29 pm

Not too big on any of your suggestions, tbh. Especially when you say you haven't heard of an event that happened a year before you joined NS and wanted it out :p
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Giovanniland
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Postby Giovanniland » Fri Dec 31, 2021 8:31 pm

Apatosaurus wrote:[*]oversaw the Epic Gamer Party alongside Officers [nation=Dead I Jack] and [nation=A Leaf on the Wind], a joint cultural event between TRR and TNP, conducting a week of contests and games for nations to participate in and strengthening the cultural ties between the regions; and I don't think a random festival I haven't heard of until now is really commendable, so it's best to find better examples of Kyo's work, or explain how this is actually significant.

How is someone who never heard about the festival going to decide if it's commendable? I didn't hear about some festivals until they were brought up in resolutions either, yet I'd make some research about the festival before dismissing it as not notable.
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Apatosaurus
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Postby Apatosaurus » Fri Dec 31, 2021 8:47 pm

Giovanniland wrote:
Apatosaurus wrote:[*]oversaw the Epic Gamer Party alongside Officers [nation=Dead I Jack] and [nation=A Leaf on the Wind], a joint cultural event between TRR and TNP, conducting a week of contests and games for nations to participate in and strengthening the cultural ties between the regions; and I don't think a random festival I haven't heard of until now is really commendable, so it's best to find better examples of Kyo's work, or explain how this is actually significant.

How is someone who never heard about the festival going to decide if it's commendable? I didn't hear about some festivals until they were brought up in resolutions either, yet I'd make some research about the festival before dismissing it as not notable.

True, though I still don't really see how that festival was notable and thus commendable?
Last edited by Apatosaurus on Fri Dec 31, 2021 8:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Minskiev
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Postby Minskiev » Fri Dec 31, 2021 9:18 pm

Apatosaurus wrote:
Giovanniland wrote:How is someone who never heard about the festival going to decide if it's commendable? I didn't hear about some festivals until they were brought up in resolutions either, yet I'd make some research about the festival before dismissing it as not notable.

True, though I still don't really see how that festival was notable and thus commendable?

It brought the two regions together?
Minskiev/Walrus. Former Delegate of the Rejected Realms, 3x Officer. 15x WA author. Join the RRA here.

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Westinor
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Founded: Feb 15, 2020
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Westinor » Fri Dec 31, 2021 9:31 pm

Minskiev wrote:
Giovanniland wrote:I don't get why the Canterlot part is there if you refer to it with such negative terms such as "regretful participation in many aggressive invader organizations", "abhorrent occupation of innocent regions" and "the heinous subjugation of native nations". After all, this is supposed to be a commendation. I'd cut it entirely and focus on the later part of the clause where you state the service in the RRA, although it also needs some expanding, since there should be more to it than simply participating on some operations to defend regions.

Cutting it out forgets a large part of Kyorgia's character, and if their character doesn't show, that's a huge blunder in authoring this resolution in particular. Commendations are rather boring if it's all perfect, don't you think? It's supposed to be a story, a tale, and in this tale, Kyorgia undergoes character development, switching from a rather prolific raider to a defender, and that is noble - far more noble than just their defending contributions.

Hah, for this you have my symbolic support
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Minskiev
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Postby Minskiev » Sat Jan 01, 2022 1:22 pm

Westinor wrote:
Minskiev wrote:Cutting it out forgets a large part of Kyorgia's character, and if their character doesn't show, that's a huge blunder in authoring this resolution in particular. Commendations are rather boring if it's all perfect, don't you think? It's supposed to be a story, a tale, and in this tale, Kyorgia undergoes character development, switching from a rather prolific raider to a defender, and that is noble - far more noble than just their defending contributions.

Hah, for this you have my symbolic support

:blush:
Last edited by Minskiev on Sat Jan 01, 2022 1:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Minskiev/Walrus. Former Delegate of the Rejected Realms, 3x Officer. 15x WA author. Join the RRA here.

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Fauxia
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Founded: Dec 22, 2016
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Fauxia » Mon Jan 03, 2022 1:00 pm

Hey Minsk, I have come here to nitpick.

1. Cut out "early" in the second clause. Kyo is still committed to TRR, it wasn't just an early thing.
2. Change "showing" to "showcasing" in the third clause. Sounds kinda awkward to me at the moment.
3. Are we merely "respecting" Kyo's delegacy? That would seem to be the zenith of his career.
4. I loved the Catalyse regime in Warzone Airspace, but is it a good idea to mention it, especially when framed as a liberation from Lazarus? It seems like that may create an enemy of the proposal out of a region which should be neutral at worst
5. Was Kyo's move to the RRA his first stint as a defender? I was under the impression it was not.
6. you missed the "e" in region=Christmas

I am of course for this.
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Minskiev
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Postby Minskiev » Mon Jan 03, 2022 1:14 pm

Fauxia wrote:Hey Minsk, I have come here to nitpick.

1. Cut out "early" in the second clause. Kyo is still committed to TRR, it wasn't just an early thing.
2. Change "showing" to "showcasing" in the third clause. Sounds kinda awkward to me at the moment.
3. Are we merely "respecting" Kyo's delegacy? That would seem to be the zenith of his career.
4. I loved the Catalyse regime in Warzone Airspace, but is it a good idea to mention it, especially when framed as a liberation from Lazarus? It seems like that may create an enemy of the proposal out of a region which should be neutral at worst
5. Was Kyo's move to the RRA his first stint as a defender? I was under the impression it was not.
6. you missed the "e" in region=Christmas

I am of course for this.

Thank you so much <3
Minskiev/Walrus. Former Delegate of the Rejected Realms, 3x Officer. 15x WA author. Join the RRA here.

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Minskiev
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Founded: Apr 20, 2020
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Minskiev » Wed Jan 05, 2022 6:18 pm

Bump!
Minskiev/Walrus. Former Delegate of the Rejected Realms, 3x Officer. 15x WA author. Join the RRA here.

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The Coveian Islands
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Posts: 8
Founded: Nov 11, 2021
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby The Coveian Islands » Thu Jan 06, 2022 10:26 am

Hiya Walrus, thought I'd post some more detailed feedback here than on discord.
Celebrating Kyorgia's liberation of [region=Warzone Airspace] from the hands of occupiers by overseeing the formation of a new government to hand power back to regional natives, valiantly defending Warzone Airspace against multiple attempted invasions, and providing stalwart support to [nation=Rei I] for over 100 days in an attempt to secure the region from invaders,

I'm gonna admit that this clause seems really out of place here, while I respect the efforts by Kyo and others to form some form of government here - it feels compared to the accomplishments of others like One Small Island and Codger to have little significance in terms of commendation material. It could also be interpreted that it was the delegate being the one that would arguably deserve recognition here, rather than Kyo in particular.

My other comments would be what has already been mentioned by Gio, is that if you are going to mention their involvement in Canterlot in a negative aspect - it would probably be better removed from the proposal altogether unless you want to make the point that their participation there was commendable, which I imagine would be a hard sell in the eyes of the international community.

Good luck with the proposal, may post some more thoughts later.
~ Previously known as Jamie or Chimes ~

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Giovanniland
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Founded: Aug 10, 2019
Corporate Bordello

Postby Giovanniland » Thu Jan 06, 2022 11:11 am

Minskiev wrote:Applauding Kyorgia's commitment to [region=the Rejected Realms] (TRR), serving an impressive seven terms as Officer (Minister) at various points between November 2014 and April 2020, and in that time fostering Reject culture by hosting events such as Wisdom of the Crowds where delegations participated in a competition surrounding the theory that the median of many guesses is more accurate than one guess,

I maintain my comment from earlier that the event mentioned doesn't come across as commendable.

Minskiev wrote:Celebrating Kyorgia's liberation of [region=Warzone Airspace] from the hands of occupiers by overseeing the formation of a new government to hand power back to regional natives, valiantly defending Warzone Airspace against multiple attempted invasions, and providing stalwart support to [nation=Rei I] for over 100 days in an attempt to secure the region from invaders,

Second Cove's comments here.

Minskiev wrote:Acknowledging that Kyorgia (through the puppet state [nation=Arastaoir]) served two terms as Statsminister of [region=Balder], ensuring stability during a transitional period following the resignation of its predecessors by managing the region's day to day affairs and keeping the government in check, communication between residents and officials via Balder's Regional Message Board and telegrams, and government approval polls,

This still doesn't sound notable I'm afraid, as the actions listed there are what any regional leader would do and hardly innovative or anything that would merit recognition. Many regions have endured transitions after resignations, so unless there's something unique that they did to ensure stability, a SC Commendation isn't the place for this.

Minskiev wrote:Impressed by the Kyorgian dedication to the arts, maintaining an international artwork collection worth more than fourteen thousand bank, with ten thousand of that coming from only legendary cards, and producing culinary works of art for The Rejected Times, thereby spreading the national cuisine of Kyorgia to an international audience,

Upon taking a closer look at this clause and what it claims... I searched The Rejected Times' forum thread and earlier versions hosted offsite, and could only find a single culinary article by the nominee. While I love newspaper features where NS players talk about their real life cultures, and have even written and encouraged their production myself, I don't see how a single article is worth of mention here. So the two things in this clause have a very dubious claim of being notable.

Overall, I like the nominee as a player, but I continue being unconvinced that they are commendable.
The Kingdom of Giovanniland

51st Delegate of the West Pacific
Former TWP Speaker of the Hall (x3), Guardian and Minister of Foreign Affairs


WA Author (SC#364, SC#372, SC#373, SC#377)
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Minskiev
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Founded: Apr 20, 2020
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Minskiev » Tue Jan 11, 2022 10:03 am

Bumping this.
Minskiev/Walrus. Former Delegate of the Rejected Realms, 3x Officer. 15x WA author. Join the RRA here.

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