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[RE-DRAFTING] Commend Amerion

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Rabbitz
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[RE-DRAFTING] Commend Amerion

Postby Rabbitz » Sat May 01, 2021 7:34 am

In its present-state, I have little to no intention of submitting it to the SC. I realize that it has numerous ambiguities, holes, and other words that are synonymous/associated with the word "vagueness". The primary reasons for this is that the old Laz forum is shutdown and my sources have forgotten the information - some of it happened in 2015/16 . Which is why I have come to ask of a few things from the SC community: does anyone know and/or can provide the links for specific information regarding Amerion's involvement in Osiris, the Celestial Union, the Humane Republic, and his various UCRs that would help close the gap of vagueness present in the draft and/or add more specific information to the draft; and if not, do you believe that this is a project worth continuing?

Draft:
The Security Council,

Recognizing that the nation of Amerion has made considerable contributions to various regions across the globe in their years of activity;

Acclaiming the nominee’s work in Osiris as Chief Scribe where they set up the first bill system which required the signature of the Pharaoh during Osiris’ change in constitutions;

Applauding Amerion’s dedication to the former Humane Republic of Lazarus where they furthered its goals as:
  • Director of Ceremonies where the nominee created decorative and elaborate guides to teach the legislative standards and processes of the
  • Humane Republic to new Lazarene legislators;
  • Grand Advisor where they safeguarded the region by protecting the seat of the Sovereign and the regional communication board from foreign and domestic threats;
  • Minister Herald where the candidate secured, established, and maintained relations with regions beneficial to the Humane Republic;
  • Grandee Secretary where the nominee advised the Sovereign on rightful governance and stepped in when the Sovereign was absent;
  • Sovereign of Lazarus where the nominee directed and molded the executive body of the Human Republic;

Praising the candidate’s steadfast loyalty to the former Celestial Union by keeping the peace between the extremists and the status quo-ers, and forestalling the eventual coup by the extremists for as long as they did;

Acknowledging Amerion’s work in the current, to the date of writing, government of Lazarus where they created the Criminal Code Act to codify all activities found illegal by the current Lazarene government;

Celebrating the nominee’s work in the South Pacific where they redefined how the position of Chair of the Assembly was perceived by making it look professional and doable.

Hereby commends Amerion.


Thanks!
Last edited by Rabbitz on Mon May 10, 2021 12:55 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Outer Sparta
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Postby Outer Sparta » Sat May 01, 2021 9:34 am

I mean you do have a draft ready so we're technically giving you feedback. As for the nominee, I'm around half/half on whether they are commendable, but I will be open-minded once the relevant research has been done. Decent first draft and I could see it having more potential.
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The Python
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Postby The Python » Sat May 01, 2021 12:43 pm

Full support!

Small thing: this doesn't mention the fact that Amerion was delegate of TSP and is still in the CRS
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Bormiar
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Postby Bormiar » Sat May 01, 2021 4:26 pm

This draft is a little sparse. I'd provide more feedback, but it takes me a long time, and I don't think I want to blow it on a draft that's never going to get submitted.

The Python wrote:Full support!

Small thing: this doesn't mention the fact that Amerion was delegate of TSP and is still in the CRS


Also a small thing: if I recall correctly, Amerion was very inactive during their TSP delegacy due to real-life obligations. At least, that was my (albeit very narrow) experience.

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Bhang Bhang Duc
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Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Sun May 02, 2021 12:21 am

Good first effort, but a little sparse on detail. Needs more research on the nominee’s actions and achievements.
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Andusre
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Postby Andusre » Sun May 02, 2021 1:43 am

I know fairly little about Amerion and their accomplishments as I haven't really interacted with them in an IC or OOC capacity. So I suppose reading & commenting here from the perspective of other WA members across the world who won't know Amerion. So with that in miiiiiiind:

Rabbitz wrote:Acclaiming the nominee’s work in Osiris as Chief Scribe where they set up the first bill system which required the signature of the Pharaoh during Osiris’ change in constitutions;

Hm, I'm not really sure what this means exaclty or why it's worth mentioning. If I remember correctly the Chief Scribe is the head of Osiris' all citizen legislature, but does this "bill system" still exist? Did any pieces of important/impactful legislation pass under this system? Why is it important that it required the Pharaoh's signature exactly?

Rabbitz wrote:Applauding Amerion’s dedication to the former Humane Republic of Lazarus where they furthered its goals as:
  • Director of Ceremonies where the nominee created decorative and elaborate guides to teach the legislative standards and processes of the
  • Humane Republic to new Lazarene legislators;

Looks like a BBCode error here?

Rabbitz wrote:
  • Grand Advisor where they safeguarded the region by protecting the seat of the Sovereign and the regional communication board from foreign and domestic threats;

  • How did they safeguard the region? I assume this is getting at a point that he helped protect the Humane Republic of Lazarus from being couped but I may be wrong in that assumption. This part isn't really clear as to how Amerion safeguarded the then-government of Lazarus.

    Rabbitz wrote:
  • Minister Herald where the candidate secured, established, and maintained relations with regions beneficial to the Humane Republic;

  • Regions such as...? How were these relationships beneficial to Lazarus/NS as a whole? Was there R/D co-operation, cultural co-operation, WA co-operation?

    Rabbitz wrote:
  • Grandee Secretary where the nominee advised the Sovereign on rightful governance and stepped in when the Sovereign was absent;

  • Are there any examples of where Amerion's advice to the Sovereign of Lazarus was impactful or significantly beneficial, and/or examples where they stepped in in the Sovereign's absence to govern Lazarus particularly well/effectively?

    Rabbitz wrote:
  • Sovereign of Lazarus where the nominee directed and molded the executive body of the Human Republic;

  • More detail is needed here about why being the Sovereign of Lazarus is commendable - I suggest finding examples of specific things Amerion did as Sovereign which "molded the executive body" and explain why they are mentionable.

    Rabbitz wrote:Praising the candidate’s steadfast loyalty to the former Celestial Union by keeping the peace between the extremists and the status quo-ers, and forestalling the eventual coup by the extremists for as long as they did;

    I must admit I have no idea what this is about, but that may be due to my own ignorance :P Feel free to enlighten me.

    Rabbitz wrote:Acknowledging Amerion’s work in the current, to the date of writing, government of Lazarus where they created the Criminal Code Act to codify all activities found illegal by the current Lazarene government;

    Why is creating the Criminal Code Act in Lazarus particularly commendable?

    Rabbitz wrote:Celebrating the nominee’s work in the South Pacific where they redefined how the position of Chair of the Assembly was perceived by making it look professional and doable.

    This does not feel like a commendable achievement. It may well be, but your current wording in my opinion doesn't suggest this. Why is making the post of the Chair of the Assembly in TSP look "professional and doable" important? Surely it would be better to focus on what Amerion did in this post (if they even held the post? I can't explicitly tell from this wording) rather than how he made it look.

    Also, Amerion was the delegate of TSP up until very recently. I'm sure there's more mentionable content in his time as delegate of TSP than mentioned here.

    Overall, seems decent but needs a hearty bit more research in almost all areas. I am open to being convinced Amerion is commendable, but this draft doesn't do that argument justice (yet!).

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    Indusse
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    Postby Indusse » Mon May 03, 2021 4:05 am

    I feel that Amerion is a commendable nominee, but the draft needs some work.
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    Rabbitz
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    Postby Rabbitz » Wed May 05, 2021 4:17 pm

    I very much agree with all your posts and all your concerns with my draft, which is why I'll be scrapping this idea. I know if given the proper info, I could've done a lot better and have been a lot less vague in my wording; but this was as far as I had gotten. If anyone wants to continue the idea, you are more than welcome to try. Thanks for the review.

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    Refuge Isle
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    Postby Refuge Isle » Wed May 05, 2021 8:47 pm

    Rabbitz wrote:I very much agree with all your posts and all your concerns with my draft, which is why I'll be scrapping this idea. I know if given the proper info, I could've done a lot better and have been a lot less vague in my wording; but this was as far as I had gotten. If anyone wants to continue the idea, you are more than welcome to try. Thanks for the review.

    The feedback that you've gotten here is meant to press you on specifics, to direct you to where your draft is weak and needs attention. It is to show you what angles it will be hit from at vote. You can use this information to strengthen the quality of your writing, rather than becoming dissuaded.

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    Rabbitz
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    Postby Rabbitz » Sat May 08, 2021 4:22 pm

    Refuge Isle wrote:
    Rabbitz wrote:I very much agree with all your posts and all your concerns with my draft, which is why I'll be scrapping this idea. I know if given the proper info, I could've done a lot better and have been a lot less vague in my wording; but this was as far as I had gotten. If anyone wants to continue the idea, you are more than welcome to try. Thanks for the review.

    The feedback that you've gotten here is meant to press you on specifics, to direct you to where your draft is weak and needs attention. It is to show you what angles it will be hit from at vote. You can use this information to strengthen the quality of your writing, rather than becoming dissuaded.

    A majority of the specifics are on a forum that was shutdown by a person who longer plays NS. This was all that I could produce from a few sources that kinda remember what happened during the time period.

    In addition, I already knew that the draft was partially lacking specifics before I submitted it so that is not why I am dissuaded. I am dissuaded because this was all that I could gain without having access to that forum. Unless you can point me in the direction to people who know of Amerion's actions in Lazarus during the time of the Celestial Union, I'm calling it quits.

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    Lenlyvit
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    Postby Lenlyvit » Sun May 09, 2021 6:44 pm

    Rabbitz wrote:
    Refuge Isle wrote:The feedback that you've gotten here is meant to press you on specifics, to direct you to where your draft is weak and needs attention. It is to show you what angles it will be hit from at vote. You can use this information to strengthen the quality of your writing, rather than becoming dissuaded.

    A majority of the specifics are on a forum that was shutdown by a person who longer plays NS. This was all that I could produce from a few sources that kinda remember what happened during the time period.

    In addition, I already knew that the draft was partially lacking specifics before I submitted it so that is not why I am dissuaded. I am dissuaded because this was all that I could gain without having access to that forum. Unless you can point me in the direction to people who know of Amerion's actions in Lazarus during the time of the Celestial Union, I'm calling it quits.

    You may be able to find information in the Wayback machine archives. Clicking any link will bring you to the page if it was captured by the Wayback, but unfortunately it's only publicly viewable pages that are captured unless there's a link that exists that can bring you to group specific pages that were captured.

    https://web.archive.org/web/20170714083 ... arus/index
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    BlazingNation
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    Postby BlazingNation » Wed May 12, 2021 10:08 pm

    i support this

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    Kylia Quilor
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    Postby Kylia Quilor » Thu May 13, 2021 7:42 am

    This seems pretty thin for a commendation - it's mostly activity in Lazarus, which, while nice, one region activity is usually not enough for a commendation, and the non-Laz activity seems pretty light.
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    The Python
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    Postby The Python » Thu May 13, 2021 8:21 pm

    Rabbitz wrote:Acclaiming the nominee’s work in Osiris as Chief Scribe where they set up the first bill system which required the signature of the Pharaoh during Osiris’ change in constitutions;

    When? Right now I don't even know if this was during Kemetic Republic or Fraternal Order regime...

    Rabbitz wrote:
    • Director of Ceremonies where the nominee created decorative and elaborate guides to teach the legislative standards and processes of the
    • Humane Republic to new Lazarene legislators;

    I assume this is a typo

    Rabbitz wrote:Praising the candidate’s steadfast loyalty to the former Celestial Union by keeping the peace between the extremists and the status quo-ers, and forestalling the eventual coup by the extremists for as long as they did;
    What do you mean by this? Right now I have no idea (well I know, but not just from this draft) who the coupers were, when this happened, what happened etc. other than that it was a coup.

    Rabbitz wrote:Celebrating the nominee’s work in the South Pacific where they redefined how the position of Chair of the Assembly was perceived by making it look professional and doable.
    How did they do this? By passing a law, informal guidelines etc.

    Other things to mention which you haven't yet:
    - Amerion was a justice in Lazarus at one point, which is not mentioned
    - Also his delegacy in the South Pacific
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