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[DRAFT] Commend HumanSanity

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Moonfungus
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

[DRAFT] Commend HumanSanity

Postby Moonfungus » Sun May 02, 2021 8:42 am

Heyo everyone! This is my first time drafting a proposal for the Security Council, so any feedback or critiques would be really appreciated ^_^

Current Draft:
The Security Council,

Recognizing HumanSanity as an exceptional nation which has tirelessly worked to build regional communities throughout its existence,

Noting HumanSanity’s crucial role in redeveloping a stable and cultured community in Renegade Islands Alliance (RIA) alongside Shizensky, where:
  • it authored a new constitution for RIA,
  • as RIA's Immigration Officer, it recruited new nations into RIA, helping its population grow from 10 to over 300 nations in six months,
  • as RIA's Internal Affairs Officer, it started a mentorship program to help new nations find their way around RIA, initiated monthly formal debates between citizens about various topics and revitalized the regional economy by introducing a new currency for nations to use,
  • as RIA's World Assembly (WA) Delegate, it boosted regional WA participation by starting democratic votes to allow residents to decide how it would vote on WA resolutions,

Observing HumanSanity’s tenure as the Chief Executive (head of government) of RIA after Shizensky retired from the position; where it streamlined the government, introduced unique activities to encourage regional participation, and led RIA's military - the Renegade Islands Alliance Special Forces - in various high-stakes missions with regional allies,

Applauding HumanSanity’s inspiring leadership abilities, best exhibited by SC#173 "Commend Renegade Islands Alliance," which passed during its tenure as Chief Executive for RIA's military excellence,

Acknowledging HumanSanity’s remarkable service to 10000 Islands (XKI) in various capacities, where:
  • as the Senator for Lyonnesse East, it oversaw XKI's various houses and spearheaded the creation of the House Cup and House Shield competition between them to drive regional activity,
  • as the Senator for Blue Canaria North, it managed XKI's emissary reports and reformed their layouts to include interviews, notable regional chatter and a WA voting overview,
  • as XKI's Minister of Immigration, it led XKI's recruitment efforts, increasing the regional population from 1,621 nations in July 2016 to 2,358 nations by October 2016 (a number exceeded only during the delegacies of Kuriko in 2020 and Anime Daisuki and Woonsocket in 2012-13),
  • as XKI's Minister of Labor, it mentored such nations as Grea Kriopia, Free Las Pinas and Wischland, all of which would later contribute much to the growth of XKI and the world at large,
  • as XKI's first Cultural Officer (an office it established to organize regional activities), it greatly enlivened and accelerated participation in the region's cultural landscape by hosting unique events such as the XKI Summer Olympics - which remain one of the largest events ever hosted in XKI - the XKI Best Flag Competition and the XKI National Animal Competition,

Hailing HumanSanity’s campaign to increase transparency in XKI alongside Paffnia (commended by SC#276), leading to the region opening many of its government meetings to citizens in a separate chamber while hosting more sensitive debates in a secure chamber only accessible to government members,

Lauding HumanSanity for founding the XKI Cards Co-op, the artwork collection program of XKI, and supporting its initial development as its first President, where it created an unique cooperative model between members to collect new works of art,

Praising HumanSanity’s efforts to extend the diplomatic ties of XKI, acting as a key mediator in the Treaty of the Waxing Moon, which stabilized relations with The East Pacific after a tense period between the two regions, and the United Island Accord, which began a meaningful partnership with The Union of Democratic States,

Admiring HumanSanity’s stint as XKI's WA Delegate, where it:
  • strengthened ties with existing allies like The South Pacific, The East Pacific and The Rejected Realms by jointly hosting various cultural events, including but not limited to the Tea House of Cards,
  • expanded the diplomatic reach of XKI by initiating new ties with regions as diverse as Thaecia, Refugia and The Labyrinth,
  • acted as the driving force behind the creation of the Partnership for Sovereignty, a unique interregional organization that seeks to represent the interests and protect the autonomy of vulnerable regions in the Security Council,
  • authored SC#344 "Liberate The Embassy" to help defenders secure The Embassy and restore native rule after it was raided,

Acclaiming HumanSanity’s skillful authorship of SC#353 “Commend Deadeye Jack” to immortalize the deeds of a dedicated nation which vastly improved numerous regional communities and defended them from incessant hostile invasions,

Awed by the positive impacts HumanSanity’s actions has had on RIA, XKI and the international community in general,

Hereby commends HumanSanity.

Co-authored by Tinhampton.


Current character count is 4985 with BBCode and 4839 without BBCode.

OLD DRAFTS:
The Security Council,

Recognizing HumanSanity as an exceptional nation which has tirelessly worked to build regional communities throughout its existence,

Noting HumanSanity’s crucial role in restarting the region of Renegade Islands Alliance alongside Shizensky, authoring a new constitution for the region and rebuilding a stable regional community, while holding a plethora of roles in the regional government:
  • As the Immigration Officer of the region, it recruited new nations into the region and grew the regional population from 10 to over 300 nations in six months,
  • As the Internal Affairs Officer of the region, it started the regional mentorship program to guide new nations in getting their footing in the region, initiated monthly formal debates between citizens about various topics and revitalized the regional economy by introducing a new currency for nations to use,
  • As the World Assembly Delegate of the region, it started a democratic vote between the regional populace to decide how the delegate should vote on World Assembly proposals, significantly increasing World Assembly participation in the region,

Observing HumanSanity’s tenure as the Chief Executive of Renegade Islands Alliance, the head of the regional government, following Shizensky’s retirement from the position; in this position, it reorganized the government to be more efficient, introduced unique activities among member nations to encourage regional participation, and led the regional military, Renegade Islands Alliance Special Forces, in various high-stakes missions with allies,

Applauding HumanSanity’s inspiring leadership abilities, best exhibited by the commendation of Renegade Islands Alliance by SCR#173 during its tenure as Chief Executive of the region for its military excellence,

Acknowledging HumanSanity’s remarkable service to 10000 Islands in various capacities, evident by its feats:
  • As the Senator for Lyonnesse East, it oversaw the various houses of the region and spearheaded the creation of the House Cup and House Shield competition between them to increase regional participation,
  • As the Senator for Blue Canaria North, it managed the emissary reports of the region and reformed the report format to include interviews, notable regional chatter and a World Assembly voting overview,
  • As the Minister of Immigration of the region, it led the recruitment efforts of the region and increased the regional population by 800 nations during its term,
  • As the Minister of Labor of the region, it recruited and trained promising government officials like Grea Kriopia, Free Las Pinas and Wischland,
  • As the first Cultural Officer of the region, an office the nation itself established to handle cultural events and activities of the region; in this role, it enlivened the cultural landscape of the region by hosting various unique events like XKI Summer Olympics, XKI Best Flag Competition and XKI National Animal Competition, significantly driving up regional activity and participation,

Hailing HumanSanity’s campaign to increase transparency in 10000 Islands alongside World Assembly commended Paffnia, leading to it opening government discussions to citizens in a separate chamber where they could keep up with the workings of the region, while keeping classified information safe by hosting related debates elsewhere,

Lauding HumanSanity for founding the XKI Cards Co-op, the regional international artwork program of 10000 Islands, and guiding the organization during its infantile stage as its first President, a role in which it created an unique cooperative model between members to collect new artworks,

Praising HumanSanity’s efforts to extend the diplomatic ties of 10000 Islands, acting as a key mediator in the Treaty of the Waxing Moon, which stabilized relations with The East Pacific after a tense period between the two regions, and the United Island Accord, which began a meaningful partnership with The Union of Democratic States,

Admiring HumanSanity’s stint as the World Assembly Delegate of 10000 Islands, a role in which it:
  • Strengthened ties with existing allies like The Rejected Realms and Lazarus by jointly hosting various cultural events, like Tea House of Cards and Harry Potter and The Festival of Friends;
  • Expanded the diplomatic reach of 10000 Islands by initiating new ties with numerous regions, like Thaecia, Refugia and The Labyrinth;
  • Acted as the driving force behind Partnership for Sovereignty, a unique interregional organization that works to maintain the autonomy of vulnerable regions worldwide;
  • Authored SCR#344 "Liberate The Embassy" to assist defenders in taking back the invaded region of The Embassy.

Awed by the positive impacts HumanSanity’s actions has had on the world,

Hereby commends HumanSanity.


The Security Council,

Recognizing HumanSanity as an exceptional nation which has tirelessly worked to build regional communities throughout its existence,

Noting HumanSanity’s crucial role in restarting the region of Renegade Islands Alliance alongside Shizensky, authoring a new constitution for the region and rebuilding a stable regional community, while holding a plethora of roles in the regional government:
  • As the Immigration Officer of the region, it recruited new nations into the region and grew the regional population from 10 to over 300 nations in six months,
  • As the Internal Affairs Officer of the region, it started the regional mentorship program to guide new nations in getting their footing in the region, initiated monthly formal debates between citizens about various topics and revitalized the regional economy by introducing a new currency for nations to use,
  • As the World Assembly Delegate of the region, where it started a democratic vote between the regional populace to decide how the delegate should vote on World Assembly proposals, significantly increasing World Assembly participation in the region,

Observing HumanSanity’s tenure as the Chief Executive of Renegade Islands Alliance, the head of the regional government, following Shizensky’s retirement from the position; in this position, it reorganized the government to be more efficient, introduced unique activities among member nations to encourage regional participation, and led the regional military, Renegade Islands Alliance Special Forces, in various high-stakes missions with allies,

Applauding HumanSanity’s inspiring leadership abilities, best exhibited by the commendation of Renegade Islands Alliance by SCR#173 during its tenure as Chief Executive of the region for its military excellence,

Acknowledging HumanSanity’s remarkable service to 10000 Islands in various capacities, evident by its feats:
  • As the Senator for Lyonnesse East, it oversaw the various royal houses of the region and spearheaded the creation of the House Cup and House Shield competition between them to increase regional participation,
  • As the Senator for Blue Canaria North, it managed the emissary reports of the region and reformed the report format to include interviews, notable regional chatter and a World Assembly voting overview,
  • As the Minister of Immigration of the region, where it led the recruitment efforts of the region and increased the regional population by 800 nations during its term,
  • As the Minister of Labor of the region, where it recruited and trained promising government officials like Grea Kriopia, Free Las Pinas and Wischland,
  • As the first Cultural Officer of the region, an office the nation itself established to handle cultural events and activities of the region; in this role, it enlivened the cultural landscape of the region by hosting various unique events like XKI Summer Olympics, XKI Best Flag Competition and XKI National Animal Competition, significantly driving up regional activity and participation,

Hailing HumanSanity’s campaign to increase transparency in 10000 Islands alongside World Assembly commended Paffnia, leading to it opening government discussions to citizens in a separate chamber where they could keep up with the workings of the region, while keeping classified information safe by hosting related debates elsewhere,

Lauding HumanSanity for founding the XKI Cards Co-op, the regional international artwork program of 10000 Islands, and guiding the organization during its infantile stage as its first President, a role in which it created an unique cooperative model between members to collect new artworks,

Praising HumanSanity’s efforts to extend the diplomatic ties of 10000 Islands, acting as a key mediator in the Treaty of the Waxing Moon, which stabilized relations with The East Pacific after a tense period between the two regions, and the United Island Accord, which began a meaningful partnership with The Union of Democratic States,

Admiring HumanSanity’s stint as the World Assembly Delegate of 10000 Islands, a role in which it:
  • Strengthened ties with existing allies like The Rejected Realms and Lazarus by jointly hosting various cultural events, like Tea House of Cards and Harry Potter and The Festival of Friends,
  • Expanded the diplomatic reach of 10000 Islands by initiating new ties with numerous regions, like Thaecia, Refugia and The Labyrinth,
  • Acted as the driving force behind Partnership for Sovereignty, a unique interregional organization that works to maintain the autonomy of vulnerable regions worldwide,
  • Authored SCR#344 "Liberate The Embassy" to assist defenders in taking back the invaded region of The Embassy,
[/list]

Awed by the positive impacts HumanSanity’s actions has had on the world,

Hereby commends HumanSanity.


The Security Council,

Recognizing HumanSanity as an exceptional nation which has tirelessly worked to build regional communities throughout its existence,

Noting HumanSanity’s crucial role in redeveloping a stable and cultured community in Renegade Islands Alliance (RIA) alongside Shizensky, where:
  • it authored a new constitution for RIA,
  • as RIA's Immigration Officer, it recruited new nations into RIA, helping its population grow from 10 to over 300 nations in six months,
  • as RIA's Internal Affairs Officer, it started a mentorship program to help new nations find their way around RIA, initiated monthly formal debates between citizens about various topics and revitalized the regional economy by introducing a new currency for nations to use,
  • as RIA's World Assembly (WA) Delegate, it boosted regional WA participation by starting democratic votes to allow residents to decide how it would vote on WA resolutions,

Observing HumanSanity’s tenure as the Chief Executive (head of government) of RIA after Shizensky retired from the position; where it reorganized the government to be more efficient, introduced unique activities among residents to encourage regional participation, and led RIA's military - the Renegade Islands Alliance Special Forces - in various high-stakes missions with regional allies,

Applauding HumanSanity’s inspiring leadership abilities, best exhibited by SC#173 "Commend Renegade Islands Alliance," which passed during its tenure as Chief Executive for RIA's military excellence,

Acknowledging HumanSanity’s remarkable service to 10000 Islands (XKI) in various capacities, where:
  • as the Senator for Lyonnesse East, it oversaw XKI's various royal houses and spearheaded the creation of the House Cup and House Shield competition between them to drive regional activity,
  • as the Senator for Blue Canaria North, it managed XKI's emissary reports and reformed their layouts to include interviews, notable regional chatter and a WA voting overview,
  • as XKI's Minister of Immigration, it led XKI's recruitment efforts, increasing the regional population from 1,621 nations in July 2016 to 2,358 nations by October 2016 (a number exceeded only during the delegacies of Kuriko in 2020 and Anime Daisuki and Woonsocket in 2012-13),
  • as XKI's Minister of Labor, it mentored multiple well-known and respected community builders and defenders including Grea Kriopia, Free Las Pinas and Wischland,
  • as XKI's first Cultural Officer - an office it established to organise regional events and activities - it enlivened and accelerated participation in the region's cultural landscape by hosting various unique events like the XKI Summer Olympics, XKI Best Flag Competition and XKI National Animal Competition,

Hailing HumanSanity’s campaign to increase transparency in XKI alongside Paffnia (commended by SC#276), leading to the region opening many of its government meetings to citizens in a separate chamber while hosting more sensitive debates in a Secure Chamber only accessible to government members,

Lauding HumanSanity for founding the XKI Cards Co-op, the artwork collection program of XKI, and guiding the organization during its preliminary stages as its first President, where it created an unique cooperative model between members to collect new works of art,

Praising HumanSanity’s efforts to extend the diplomatic ties of XKI, acting as a key mediator in the Treaty of the Waxing Moon, which stabilized relations with The East Pacific after a tense period between the two regions, and the United Island Accord, which began a meaningful partnership with The Union of Democratic States,

Admiring HumanSanity’s stint as XKI's WA Delegate, where it:
  • strengthened ties with existing allies like The South Pacific and The Rejected Realms by jointly hosting various cultural events, such as Harry Potter and the Festival of Friends and the Tea House of Cards respectively,
  • expanded the diplomatic reach of XKI by initiating new ties with regions as diverse as Thaecia, Refugia and The Labyrinth,
  • acted as the driving force behind the creation of Partnership for Sovereignty, a unique interregional organization that seeks to maintain the autonomy of vulnerable regions and represents such interests in the Security Council,
  • authored SC#344 "Liberate The Embassy" to assist defenders in securing The Embassy and restoring native control following a raid on the region,

Awed by the positive impacts HumanSanity’s actions has had on RIA, XKI and the international community at large,

Hereby commends HumanSanity.

Co-authored by Tinhampton.


Thanks to Grea Kriopia, Free Las Pinas, Paffnia, Timothia, Benevolent Thomas, Andusre, Marrabuk, Asdersland and Quebecshire for the help while drafting this!
Last edited by Moonfungus on Fri May 14, 2021 12:16 am, edited 15 times in total.
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Outer Sparta
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Postby Outer Sparta » Sun May 02, 2021 9:24 am

Good first draft and the nominee is commendable.
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Bhang Bhang Duc
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Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Sun May 02, 2021 9:26 am

Looks a well written and researched draft, though I need a few read throughs to get a real feel for the content.

Minor nitpick: it’s normal practice to write the numbers one to nine as words rather than numbers, so your “4 months....” etc. should be “Four months....” etc. This would also be consistent with your RIA section.
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Postby Tinhampton » Sun May 02, 2021 9:28 am

Reluctantly opposed. SC#344 set a dangerous precedent that the Security Council does not recognise the Violet-given right and ability of "regions which... undermine the sovereignty of other regions... to pursue their chosen foreign affairs strategies;" it should not be the SC's business to perpetuate the idea that raider regions ought to be unable to raid, including through Commending the nation who first argued this point in a resolution, any more than it should perpetuate the idea that defender regions ought to be unable to defend or roleplay regions ought to be unable to roleplay.
Some feedback:
  1. You end normal clauses with commas; however, you end all list clauses with a semicolon apart from the final list clause, which you end with a full stop. Please be consistent :P
  2. I quote the relevant clauses of Commend RIA:
    [...] Applauding the success of the Renegade Islands Alliance Special Forces (RIASF) in successfully launching or supporting allies in more than 30 liberations and several dozen missions to free more than 300 regions from Raider control since October 2013,

    Acknowledging major achievements and contributions of the RIASF, including, but not limited to:
    • December 2013: Contributing to the liberation of Asia from The Black Riders, as one of the largest liberations in history,
    • February 2014: Assisting The Founderless Regions Alliance in securing New Sorvun Republic from foreign aggression, saving it from a hostile refound, and staying during the lengthy occupation that followed,
    • May 2014: The liberation of St Abbaddon, in which the RIASF was later awarded a pin from The United Defenders League to commend their efforts,
    • June 2014: Participation in The United Defenders League's "Spring Cleaning" operation, in which more than 100 regions were freed from Raider control. The RIASF later received a medal from The United Defenders League for their efforts and contribution in the operation,
    • December 2014: Participation in the liberation of Anne Frank from Fascist control, largely considered to be one of the largest joint-Imperialist, Anti-Fascist, and Defender liberations in history, [...]

    Did HumanSanity serve in the government of RIA during this period and how did they contribute to "its military excellence?"
  3. The word "In" after the semicolon in the FURTHER NOTING clause should not be capitalised.
  4. Understandably, you leave much unexplained. What "monthly formal debates" were organised in RIA; what "friendly contest" did HS organise, how many of the "800 nations" that HS helped to recruit were in fact Drewlings, and how did HS "reform [XKI's] government procedures so that citizens could keep up with government discussion while also safeguarding sensitive information?" (Please respond to this in a reply - don't edit your OP, it's nearly overlong anyway)
Last edited by Tinhampton on Sun May 02, 2021 9:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Outer Sparta
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Postby Outer Sparta » Sun May 02, 2021 9:28 am

If HumanSanity's commendation of Deadeye Jack passes, then you can definitely add that to their SC authoring accomplishments. I would keep an eye on that in the near future.
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Postby Refuge Isle » Sun May 02, 2021 10:08 am

Full support, of course. The nominee is deserving and the first draft is well put together.

I agree with BBD's grammar-related commentary, although I'm not sure that changing it to spelled out words is the direction that I'd go with it. Mostly my perspective is that someone can sit in an office for months and months to no degree of consequence, so I'm not entirely sure it adds anything to the presentation. I'm much more interested in what sort of things were accomplished in a given office.

It's also a stylistic choice, but you use "Noting" and "Further noting", as well as "Acknowledging" and "Further Acknowledging". I think it would be best if you found different words to use instead of repeating these openers.

I might be interested in seeing some detail expansion in the XKI transparency section, or at least clarification about what is being meant or advertised. Well done keeping under the character limit.

Tinhampton wrote:Reluctantly opposed. SC#344 set a dangerous precedent that the Security Council does not recognise the Violet-given right and ability of "regions which... undermine the sovereignty of other regions... to pursue their chosen foreign affairs strategies;" it should not be the SC's business to perpetuate the idea that raider regions ought to be unable to raid

lol I think that ship sailed long ago Tin

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Postby Zukchiva » Sun May 02, 2021 11:15 am

Full support for the nominee
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Postby Quebecshire » Sun May 02, 2021 11:17 am

Full support. Like noted above, I suggest waiting to see if Commend Deadeye Jack passes and then mentioning that in this resolution.
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Postby Westinor » Sun May 02, 2021 11:42 am

Currently support, looks like a good draft. Will take a more detailed look later.
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Postby Honeydewistania » Sun May 02, 2021 5:35 pm

Applauding the commendation of Renegade Islands Alliance by SCR#173 for its military excellence under HumanSanity’s inspiring leadership,


I'll comment on other stuff later, but this feels like it belongs in a previous clause, and it reads less like recognising HS' efforts but more like commending the commendation or something.
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Postby Moonfungus » Mon May 03, 2021 2:17 am

Thanks to all who have supported this!

Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:Minor nitpick: it’s normal practice to write the numbers one to nine as words rather than numbers, so your “4 months....” etc. should be “Four months....” etc. This would also be consistent with your RIA section.

Ah, I'll rectify in the next draft then. Thanks for pointing it out!

Tinhampton wrote:Reluctantly opposed.

Does that mean I can still sway your opinion in the near future? :P

Tinhampton wrote:You end normal clauses with commas; however, you end all list clauses with a semicolon apart from the final list clause, which you end with a full stop. Please be consistent

Thanks for pointing it out, I will rectify it and try to be more consistent in the future.

Tinhampton wrote:Did HumanSanity serve in the government of RIA during this period

According to my research, HS was recruited by Shizensky after he left XKI (for the first time, that is) to help him rebuild RIA, in August 2013. He would become the first Immigration Officer of the region for a couple of months, before transitioning to the post of Internal Affairs Officer in October 2013. He would then go on to become one of the most successful IA Officer in the region's history, before being WA locked and elected as the delegate of the region on August 16, 2014. HS was named Shizensky's successor as the Chief Executive (the head of the regional government and the commander-in-chief of the RIASF) of the region on November 2014 and served in that position until June 2015.

So long story short; Yes, HS did serve in the government at that time :P

Tinhampton wrote: how did they contribute to "its military excellence?

Okay yeah, I have to admit something at this point; I had to cut a lot of things to get this draft under the character limit and HS's military record was one of those things that didn't make the cut. Mainly because I wanted to focus on HS's community building and leadership abilities in this proposal, on the effect that HS had on RIA and XKI. His military accomplishments, while really good on its own, didn't exactly fit with the theme I wanted to aim with this proposal.

But I have digressed from your question :P HS was a member of the notable group of RIASF members who participated in the UDL's "Spring Cleaning" operation in June 2014 and in the liberation of St. Abbaddon in May 2014, where he ensured cooperation among the two organizations. He was one of the key leaders of defending who led the RIASF in the liberation of Lazarus in 2014/15 and the refound of Hogwarts (an operation primarily led by Deadeye Jack) in 2015. He was crucial in thwarting LWU's attempt to seize the delegacy of RIA and led an impressive turnaround of the RIASF and the region as a whole after that attack in 2015. He recruited many members who would go on to be future leaders of the RIASF including Tangaroa, his eventual successor. He ranks 5th amongst RIASF sailors in terms of operations participated throughout its history.

All of these, unfortunately, couldn't make it into the draft and will likely won't, unless I aim for Commend HS 2.0 in the future ;) What I can do is to try to rework that clause so it's a bit more specific.

Tinhampton wrote:The word "In" after the semicolon in the FURTHER NOTING clause should not be capitalised.

Thank you for catching that!

Tinhampton wrote:what "friendly contest" did HS organise

It would be the House Cup and House Shield competition in XKI, an annual competition held between regional factions since 2011/2012, iirc. I will try to reword that so it's more specific about what effects it has on regional activity and stuffs.

Tinhampton wrote:how many of the "800 nations" that HS helped to recruit were in fact Drewlings

None of them, surprisingly enough. HS served as the Minister of Immigration of XKI from mid 2016 to early 2017 and oversaw an increase of regional population from 1600ish to 2358 at that time. It was a then all-time high, until the Drewboom in 2020.

Tinhampton wrote:What "monthly formal debates" were organised in RIA

That would be debates about RIA government discussions, decisions and other RL stuffs and this was among citizens of the regions only (Government members excluded), moderated by HS. I will try to reword it as much as I can within character limit.

Tinhampton wrote:how did HS "reform [XKI's] government procedures so that citizens could keep up with government discussion while also safeguarding sensitive information?"
Refuge Isle wrote:I might be interested in seeing some detail expansion in the XKI transparency section, or at least clarification about what is being meant or advertised.

Alas, another thing I had to reword due to character limit. Here's the original excerpt from that section;
Further acknowledging HumanSanity’s campaign to increase transparency in 10000 Islands alongside World Assembly commended nation Paffnia, leading to it establishing a separate, open chamber where citizens could see the proceedings and discussions of the government, while ensuring the safety of sensitive information by limiting related discussions to another, secure chamber which only government officials could access,

Basically what HS did is that he amended the transparency act (NS 284-2, originally authored by Paffnia) to introduce a separate subforum (The Non-Secure Chamber) in the XKI forum where all the Council of 9 discussions now take place. The citizens of the region, who have the ability to propose legislations but not vote on its implementation, could now keep up with the process of their proposed bill's consideration, instead of remaining in the dark for a few months after proposing it and being abruptly told that it didn't pass the vote of the Council of 9. The only exception to this are legislations which may prove disastrous for the region if it's made public, which are handled in another subforum (The Secure Chamber) accessible to the Council of 9 and a select few members related to that discussion.

I'll try my best to rework that clause to have more details in the next draft.

Outer Sparta wrote:If HumanSanity's commendation of Deadeye Jack passes, then you can definitely add that to their SC authoring accomplishments. I would keep an eye on that in the near future.
Quebecshire wrote:Like noted above, I suggest waiting to see if Commend Deadeye Jack passes and then mentioning that in this resolution.

I'm keeping an eye on that resolution and if it passes, I will try to incorporate it into the draft.

Refuge Isle wrote:Mostly my perspective is that someone can sit in an office for months and months to no degree of consequence, so I'm not entirely sure it adds anything to the presentation. I'm much more interested in what sort of things were accomplished in a given office.

Honestly, I might remove the months and terms' mentions and just focus on the achievements HS had during those tenures, if it's well-received. It will save me some characters and give me a chance to rework other sections of the draft.

Refuge Isle wrote:It's also a stylistic choice, but you use "Noting" and "Further noting", as well as "Acknowledging" and "Further Acknowledging". I think it would be best if you found different words to use instead of repeating these openers.

I will fix that in the next draft, thanks!

Honeydewistania wrote:I'll comment on other stuff later, but this feels like it belongs in a previous clause, and it reads less like recognising HS' efforts but more like commending the commendation or something.

Ah, you got me there :p It was previously a part of the "Further acknowledging" clause, but I made its own clause as someone suggested that it deserves special mention. I'll try to reword that so it focuses more on HS's efforts. Thank you!

The next version of the draft might take a while to come, since RL's been a bit hectic for me. I'll try my best to finish it as soon as I can. Thanks to all those who provided feedback!
Last edited by Moonfungus on Mon May 03, 2021 3:55 am, edited 5 times in total.
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Postby Moonfungus » Mon May 03, 2021 11:18 am

Moonfungus wrote:The next version of the draft might take a while to come, since RL's been a bit hectic for me

...or it can come within six hours of this post :P

I've tried my best to implement the given feedback. I couldn't exactly implement a couple of Tinhampton's critiques (sorry about that!) due to character limit and I fear I might've disrupted the flow of the proposal by changing some things, but draft 2 is up. Any feedback is appreciated!
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Postby Twobagger » Tue May 04, 2021 7:40 pm

Sure. Plus points for including the cards co-op and the House competitions.

A few clauses struck me as a little off, notably:

Moonfungus wrote:As the Minister of Immigration of the region, it led the recruitment efforts of the region and increased the regional population by 800 nations during its term,

This makes it sound like XKI's regional population was 800 more at the end of HumanSanity's term than it was at the beginning. However, it looks like HumanSanity was Minister of Immigration from sometime in June/July 2016 to April/May 2017. XKI's population actually decreased over this time, and (apart from the Drew Boom) has stayed at about that level ever since.

Moonfungus wrote:Authored SCR#344 "Liberate The Embassy" to assist defenders in taking back the invaded region of The Embassy.

My recollection is of course different: I remember raiders staying in The Embassy until the embassy collector region's embassies all burned, and then leaving on their own. However, I can't really be sure, since I can't find HS's draft thread for this proposal. If that's the case, though, then this clause seems like it's taking credit for doing nothing.

The Minister of Labor clause is also a little iffy to me. It looks like you're implying that HumanSanity identified these specific nations to fill specific roles in XKI, and then approached them. Is this true? This is good, but it doesn't really connect the dots for me: why is HumanSanity specifically helpful in these nation's development or in the region's growth as a whole? It would also be helpful if you mentioned why those nations were notable: Free Las Pinas appears to have been HS's replacement as Minister of Labor. Wischland is the current Delegate, but is that something you can attribute to HS? Grea Kriopia is more notable to me for being a leader in TITO and then leaving to join TGW. I wouldn't expect anyone outside of XKI to know who any of these nations were, with the possible exception of Grea Kriopia (if you're a game-player). It would be stronger if you could portray HumanSanity as more of a mentor, and less of a HR rep.

All in all, not bad: your description of HumanSanity's accomplishments looks like he's somewhere in between Paffnia and Woonsocket on the "commending XKI nations" scale.
Last edited by Twobagger on Tue May 04, 2021 7:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Quebecshire » Tue May 04, 2021 7:59 pm

Twobagger wrote:My recollection is of course different: I remember raiders staying in The Embassy until the embassy collector region's embassies all burned, and then leaving on their own. However, I can't really be sure, since I can't find HS's draft thread for this proposal. If that's the case, though, then this clause seems like it's taking credit for doing nothing.

So what I remember is that the raiders left on the same update that TITO, the LDF (at the time LCNAF), and some other regional militaries hopped in to secure the embassy, which we did for a short while before it was locked with a native delegate secured. In honesty, it was not a liberation so much as it was extended support, or at was at the very least closer to support than a liberation, since the switch from raider to defender-native delegacies happened due to the raiders leaving at the TITO-led entry into the region.

What I would suggest to moonfungus is editing the clause to something along the lines of the following:

    Authored SCR#344 "Liberate The Embassy" to reinforce defender efforts in securing The Embassy and reestablishing native control following a raid on the region,
I'm not addicted to that wording, just my quick thoughts. I'd be open to more discussion on this, but I do think it's worth mentioning at least briefly, as it was a part of the whole affair and was HumanSanity's first and currently only WASC resolution (though that will likely change with Deadeye Jack's commendation). Though I agree with Twobagger that the current clause isn't entirely indicative of what happened, so I think it should be altered somewhat.

Edit: If it's of relevance to anyone for this, the militaries involved were TITO, Thaecia, The LDF (at the time the LCNAF), Valhalla, The Snakes, and the SPSF, according to the PfS voting recommendation on it.
Last edited by Quebecshire on Tue May 04, 2021 8:05 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby Moonfungus » Wed May 05, 2021 12:54 am

Twobagger wrote:This makes it sound like XKI's regional population was 800 more at the end of HumanSanity's term than it was at the beginning. However, it looks like HumanSanity was Minister of Immigration from sometime in June/July 2016 to April/May 2017. XKI's population actually decreased over this time, and (apart from the Drew Boom) has stayed at about that level.

Somebody has already pointed this out to me on Discord and I've reworded the point to be more indicative of this. Thanks though!

Twobagger wrote:My recollection is of course different: I remember raiders staying in The Embassy until the embassy collector region's embassies all burned, and then leaving on their own. However, I can't really be sure, since I can't find HS's draft thread for this proposal. If that's the case, though, then this clause seems like it's taking credit for doing nothing.

Quebecshire wrote:So what I remember is that the raiders left on the same update that TITO, the LDF (at the time LCNAF), and some other regional militaries hopped in to secure the embassy, which we did for a short while before it was locked with a native delegate secured. In honesty, it was not a liberation so much as it was extended support, or at was at the very least closer to support than a liberation, since the switch from raider to defender-native delegacies happened due to the raiders leaving at the TITO-led entry into the region.

My memories are a bit iffy, since I joined NS around that time and didn't know much about gameplay, TITO and allied forces jumped to secure the region coincidentally at the same update the raiders decided to pull back, i.e what Quebec said. So technically it was a liberation, but it was more of a detag/support mission from that point.

And yeah, my bad, I could've written that clause way better. I will alter it around a bit based on what Quebec said so that it's more indicative of HS' efforts in that whole incident. Because I do feel like it's a really important thing to mention from HS' delegacy in XKI and it also happens to be the only SC resolution he has written up until now (might change in the future with Commend Deadeye Jack). Thanks for pointing it out!

Twobagger wrote:The Minister of Labor clause is also a little iffy to me. It looks like you're implying that HumanSanity identified these specific nations to fill specific roles in XKI, and then approached them. Is this true? This is good, but it doesn't really connect the dots for me: why is HumanSanity specifically helpful in these nation's development or in the region's growth as a whole? It would also be helpful if you mentioned why those nations were notable: Free Las Pinas appears to have been HS's replacement as Minister of Labor. Wischland is the current Delegate, but is that something you can attribute to HS? Grea Kriopia is more notable to me for being a leader in TITO and then leaving to join TGW. I wouldn't expect anyone outside of XKI to know who any of these nations were, with the possible exception of Grea Kriopia (if you're a game-player). It would be stronger if you could portray HumanSanity as more of a mentor, and less of a HR rep.

Yeah, my bad. I had to cut down on that clause because of character constraints and replace with something else. I will reword the whole thing in the next draft. Thanks for your feedback!
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Postby Refuge Isle » Wed May 05, 2021 9:54 am

Quebecshire wrote:
Twobagger wrote:My recollection is of course different: I remember raiders staying in The Embassy until the embassy collector region's embassies all burned, and then leaving on their own. However, I can't really be sure, since I can't find HS's draft thread for this proposal. If that's the case, though, then this clause seems like it's taking credit for doing nothing.

So what I remember is that the raiders left on the same update that TITO, the LDF (at the time LCNAF), and some other regional militaries hopped in to secure the embassy, which we did for a short while before it was locked with a native delegate secured. In honesty, it was not a liberation so much as it was extended support

Raiders did not leave after the embassy closure for a couple days, contrary to their advertisements. I presume this was on the grounds that the embassy closures bugged and some 500-1000 remained in a permanently pending state of "closing immediately". After the liberation was passed, the bulk of the raiders retreated, but there were still ROs present with enough endorsements on them to continue securing the region, post-Frenchy resigning.

I suppose in that regard it could be technically considered a defence rather than a liberation, as there was no delegate at the moment The Embassy updated.

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Postby Benevolent Thomas » Wed May 05, 2021 10:32 am

I support a Commendation of HS. While never a leader in r/d, they have been a leader in every region they've been a member of. I've witnessed their work up close and from afar in both RIA and XKI and can attest that HumanSanity is a rare breed of nation that does not shy away from toil. Always willing to fight the good fight, even if that makes their path a more difficult one. The milestones regions reach under their care is mostly due to the herculean effort HS puts into their role while removing barriers and roadblocks for others who join them in their cause of making a difference.
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Postby A Bloodred Moon » Thu May 06, 2021 6:35 am

Refuge Isle wrote:Raiders did not leave after the embassy closure for a couple days, contrary to their advertisements. I presume this was on the grounds that the embassy closures bugged and some 500-1000 remained in a permanently pending state of "closing immediately". After the liberation was passed, the bulk of the raiders retreated, but there were still ROs present with enough endorsements on them to continue securing the region, post-Frenchy resigning.

I had not intended to engage in this thread, yet it would be counterproductive to let the predictably cheap propaganda stand. Much like we said we would, we indeed withdrew once the embassies were all closed, though this time was extended due to a glitch with the embassies not withdrawing as they should. Raider forces withdrew when we had achieved this objective, no sooner, no later, just as we stated. As you observe, some of the raider Regional Officers remained to be a drain on defender- and native influence, although this was not a coordinated effort or even something most of us intended to do - to imply there was any remaining threat that the liberation magically solved is simply misleading.

I suppose in that regard it could be technically considered a defence rather than a liberation, as there was no delegate at the moment The Embassy updated.

Defenders have a talent to mistake the term "detag" for what sounds more glorious, but the fact remains that it was a mere detag, be it one that involved an unusually large force and a greater time commitment.

While I'm here anyway, I might as well provide what little feedback I can:
Moonfungus wrote:Observing HumanSanity’s tenure as the Chief Executive of Renegade Islands Alliance, the head of the regional government, following Shizensky’s retirement from the position; in this position, it reorganized the government to be more efficient, introduced unique activities among member nations to encourage regional participation, and led the regional military, Renegade Islands Alliance Special Forces, in various high-stakes missions with allies,

If you run out of space, I suggest cutting the reference to Shizensky's term, as it serves no purpose. Perhaps change "...missions with allies" to "...missions alongside regional allies,"? Allies can mean both on a national and a regional level, and I assume you refer to the latter.

Acknowledging HumanSanity’s remarkable service to 10000 Islands in various capacities, evident by its feats:
  • As the Senator for Lyonnesse East, it oversaw the various royal houses of the region and spearheaded the creation of the House Cup and House Shield competition between them to increase regional participation,
  • As the Senator for Blue Canaria North, it managed the emissary reports of the region and reformed the report format to include interviews, notable regional chatter and a World Assembly voting overview,
  • As the Minister of Immigration of the region, where it led the recruitment efforts of the region and increased the regional population by 800 nations during its term,
  • As the Minister of Labor of the region, where it recruited and trained promising government officials like Grea Kriopia, Free Las Pinas and Wischland,
  • As the first Cultural Officer of the region, an office the nation itself established to handle cultural events and activities of the region; in this role, it enlivened the cultural landscape of the region by hosting various unique events like XKI Summer Olympics, XKI Best Flag Competition and XKI National Animal Competition, significantly driving up regional activity and participation,

Emphasis mine: are these separate competitions or is this the name of a single competition? If the former, competition is currently singular. The recruitment item you claim to have addressed, but I can't read it in any way other than that the region grew by 800 nations during his term, so either I am missing something or that is what you are claiming.

Lauding HumanSanity for founding the XKI Cards Co-op, the regional international artwork program of 10000 Islands, and guiding the organization during its infantile stage as its first President, a role in which it created an unique cooperative model between members to collect new artworks,

Perhaps "infantile" might be replaced with "early stages"? I initially thought you were calling it childish, which is possibly just a problem only I have.

Praising HumanSanity’s efforts to extend the diplomatic ties of 10000 Islands, acting as a key mediator in the Treaty of the Waxing Moon, which stabilized relations with The East Pacific after a tense period between the two regions, and the United Island Accord, which began a meaningful partnership with The Union of Democratic States,

Wasn't the former treaty mostly the work of Lenlyvit?

Admiring HumanSanity’s stint as the World Assembly Delegate of 10000 Islands, a role in which it:
  • Strengthened ties with existing allies like The Rejected Realms and Lazarus by jointly hosting various cultural events, like Tea House of Cards and Harry Potter and The Festival of Friends,
  • Expanded the diplomatic reach of 10000 Islands by initiating new ties with numerous regions, like Thaecia, Refugia and The Labyrinth,
  • Acted as the driving force behind Partnership for Sovereignty, a unique interregional organization that works to maintain the autonomy of vulnerable regions worldwide,
  • Authored SCR#344 "Liberate The Embassy" to assist defenders in taking back the invaded region of The Embassy,
[/list]

Your BBCode has an extra "[/list]" in the Embassy's point. In addition, Lazarus and 10000 Islands are not allies.

On to the Embassy: it didn't assist defenders at all, and as was noted at the time of the resolution's passage it served no purpose whatsoever. In fact, it is almost certain HS was aware that the resolution was a pointless propaganda victory for defenders, as he himself noted Europeia's involvement in the occupation and made a lazy attempt to undermine their reputation.

Hereby commends HumanSanity.

Good luck with this.
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Postby Moonfungus » Thu May 06, 2021 10:02 am

A Bloodred Moon wrote:If you run out of space, I suggest cutting the reference to Shizensky's term, as it serves no purpose. Perhaps change "...missions with allies" to "...missions alongside regional allies,"? Allies can mean both on a national and a regional level, and I assume you refer to the latter.

I will consider that, although I'm leaning towards keeping it as it is. I will also change "allies" to "regional allies"

A Bloodred Moon wrote:Emphasis mine: are these separate competitions or is this the name of a single competition? If the former, competition is currently singular.

Oops, my bad. I will fix that in the next draft. Thank you for catching that!

A Bloodred Moon wrote:Perhaps "infantile" might be replaced with "early stages"? I initially thought you were calling it childish, which is possibly just a problem only I have.

Won't probably use "early stages", but I will replace "infantile" with something else.

A Bloodred Moon wrote:The recruitment item you claim to have addressed, but I can't read it in any way other than that the region grew by 800 nations during his term, so either I am missing something or that is what you are claiming.

I haven't updated the draft yet, so it still reads like that. I will update it now.

A Bloodred Moon wrote:Wasn't the former treaty mostly the work of Lenlyvit?

While Lenlyvit was a driving force behind the entire negotiations, HS attended the negotiations as a representative of the Council of 9 and helped smooth things over, since it hadn't been long after XKI-TEP relationship soured over the whole Fedele thing. Note that I mentioned HS was "a key mediator", not "the key mediator"

I do believe that HS was integral to the passing of the treaty, from what I've learned from various XKIers around that time and Marrabuk. Hence it deserves a mention in this commendation.

A Bloodred Moon wrote:Your BBCode has an extra "[/list]" in the Embassy's point. In addition, Lazarus and 10000 Islands are not allies.

Oops, will fix. Thanks for pointing it out!

A Bloodred Moon wrote:On to the Embassy: it didn't assist defenders at all, and as was noted at the time of the resolution's passage it served no purpose whatsoever. In fact, it is almost certain HS was aware that the resolution was a pointless propaganda victory for defenders, as he himself noted Europeia's involvement in the occupation and made a lazy attempt to undermine their reputation.

I can't really comment on the validity of this since I wasn't involved with GP at that time. I have already reworded that point though, if it helps.

A Bloodred Moon wrote:Good luck with this.

Thank you for your feedback!


Draft 3 is now up. Reworded some things to make for more character space, fixed some spelling and code errors and tried to implement the given feedback as best as I could. I do have to apologize to Twobagger for not detailing the Minister of Labor clause much, since it would've probably gone way out of control than I would've liked. I did however reword the thing, so thank you for that! I've also left some space for a potential future clause if Deadeye Jack's commendation passes.
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Postby Refuge Isle » Thu May 06, 2021 11:15 am

A Bloodred Moon wrote:Defenders have a talent to mistake the term "detag" for what sounds more glorious, but the fact remains that it was a mere detag, be it one that involved an unusually large force and a greater time commitment.

If a raider would have been a delegate without intervention, that does not sound like the conditions for a detag to me.

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Postby Numero Capitan » Thu May 06, 2021 11:51 am

I'd say this is a fairly borderline case in terms of merit, HS has done some great things in a number of significant regions and I wouldn't begrudge them a Commendation but when considered against the contributions of a large pool of committed NSers I am not sure anything in this Commendation has the edge that I look for in a nominee (although I feel like the bar has lowered over time). HS is brilliant but if I were to consider the impact of these clauses in terms of their wider impact on NS history and notable events they feel a bit lacking.

I am a bit confused why Tin is listed as a co-author considering she clearly doesn't support the proposal or understand most of the references?

Also, I wouldn't listen to the people suggesting that you wait and see if Commend Deadeye Jack passes. Commending people for commending people is entirely superfluous so let's not keep that centipede going.
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Postby Moonfungus » Thu May 06, 2021 8:10 pm

Numero Capitan wrote:I am a bit confused why Tin is listed as a co-author considering she clearly doesn't support the proposal or understand most of the references?

Tin privately reached out to me and provided some valuable critiques, as well as helped me reword the whole draft, which ended up saving me over 400 characters in total. Without her help, the draft would still probably be a bloated and unnecessarily wordy proposal, something I really would've been unsatisfied with. I believe her contributions were significant enough for me to list her as co-author.

Also, she supports this proposal now :P

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I will consider what you said about the commendation bit and will decide later on whether to include it or not, if it passes.
Last edited by Moonfungus on Thu May 06, 2021 8:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Outer Sparta » Thu May 06, 2021 8:50 pm

Moonfungus wrote:
Numero Capitan wrote:I am a bit confused why Tin is listed as a co-author considering she clearly doesn't support the proposal or understand most of the references?

Tin privately reached out to me and provided some valuable critiques, as well as helped me reword the whole draft, which ended up saving me over 400 characters in total. Without her help, the draft would still probably be a bloated and unnecessarily wordy proposal, something I really would've been unsatisfied with. I believe her contributions were significant enough for me to list her as co-author.

Also, she supports this proposal now :P

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I will consider what you said about the commendation bit and will decide later on whether to include it or not, if it passes.

I'm surprised they opposed it in the first place given they usually support proposals that aren't well-written (even if meant as a joke but also totally serious at the same time).
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Postby Quebecshire » Fri May 07, 2021 12:26 am

Numero Capitan wrote:I'd say this is a fairly borderline case in terms of merit, HS has done some great things in a number of significant regions and I wouldn't begrudge them a Commendation but when considered against the contributions of a large pool of committed NSers I am not sure anything in this Commendation has the edge that I look for in a nominee (although I feel like the bar has lowered over time). HS is brilliant but if I were to consider the impact of these clauses in terms of their wider impact on NS history and notable events they feel a bit lacking.

I agree though I think it's worth a shot, and Mooonfungus has put together a tidy and solid enough draft that I will recommend a For vote from The League if this reaches quorum, and likely an approval during the queue process. It's admittedly not as clear-cut as plenty of other commendation options, but I think HS is definitely a viable candidate to the point where I would probably say if it doesn't happen now, it will happen sooner or later.

Numero Capitan wrote:Also, I wouldn't listen to the people suggesting that you wait and see if Commend Deadeye Jack passes. Commending people for commending people is entirely superfluous so let's not keep that centipede going.

Light disagreement here in this specific case. While I disagree overall with commending people for commending people, I think HS and Frenchy's draft is extremely well put together, very warranted, and think that the WA records of people overall can be a relevant piece of an overall commendation so long as they are not the primary reasoning (except in the case of extreme WA juggernaut players, I suppose).
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Postby Moonfungus » Wed May 12, 2021 10:07 pm

Draft 4 is now up. Added a new clause about Commend Deadeye Jack (since it's very likely to pass), reworded the Minister of Labor and Cultural Officer clause to make it hopefully better and fixed some typos. The draft currently stands at 4985 characters with BBCode and 4839 without BBCode. Any feedback is appreciated!

Edit: Also removed most of the BBCode, someone told me that it might not meet the character limit. It should be fine now. I think.
Last edited by Moonfungus on Fri May 14, 2021 12:17 am, edited 2 times in total.
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