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[DEFEATED] Condemn Scardino

https://forum.nationstates.net/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=495026

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[DEFEATED] Condemn Scardino

PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2020 9:11 pm
by The Python
This is a very short thing, but it will probably grow as it is developed

The Security Council,
NOTING Scardino's oppressive approach to political and personal freedom, enforcing military conscription, compulsory daily singing of the national anthem at schools and corporal punishment
DISTURBED at the fact that Scardino is a member of Lone Wolves United, an organisation known for infamously invading many regions and that has also been condemned by this body
SHOCKED that Scardino has a high rank on Lone Wolves United and has even led invasions
REVOLTED about Scardino's involvement of the 2019 TEP coup, in which using his puppet Fedele Scardino ejected countless natives from The East Pacific
Hereby condemns Scardino

The Security Council,

NOTING that Scardino has been heavily involved in raiding and destroying many regions, and raiding is widely despised around the world,

SHOCKED that Scardino founded Lone Wolves United (hereafter referred to as LWU), an infamous raider organisation that has even been condemned by this body, and has terrorized countless regions such as Great Barrier Reef, [region]United Federation of Planets[/ergion] and Supreme Union, displacing the rightful residents of these victim regions,

DISMAYED at Scardino’s work to help revitalise the Sekhmet Legion of Osiris - the Sekhmet Legion participated in many raids, such as the infamous raids on Hypernova House and Socialist Alliance of Eurasia led by Scardino,

REVOLTED about Scardino's involvement in the 2019 coup in The East Pacific, when through its puppet Fedele, Scardino brutally couped The East Pacific after being democraticaly elected into power, and:
- Unlawfully banned delegate-elect Marrabuk from The East Pacific,
- Started the "marsupial purges", in which Scardino, helped by other coupers, ruthlessly ejected countless natives from The East Pacific,
- Dismissed and ejected many native viziers such as Aelitia, Todd McCloud and Bachtendekuppen,

BELIEVING that a Scardino is worthy of a condemnation,

Hereby condemns Scardino

The Security Council,

NOTING that Scardino has been heavily involved in raiding, capturing and destroying innumerable regions,

FURTHER NOTING that Scardino has terrorized countless regions, displacing the rightful residents of these victim regions,

SHOCKED at the fact that Scardino founded Lone Wolves United (hereafter referred to as LWU), an infamous raider organisation that has been condemned by this very body,

ANNOYED at the 2006 incident in The North Pacific, in which Scardino launched counter-intelligence operations on The North Pacific and blocked attempts to counter LWU's brutal raids,

DISMAYED at Scardino's work to help revitalize the Sekhmet Legion of Osiris, which proceeded to participate in countless raids such as the infamous raid on Hypernova House led by Scardino,

REVOLTED by Scardino's involvement in the coup of the East Pacific in 2019, where Scardino, upon successful infiltration of the government of the East Pacific under the satellite nation of Fedele:
- Illegaly ejected the delegate-elect Marrabuk from the region,
- Dismissed all but one of the region's Viziers who were tasked with the protection of the region, and ejecting viziers Aelitia, Todd McCloud, and Bachtendekuppen,
- Began the "Marsupial Purges", where countless smaller, developing nations were forcibly and brutally relocated from their territories to the Rejected Realms,
- Spread propaganda throughout the coup to suppress opposition, such as allowing nations with high endorsement counts to take part in the brutal marsupial purges,

BELIEVING that a condemnation is necessary to express the severity of Scardino's actions,

Hereby condemns Scardino


The Security Council,

NOTING that Scardino founded Lone Wolves United (hereby referred to as LWU), a region which has destroyed countless regions such as Belgium, Hell, Great Barrier Reef and Anarchy over its fifteen year history,

FURTHER NOTING that Scardino has led invasions and overseen the destruction of many regions with active communities, including but not limited to the raids on United Federation of Planets, Great Barrier Reef and Supreme Union along with the The Pacific (which has also been previously condemned by the World Assembly),

ANNOYED that Lone Wolves United also helped Funkadelia coup the sinker region Lazarus in 2018 (even though Scardino was never directly involved in this),

DISTURBED about Scardino's involvement in the Sekhmet Legion of Osiris, reviving activity there and organising many raids on regions with active communities, such as the capture and destruction of Socialist Alliance of Eurasia, as well as the infamous infiltration of Hypernova House - in Hypernova House, Scardino, along with others from the Sekhmet Legion, infiltrated the government, only to betray their trust by removing all regional officers, ejecting countless natives and eventually destroying the region,

APPALLED at Scardino's actions in the East Pacific, in which Scardino, using the puppet nation Fedele, infiltrated the government of the East Pacific and led a regime responsible for mass ejections and eventually attempted to coup the region in October 2019,

REVOLTED at Scardino's actions during the coup, which include but are not limited to:
- Vote stacking by asking members of the infamous Rahl family to vote in Scardino's favour during one of the TEP elections (this was before the coup),
- Illegally dismissing all but one of the security representatives of the East Pacific, the Viziers, thus weakening the prominence of the Viziers and their ability to stand against any rogue members,
- Ejecting viziers Todd McCloud, Aelitia and Bachtendekuppen who have long been contributors to The East Pacific reducing the security of the region and preventing an easier transfer of power - Todd McCloud and Bachtendekuppen have even been commended by the WA for their services to the region,
- The "marsupial purges" done by Scardino during the coup, in which innumerable developing and new members were brutally ejected from The East Pacific,
- Scardino's regime's use of authoritarianism and propaganda to suppress opposition, such as allowing nations with over 200 endorsements to take part in the marsupial purges, publishing a falsified version of the Concordat of TEP and the illegal ejection and banning of delegate-elect Marrabuk from the East Pacific,

CONCERNED that the examples of its deeds given above only represent a fraction of the reprehensible actions of Scardino over its 15 year long history,

BELIEVING a condemnation is necessary to highlight the severity of Scardino's actions,

Hereby condemns Scardino.


The Security Council,

NOTING that Scardino was the original founder of Lone Wolves United (hereinafter referred to as LWU), a region which has led countless invasions over its fifteen-year history, including Belgium, Hell, Great Barrier Reef and Anarchy, and has most recently provided support in a raid on The Embassy which resulted in the forced closure of all the target region's embassies,

OBSERVING that Scardino has led invasions of numerous regions and overseen the destruction of multiple active communities, including but not limited to:
  1. LWU's raid on Great Barrier Reef, during which Scardino's forces may very well have destroyed the region had its natives not managed to refound it,
  2. The invasion of Supreme Union in 2006, which forces from the Pacific, significantly aided by LWU, invaded simply because of a recruitment message that violated the Pacific's 15 line limit, despite the fact that both the Pacific and Supreme Union were in the Alliance of Conservatives, Capitalists and Economic Libertarians at the time,
  3. The raid on Hell in late 2005 by forces from LWU, also overseen by Scardino – they even managed to recruit a native, Ditzie Freaks, to LWU who then caused even more chaos and destruction as a raider,
  4. The usurpation of the sinker region Lazarus' delegacy by LWU forces, overseen by Scardino,

DISTURBED by Scardino's involvement in the Sekhmet Legion of Osiris, reviving activity there and organising raids which, among others, captured and destroyed regions such as:
  1. Socialist Alliance of Eurasia, where forces from both Osiris and LWU refounded the region and destroyed its community,
  2. Hypernova House where Scardino, along with others from the Sekhmet Legion, infiltrated the government, only to betray their trust by removing all regional officers, ejecting countless natives and eventually destroying the region,

APPALLED by Scardino's work in gaining control of the government of and eventually getting elected WA delegate of The East Pacific (TEP), culminating in leading a regime responsible for mass ejections and eventually attempting to coup TEP in October 2019,

REVOLTED at Scardino's actions leading up to and during the coup, which include but are not limited to:
  1. Asking members of the infamous Rahl family to vote stack in Scardino's favour during one of the prior elections in TEP,
  2. Illegally dismissing all but one of the Viziers of TEP, and ejecting multiple long-time contributors to and Viziers of TEP, including Aelitia, Todd McCloud and Bachtendekuppen (the latter two being nations that have been Commended by this very council in part for their service to TEP), thereby reducing the security of the region and preventing an easier transfer of power,
  3. Scardino's policy of "purging marsupials" during the coup, in which innumerable developing and new members were brutally ejected from TEP, especially those with the default flag,
  4. Scardino's regime's use of authoritarianism and propaganda to suppress opposition, such as allowing nations with over 200 endorsements to take part in the marsupial purges, publishing a falsified version of TEP's Concordat and illegally ejecting and banning the legitimate Delegate-Elect, Marrabuk,

CONCERNED that the above mentioned deeds only represent a fraction of the reprehensible actions of Scardino over its 15 year long history,

BELIEVING a condemnation is necessary to highlight the severity of Scardino's actions,

Hereby condemns Scardino.

PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2020 9:12 pm
by The Python
Failed at vote, but will continue drafting

PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2020 9:33 pm
by Honeydewistania
The Python wrote:This is a very short thing, but it will probably grow as it is developed

The Security Council,
DISTURBED at the fact that Scardino is a member of Lone Wolves United, an organisation known for infamously invading many regions and that has also been condemned by this body
SHOCKED that Scardino has a high rank on Lone Wolves United and has even led invasions for LWU
REVOLTED about Scardino's involvement of the 2019 TEP coup, in which using their puppet Fedele Scardino ejected countless natives from The East Pacific
Hereby condemns Scardino


You really need to add more content and substance to this proposal, as well as proper punctuation and line breaks. What invasions did Scar lead? Etc

Edit: Also he isn’t just a ‘member’ of LWU, he founded it.

PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2020 9:38 pm
by The Python
Honeydewistania wrote:Edit: Also he isn’t just a ‘member’ of LWU, he founded it.

What? I thought Evil Wolf founded it.

PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2020 9:47 pm
by Chimes
Right now this proposal needs a lot of work. There isn't really a sufficient argument for condemnation right now, though perhaps one could argue that Fedele/Scardino is condemnable with the correct argument.

To break the proposal down a little.
The Python wrote:The Security Council,
DISTURBED at the fact that Scardino is a member of Lone Wolves United, an organisation known for infamously invading many regions and that has also been condemned by this body


This clause needs some more strength to it. What position did they hold in LWU, what was their impact? I'd also advise keeping some consistency with the naming of Lone Wolves United/LWU in the proposal - but that's just my personal opinion.

The Python wrote:SHOCKED that Scardino has a high rank on Lone Wolves United and has even led invasions for LWU


As above - needs more content in regards to what role they had within the region. What invasions have they led? I accept you're doing further drafting but I'd advise some research into invasions that LWU has done in the past - and the impact it had upon regions.

The Python wrote:REVOLTED about Scardino's involvement of in the 2019 TEP coup, in which using through their puppet of Fedele - Scardino ejected countless natives from The East Pacific


Some suggestions for tightening up the language are highlighted, I'd also advise looking into the impact this had on the region if any specific natives were removed for example. Many people have ejected natives from GCR's before, but not all of them have been condemned - the argument needs to be tighter.

The Python wrote:NOTING Scardino's oppressive approach to political and personal freedom, enforcing military conscription, compulsory daily singing of the national anthem at schools and corporal punishment)


This clause seems superfluous from my perspective when compared to nations that have been condemned for their laws before - this is nothing overly notable, so I think not including it is the right choice.

Overall, the proposal needs more content and evidence to be able to make a concise argument in favor of their condemnation.

PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2020 10:13 pm
by Wallenburg
No thanks.

PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2020 10:16 pm
by Morover
Needs a lot of work in both research and writing.

PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2020 10:25 pm
by The Python
Honeydewistania wrote:
The Python wrote:This is a very short thing, but it will probably grow as it is developed

The Security Council,
DISTURBED at the fact that Scardino is a member of Lone Wolves United, an organisation known for infamously invading many regions and that has also been condemned by this body
SHOCKED that Scardino has a high rank on Lone Wolves United and has even led invasions for LWU
REVOLTED about Scardino's involvement of the 2019 TEP coup, in which using their puppet Fedele Scardino ejected countless natives from The East Pacific
Hereby condemns Scardino


You really need to add more content and substance to this proposal, as well as proper punctuation and line breaks. What invasions did Scar lead? Etc

Edit: Also he isn’t just a ‘member’ of LWU, he founded it.

I just checked with him, yes he founded LWU and then transferred to Evil Wolf.

PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2020 11:38 pm
by A Bloodred Moon
Scar probably deserves a condemnation, but this particular draft needs quite a bit of work. To start, perhaps you could consider putting the proposal in either a BBCode quote or a box. That’d be easier to read, but it is up to you.

The Python wrote:The Security Council,
DISTURBED at the fact that Scardino is a member of Lone Wolves United, an organisation known for infamously invading many regions and that has also been condemned by this body

This requires some form of punctuation at the end, and if I may suggest, it could do with some spacing between the clauses. In addition, Scar was in fact the original founder back in 2005, something which could be emphasised within the proposal.

SHOCKED that Scardino has a high rank on Lone Wolves United and has even led invasions for LWU

Alpha Emeritus would be the correct term. You might wish to specify the notable raids, and this is a minor thing, but referring to the region as LWU might use some introduction (I believe in the past, people have used “hereafter referred to as” or something similar to introduce an acronym).

REVOLTED about Scardino's involvement in the 2019 TEP coup, when through its puppet Fedele Scardino ejected countless natives from The East Pacific
Hereby condemns Scardino

This one requires a lot more details and grammatical improvements, as suggested above.

You could expand on Scardino’s role in LWU, his notable raids, as well as his leadership in Osiris’ Sekhmet Legion for other condemnable things.

PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2020 11:49 pm
by Bhang Bhang Duc
As others have stated this needs a heck of a lot of work to come up to scratch.

PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2020 12:13 am
by The Python
Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:As others have stated this needs a heck of a lot of work to come up to scratch.

Of course, it's nowhere near ready to get submitted. It will probably take a few weeks (?) for this to be ready.
A Bloodred Moon wrote:This requires some form of punctuation at the end, and if I may suggest, it could do with some spacing between the clauses. In addition, Scar was in fact the original founder back in 2005, something which could be emphasised within the proposal.
Updated.

A Bloodred Moon wrote:This one requires a lot more details and grammatical improvements, as suggested above.
I will probably add more information later

A Bloodred Moon wrote:You could expand on Scardino’s role in LWU, his notable raids, as well as his leadership in Osiris’ Sekhmet Legion for other condemnable things.
I didn't know about Osiris. I'll do some research into that and probably add that in.

PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2020 3:48 pm
by The Python
I did some research about Osiris and Scardino, so I've added the infamous raid of Hypernova House.

PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2020 4:02 pm
by Morover
Perhaps place the box in the [box] bbcode?

PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2020 4:24 pm
by Chimes
I'd second Morover's suggestion in the interests of readability - there is also a broken nation tag for Todd. I'd possibly look at adding some form of definition to what 'Alpha Emeritus' means, as readers unfamiliar with LWU would probably not be aware of what that means in terms of leadership/management of the region.

PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2020 8:43 pm
by The Python
Chimes wrote:I'd second Morover's suggestion in the interests of readability - there is also a broken nation tag for Todd. I'd possibly look at adding some form of definition to what 'Alpha Emeritus' means, as readers unfamiliar with LWU would probably not be aware of what that means in terms of leadership/management of the region.

I'm also not too sure about what it is I'll admit, I just know it's a very, very high rank. I'll possibly ask Scardino.

PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2020 8:44 pm
by Honeydewistania
The Python wrote:
Chimes wrote:I'd second Morover's suggestion in the interests of readability - there is also a broken nation tag for Todd. I'd possibly look at adding some form of definition to what 'Alpha Emeritus' means, as readers unfamiliar with LWU would probably not be aware of what that means in terms of leadership/management of the region.

I'm also not too sure about what it is I'll admit, I just know it's a very, very high rank. I'll possibly ask Scardino.

Just google what Emeritus means.

PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2020 8:50 pm
by The Python
Honeydewistania wrote:
The Python wrote:I'm also not too sure about what it is I'll admit, I just know it's a very, very high rank. I'll possibly ask Scardino.

Just google what Emeritus means.

Yeah Scardino said it means "Former Leader". I think I'll delete that line as it just states the obvious.

PostPosted: Fri Nov 27, 2020 12:36 pm
by The Python
I've clarified the "REVOLTED" clause so it's more readable. A Bloodred Moon (Jo) also helped clarify and reword the "DISMAYED" clause

PostPosted: Fri Nov 27, 2020 12:50 pm
by Bhang Bhang Duc
The Python wrote:I've clarified the "REVOLTED" clause so it's more readable. A Bloodred Moon (Jo) also helped clarify and reword the "DISMAYED" clause

All you are doing is tinkering around the edges when what is required is a complete overhaul. Go back and do some in depth research and then return to this. I don’t disagree that Scardino is worth a condemnation, but at the moment this draft wouldn’t stand the proverbial snowball’s chance in Hell of progressing.

PostPosted: Fri Nov 27, 2020 3:00 pm
by The Python
Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:
The Python wrote:I've clarified the "REVOLTED" clause so it's more readable. A Bloodred Moon (Jo) also helped clarify and reword the "DISMAYED" clause

All you are doing is tinkering around the edges when what is required is a complete overhaul. Go back and do some in depth research and then return to this. I don’t disagree that Scardino is worth a condemnation, but at the moment this draft wouldn’t stand the proverbial snowball’s chance in Hell of progressing.

Yeah, I'll save what I have right now as the second draft and try and rewrite it all.

PostPosted: Fri Nov 27, 2020 3:21 pm
by Bhang Bhang Duc
The Python wrote:
Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:All you are doing is tinkering around the edges when what is required is a complete overhaul. Go back and do some in depth research and then return to this. I don’t disagree that Scardino is worth a condemnation, but at the moment this draft wouldn’t stand the proverbial snowball’s chance in Hell of progressing.

Yeah, I'll save what I have right now as the second draft and try and rewrite it all.

Scardino’s been around since 2005 - delve back into that past. I would encourage you to look at other Gameplay Condemnations to see the sort of standard required.

PostPosted: Sat Nov 28, 2020 3:53 pm
by The Python
Reworded a few clauses as suggested by Phoenix! I also added a clause about the North Pacific incident.

PostPosted: Sat Nov 28, 2020 7:09 pm
by Cretox State
I completely agree with BBD- scrap this version, go back to the drawing board, and do some actual in-depth research. Statements like this especially:
ANNOYED at the 2006 incident in The North Pacific, in which Scardino removed many spies in LWU from The North Pacific, which helped LWU raid even more efficiently
won't fly.

PostPosted: Sat Nov 28, 2020 9:38 pm
by The Python
Cretox State wrote:I completely agree with BBD- scrap this version, go back to the drawing board, and do some actual in-depth research. Statements like this especially:
ANNOYED at the 2006 incident in The North Pacific, in which Scardino removed many spies in LWU from The North Pacific, which helped LWU raid even more efficiently
won't fly.

Reworded (if anyone can think of a better reword that would be great).

PostPosted: Sat Nov 28, 2020 9:49 pm
by Honeydewistania
The Python wrote:
Cretox State wrote:I completely agree with BBD- scrap this version, go back to the drawing board, and do some actual in-depth research. Statements like this especially:
ANNOYED at the 2006 incident in The North Pacific, in which Scardino removed many spies in LWU from The North Pacific, which helped LWU raid even more efficiently
won't fly.

Reworded (if anyone can think of a better reword that would be great).

A reword is not enough. You need to start from scratch
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