[DEFEATED] Commend Altino

[Morover]

I ran into the same thing with my Commendation of The Salaxalans, but awards aren't commendable - neither is them "being recognized" by regions for those rewards - the commendation is the recognition. Tell why they were recognized by the awards, without mentioning that the received an award for it.

[Praeceps]

I've done the research, I'm pointing out to you people who can cross-reference what I said. Meritocracy was a new philosophy for Osiris when Alti introduced it

I'm taking your words at face value so there's no reason for me to be the one doing cross-referencing.

Can you specify what you mean by meritocracy? I see there was a whole debate on the matter but I want to know what you mean in this commendation.

[Wymondham]

I've done the research, I'm pointing out to you people who can cross-reference what I said. Meritocracy was a new philosophy for Osiris when Alti introduced it

I'm taking your words at face value so there's no reason for me to be the one doing cross-referencing.

Can you specify what you mean by meritocracy? I see there was a whole debate on the matter but I want to know what you mean in this commendation.

A system of government where people are promoted based on their current, not historic, activity, ability and commitment to the region. Where long time members may be asked to step aside once someone better than them emerges, regardless of their historic work in the region and where every member of government is expected to train an individual to succeed them.
Meritocracy may not work for every region and every community, that is fine and understandable and every community has the right to decide what work's best for it. But Altino's version of meritocracy, which involved an immediate cleaning out of a lot of historic citizens who had become unproductive to make way for new, hungry talent, worked very well for osiris and serves it well to this day.

[Bormiar]

I'm taking your words at face value so there's no reason for me to be the one doing cross-referencing.

Can you specify what you mean by meritocracy? I see there was a whole debate on the matter but I want to know what you mean in this commendation.

A system of government where people are promoted based on their current, not historic, activity, ability and commitment to the region. Where long time members may be asked to step aside once someone better than them emerges, regardless of their historic work in the region and where every member of government is expected to train an individual to succeed them.

That's the job of every delegate. You're a good delegate if you do it successfully, not a philosopher. Badger (was it badger?) didn't pretend to be a philosopher when he purged the old guard in TWP, for example. I can't name a single other player, across the history of every GCR and UCR, who has said they were inventing a system of government because they appointed the right people. It's just absurd. There is nothing unique about that "philosophy". At most, it's anti-gerontocratic, but that's not a philosophy. It's a preference that every NS leader should have-- and almost all do.

[Takura]

Lauding Altino’s efforts to foster inter-regional camaraderie helping, in various roles, to forge treaties between Karma and Caer Sidi, Anteria, and The West Pacific,, all of which cultivated strong relationships and broadened Karma’s diplomatic reach;

It looks wonderful, in my opinion, though I will freely admit that I am slightly biased. However, I would like to point out the use of a double comma after The West Pacific.

Best of luck Wymondham

[Nieubasria]

I ran into the same thing with my Commendation of The Salaxalans, but awards aren't commendable - neither is them "being recognized" by regions for those rewards - the commendation is the recognition. Tell why they were recognized by the awards, without mentioning that the received an award for it.

It is not a function of "awards for awards', but are rather listed for supporting evidence that the commendable behaviour has been consistent throughout various regions.

I fully agree that awards themselves are not worthy of a commendation, but we feel these can serve as a great example of Altino's importance and community presence in the participating regions.

[Wymondham]

Rings the last call for constructive suggestions bell

[Honeydewistania]

It looks a bit thin on the commendable achievements, try and add more stuff

[A Bloodred Moon]

I apologise for the terrible formatting, but there’s quite a couple things I noticed on a glance, and I’ve made a (chaotic) list of them. So, in no particular order:

- you need to fix your capitalisation in the list of TWPAF-related things. Some items are capitalised at the start, others aren’t, and it’s weird.
- in the NSLeaders clause, you write “share best practice”, and I don’t think that’s entirely grammatically correct.
- in your list of contributions to Karma, you mention their term as diplomacy officer, and in the clause after you mention what they achieved then. I’d advice to merge those two, either as part of the list or as a separate clause. Also, in the first thing on the list you need to add a comma.
- the “appreciating” clause spends more time and focus on specific awards and focus rather than actually mentioning what their community presence is supposed to mean, how it is commendable, etc.
- move the Osiris clause above the awards, perhaps? That way, you first introduce their work in Osiris and then mention their ‘community presence’ there.
- perhaps use a different word than “camaraderie” every time? I feel like it’s repeated a lot as it stands.
- not sure about this, but I think the NSLeaders clause could benefit from a re-read to check for grammatical errors.
- the believing clause:

Believing that the accomplishments detailed above, have improved creative and productive participation in many communities and are worthy of recognition by this august body;

Overall, I think this is too early to last call yet and could use some more improvements.

[Wymondham]

I apologise for the terrible formatting, but there’s quite a couple things I noticed on a glance, and I’ve made a (chaotic) list of them. So, in no particular order:

- you need to fix your capitalisation in the list of TWPAF-related things. Some items are capitalised at the start, others aren’t, and it’s weird.
- in the NSLeaders clause, you write “share best practice”, and I don’t think that’s entirely grammatically correct.
- in your list of contributions to Karma, you mention their term as diplomacy officer, and in the clause after you mention what they achieved then. I’d advice to merge those two, either as part of the list or as a separate clause. Also, in the first thing on the list you need to add a comma.
- the “appreciating” clause spends more time and focus on specific awards and focus rather than actually mentioning what their community presence is supposed to mean, how it is commendable, etc.
- move the Osiris clause above the awards, perhaps? That way, you first introduce their work in Osiris and then mention their ‘community presence’ there.
- perhaps use a different word than “camaraderie” every time? I feel like it’s repeated a lot as it stands.
- not sure about this, but I think the NSLeaders clause could benefit from a re-read to check for grammatical errors.
- the believing clause:

Believing that the accomplishments detailed above, have improved creative and productive participation in many communities and are worthy of recognition by this august body;

Overall, I think this is too early to last call yet and could use some more improvements.

Hey Jo,
I've nearly all of your suggestions alongside a grammatical polish, with thanks to Yokiria and Tethys 13. With regards to your comment about the awards clause, I'mma repeat what Aelitia said

It is not a function of "awards for awards', but are rather listed for supporting evidence that the commendable behaviour has been consistent throughout various regions.

I fully agree that awards themselves are not worthy of a commendation, but we feel these can serve as a great example of Altino's importance and community presence in the participating regions.

[Makdon]

I know a lot of people have said this, and you have consistently disagreed, but I really think it's a mistake to list awards instead of the work that earned those awards. While it's true that in this case, those awards represent commendable work, that isn't always the case, and a general rule is that earning awards isn't good reasoning for getting another award, a commendation. Not only does giving the grounds for the award avoid that point, but explaining the justification provides a much more compelling argument for a commendation, since, as I've already established, the justification are the actually commendable thing. Also, you might know why the awards were earned, but not every reader will, and so that point will be much less impactful.

Edit: Probably best to leave the TWPAF stuff out. I don't think working as a leader of a raiding group is very commendable, except in rare cases, and this doesn't seem to be one of those cases. Also, you miss a space after altino in the recognizing clause, and have messed up the nation and region linking BBcode in the praising and appreciating clauses.

[Eumaeus]

The Security Council,

Recognizing that the nation of Altino,founded four years ago, has made many exceptional contributions worthy of commendation by this council, through their work to develop regional communities and leaders, as well as to build inter-regional camaraderie;

Typo: there is an extra space between "to" and "build".

Observing Altino’s work in connecting regional leaders and founders by inviting them to and hosting “NationStates Leaders”, where nations can discuss and debate the principles of regional leadership, share leadership techniques, and learn from experienced nation’s wisdom;

Ordering suggestion.

Applauding the usefulness of “NationStates Leaders”in providing access to resources allowing participants to learn how to build regional communities, recruit new nations and protect their community, facilitating the development of strong and successful regional communities;

Man, I'm on a roll with these minor typos: there's a space missing between that quotation mark and "in".

Acknowledging Altino's service to the region of Karma, in the following capacities, among others:

• as the region’s founder, thanks to their steady hand, it has grown into a vibrant and prosperous community, achieved partially through the unique “enlightenment” process that all nations must undergo to serve in senior government positions and to vote in the regional legislature;
• as Editor of “the Augury” - the region’s newspaper, through which they ensured the nations of Karma were kept well informed and up to date about regional events; and
• as a member of the Council of Sages, where they assisted their fellow sages in guiding the region on matters ranging from legislation to the appointment of new members of government, thus ensuring that it was governed competently and fairly;

In a vertical list the "and" (if it's being including) should be at the end of the second-to-last item.

Lauding Altino’s efforts to foster inter-regional relations, helping, in various roles, to forge treaties between Karma and Caer Sidi, Anteria, and The West Pacific, all of which cultivated strong relationships and broadened Karma’s diplomatic reach;

While I get why you may have chosen not to include it (aessssthetics) I've added in a necessary comma (unless I've completely misinterpreted what you're saying).

Honouring Altino’s service to The West Pacific as Commander of The West Pacific Armed Forces for 5 months from October 2017 to February 2018, which under their leadership:

• developed innovative recruitment methods which drove membership and activity to unprecedented levels in a short space of time;
• adopted the iconic West Pacific Pirate theme, allowing for purveyors of cutlasses and swillers of rum to be put into the spotlight;
• expanded the officer corps fivefold, while also improving training standards;
• integrated the Armed Forces with the wider regional community, enabling several recruits to transfer their skills to the government of The West Pacific;
• authored articles for “The West Pacifican”, the regional newspaper, detailing the Armed Forces’ work and helping to improve regional understanding of the Armed Forces’ efforts;
• trained several talented officers and future Commanders, including Overthinkers - the current commander of The West Pacific Armed Forces;

For the sake of consistency you might want to add in an "and" for this list (see my previous comment).

Praising Altino’s work in [region[Osiris[/region], as both its longest serving Pharaoh and as Chief Vizier, where they ushered in a new philosophy of government, leading to the emergence of a new generation of Osiran leaders and serving as the region’s guiding philosophy to this day, alongside transforming the region’s sense of community, and increasing activity and governmental participation to a level that, due to their stellar leadership, became both unprecedented and sustainable;

Appreciating the significance of Altino’s continued community presence in The West Pacific and Osiris as recognized by the awards granted to them, such as the first ever award of The West Pacific Medal of Honor, a Regional Commendation for services to The West Pacific Armed Forces, and the honorary title of “Soul Sista” as granted by Delegate [nationBran Astor[/nation], alongside Osiris’ highest honor, the Violet Jewel of Atum, awarded for their work to “cultivate meritocracy” and status as a “beloved pillar” of the region’s community;

I've underlined two broken tags. Additionally, I'm also inclined to agree with Makadon. While I personally don't really know much about Altino, I do think it's generally best practice to go into more depth on why someone received an award rather than the award itself.

[Wymondham]

Accepted all suggestions and made a modification to the community clause that will hopefully address your concerns

[Amerion]

Minor quibble:

Recognizing that the nation of Altino,founded four years ago, has made many exceptional contributions worthy of commendation by this council, through their work to develop regional communities and leaders, as well as to build inter-regional camaraderie;

Insert a space between "Altino," and "founded".

[Wymondham]

Minor quibble:

Recognizing that the nation of Altino,founded four years ago, has made many exceptional contributions worthy of commendation by this council, through their work to develop regional communities and leaders, as well as to build inter-regional camaraderie;

Insert a space between "Altino," and "founded".

Fixed! Thanks for catching that, Amerion

[Wymondham]

Imma submit this on Wednesday unless yall have major further comments

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

Applauding the usefulness of “NationStates Leaders”in providing access to resources allowing participants to learn how to build regional communities, recruit new nations and protect their community, facilitating the development of strong and successful regional communities;

Observing Altino’s work in connecting regional leaders and founders by hosting, constantly improving and inviting them to “NationStates Leaders”, where nations can discuss and debate the principles of regional leadership, access resources to improve regional government, share leadership techniques, and learn from experienced nation’s wisdom;

The first clause feels like filler, because you’re saying almost exactly the same things in the second clause, only attributing them to Altino.

If you decide to keep the first clause then you need a space between the closing quotation marks and “in” (highlighted).

[Wymondham]

Applauding the usefulness of “NationStates Leaders”in providing access to resources allowing participants to learn how to build regional communities, recruit new nations and protect their community, facilitating the development of strong and successful regional communities;

Observing Altino’s work in connecting regional leaders and founders by hosting, constantly improving and inviting them to “NationStates Leaders”, where nations can discuss and debate the principles of regional leadership, access resources to improve regional government, share leadership techniques, and learn from experienced nation’s wisdom;

The first clause feels like filler, because you’re saying almost exactly the same things in the second clause, only attributing them to Altino.

If you decide to keep the first clause then you need a space between the closing quotation marks and “in” (highlighted).

I've removed the first clause per your suggestion

[Tinhampton]

"experienced nation's wisdom" has an apostrophe in the wrong place. The nation link to "Overthinker" should in fact go to "Overthinkers." And I note that what exactly Alti's "new philosophy of government" actually is is never discussed, especially since she didn't completely change the OFO theme... not that I recall, anyway. Still supporting this.

[Wymondham]

All fixed, thanks for catching that Tinhampton.

[Wymondham]

I will be submitting this in approximately 12 hours time

[Wymondham]

I have submitted this proposal

[LollerLand]

Best of luck!

[Miss Bad Life Choices]

Good luck Wymatha ^-^

[Tinhampton]

This is in queue and will likely be voted on between the minor updates of Wednesday 9th September and Sunday 13th September.

AS OF 0443 BST ON FRIDAY: Approvals: 64 out of 64 needed (Aynia Moreaux, Takura, Free Azell, Weffleunion, North American Imperial State, Goathland, The Mojave Chapter of the BoS, Plus Nova Imperii, Central Protectorate of Alkoholi, Baccalieu, Aredita, Awesomeland012345, Clytrat, Zentata, Indusse, The Russian Democratic Federal Republic, Bran Astor, Awesome Majesty, Misted Lake, Seven Seas, Fultzan, Greenkeep, Panther, Rhi-land, Ameroind, Cerata, Potaen, Potato Valley Region, Iroma, Kor Pantaal, Rigels Light, Belkom, Heale, Marcarius Halohin, Serdovnia, Ameiriqua, Disgraces, -tHe ChIcKeN-, The Hellespont, Folgoria, Lesser Velutaria, Espurion, Nepriana, Sylh Alanor, BroganForPrez, Arstozkazia, South Krimelski, Tinhampton, Feu de Glace, Vedenmark, Omniabstracta, Catboy Ethnostate, Stephenese Republic, Kreigswaffe, Antarctic SARNZ, Thembria SSR, Ile Morice, Gran Serenissima, Libonesia, The Zanis Empire, SFR Philippines, Greater Penrith, Roylaii, Comackia)