[DEFEATED] Declaration In Regard To Hippopotami

[Jutsa]

Declaration In Regard To Hippopotami
Category: Declaration | Type: Declare

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The World Assembly,

Aware that the sizes of animal species do not differ considerably from each other in terms of the universal scale,

Also aware that the size of an animal in reality can be quite different depending on an individual's perception,

And believing that some nations' governments might be rendered senselessly flabbergasted by the assertion of certain species' sizes by an international legislative body despite said governments already having legislation regarding said species regardless of whether they reside in said nations' territories,

Hereby,
1. Reminds this organization's member-states that although Security Council Resolution #361, also called the "Declaration On Hippopotamuses", exists at the time of this resolution's passing, there is still room for more extant WA legislation regarding hippopotamuses (herein also referred to as "hippos" or "hippopotami");

2. Affirms that no true hippo is larger than life, especially that of the Pygmy Hippopotamus, and in fact is quite small in comparison to most things in life, such as mountains, planets, the universe, most battleships, or political egos;

3. Notes that hippos may be very friendly, particularly when they are young, a point in which they are consequently small even by most individuals' standards;

4. Informs all of this organization's member nations that, with a known minimum length of less than 5 feet, and a minimum weight of under 440.0 pounds, Hippos are not necessarily very large.

Declaration Against Declaration On Hippopotamuses
Category: Declaration | Type: Declare

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The World Assembly,

Aware that the sizes of animal species do not differ considerably from each other in terms of the universal scale,

Also aware that the size of an animal in reality can be quite different depending on an individual's perception,

And believing that some nations' governments might be rendered senselessly flabbergasted by the assertion of certain species' sizes by an international legislative body despite said governments already having legislation regarding said species regardless of whether they reside in said nations' territories,

Hereby,
1. Reminds this organization's member-states that although Security Council Resolution #361, also called the "Declaration On Hippopotamuses", exists at the time of this resolution's passing, that fact in of itself does not inherently mean that hippopotamuses are very big;

2. Affirms that no true hippo is larger than life, especially that of the Pygmy Hippopotamus, and in fact is quite small in comparison to most things in life, such as mountains, planets, the universe, battleships, or political egos;

3. Notes that hippos may be very friendly, particularly when they are young, a point in which they are consequently small even by most individuals' standards;

4. Informs all of this organization's member nations that, with a known minimum length of less than 5 feet, and a minimum weight of under 440.0 pounds, Hippos are not necessarily very large.

Declaration Against Declaration On Hippopotamuses
Category: Declaration | Type: Declare

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The World Assembly,

Aware that a resolution exists, at the time of this resolution's passing, that declares hippopotamuses are really very large,

Also aware that the size of an animal in reality can be quite different depending on an individual's perception,

And believing that some nations' governments might be rendered senselessly flabbergasted by the assertion of certain species' sizes by an international legislative body despite said governments already having legislation regarding said species regardless of whether they reside in said nations' territories,

Hereby,
1. Reminds this organization's member-states that although Security Council Resolution #361, also called the "Declaration On Hippopotamuses", exists at the time of this resolution's passing, that fact in of itself does not inherently mean that hippopotamuses are very big;

2. Affirms that no true hippo is larger than life, and in fact is quite small in comparison to most things in life, such as mountains, planets, the universe, battleships, or political egos;

3. Notes that hippos may be very friendly, particularly when they are young, a point in which they are consequently small even by most individuals' standards;

4. Informs all of this organization's member states that they should, in fact, completely disregard SC#361: Declaration on Hippopotamuses in order to avoid any legal confusion.

I only wrote this to see what happens. I couldn't find anything that technically makes this illegal (though I may be proven wrong),
and in theory this won't even cause complications if #361 miraculously were to get repealed on day. Feel free to roast this as hard as you can in the meantime.

[Jutsa]

This proposal has been resubmitted after extensive reworking and reversion of the contributions made by the completely unrelated nations of Xemt, Jutomi and Jutotechtonia. I'd like to thank Nonexistant for the nonexistential praise and extensive critiquing.

I will take four Ls to go, please. Thank you.

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

Same old shit gets the same old treatment.

[Attempted Socialism]

If it's a joke it should have been funny, if it's a test of the Declaration system you already got it, and if it's serious then it's a bad resolution. Why do this?

[Jutsa]

First the specism against potatoes, now the blatant hippo body-shaming. Again. Imbecreditable.

Here I thought this was an all-inclusive assembly. Now I find out it's an inconclusive one.

Maybe I should spam telegrams asking WA members to unite and fight against Arkoudaphobia. Or hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia. That'll show 'em!

I will be filing any further complaints to the nearest gnome.

If it's a joke it should have been funny, if it's a test of the Declaration system you already got it, and if it's serious then it's a bad resolution. Why do this?

I had to make sure it wasn't because I sent out a bad campaign telegram accompanied with listing myself three times as a coauthor.

[The United Penguin Commonwealth]

yeah, sure. the potato resolution passed and held up against repeal, so why not?

3. Notes that hippos may be very friendly

It is very difficult to agree with this postulation, given that the hippopotamus (Hippopotamus amphibius) is known to be one the deadliest mammals in the world for human beings.

maybe, but hippos have never killed a penguin.

[Otaku Stratus]

Guys. We've been over this. It would only be 'hippopotami' if the word was hippopotam + us. but it's hippos + potamos. You can argue about whether only one or both need to be pluralized, and I don't know Greek well enough to say for sure how adjective nouns work like that, but it's definitely not just -i at the end. Best explanation i've heard is if you want to say 'river horses' rather than 'rivers horse' then you're pluralizing the hippo part, making it hippipotamus. Declensions matter.

[Jutsa]

Guys. Declensions matter.

Not according to Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia.

[Xeknos]

This seems reasonable.

[The Wallenburgian World Assembly Offices]

This should not have been reattempted at all, and if for whatever reason it should have, it should not have been reattempted in the same thread. Separate threads for separate resolutions, please. It seems in your carelessness you wrote over the resolution as it was when first voted on, erasing whatever historical value it may have had.

[Jutsa]

Ah. How careless of me.

Fortunately it seems history has a tendency to repeat itself.

[Anne of Cleves in TNP]

“While this certainly may be a proposal that animal lovers enjoy, it can still be argued that even local organizations can state these facts about hippopotamuses. Overall, there is no reason why such facts should be declared at the international level. I hereby vote against this proposal, alongside any sensible delegate in this group.”

Lady Charlotte Schafer, Minister of Clevesian WA Affairs

[Sedgistan]

This should not have been reattempted at all, and if for whatever reason it should have, it should not have been reattempted in the same thread. Separate threads for separate resolutions, please. It seems in your carelessness you wrote over the resolution as it was when first voted on, erasing whatever historical value it may have had.

Fixed the threads.

[Nova Universo]

Yengiga Diagne, Representative of the Free City of Nova Universo to the Security Council: The Free City of Nova Universo, in behalf of the Union and its member states, votes AGAINST the proposition "In Regard to Hippopotami". Despite its contention that 'there is room for ... legislation regarding hippopotami', we do not think that there is any room for such. In our opinion, any object that is not directly concerned with security should not consume the Security Council's space or time. If we are of the need to define what an organism with a semiaquatic habitation pattern and a stocky, heavy body is, the WA must consult a zoologist, not pass legislation describing it.

The Union is perplexed with the usage of declarations in the Security Council. On one hand, it commends defenders for their valiant efforts against the encroachments of invaders. On the other hand, it praises mere objects for nothing of their own accord. We therefore wonder about the state of legislative writing in the World Assembly, if their draftspeople devote their time to the development of their profession or that they are so embroiled in the politicking within the WA to forget the precepts of lawmaking.

We do agree that hippopotamuses are lovely creatures with sheer force and unfuckwithable energy. However, these qualities alone do not give them any merit for praise, as these animals are not concerned with human conflict. If one seeks to redress wrongs done to hippipotamus, perhaps they may seeks other ways to fix these. The Security Council also must do its work to watch what it votes for. We agree that potati or hippis are lovely creations of a wonderful universe, but to use a body devoted to avoiding war to proclaim that is a misuse of its purpose.

In summation, the Union thinks that the Security Council is not a venue to praise hippopotamuses nor to address deficiencies about earlier legislations focussed on the poor thing. They do have qualities that are of esteem; however, to mar their name with the dubious distinction of the Council's praise does nothing for them. We must watch what we write or vote for, as these determine the fate of regions, nations, their militaries, rogue groups or other bodies which enforce violence. Therefore we vote AGAINST this proposition.

[Fishermen]

the hippo bigger than human, so hippo is big

[Untecna]

Stop trying to mess with our goddamn big hippos

[Jutsa]

RESULTS!!!!!!

FOR: 1,190

AGAINST: 12,463

"Declaration in Regard to Hippopotami" was DEFEATED, receiving 8.7% approval.

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A half a dozen hippos walk into a bar.

The first hippo says, "Golly, this place sure is big!"

The second hippo iterates, "Gee, it's bigger than we are!"

The third asks, "Maybe we're not so big after all?"

The fourth states, "Legally speaking, we are."

The fifth suggests, "Maybe everything is big?"

The sixth remarks, "When it comes to international legislation, everything is a big deal."

And then they all laugh.

*Canned laughter plays before abruptly cutting into a freeze frame where cheesy club jazz and credits play*

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Seriously though, almost nobody felt like creating a legal paradox to satirize the politics on this political satire? Or make light of similar declarations? (Not including the super serious ones like the anti-fascist protocol or Potato Supremacy declarations*). Less than 10% of you guys?

Don't get me wrong, I'm greatly impressed with the numbers. I'm actually quite proud of you all for achieving that, for what it's worth. Aside from my region and Portugal thxguys, almost no one, even the stinkin' raiders, wanted anything to do with it. That kind of international unity is truly remarkable! Brings a tear to my eye. :')

I will also gladly take this to mean the previous iteration's failure was not solely because I had added myself as a co-author three times. _{If there's a lesson to be learned here, it's that I should try it again with a better proposal.}

I guess I'll just have to try harder to create a masterpiece that is truly irresistible, even to the most fervent of critics. Unfortunately, my latest attempt has been foiled by the site's code breaking down. But I will be back. You'll see... you'll ALL see!!!!!!!!

*flushes self into a kazoo, leaving behind a trail of environmentally degradable confetti, before the kazoo consumes itself,
turning for a moment into a miniature portable pocket-sized black hole in the approximate middle of the otherwise remarkably empty room that only ever existed in this post.

It then explodes.*