[DRAFT] Commend Emiline

[Polder Eiland]

The Security Council,

Exuberant of Emira Emi of Emiline’s role as an Administrator in the Augustin Alliance,

Applauding Emiline’s law enforcement and strategic planning in member regions of the Augustin Alliance, which has perpetuated the flourishing of the regions therein, even after the recent decline in activity of the alliance's founder August,

Recognizing Emiline’s role as administrator in the NSLeaders community, which helps to inspire and connect regional leaders from around the world,

Impressed that Emiline has been instrumental in ensuring the success and safety of the Augustin Alliance during annual nuclear conflict, known to the world as N-Day, in the following ways:

• Constructing a strong bond between the regions of Anteria and the Augustin Alliance to ensure mutually beneficial strategic operations
• Acting as an important mediator between other regions that were otherwise hesitant to join nonaggression pacts with the Alliance
• Commanding the defense forces of the Alliance, totaling zero radiation from the blasts in the fourth nuclear war
• Aiding the Alliance in capturing two first place and one third place award in this contest

Noting Emiline’s control of the nations of Zhengan and Prybourne,

Celebrating Zhengan’s role as founder of Anteria for five years,

Awestruck by Prybourne’s central role in:

• Building the flourishing community within Anteria, wherein international trade, diplomacy, and development thrive
• Encouraging the strong World Assembly presence in Anteria, which ranks 25th in the world for most average endorsements
• Establishing Anteria’s declarations of friendship with the Augustin Alliance and Karma
• Constructing Anteria’s constitutions, and creating a guide for other regions on how to effectively construct their own
• Contributing to the growth of Anteria, which consists of over 300 nations

Desiring to celebrate exemplary long-term success in constructing and maintaining regions and interregional alliances,

Hereby COMMENDS Emiline.

Co-authored by DiRito-Opolis, The Byrdlands, and Lesser Velutaria.

[Praeceps]

Personally, haven't heard of the nominee yet; after reading the draft, I'm feeling rather meh about it all. I think this draft suffers from a lack of specifics.

The Security Council,

Exuberant of Emira Emi of Emiline’s role as an Administrator in the Augustin Alliance,

Is this an OOC or IC position? I don't think OOC positions should be included.

Applauding Emiline’s law enforcement and strategic planning in member regions of the Augustin Alliance, which has perpetuated the flourishing of the regions therein, even after the recent decline in activity of the alliance's founder August,

Law enforcement? If you're referring to IC laws, is there a title you could use here?

I'm not sure if the phrase about August is necessary.

Recognizing Emiline’s role as administrator in the NSLeaders community, which helps to inspire and connect regional leaders from around the world,

Same question and comment as to IC or OOC.

Impressed that Emiline has been instrumental in ensuring the success and safety of the Augustin Alliance during annual nuclear conflict, known to the world as N-Day, in the following ways:

• Constructing a strong bond between the regions of Anteria and the Augustin Alliance to ensure mutually beneficial strategic operations
• Acting as an important mediator between other regions that were otherwise hesitant to join nonaggression pacts with the Alliance
• Commanding the defense forces of the Alliance, totaling zero radiation from the blasts in the fourth nuclear war
• Aiding the Alliance in capturing two first place and one third place award in this contest

I kind of feel meh about this all given that N-Day is only a day long yet plays a pretty significant role in this commendation.

[list][*]Building the flourishing community within Anteria, wherein international trade, diplomacy, and development thrive

This is quite fluffy. Referring to regional development or RP here?

[*]Encouraging the strong World Assembly presence in Anteria, which ranks 25th in the world for most average endorsements

I don't find this to be that impressive. Also, this lacks specifics in what they did to encourage the WA presence.

[*]Establishing Anteria’s declarations of friendship with the Augustin Alliance and Karma

What do these declarations of friendship do? Why is this important?

[Indian Worker Councils]

I would approve of this proposal, as Emi is well-deserving of a commendation, and it's pretty well written already.

I'm not the type to look through the WA proposals and resolutions and check for things like the quality of writing (especially if it is already of pretty good quality), so if anyone else has an idea on how to improve the draft, I'm sure that would be helpful to the co-authors.

[DiRito-Opolis]

Impressed that Emiline has been instrumental in ensuring the success and safety of the Augustin Alliance during annual nuclear conflict, known to the world as N-Day, in the following ways:

• Constructing a strong bond between the regions of Anteria and the Augustin Alliance to ensure mutually beneficial strategic operations
• Acting as an important mediator between other regions that were otherwise hesitant to join nonaggression pacts with the Alliance
• Commanding the defense forces of the Alliance, totaling zero radiation from the blasts in the fourth nuclear war
• Aiding the Alliance in capturing two first place and one third place award in this contest

I kind of feel meh about this all given that N-Day is only a day long yet plays a pretty significant role in this commendation.

I hear you on your other points, and the co-authors and I are working to spruce this up, but I have to disagree with you here. N-Day is a big part of the culture of this game, and several communities take great pride in taking part in this event. We feel that Emiline’s successes here are very much noteworthy.

[Fuzzbuckets]

What do these declarations of friendship do? Why is this important?

Proud to say I helped co-write that friendship treaty between Karma and Anteria

The treaty between Anteria and Karma basically solidified trade, military, and diplomatic relations between the two regions. I will add that these two regions are very different in structure and tone, so getting amiable relations and a treaty written is worthy of commendation.

[Polder Eiland]

snip

Some very good points in here that I'm more than happy to elaborate on in the next draft, barring the N-Day point. If we can commend people for playing cards, we can commend people for N-Day (and have, in the case of Commend August)

[Morover]

snip

Some very good points in here that I'm more than happy to elaborate on in the next draft, barring the N-Day point. If we can commend people for playing cards, we can commend people for N-Day (and have, in the case of Commend August)

N-Day may very well be commendable (so long as it's complementary as opposed to the main focus of the draft), but it seems to be the only piece of information you have here that has any enthusiasm in its writing, and even still it remains somewhat lackluster.

[Tinhampton]

Does this actually look like something that managed to pass muster from three co-authors? Why is the leader of Emiline cited as the administrator of the AA, but the nation of Emiline cited as administrator of NSL, for instance?

[DiRito-Opolis]

Does this actually look like something that managed to pass muster from three co-authors? Why is the leader of Emiline cited as the administrator of the AA, but the nation of Emiline cited as administrator of NSL, for instance?

We initially offered our feedback separately rather than a collective on the entire proposal. We are reconvening as a group now to add on to this.

[Tinhampton]

Does this actually look like something that managed to pass muster from three co-authors? Why is the leader of Emiline cited as the administrator of the AA, but the nation of Emiline cited as administrator of NSL, for instance?

We initially offered our feedback separately rather than a collective on the entire proposal. We are reconvening as a group now to add on to this.

Thank you. I am confident that your (y'allsies'es =P) continued work on this proposal will bring my view of this proposal from "reluctant support" to "enthusiastic support." :>

[Praeceps]

Also, just noticed, in your lists, you don't have any punctuation terminating the clauses. I would personally recommend using something at the end either a comma or a semi-colon.

I kind of feel meh about this all given that N-Day is only a day long yet plays a pretty significant role in this commendation.

I hear you on your other points, and the co-authors and I are working to spruce this up, but I have to disagree with you here. N-Day is a big part of the culture of this game, and several communities take great pride in taking part in this event. We feel that Emiline’s successes here are very much noteworthy.

I'm not saying that N-Day isn't worthy of reocognition. Morover's comments are much similar to mine. I'm especially rather dubious of the diplomatic clauses relating to N-Day, I would say coordinating to ensure no radiation is more impressive.

What do these declarations of friendship do? Why is this important?

Proud to say I helped co-write that friendship treaty between Karma and Anteria

The treaty between Anteria and Karma basically solidified trade, military, and diplomatic relations between the two regions. I will add that these two regions are very different in structure and tone, so getting amiable relations and a treaty written is worthy of commendation.

Trade?

What are the differences between the region which made it so impressive that the treaty with worthy of commendation?

snip

Some very good points in here that I'm more than happy to elaborate on in the next draft, barring the N-Day point. If we can commend people for playing cards, we can commend people for N-Day (and have, in the case of Commend August)

In addition to Morover's comment, cards are hardly equivalent to N-Day given that cards are possible to do all year round while N-Day is much more limited in the possible amount of engagement.

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

Overall this is not a bad effort, but I must agree with pretty much everything Praeceps has said.

Also I think this:

Aiding the Alliance in capturing two first place and one third place award in this contest

could be construed as referring to a game and therefore illegal under Rule 4(c). You might look at rewording this.

However, while you have raised some interesting points I do not see enough here to make me want to support a Commendation.

[Sancta Romana Ecclesia]

I support this in principle. Emi definitely seems like one of those players that deserve a commendation, so it is only a matter of wording it properly. I believe that some sections here warrant expansion, specifically Emi's role in AA and as founder of Anteria. Currently these seem a little vague and light on the details.

Trade?

What are the differences between the region which made it so impressive that the treaty with worthy of commendation?

puts on the most official looking hat

This is the Joint Declaration of Friendship referred to here. It was negotiated a short time before I became the Guru of Diplomacy, when Altino still had that role. I'm not sure what Fuzz understands by "trade", maybe she meant a kind of cultural exchange or trade of ideas. Or maybe, unbeknownst to me, we're exporting our Sages' secret new mixtape there.

As for what is the difference between two regions - Anteria puts a much greater emphasis on RP, Karma is more Gameplay focused. Anteria, from what I know, has also a more casual and laid back community. These are not some drastic differences but bringing the two communities closer together gives their players an opportunity to experience a different playstyle.

While this treaty is fairly young and is not some GP-changing thing, it is relevant for Anteria (as well as for Karma). So that's why it is mentioned in the section listing what Emi has done for Anteria.

[Xoriet]

While some of this looks like good grounds for supporting later, I'm not really sure that the emphasis on administration is all that swaying. Why is the focus on NSL and the AA, and not on what Emiline has done in those roles? These parts would be more of a Commendation of the AA and the NSL server (even if you can't do that last part) than they are of a player. "Administrator" alone doesn't explain why the nominee stands out among administrators. What makes Emiline's administration career more remarkable than any other administrator in the game? At the present it just reads like praise of entities that are not the nominee.

[Honeydewistania]

N-day is not commendable.

[SkyDip]

Not a whole lot of exceptional or commendable things in this proposal, IMHO. I would be against this in the current form.

[Praeceps]

I support this in principle. Emi definitely seems like one of those players that deserve a commendation, so it is only a matter of wording it properly. I believe that some sections here warrant expansion, specifically Emi's role in AA and as founder of Anteria. Currently these seem a little vague and light on the details.

Trade?

What are the differences between the region which made it so impressive that the treaty with worthy of commendation?

puts on the most official looking hat

This is the Joint Declaration of Friendship referred to here. It was negotiated a short time before I became the Guru of Diplomacy, when Altino still had that role. I'm not sure what Fuzz understands by "trade", maybe she meant a kind of cultural exchange or trade of ideas. Or maybe, unbeknownst to me, we're exporting our Sages' secret new mixtape there.

As for what is the difference between two regions - Anteria puts a much greater emphasis on RP, Karma is more Gameplay focused. Anteria, from what I know, has also a more casual and laid back community. These are not some drastic differences but bringing the two communities closer together gives their players an opportunity to experience a different playstyle.

While this treaty is fairly young and is not some GP-changing thing, it is relevant for Anteria (as well as for Karma). So that's why it is mentioned in the section listing what Emi has done for Anteria.

Thanks for the link to the treaty—I find that the treaty is even less significantly noteworthy now given that the treaty doesn't actually mandate anything.

[Charville]

As a member of the Alliance, I do believe Emiline deserves a commendation, but the quality of this draft does not really reflect that. Do bear in mind that Emi has over 1,000 nations under her watch in her positions as admin in the AA and founder in Anteria, and has been doing this for five years consistently, without any major problems. Winning two N-Days and founding a large region are also amazing achievements.

So, here are my thoughts on this draft:

Exuberant of Emira Emi of Emiline’s role as an Administrator in the Augustin Alliance,

Applauding Emiline’s law enforcement and strategic planning in member regions of the Augustin Alliance, which has perpetuated the flourishing of the regions therein, even after the recent decline in activity of the alliance's founder August,

I need examples of how Emiline has been a good Administrator and different from others, otherwise this is just a list of positions she holds. “Law enforcement” is the whole point of an admin job, and is what any other admin does.

Recognizing Emiline’s role as administrator in the NSLeaders community, which helps to inspire and connect regional leaders from around the world,

By referencing “NSLeaders” here, you are breaking Rule 4 c) as this mentions the game (“NS”). Maybe change the name of NSLeaders to something more IC?

Like Tinhampton said, I don’t know why the whole nation of Emiline is being referred to as the Administrator here. I would just make it Emira Emi here, to be consistent with previous paragraphs.

Impressed that Emiline has been instrumental in ensuring the success and safety of the Augustin Alliance during annual nuclear conflict, known to the world as N-Day, in the following ways:

[]Constructing a strong bond between the regions of Anteria and the Augustin Alliance to ensure mutually beneficial strategic operations
[]Acting as an important mediator between other regions that were otherwise hesitant to join nonaggression pacts with the Alliance
[]Commanding the defense forces of the Alliance, totaling zero radiation from the blasts in the fourth nuclear war
[]Aiding the Alliance in capturing two first place and one third place award in this contest

This part is well written, as it explains why Emiline ensured the AA’s success in two N-Days - that achievement is very impressive. I wish you didn’t say the AA ”captured two first place...” though, because that seems very OOC.

[]Building the flourishing community within Anteria, wherein international trade, diplomacy, and development thrive
[]Encouraging the strong World Assembly presence in Anteria, which ranks 25th in the world for most average endorsements
[]Establishing Anteria’s declarations of friendship with the Augustin Alliance and Karma
[]Constructing Anteria’s constitutions, and creating a guide for other regions on how to effectively construct their own

• Contributing to the growth of Anteria, which consists of over 300 nations

This part gets the point across, I’m fine with how it is.

Overall, I think this draft has good potential, it just needs a few tweaks to make it better, especially with making it more IC than OOC.

[Kuriko]

Recognizing Emiline’s role as administrator in the NSLeaders community, which helps to inspire and connect regional leaders from around the world,

By referencing “NSLeaders” here, you are breaking Rule 4 c) as this mentions the game (“NS”). Maybe change the name of NSLeaders to something more IC?

Mentioning NationStates is legal, not illegal.

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

By referencing “NSLeaders” here, you are breaking Rule 4 c) as this mentions the game (“NS”). Maybe change the name of NSLeaders to something more IC?

Mentioning NationStates is legal, not illegal.

Yep and in this case it’s the name of a community within NS, so it’s fine.

[Charville]

Oh, sorry.