[PASSED] Commend Imperium Anglorum

[Jedinsto]

After not hearing anything negative about link cuts on the WA discord and a little bit of positivity, I've decided to go that route. On my first post that isn't the OP I've saved alternative drafts in case anybody likes those better.

[Jedinsto]

Due to a general lack of feedback I intend to submit as soon as voting on Epidemic Investigation Act ends, so that can be included in the resos count. Also, the draft status comes from a certain something on the WA discord.....

[Moonfungus]

Should use ETS (Estimated Time of Submission) instead of ETA

Anyway;

Authorship of the Treaty of the Northern Passage, which most notably established mutual government recognition, embassies, non-aggression and defense, open communication, supporting domestic GA authors, and cultural co-operation between Europe and The North Pacific, thereby boosting regional security, intelligence, and influence in the World Assembly for both regions,

That's a mouthful way of saying that the treaty established an alliance with TNP. Not critiquing it or something, but this personally seems like too much details for what is supposed to be a standard alliance.

Authorship of the Foreign Policy (World Assembly) Act, which confirmed the ascension of Europe to the World Assembly Legislative League, furthering Europe's role as one of the most powerful regions in the WA,

I would recommend using 'solidifying' in the bolded part instead of 'furthering'.

Serving as delegate for an incredible five and a half years,

Definitely a personal preference, but while being delegate for a long time is a noteworthy feat, it doesn't exactly seem commendable to me. I'm much more interested in what they did during their delegacy there and while you have listed some of the things they've done there above, the way the clause is currently structured and written makes it seem like that those things were done before IA became delegate, not after.

Noting IA’s brief ventures into the Security Council

I would recommend using 'venture' instead of 'ventures' in the bolded part.

Appreciating IA's continued dedication to the GA through the critique of countless drafts, providing platforms for private debate on drafts, the authorship of several GA guides in order to make the chamber more accessible to newcomers,

Use an 'and' instead of a comma in the bolded part.

Honoring IA's six co-authorships of GA resolutions, accentuating their dedication to international law and helping other authors, most notably including:

I would recommend using a 'with' instead of a 'by' in the sub-clauses under this clause, although this is definitely a personal preference.

Recognizing that while IA's first commendation was largely based on their work in international law, their work has not stopped and has only become more important and unique,

Just a suggestion, but might want to use this instead:

Recognizing that while IA's first commendation was largely based on their work in international law, their work has not stopped and has only increased in its diversity and importance,

The rest of the proposal looks okay to me, good luck with this.

[Jedinsto]

Should use ETS (Estimated Time of Submission) instead of ETA

Anyway;

Authorship of the Treaty of the Northern Passage, which most notably established mutual government recognition, embassies, non-aggression and defense, open communication, supporting domestic GA authors, and cultural co-operation between Europe and The North Pacific, thereby boosting regional security, intelligence, and influence in the World Assembly for both regions,

That's a mouthful way of saying that the treaty established an alliance with TNP. Not critiquing it or something, but this personally seems like too much details for what is supposed to be a standard alliance.

I think the detail is necessary just because not every alliance is the same and every other piece of legislation mentioned here gets some form of summary/description, and I believe something so crucial deserves more attention and detail.

Authorship of the Foreign Policy (World Assembly) Act, which confirmed the ascension of Europe to the World Assembly Legislative League, furthering Europe's role as one of the most powerful regions in the WA,

I would recommend using 'solidifying' in the bolded part instead of 'furthering'.

Morover suggested the use of "furthering" over "establishing" because they were already one of the most powerful regions, and I agreed. Solidifying is definitely better than "establishing" but I still think "furthering" is the way to go.

Serving as delegate for an incredible five and a half years,

Definitely a personal preference, but while being delegate for a long time is a noteworthy feat, it doesn't exactly seem commendable to me. I'm much more interested in what they did during their delegacy there and while you have listed some of the things they've done there above, the way the clause is currently structured and written makes it seem like that those things were done before IA became delegate, not after.

Is the new structure better?

Noting IA’s brief ventures into the Security Council

I would recommend using 'venture' instead of 'ventures' in the bolded part.

To be fair, IA has spent more time in the SC than just that authorship.

Appreciating IA's continued dedication to the GA through the critique of countless drafts, providing platforms for private debate on drafts, the authorship of several GA guides in order to make the chamber more accessible to newcomers,

Use an 'and' instead of a comma in the bolded part.

Done. Must've been screwed up when I was making cutting stuff out.

Honoring IA's six co-authorships of GA resolutions, accentuating their dedication to international law and helping other authors, most notably including:

I would recommend using a 'with' instead of a 'by' in the sub-clauses under this clause, although this is definitely a personal preference.

Yeah I'm keeping it as "by" cuz I just like that better.

Recognizing that while IA's first commendation was largely based on their work in international law, their work has not stopped and has only become more important and unique,

Just a suggestion, but might want to use this instead:

Recognizing that while IA's first commendation was largely based on their work in international law, their work has not stopped and has only increased in its diversity and importance,

The rest of the proposal looks okay to me, good luck with this.

Thanks! And thanks for the feedback.

[Moonfungus]

Is the new structure better?

Yeah, it looks good to me.

[Nova Vandalia]

Not the way I meant Neutral.

https://www.nationstates.net/nation=con ... ate_sweden
https://www.nationstates.net/nation=hyp ... n_dagestan
https://www.nationstates.net/nation=rei ... n_burgundy
https://www.nationstates.net/nation=neu ... s_imperium
https://www.nationstates.net/nation=totenkozia
https://www.nationstates.net/nation=ber ... ack_league
https://www.nationstates.net/nation=the_vichy_france
https://www.nationstates.net/nation=new_nationalist
https://www.nationstates.net/nation=nat ... f_germania
https://www.nationstates.net/nation=the ... the_nordic
https://www.nationstates.net/nation=ger ... onal_state
https://www.nationstates.net/nation=bun ... eutschland
https://www.nationstates.net/nation=new ... etherlands
https://www.nationstates.net/nation=saiwania

Our region's stance is largely if you spam or break the rules on the message board, you get banned. Most of those nations are simply just there and do nothing in general or do nothing much on the RMB.

So then there should be no issue getting rid of them if they add nothing... is what I'm hearing. And make no mistake that list should be much longer, but you all lost a good bit during the Nazi Purge.

[Outer Sparta]

Our region's stance is largely if you spam or break the rules on the message board, you get banned. Most of those nations are simply just there and do nothing in general or do nothing much on the RMB.

So then there should be no issue getting rid of them if they add nothing... is what I'm hearing. And make no mistake that list should be much longer, but you all lost a good bit during the Nazi Purge.

You have to ask my region's top officials, not me. You'll find a more specific reasoning there.

[Jedinsto]

Asking for a legality check in case of duplications.

[Sedgistan]

What aspects of your proposal are you concerned might duplicate the previous Commendation?

[Jedinsto]

What aspects of your proposal are you concerned might duplicate the previous Commendation?

Possibly the part about his delegacy which includes the time he was delegate prior to the first commendation. There might be other parts but that's the main concern.

Thanks for taking a look

[Lenlyvit]

What aspects of your proposal are you concerned might duplicate the previous Commendation?

Possibly the part about his delegacy which includes the time he was delegate prior to the first commendation. There might be other parts but that's the main concern.

Thanks for taking a look

I'm not a mod, nor am I Sedge, but I think the closest thing to duplication would be these clauses:

From the first resolution

Recognizing that Imperium Anglorum has provided helpful and constructive feedback on many General Assembly and Security Council drafts,

From this resolution

Appreciating IA's continued dedication to the GA through the critique of countless drafts, providing platforms for private debate on drafts, and the authorship of several GA guides in order to make the chamber more accessible to newcomers,

The bolded part of your draft is where I myself may see a problem, although I can't say for 100% certainty. That's just my opinion, and again I'm not a moderator.

[Jedinsto]

Possibly the part about his delegacy which includes the time he was delegate prior to the first commendation. There might be other parts but that's the main concern.

Thanks for taking a look

I'm not a mod, nor am I Sedge, but I think the closest thing to duplication would be these clauses:

From the first resolution

Recognizing that Imperium Anglorum has provided helpful and constructive feedback on many General Assembly and Security Council drafts,

From this resolution

Appreciating IA's continued dedication to the GA through the critique of countless drafts, providing platforms for private debate on drafts, and the authorship of several GA guides in order to make the chamber more accessible to newcomers,

The bolded part of your draft is where I myself may see a problem, although I can't say for 100% certainty. That's just my opinion, and again I'm not a moderator.

Hmmm that could be a problem. So yeah let's see what the mods have to say

[Sedgistan]

That's the only part that's somewhat duplicating, but it's such a minor comment in passing that I don't see it as an issue.

[Jedinsto]

That's the only part that's somewhat duplicating, but it's such a minor comment in passing that I don't see it as an issue.

Thanks!

[Jedinsto]

As IA's proposal is going to vote at the next update, this is now at last call. If it seems to be on track to pass, I will add it to the resolution count and submit when voting ends. If it is on track to fail I may submit sooner in this exact state.

Edit: Epidemic Investigation Act has been added to the resolution count.

[Jedinsto]

Submitting this when I wake up on Thursday morning.

[Team Lennox]

Aware of prior Security Council Commendation of Imperium Anglorum (IA) for their work in the General Assembly (GA), but believing that their contributions to the World Assembly (WA) and the world at large since this initial commendation to be significant enough to warrant a second commendation,

Should be "Aware of the prior Security Council..."

recording the content of all proposals submitted to the WA, voting statistics of at-vote resolutions updated hourly for the benefit of scholars and authors of the WA;

I think you should rewrite this clause into something like "Which records the content of all proposals submitted to the WA, and voting statistics of at-vote resolutions that are updated hourly for the benefit of scholars and authors of the WA;

during which time they authored and passed SC#255 Commend Knootoss, for their authorship of six GA resolutions and their consistent debating in the halls of the Assembly,

Should be "During which the time..."

Other then that the draft looks fine and is well done!

[Jedinsto]

Aware of prior Security Council Commendation of Imperium Anglorum (IA) for their work in the General Assembly (GA), but believing that their contributions to the World Assembly (WA) and the world at large since this initial commendation to be significant enough to warrant a second commendation,

Should be "Aware of the prior Security Council..."

recording the content of all proposals submitted to the WA, voting statistics of at-vote resolutions updated hourly for the benefit of scholars and authors of the WA;

I think you should rewrite this clause into something like "Which records the content of all proposals submitted to the WA, and voting statistics of at-vote resolutions that are updated hourly for the benefit of scholars and authors of the WA;

during which time they authored and passed SC#255 Commend Knootoss, for their authorship of six GA resolutions and their consistent debating in the halls of the Assembly,

Should be "During which the time..."

Other then that the draft looks fine and is well done!

First thing- fixed
Second thing- your rewrite is basically what I had originally, but I liked Morover’s edits and I’m gonna keep them just out of personal preference.
Third thing- during which the time is grammatically incorrect.

Thanks for the support!

[Jedinsto]

Submitted.

[Team Lennox]

Should be "Aware of the prior Security Council..."


I think you should rewrite this clause into something like "Which records the content of all proposals submitted to the WA, and voting statistics of at-vote resolutions that are updated hourly for the benefit of scholars and authors of the WA;


Should be "During which the time..."

Other then that the draft looks fine and is well done!

First thing- fixed
Second thing- your rewrite is basically what I had originally, but I liked Morover’s edits and I’m gonna keep them just out of personal preference.
Third thing- during which the time is grammatically incorrect.

Thanks for the support!

Ok

[Jedinsto]

This has reached quorum and will go to vote at major on August 13th, barring any withdrawals or "Liberate Sparrow" managing to reach quorum somehow.

[Refuge Isle]

[MADE QUORUM AT SOME POINT BETWEEN 39h09 and 40h28]

I would pay money at this point for this thread naming convention to stop being a thing.

[Praeceps]

Weird flex but ok

[The Python]

[MADE QUORUM AT SOME POINT BETWEEN 39h09 and 40h28]

I would pay money at this point for this thread naming convention to stop being a thing.

smh

[Tinhampton]

[MADE QUORUM AT SOME POINT BETWEEN 39h09 and 40h28]

I would pay money at this point for this thread naming convention to stop being a thing.

I only started slapping those [STATUS UPDATES] in my title because I was getting them to vote in less than ten hours, not more than forty!

What I'm more concerned about is that Jedinsto makes his [UPDATES] so fluffy that there isn't even room for him to put his actual proposal titles in his thread titles anymore.