[PASSED] Commend Honeydewistania

[Calamari Lands]

Feedback is appreciated. I want this proposal to be the best it can be, so be harsh if you need to. Thank you.
Edit: It has been submitted https://www.nationstates.net/page=UN_vi ... 1617893824
Commend Honeydewistania

The World Assembly,

Recognizing the ample contributions of Honeydewistania and its protectorates (Whatermelons Second Country and That Crazy Casbah Sound) to both branches of the World Assembly, having authored or co-authored 20 WA resolutions, including:

1. Contributing greatly to the WA through the General Assembly, passing:
   
   1. Environmental resolutions, which effectively created public interest in issues such as pollution and the destruction of ecosystems, including GA#511 "Ensuring Effectual Recycling", which helped promote recycling of waste and other environmentally friendly practices, and GA#494 "Regulating Desalination", which put restrictions so that desalination will not harm ecosystems,
   2. GA#498 "Ban on Forced Blood Sports", which banned animals from participating in blood sports such as bullfighting under coercion,
   3. GA#518 "Reducing Disease Vectors", which tackled the issue of disease-carrying beings to help WA nations prevent catastrophic epidemics or pandemics,
2. Repealing troublesome GA resolutions that could have caused major issues despite their good intentions, these being:
   
   1. Environmental resolutions such as GA#525 "Landfill Regulation Act", which enforced unclear definitions and unnecessary bureaucracy that made the regulation process exhausting for WA nations, and GA#507 "Promotion of Recycling", which attempted to improve environmental friendliness but failed at being coherent,
   2. GA#528 "Protecting Sites of Religious Significance", a resolution which overreached and resulted in disastrous consequences, namely choking the identification process in bureaucracy,
   3. GA#502 "Freedom to Seek Medical Care II", a resolution which allowed medical tourists to disregard national justice due to unfortunate wording,
3. Further contributing through the Security Council with other resolutions, these being:
   
   1. Commendations of anti-fascists, such as SC#315 Vippertooth33, a shining figure of the movement as the MT Army Leader, and SC#331 and SC#324 Sierra Lyricalia and The Red Fleet, a nation and region which made long-term effective contributions to anti-fascism, plus extensive GA work from the former,
   2. Art-related ones, like SC#320 Condemn Noahs Second Country, a nation that disrupted international artwork trade, and SC#335 Commend Praeceps and SC#343 Commend 1 very fast endotarter, officially commending the two pioneers of the famed Cards Guild of The North Pacific,
   3. SC#340 Commend Singapore no2, a nation renowned for their proficiency in resolving disputes and dilemmas that plagued leaders,
   4. SC#332 Commend Kenmoria, an innovative and internationally helpful nation regarding WA matters,
4. Aiding first time resolution writers in GA and SC resolutions such as:
   
   1. GA#526 "Land Reclamation Regulation" with Orca and Narwhal, which put reasonable limits on creating artificial land for development,
   2. GA#521 "Repeal: GMO International Trade Accord" with Regnum Italiae, repealed due to unclear and potentially harmful clauses when dealing with genetically modified organisms,
   3. SC#338 "Commend Verdant Haven" with Westinor, for unearthing conspiracies and contributing to the development of Forest,

Applauding Honeydewistania's work as a member of the MT Army, one of the oldest and greatest anti-fascist military bodies, via vassal state Anarchic Turkish States, where their infiltration and intelligence gathering skills secured entry into fortified fascist regions such as Northern Redlands and The United Nations of 9pol,

Further applauding Honeydewistania’s leadership in MT Army or Antifa operations, in cases as their significant role in the complicated liberation of The Red States, which required many attempts in order to finally stop a deplorable fascist coalition from occupying and destroying the region, and Nuevo Amanecer, where the nation bravely led the attacking charge against this notorious horrific region and seized victory for anti-fascism,

Lauding their work as Chief Mariner of Mariner Trench, leading a new government with a new delegate, and Vice President of the URA, where they helped with enforcing professionalism, structuring the WA voting system, and helping URA resolution authors,

Considering that these many contributions have had an unquestionably positive impact on the international community, fighting against fascism and helping the environment and art community, and thus warrant official recognition,

Hereby Commends Honeydewistania.

[Indusse]

Hello, It's a nice draft that you have presented out here.
There's already someone else who's drafting a commendation for this nominee.

Here's it: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=499558

[Calamari Lands]

Edit: Added BB code.

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

Couple of things that strike me on a very quick first read:

• I think you need to stick all the GA work with all the GA work
• Likewise SC work with SC work
• For their fast bashing work maybe name the nations they worked through
• Your last line prior to the operative clause doesn't make much sense to me

It's detailed, but not well organised at the moment. However, it's a pretty good draft for a first attempt.

[Calamari Lands]

Couple of things that strike me on a very quick first read:

• I think you need to stick all the GA work with all the GA work
• Likewise SC work with SC work
• For their fast bashing work maybe name the nations they worked through
• Your last line prior to the operative clause doesn't make much sense to me

It's detailed, but not well organised at the moment. However, it's a pretty good draft for a first attempt.

Thank you very much for the constructive feedback, I'll follow your suggestions and see how it looks. One question, though, how does the last line not make sense? Its purpose was to wrap up the resolution nicely, implying that Honeydewsitania deserves to be commended and the acknowledgment that comes with being commended.
Maybe I should just reword it, or perhaps it's unnecessary and makes it more confusing.

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

Couple of things that strike me on a very quick first read:

• I think you need to stick all the GA work with all the GA work
• Likewise SC work with SC work
• For their fast bashing work maybe name the nations they worked through
• Your last line prior to the operative clause doesn't make much sense to me

It's detailed, but not well organised at the moment. However, it's a pretty good draft for a first attempt.

Thank you very much for the constructive feedback, I'll follow your suggestions and see how it looks. One question, though, how does the last line not make sense? Its purpose was to wrap up the resolution nicely, implying that Honeydewsitania deserves to be commended and the acknowledgment that comes with being commended.
Maybe I should just reword it, or perhaps it's unnecessary and makes it more confusing.

I always recommend that new authors should look at previous C&Cs to get ideas for standards, layout etc. Maybe look at the final lines in other Commendations for inspiration (but don't copy word for word). Yours is a little unclear.

One other quick point - give the number of the GA and SC resolutions as well as their title e.g. GA #XYZ "Blah, blah, blah".

[Calamari Lands]

Thank you very much for the constructive feedback, I'll follow your suggestions and see how it looks. One question, though, how does the last line not make sense? Its purpose was to wrap up the resolution nicely, implying that Honeydewsitania deserves to be commended and the acknowledgment that comes with being commended.
Maybe I should just reword it, or perhaps it's unnecessary and makes it more confusing.

I always recommend that new authors should look at previous C&Cs to get ideas for standards, layout etc. Maybe look at the final lines in other Commendations for inspiration (but don't copy word for word). Yours is a little unclear.

One other quick point - give the number of the GA and SC resolutions as well as their title e.g. GA #XYZ "Blah, blah, blah".

Got it. Thank you.
Also, by mentioning the nations they worked through, do you mean specific raid puppets, or just the MT nation they mostly worked through?

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

I always recommend that new authors should look at previous C&Cs to get ideas for standards, layout etc. Maybe look at the final lines in other Commendations for inspiration (but don't copy word for word). Yours is a little unclear.

One other quick point - give the number of the GA and SC resolutions as well as their title e.g. GA #XYZ "Blah, blah, blah".

Got it. Thank you.
Also, by mentioning the nations they worked through, do you mean specific raid puppets, or just the MT nation they mostly worked through?

Possibly a mixture of both? Where they infiltrated as part of a long term operation then maybe use the puppet, otherwise their MT nation. Mind you others may advise differently.

[Calamari Lands]

Got it. Thank you.
Also, by mentioning the nations they worked through, do you mean specific raid puppets, or just the MT nation they mostly worked through?

Possibly a mixture of both? Where they infiltrated as part of a long term operation then maybe use the puppet, otherwise their MT nation. Mind you others may advise differently.

Edits:
- Mentioned ATS as the nominee's military nation.
- Separated SC and GA resolutions except in the "Aiding" clause, which I'm not sure what to do with and could use feedback on.
- Provided resolution numbers.
- Reworked "Considering" clause.

[Outer Sparta]

Hello, It's a nice draft that you have presented out here.
There's already someone else who's drafting a commendation for this nominee.

Here's it: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=499558

That other one isn't really being worked on, so safe to say this one is the more relevant Honeydew draft. I also doubt the author noticed that one, and even if they did, this draft of theirs is quite good so far and original.

[Calamari Lands]

Hello, It's a nice draft that you have presented out here.
There's already someone else who's drafting a commendation for this nominee.

Here's it: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=499558

That other one isn't really being worked on, so safe to say this one is the more relevant Honeydew draft. I also doubt the author noticed that one, and even if they did, this draft of theirs is quite good so far and original.

I indeed didn't notice it, and I respectfully believe that mine is better. Also, as you said, the other isn't being worked on, while I intend to apply all suggestions ASAP.

[Outer Sparta]

That other one isn't really being worked on, so safe to say this one is the more relevant Honeydew draft. I also doubt the author noticed that one, and even if they did, this draft of theirs is quite good so far and original.

I indeed didn't notice it, and I respectfully believe that mine is better. Also, as you said, the other isn't being worked on, while I intend to apply all suggestions ASAP.

You have a very organized draft so far, especially splitting up the GA accomplishments and the SC in separate sections. Honeydew's work in other gameplay areas like anti-fascist defending and raiding also deserves recognition and I see you did some good research in that area as well.

[Calamari Lands]

I indeed didn't notice it, and I respectfully believe that mine is better. Also, as you said, the other isn't being worked on, while I intend to apply all suggestions ASAP.

You have a very organized draft so far, especially splitting up the GA accomplishments and the SC in separate sections. Honeydew's work in other gameplay areas like anti-fascist defending and raiding also deserves recognition and I see you did some good research in that area as well.

Yes, I spent a while gathering relevant WA and military information and making sure it was good enough for the Commendation. Thank you for your kind words.

[Tinhampton]

support - obviously =P

[Refuge Isle]

You are around 450 characters over the submission limit.

[Calamari Lands]

You are around 450 characters over the submission limit.

Last I checked, I was not over the limit. I was at 4995. I'll check again and make some edits in a moment, if necessary.
Do BB code commands count as part of the limit?

[Refuge Isle]

You are around 450 characters over the submission limit.

Last I checked, I was not over the limit. I was at 4995. I'll check again and make some edits in a moment, if necessary.
Do BB code commands count as part of the limit?

Yes, the limit is pre-formatted, so all of the BB code counts against you, and linebreaks are measured a little wonky.

[Outer Sparta]

You are around 450 characters over the submission limit.

Last I checked, I was not over the limit. I was at 4995. I'll check again and make some edits in a moment, if necessary.
Do BB code commands count as part of the limit?

If your draft appears to be over the limit, then cut out any fluff or superfluous parts that aren't needed.

[Calamari Lands]

Last I checked, I was not over the limit. I was at 4995. I'll check again and make some edits in a moment, if necessary.
Do BB code commands count as part of the limit?

Yes, the limit is pre-formatted, so all of the BB code counts against you, and linebreaks are measured a little wonky.

Ah. Unfortunate.

Which parts do you think could be cut out and not make a significant change?

[Calamari Lands]

Last I checked, I was not over the limit. I was at 4995. I'll check again and make some edits in a moment, if necessary.
Do BB code commands count as part of the limit?

If your draft appears to be over the limit, then cut out any fluff or superfluous parts that aren't needed.

Edit: Took out some redundant wording and made the resolution more concise, it's at 4951.

[Outer Sparta]

If your draft appears to be over the limit, then cut out any fluff or superfluous parts that aren't needed.

Edit: Took out some redundant wording and made the resolution more concise, it's at 4951.

Does that include or exclude the BBCode (which counts towards the character count)?

[Refuge Isle]

Yes, the limit is pre-formatted, so all of the BB code counts against you, and linebreaks are measured a little wonky.

Ah. Unfortunate.

Which parts do you think could be cut out and not make a significant change?

For me, my preference on SC writing is seeing a narration and evolving story of a character. Give me an idea of this nation, what they have done, what did believed in, and how their work in those fields helped NS and fix its problems. You have a series of bulleted items that constitute a list of things, but in a rather dry and passionless way that simply dumps them on the page and moves on to the next dump. I would be interested in seeing a resolution like this look more like Commend Kuriko, Commend Sierra Lyricalia, or Commend Singapore no2, all of whom could have been simple laundry lists of their target's contributions, but were expanded to be representative of their target's depth.

Your difficulty in this area is that, to my knowledge, Honeydew does not have a substantial involvement in any field except for rapid-firing WA resolutions in the last year, which makes narrative content harder to come by.

For an answer you may enjoy hearing more, I would remove GAR#526 from section one. That resolution was a co-authorship and you notate as such when you list it again in the fourth section.

I am, personally, uncertain if a repeal counts as commendable material when it is not replaced, for it usually makes a hole that previous legislation filled. That said, people have different feelings about things, possibly driven by their eras. Two years ago there was certainly a stronger animosity towards repeals as resolutions that "tear down the World Assembly", but it's possible that sentiment no longer remains to any degree that will affect this proposal.

[Calamari Lands]

Edit: Took out some redundant wording and made the resolution more concise, it's at 4951.

Does that include or exclude the BBCode (which counts towards the character count)?

Includes everything. I basically took the text, including BB code, and tried to post it on Discord. It isn't a bad method when you're on mobile.

[Calamari Lands]

Ah. Unfortunate.

Which parts do you think could be cut out and not make a significant change?

For me, my preference on SC writing is seeing a narration and evolving story of a character. Give me an idea of this nation, what they have done, what did believed in, and how their work in those fields helped NS and fix its problems. You have a series of bulleted items that constitute a list of things, but in a rather dry and passionless way that simply dumps them on the page and moves on to the next dump. I would be interested in seeing a resolution like this look more like Commend Kuriko, Commend Sierra Lyricalia, or Commend Singapore no2, all of whom could have been simple laundry lists of their target's contributions, but were expanded to be representative of their target's depth.

Your difficulty in this area is that, to my knowledge, Honeydew does not have a substantial involvement in any field except for rapid-firing WA resolutions in the last year, which makes narrative content harder to come by.

For an answer you may enjoy hearing more, I would remove GAR#526 from section one. That resolution was a co-authorship and you notate as such when you list it again in the fourth section.

I am, personally, uncertain if a repeal counts as commendable material when it is not replaced, for it usually makes a hole that previous legislation filled. That said, people have different feelings about things, possibly driven by their eras. Two years ago there was certainly a stronger animosity towards repeals as resolutions that "tear down the World Assembly", but it's possible that sentiment no longer remains to any degree that will affect this proposal.

Your first criticism, as you said, is harder to apply, but I will think about it and perhaps apply it if I think it's possible. However, I don't want to create a resolution that's a mixture of mine and the style you advocate, because that'd just be a jumbled mess.

As for your other criticisms, they are also fair, but I feel like a repeal is still commendable, personally. After all, repeals happen for a reason: the resolution repealed could cause problems, and it aims to eliminate those. Replacing them is also commendable, possibly more commendable, but that doesn't make a repeal less honorable. Althought, this is all my personal opinion.
Limiting the Co-Authorships to the "Aiding" clause and removing them from the others would be a good idea. I'll think about it as well.

Thank you very much for your criticism.

[Tinhampton]

Do consider the below rewrite (which, as far as I know, weighs in at 4,495 characters):

Code: Select all

The World Assembly,

[b]Recognizing[/b] Honeydewistania's great contributions to both chambers of the World Assembly, especially their authorship and co-authorship of twenty WA resolutions, in which they:
[list=1][*][u]Protected[/u] the environment and [u]Furthered[/u] public interest towards it, including not only the fight against pollution and global warming but also animal rights and health, through the following GA resolutions:
[list=A][*]GA#511 "Ensuring Effectual Recycling", which requires WA members to facilitate, promote and incentivize recycling,
[*]GA#494 "Regulating Desalination", which binds WA members into ensuring that desalination does not harm biodiversity,
[*]GA#498 "Ban on Forced Blood Sports", which protects the right of animals not to be forced to die in sports such as bullfighting or dogfighting,
[*]GA#526 "Land Reclamation Regulation", which forbids WA members from unilaterally creating artificial land which may harm wildlife in the surrounding bodies of water,
[*]GA#518 "Reducing Disease Vectors", which urges WA members to take action against certain animals and the diseases they may spread,[/list]
[*][u]Repealed[/u] five well-intentioned but troublesome GA resolutions:
[list=A][*]GA#502 "Repeal "Freedom to Seek Medical Care II"", which unfortunately forbade WA members from prosecuting certain individuals merely in violation of national law,
[*]GA#525 "Repeal "Landfill Regulation Act", which made the landfill regulation process exhausting - if not unnecessarily bureaucratic - for member nations,
[*]GA#528 "Repeal "Protecting Sites of Religious Significance"", which drowned a necessary site identification process in excessive bureaucracy,
[*]GA#521 "Repeal "GMO International Trade Accord"", which failed to forthrightly deal with the important topic of genetically modified organisms,
[*]GA#507 "Repeal "Promotion of Recycling"", which imposed regrettably overbearing and protectionist restrictions on domestic recycling schemes,[/list]
[*][u]Contributed[/u] to the Security Council through passing:
[list=A][*] SC#315 "Commend [nation]Vippertooth33[/nation]", leader of [region]the MT Army[/region], one of the oldest and greatest anti-fascist militaries,
[*]SC#324 "Commend [region]The Red Fleet[/region] and SC#331 "Commend [nation]Sierra Lyricalia[/nation]", both of which have similarly had long-term positive impacts on anti-fascism,
[*]SC#338 "Commend [nation]Verdant Haven[/nation]", for unearthing conspiracies, contributing to the development of [region]Forest[/region] and co-authoring Honeydewistania's repeal of GA#507,
[*]SC#340 "Commend [nation]Singapore no2[/nation]", due to their bringing up many unrecognised issues,
[*]SC#343 "Commend [nation]1 very fast endotarter[/nation]", due to their contributions to art, regional legislation and furthering interregional ties,
[*]SC#335 "Commend [nation]Praeceps[/nation]", a nation revered for its work in various branches of The North Pacific,
[*]SC#332 "Commend [nation]Kenmoria[/nation]", an innovative and internationally helpful nation when it comes to WA matters,
[*]SC#320 "Condemn [nation]Noahs Second Country[/nation]", a nation that disrupted trade of international artwork in several ways, and[/list]
[*][u]Aided[/u] first time WA resolution writers such as [nation]Orca and Narwhal[/nation] (GA#526), [nation]Regnum Italiae[/nation] (GA#521), and [nation]Westinor[/nation] (SC#338),[/list]

[b]Applauding[/b] Honeydewistania's work in the MT Army through [nation]Anarchic Turkish States[/nation]; and especially admiring their talent as an infiltrator and intelligence gatherer for the same, such as in:
[list=1][*][region]The Red States[/region], a complicated and Antifa-led liberation operation which Honeydewistania participated in and that eventually succeeded after many attempts,
[*][region]Northern Redlands[/region], where Honeydewistania's role was critical in allowing the MT Army to take control of the region due to its many harmful fascist ties,
[*][region]The United Nations of 9pol[/region], where Honeydewistania's infiltration and spying abilities were crucial in seizing the fascist-sympathizing region,
[*][region]Nuevo Amanecer[/region], in which Honeydewistania bravely led the attacking troops and achieved an outstanding victory,[/list]

[b]Considering[/b] that these many contributions have had an unquestionably positive impact on the international community and warrant official recognition,

Hereby Commends [nation]Honeydewistania[/nation].

The World Assembly,

Recognizing Honeydewistania's great contributions to both chambers of the World Assembly, especially their authorship and co-authorship of twenty WA resolutions, in which they:

1. Protected the environment and Furthered public interest towards it, including not only the fight against pollution and global warming but also animal rights and health, through the following GA resolutions:
   
   1. GA#511 "Ensuring Effectual Recycling", which requires WA members to facilitate, promote and incentivize recycling,
   2. GA#494 "Regulating Desalination", which binds WA members into ensuring that desalination does not harm biodiversity,
   3. GA#498 "Ban on Forced Blood Sports", which protects the right of animals not to be forced to die in sports such as bullfighting or dogfighting,
   4. GA#526 "Land Reclamation Regulation", which forbids WA members from unilaterally creating artificial land which may harm wildlife in the surrounding bodies of water,
   5. GA#518 "Reducing Disease Vectors", which urges WA members to take action against certain animals and the diseases they may spread,
2. Repealed five well-intentioned but troublesome GA resolutions:
   
   1. GA#502 "Repeal "Freedom to Seek Medical Care II"", which unfortunately forbade WA members from prosecuting certain individuals merely in violation of national law,
   2. GA#525 "Repeal "Landfill Regulation Act", which made the landfill regulation process exhausting - if not unnecessarily bureaucratic - for member nations,
   3. GA#528 "Repeal "Protecting Sites of Religious Significance"", which drowned a necessary site identification process in excessive bureaucracy,
   4. GA#521 "Repeal "GMO International Trade Accord"", which failed to forthrightly deal with the important topic of genetically modified organisms,
   5. GA#507 "Repeal "Promotion of Recycling"", which imposed regrettably overbearing and protectionist restrictions on domestic recycling schemes,
3. Contributed to the Security Council through passing:
   
   1. SC#315 "Commend Vippertooth33", leader of the MT Army, one of the oldest and greatest anti-fascist militaries,
   2. SC#324 "Commend The Red Fleet and SC#331 "Commend Sierra Lyricalia", both of which have similarly had long-term positive impacts on anti-fascism,
   3. SC#338 "Commend Verdant Haven", for unearthing conspiracies, contributing to the development of Forest and co-authoring Honeydewistania's repeal of GA#507,
   4. SC#340 "Commend Singapore no2", due to their bringing up many unrecognised issues,
   5. SC#343 "Commend 1 very fast endotarter", due to their contributions to art, regional legislation and furthering interregional ties,
   6. SC#335 "Commend Praeceps", a nation revered for its work in various branches of The North Pacific,
   7. SC#332 "Commend Kenmoria", an innovative and internationally helpful nation when it comes to WA matters,
   8. SC#320 "Condemn Noahs Second Country", a nation that disrupted trade of international artwork in several ways, and
4. Aided first time WA resolution writers such as Orca and Narwhal (GA#526), Regnum Italiae (GA#521), and Westinor (SC#338),

Applauding Honeydewistania's work in the MT Army through Anarchic Turkish States; and especially admiring their talent as an infiltrator and intelligence gatherer for the same, such as in:

1. The Red States, a complicated and Antifa-led liberation operation which Honeydewistania participated in and that eventually succeeded after many attempts,
2. Northern Redlands, where Honeydewistania's role was critical in allowing the MT Army to take control of the region due to its many harmful fascist ties,
3. The United Nations of 9pol, where Honeydewistania's infiltration and spying abilities were crucial in seizing the fascist-sympathizing region,
4. Nuevo Amanecer, in which Honeydewistania bravely led the attacking troops and achieved an outstanding victory,

Considering that these many contributions have had an unquestionably positive impact on the international community and warrant official recognition,

Hereby Commends Honeydewistania.