NationStates

So, this is my third attempt at getting a WA resolution up, and as my previous attempts failed (and I got some advice saying that I should first post it here as a draft), I decided: Hey, let's actually put it on the forums first, to see if the community can find any flaws! Anyways, here's my SC proposal right now:

The Security Council,

Acknowledging the fact that the Rejected Realms (known here as TRR) is where all ejected and/or banned nations reside;

Recognizing their attempts to make the world safer by providing a community where everyone is welcome;

Understanding that sometimes, things don't go as expected, and extra work is needed, which is true for TRR;

Hoping that, someday, there will be no need for ejecting/banning, due to their efforts,

Hereby commends the Rejected Realms

If I screwed up somewhere, please tell me. If you think that this is ready to be put through, tell me as well!
(NOTE: I did submit this, but then I withdrew it when I realized it's forums first, then submission)
This proposal has been scrapped, due to author inactivity and him giving up. Thanks for all the help, anyways!

TRR has a community where all are welcome is by design, not by choice. I wouldn’t call that especially commendable. You’d want to speak to some TRRers and see what you can include in here.

So why exactly is TRR Commendable? You’ve certainly not given any reason in your draft.

YSG Hermitcraft wrote:If I screwed up somewhere, please tell me. If you think that this is ready to be put through, tell me as well!
(NOTE: I did submit this, but then I withdrew it when I realized it's forums first, then submission)

Lemme tell you, and I hate to say it, for I don't wanna offend you but...

The Entire Draft Needs a Rework.

I mean like, the draft contents are nice and all, but a bit too "shallow". Normally, people use a paragraph or two for the draft contents, or whatever they're called, (y-y-y'know like those Number ones followed by Acknowledging and then the stuff, I don't know what it's called). Overall though, I would say that TRR is commendable, they participated in raids, liberations and other military activities, and they accept the rejected.

Arpasia wrote:I would say that TRR is commendable, they participated in raids, liberations and other military activities, and they accept the rejected.

TRR is defender region, not a raider and they have no option but to accept rejected nations. Little thing called game mechanics, don’t you know.

Arpasia wrote:

YSG Hermitcraft wrote:If I screwed up somewhere, please tell me. If you think that this is ready to be put through, tell me as well!
(NOTE: I did submit this, but then I withdrew it when I realized it's forums first, then submission)

Lemme tell you, and I hate to say it, for I don't wanna offend you but...

The Entire Draft Needs a Rework.

I mean like, the draft contents are nice and all, but a bit too "shallow". Normally, people use a paragraph or two for the draft contents, or whatever they're called, (y-y-y'know like those Number ones followed by Acknowledging and then the stuff, I don't know what it's called). Overall though, I would say that TRR is commendable, they participated in raids, liberations and other military activities, and they accept the rejected.

No no, it's fine: I expected myself to screw up right away.

I guess I feel lucky that I'm getting this far (kinda)

What’s missing from this draft is any kind of research into TRR. Do yourself, and us, a favour - have a look at recent passed Commendations, whether for a region or individual nations. That should give you the flavour of the work required.

All you’ve done so far is throw down a few platiitudes.

Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:So why exactly is TRR Commendable? You’ve certainly not given any reason in your draft.

Which is why I'm doing this lol. I'd need to research this...

Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:What’s missing from this draft is any kind of research into TRR. Do yourself, and us, a favour - have a look at recent passed Commendations, whether for a region or individual nations. That should give you the flavour of the work required.

All you’ve done so far is throw down a few platiitudes.

*sigh* I know. I've screwed up in so many ways. Hopefully I can get this good enough at some point

Jeez, I'm bad at this sort of thing.

It’s okay! Don’t beat yourself up over this. This is why we draft things on the forum - so that we can improve on proposals.

You should definitely follow the advice given in this thread. Do some thorough research on what TRR has done. The Rejected Realms Army is one of the most well known defender militaries, that will probably make up a chunk of your proposal. TRR has also dabbled in journalism, issues, loads of stuff.

A good place to look for inspiration is to look at commendations of regions that have been passed over the years and see what arguments were used in those commendations. (eg Commend Yggdrasil, 10000 Islands, Renegade Islands Alliance, Europeia)

Honeydewistania wrote:

Jeez, I'm bad at this sort of thing.

It’s okay! Don’t beat yourself up over this. This is why we draft things on the forum - so that we can improve on proposals.

You should definitely follow the advice given in this thread. Do some thorough research on what TRR has done. The Rejected Realms Army is one of the most well known defender militaries, that will probably make up a chunk of your proposal. TRR has also dabbled in journalism, issues, loads of stuff.

A good place to look for inspiration is to look at commendations of regions that have been passed over the years and see what arguments were used in those commendations.

Alright, other than past commendations, where's one place you'd recommend doing some research?

Your proposal may have lacked content, but at least it's legal -- you made a better start than most other new authors do.

The advice in this thread is good - places to start if you're looking to write Security Council proposals are:

1) Spend some time (weeks, months) participating in the SC forum. You'll get an idea from the discussions what kind of standards are expected in a proposal, and the questions/comments a draft proposal will get.

2) Have a read over passed resolutions.

3) Partner with an experienced author to write your first proposal - one of you can be a co-author.

4) Research your chosen target - if that's a region, then contact people involved in the region (such as their Regional Officers) who can give advice on where to get the information you need.

Sedgistan wrote:Your proposal may have lacked content, but at least it's legal -- you made a better start than most other new authors do.

The advice in this thread is good - places to start if you're looking to write Security Council proposals are:

1) Spend some time (weeks, months) participating in the SC forum. You'll get an idea from the discussions what kind of standards are expected in a proposal, and the questions/comments a draft proposal will get.

2) Have a read over passed resolutions.

3) Partner with an experienced author to write your first proposal - one of you can be a co-author.

4) Research your chosen target - if that's a region, then contact people involved in the region (such as their Regional Officers) who can give advice on where to get the information you need.

Oh damn, never thought about partnering. God, this is gonna take some time

Writing a C&C is a marathon, not a sprint.

Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:Writing a C&C is a marathon, not a sprint.

Yeah, I figured

Your draft does not make the case that TRR is commendable.

Outer Sparta wrote:Your draft does not make the case that TRR is commendable.

I think that has been made clear to the author and they have acknowledged it.

Praeceps wrote:

Outer Sparta wrote:Your draft does not make the case that TRR is commendable.

I think that has been made clear to the author and they have acknowledged it.

They have to do the research, which I don't think they would be willing to go through that process.

Outer Sparta wrote:

Praeceps wrote:I think that has been made clear to the author and they have acknowledged it.

They have to do the research, which I don't think they would be willing to go through that process.

They have expressed such a willingness and asked where to begin.

Let's give the new people the benefit of the doubt. No one knows what they're doing out of the gate.

Refuge Isle wrote:

Outer Sparta wrote:They have to do the research, which I don't think they would be willing to go through that process.

They have expressed such a willingness and asked where to begin.

Let's give the new people the benefit of the doubt. No one knows what they're doing out of the gate.

They've been given the resources and advice, now it's time to apply it.

Refuge Isle wrote:

Outer Sparta wrote:They have to do the research, which I don't think they would be willing to go through that process.

They have expressed such a willingness and asked where to begin.

Let's give the new people the benefit of the doubt. No one knows what they're doing out of the gate.

Fair play they have been trying to contact TRR’s ROs via their RMB to get information.

Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:

Refuge Isle wrote:They have expressed such a willingness and asked where to begin.

Let's give the new people the benefit of the doubt. No one knows what they're doing out of the gate.

Fair play they have been trying to contact TRR’s ROs via their RMB to get information.

Now we await to see what research and information they will receive and use. It's definitely a start: contacting the region's officials.

Hey there - glad to see you're taking the initiative on this. TRR is definitely a worthy target - it just comes down to the quality of research and writing. Good luck, and let me know if you need some help in doing research - I may not be able to directly help you but I can probably find you people who can.

Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:

Refuge Isle wrote:They have expressed such a willingness and asked where to begin.

Let's give the new people the benefit of the doubt. No one knows what they're doing out of the gate.

Fair play they have been trying to contact TRR’s ROs via their RMB to get information.

I'll help them out.

Hey YSG. First of all, definitely draft it on the forums. Great idea.

With that out of the way, and while I'm biased, I think the work TRR has done is commendable, and arguably Commendable given that they were once Commended. (Edit: I'm completely misremembering, wow. We were never Commended.) However, this proposal revolves around one thing, and one thing only. That we take care of all ejected nations. While that's positive for the world, I wouldn't say that alone makes the Rejected Realms worthy of a Commend. So let's take a look at what TRR has actually accomplished, instead of what it is. You should find all the information you'll need here.

A few more notes:

is where all ejected and/or banned nations reside;

Not true. You can always leave the Rejected Realms, meaning that an ejected nation may not reside in TRR. A better way of putting it would be "is where all ejected nations are ejected to;"

Understanding that sometimes, things don't go as expected, and extra work is needed, which is true for TRR;

This feels out-of-place to me. Why is this Commendable?

Hoping that, someday, there will be no need for ejecting/banning, due to their efforts,

We have never tried to stop regions from ejecting nations.

Finally, 3 of your clauses end in semicolons, and one ends in a comma. You should make it consistent. And the last clause would end in a period, as it's the end of the proposal.

I believe TRR is commendable and I'd like to see one pass, but this one, at least in its current state, is not it.

Yeah, just going to second Minskiev and Quebecshire's feedback mostly.