[ABANDONED ON NOMINEE'S REQUEST] Commend Kuriko

[Tinhampton]

Character count: 2,459
Word count: 371

This was largely written in January and intended to be a proposal in its own right, but is now no longer being drafted as a replacement for Agalaesia's "Commend Kuriko" if/when it gets repealed. All interested parties are invited to help me improve this draft.

Commend Kuriko
A resolution to recognise outstanding achievement by a nation or region.

Category: Commendation

Nominee: Kuriko

Proposed by: Tinhampton

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THE SECURITY COUNCIL:

CLARIFYING that [nation=Kuriko] (formerly known as [nation=Lenlyvit], and also represented by Bovitt Cay, Asura 1, and Terra Voltera) was Commended by SC#300, but that said Commendation was quickly repealed for its imprecision;

NOTING that Kuriko now supplies the most prolific authoring delegation (and one of the hardest-working ones) in this august body's history, with fifteen resolutions authored and four co-authored: among them Commendations for many worthy defenders, the dutiful Liberation of many imperiled regions with native interest in mind, and an improved Condemnation of Macedon that superceded SC#1;

SALUTING Kuriko's active service in the protection and development of regions, including:

• three terms as WA Delegate and head of foreign affairs of [region=10000 Islands] - an iconic defender region, yet broadly reluctant to engage with other regions - where they finalised three landmark treaties with Yggdrasil, The Rejected Realms (repairing years of poor relations in the process), and The South Pacific;
• inheriting from [resolution=SC#276]Paffnia[/resolution] in March 2020 the post of 10000 Islands' Registrar-General, which entails publishing the results of votes on legislation taken by the regional Council of Nine - legislation that is otherwise hidden from unsuspecting delegates who have not identified themselves on the regional forum;
• the founding of [region=The Hole To Hide In], one of the multiverse's largest geopolitical communities, which is largely self-sufficient but willing to support the development of other, fledgling nations; and
• their defence of other regions: for instance, as one of the Order of the Grey Wardens' Commanders of the Grey, they aided the decolonisation of The Monarchist Entente (from The Black Hawks), Communists United Federation and Souls (from fascists), and worked towards the annihilation of the mismanaged US Military raider region;

RECOGNISING that, although ultimately not responsible for their final implementation, many of Kuriko's recommendations on reducing global bureaucracy have been heeded (so that WA authors need no longer sacrifice quality for quantity, Regional Officers can resign of their own accord, and regions may formally self-identify more of their defining features); and

FINDING Kuriko's focus and dedication to improving the state of the world and its Assembly to be Commendable:

HEREBY COMMENDS [nation=Kuriko].

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Drafts of Yore

Commend Kuriko
A resolution to recognise outstanding achievement by a nation or region.

Category: Commendation

Nominee: Kuriko

Proposed by: Tinhampton

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THE SECURITY COUNCIL:

CLARIFYING that [nation=Kuriko] (formerly known as [nation=Lenlyvit], and also represented by Bovitt Cay, Asura 1, Terra Voltera and Terra Marca) was Commended by SC#300, but that said Commendation was quickly repealed for its imprecision;

SALUTING Kuriko's two terms as WA Delegate of [region=10000 Islands] (XKI) - one of the multiverse's great defender regions - from September 2018 to March 2019 and then since July 2019, where they finalised three interregional Treaties of Friendship for XKI: in their first term, with Yggdrasil and The Rejected Realms, which was on poor terms with XKI after the events described in SC#58; in their second, with The South Pacific;

OBSERVING that, between their two terms as Delegate, Kuriko left The Islands Party to form The Circle Party, which adopted a conservative platform in the interest of ensuring that reform in XKI did not harm its fundamental structures and principles, thus moving its political scene from a loosely-affiliated and mostly laid-back duopoly to a contemplative, comprehensive multiparty democracy;

NOTING that Kuriko was second-in-command of [region=Lazarus]' Celestial Armada when Funkadelia promulgated the region's Mandate 10 in July 2017. They, with Aumelodia (the Armada's leader and Celestial Being) and 18 former Celestial Union citizens, soon declared Killer Kitty/Evil Wolf to be an illicit Prelate of the new Wolfist Dominion; although Lazarus has never since had an elected Delegate, the work of Resistance members like Kuriko in defending the role of responsible, republican government should be recognised;

RECALLING that the Kurikoan military had earlier been appointed as one of the Order of the Grey Warden's Commanders of the Grey by then-First Warden Roavin; wherein they aided the decolonisation in 2017 of The Monarchist Entente (from The Black Hawks), Communists United Federation and Souls (from fascists), plus hundreds of defences and detags which shall not be recited here for brevity;

SHARING the delight of leaders, foreign ministers, and oft-confused denizens in finally being able to access maps, originally drawn up by Kurikoan cartographers, of [region=The Free Nations Region] (where Kuriko, one of the first recipients of the Founder's Medal of Freedom, served as Secretary of State and Secretary of Defense) and [region=The Hole To Hide In] (a supportive and largely self-sufficient geopolitical community, founded by a Kurikoan vassal state in 2017);

AWARE that Kuriko now supplies the most prolific authoring delegation (and one of the hardest-working ones) in this august body's history, with fifteen resolutions; among them Commendations for many worthy defenders, the dutiful Liberation of many imperiled regions with native interest in mind, and an improved Condemnation of Macedon that superceded SC#1;

THANKFUL that many Kurikoan ideas on reducing global bureaucracy have been heeded - so that WA authors need no longer sacrifice quality for quantity, Regional Officers can resign of their own accord, and regions may formally self-identify more of their defining features - and that this pro-freedom streak will continue with their recent election as WA Secretary-General (on a platform of strengthening the Security Council, promoting national sovereignty, and curtailing annoying telegrams); and

FINDING Kuriko's talismanic support for peace, prosperity and liberty to be utterly Commendable:

HEREBY COMMENDS [nation=Kuriko].

[Bormiar]

Lol Tin I think you forgot 2b, which I'm 99% certain applies even in repeals.

[Tinhampton]

Lol Tin I think you forgot 2b, which I'm 99% certain applies even in repeals.

As I understand, SC#30 (the second Commend XKI) was based, at least partially, on the fact that XKI was home to a defender organisation that had defended over a thousand regions from invasion - which was the entire premise of SC#5, the original Commend XKI, which had been repealed before the second one passed. Luna Amore's defence, refounding and deLiberation of Free Thought is detailed both in SC#123 and SC#170; so is his contribution to Osiris under the aegis of Revert, although 170 goes into much more detail about this.

The Festering Snakepit's duplication rule only applies to active resolutions and I have written this proposal under the good-faith assumption that such is also the case in the Security Council (I don't see anything in the Compendium); in any case, I await the Word of Mod on this matter.

[WayNeacTia]

but is now a replacement for Agalaesia's "Commend Kuriko" if/when it gets repealed

That's a pretty tall "if". I am going to go out on a limb here and say you would probably have a better chance at commending the CCD, then passing this. But tilt away.

[Bormiar]

Tin, if I'm being honest, this draft is overly-complicated and extremely hard to follow. Everyone can understand it, but it just makes people zone out a little. There's also some unnecessary information that makes the clauses nearly run-on sentences within the run-on sentence.

SALUTING Kuriko's two terms as WA Delegate of [region=10000 Islands] (XKI) - one of the multiverse's great defender regions - from September 2018 to March 2019 and then since July 2019, where they finalised three interregional Treaties of Friendship for XKI: in their first term, with Yggdrasil and The Rejected Realms, which was on poor terms with XKI after the events described in SC#58; in their second, with The South Pacific;

Becomes:

SALUTING Kuriko's two terms as WA delegate of 10000 Islands, during which they notably finalized 3 treaties with Yggdrasil, the Rejected Realms, and The South Pacific (the later being a mend of a broken relationship),

Note I got rid of the dating and it's a lot simpler. Also "interregional Treaties of Friendship" doesn't mean anything more than "treaties", so you use "treaties". The statement "which was on poor terms with XKI after the events described in SC#58" is vague and doesn't point to which region you're talking about, but I chose TSP because that made the most sense.

In reality, this clause doesn't mean much. Mending a broken relationship between 10KI and TSP because of Devonitians doesn't mean anything today because a) TRR was able to do it years before 10KI; b) I don't know why TSP would be mad at 10KI for Devonitians; c) it was years ago; and d) wasn't TSP defender then? 10KI is historically isolationist (a practice a World Assembly can disagree with), so getting a treaty out means a lot more than this clause declares it to be.

OBSERVING that, between their two terms as Delegate, Kuriko left The Islands Party to form The Circle Party, which adopted a conservative platform in the interest of ensuring that reform in XKI did not harm its fundamental structures and principles, thus moving its political scene from a loosely-affiliated and mostly laid-back duopoly to a contemplative, comprehensive multiparty democracy;

What?

From a very cursory glance, I'm not convinced that parties really have any influence in 10KI. Do parties vote in blocs? If so, how is that a good thing? Also, 10KI's traditional principles are often considered primitive and have hurt 10KI. I doubt that 10KI's political scene was a "duopoly" because I don't think there's bloc voting, and TIP appears to be dominating.

This clause is not worth being the second thing you say about Kuriko. And again, this can be simplified.

NOTING that Kuriko was second-in-command of [region=Lazarus]' Celestial Armada when Funkadelia promulgated the region's Mandate 10 in July 2017. They, with Aumelodia (the Armada's leader and Celestial Being) and 18 former Celestial Union citizens, soon declared Killer Kitty/Evil Wolf to be an illicit Prelate of the new Wolfist Dominion; although Lazarus has never since had an elected Delegate, the work of Resistance members like Kuriko in defending the role of responsible, republican government should be recognised;

I would scrap this. Just... don't mention it.

RECALLING that the Kurikoan military had earlier been appointed as one of the Order of the Grey Warden's Commanders of the Grey by then-First Warden Roavin; wherein they aided the decolonisation in 2017 of The Monarchist Entente (from The Black Hawks), Communists United Federation and Souls (from fascists), plus hundreds of defences and detags which shall not be recited here for brevity;

These clauses are starting to feel random. I think this can be one clause on defending, but you haven't even mentioned the SC here yet.

Again, simplify. "Kurikoan military"? Does it need to be a military appointed when you're fine with Kuriko the nation being appointed delegate?

SHARING the delight of leaders, foreign ministers, and oft-confused denizens in finally being able to access maps, originally drawn up by Kurikoan cartographers, of [region=The Free Nations Region] (where Kuriko, one of the first recipients of the Founder's Medal of Freedom, served as Secretary of State and Secretary of Defense) and [region=The Hole To Hide In] (a supportive and largely self-sufficient geopolitical community, founded by a Kurikoan vassal state in 2017);

"Kuriko the famous mapmaker", that's a new one. I would just mention founding The Hole to Hide In, not being its cartographer.

Focus on the important things. Don't list accomplishments. Kuriko is an SC player and 10KIer, but this draft isn't showing it.

AWARE that Kuriko now supplies the most prolific authoring delegation (and one of the hardest-working ones) in this august body's history, with fifteen resolutions; among them Commendations for many worthy defenders, the dutiful Liberation of many imperiled regions with native interest in mind, and an improved Condemnation of Macedon that superceded SC#1;

This can go somewhere before all the Laz and Grey Wardens and cartography stuff. Focus on it, because it's more important than most other things here.

THANKFUL that many Kurikoan ideas on reducing global bureaucracy have been heeded - so that WA authors need no longer sacrifice quality for quantity, Regional Officers can resign of their own accord, and regions may formally self-identify more of their defining features - and that this pro-freedom streak will continue with their recent election as WA Secretary-General (on a platform of strengthening the Security Council, promoting national sovereignty, and curtailing annoying telegrams); and

Meh. Kuriko didn't code those features in.

And Sec-Gen is 1) just thrown in here in a way that mis-informs people on what the Sec-Gen is; and 2) not actually very impressive: getting it is a shot in the dark.

FINDING Kuriko's talismanic support for peace, prosperity and liberty to be utterly Commendable:

Dramatic.

Honestly, this proposal doesn't describe Kuriko accurately. It focuses on a few of her most-minor achievements.

[Tinhampton]

The feedback is appreciated and has been worked in - however imperfectly (and tiredly ). This replacement is not absolutely urgent and I am serious about improving it.

With regards to SALUTING, XKI's bad blood after Devonitians was with TRR (it was perpetuated by a Reject), not with TSP (Sedge's unwitting victims). With regards to NOTING, the end of Kuriko's time in the Resistance is shrouded in controversy that nobody wants to drag here. The final clause on Kuriko's reforms has been deSecGenised but retained, unless it proves utterly unnecessary.

[Tinhampton]

One-month bump(!). I'll interpret no further comments as meaning that this is fine and dandy and needs no changes whatsoever; in fact, I am entirely convinced that something may be seriously wrong with this draft somewhere and continue to heartily invite you to offer me feedback.

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

Unfortunately it is typical Tinhampton word salad and not a patch on the current Commendation.

[Daytime to Night]

I'm not sure how to word this in a less offensive way, other than to say it seems quite narcissistic to repeal and rewrite a perfectly acceptable resolution just because you like your own style of writing more. The extant Commendation isn't 'imprecise' as you have suggested.

This seems more to do with the fact that the original author pressed ahead with their submission as planned, rather than paused and butchered their own draft to incorporate any of your own when you commented at the last possible moment, five weeks into the draft process (and when they were already on version five of their own draft).

The fact that people haven't continued criticising this for the entirety of the last month isn't because it is 'fine and dandy', it's because we have far more interesting things to discuss.

[Tinhampton]

Bump in light of Morover's repeal proposal. How shitty is this?

[Honeydewistania]

Bump in light of Morover's repeal proposal. How shitty is this?

As bad as 300.

[Refuge Isle]

Bump in light of Morover's repeal proposal. How shitty is this?

At least you've become self-aware.

I just think that the best resolutions tell a good story and give background and context about why things are the way they are. More importantly, why it matters and why they matter. I'm not getting that from this draft, I'm getting an itemized list to file my taxes.

[Kuriko]

I do not want Tinhampton authoring a replacement of my commendation, thank you though for the attempt.

[Comfed]

What’s with the BBcode tags? It’s

Code: Select all

[nation]Kuriko[/nation]

, not [nation=Kuriko].

I do not want Tinhampton authoring a replacement of my commendation, thank you though for the attempt.

Are you saying you don’t want to be commended, or you don’t want Tinhampton specifically authoring a replacement?

[Honeydewistania]

What’s with the BBcode tags? It’s

Code: Select all

[nation]Kuriko[/nation]

, not [nation=Kuriko].

I do not want Tinhampton authoring a replacement of my commendation, thank you though for the attempt.

Are you saying you don’t want to be commended, or you don’t want Tinhampton specifically authoring a replacement?

1. Those tags work when proposals are submitted, they just don’t work in the forum. 2. Pretty sure it’s not wanting Tinhampton, however I don’t speak for Kuriko

[SkyDip]

I do not want Tinhampton authoring a replacement of my commendation, thank you though for the attempt.

[Tinhampton]

Abandoned