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[Draft] Commend Destructive Government Economic System

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9003
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[Draft] Commend Destructive Government Economic System

Postby 9003 » Mon Jan 06, 2020 8:44 pm



The World Assembly,

Observing the sheer and unparalleled amount of historical works of art preserved by Destructive Government Economic System henceforth known as DGES;

Emphasizing that DGES currently holds the largest gallery of Avant-garde art created by a group of artists named “Ex-Nation” (henceforth referred to as Ex-Nation)

Admiring that DGES is the sole owner of over 200 pieces of artwork thus preserving their legacy such as “The Kingdom of Antithmia”, “The Colony of Herokan”, “The Federal Democratic Kingdom of Pullum Island”, and “The Principality of Aliasian Empire”

Seeing countless scholars flock to appreciate the many hard to find works of art by the names of Soops, Mindless contempt, and Sionis Prioratus;

Appreciating that DGES has and will loan out hard to find artwork to provide an opportunity for more exact copies of these artworks to be created permitting for more nations to display in their galleries, eg. NASTIC 2 and Lord Ravenclaw;

Pleased that DGES shares more the 16,000 pieces of Ex-Nation’s works of art in a gallery by the name of “I AM THE EX-NATION EXTRAORDINAIRE!!!”;

Noting that through service in The North Pacific Cards Guild as a Deputy Guildmaster DGES:
  • is working on growing the community of art collectors;
  • wrote an extremely in depth guide to help novice and experienced art collectors while collecting and enabling nations with less resources to learn of strategies to pursue their goals in collecting;
  • has assisted in creating a monthly competition to find and recognize the best art collections on certain themes;
  • provided critical feedback on the development and operation of The North Pacific’s “31 Days of Legendaries”, a program to giveaway 31 Legendary quality pieces of art including “The Hive Mind of Testlandia” valued at 328 at the time;
Encouraging DGES’s support of others in their art collecting endeavours by donating priceless works of art to other nations, this works including “The Monarchical Republic of Sciongrad”, “The Letterman Commie Paradise of Menta Lee-IL”, and “The Immortal Shogunate and Affiliated Territories of Reploid Productions”;

Hereby commends Destructive Government Economic System.
Co-authored by Praeceps







New draft thinking points:
Emphasizing that DGES currently holds the largest gallery of Avant-garde art created by a group of artists named “Ex-Nation” (henceforth referred to as Ex-Nation)

I am a little iffy about this I like comparing them to the Avant-garde Ex- nations will be an oddity I'm curious to see how what other people think about Ex-nation being an artist who made them all this would allow them to still be representative of nation that shares the name sake.


Seeing countless scholars flock to appreciate the many hard to find works of art by the names of Soops, Mindless contempt, and Sionis Prioratus;

This feels clunky but i'm not sure how to smooth it out well what are others thoughts?


Seeing countless scholars flock to appreciate the many hard to find works of art by the names of Soops, Mindless contempt, and Sionis Prioratus;

...such as “The Kingdom of Antithmia”, “The Colony of Herokan”, “The Federal Democratic Kingdom of Pullum Island”, and “The Principality of Aliasian Empire”


I like the full titles for the art as it makes it more of a title but does that make it get too wordy? I left the first line in to compare and I would love feedback

If you notice something or think of something that I didn't pull out please share as well after all feedback is a gift.




The World Assembly,

Observing that the sheer and unparalleled amount of historical works of art preserved by Destructive Government Economic System henceforth known as DGES;

Knowing that the only known copies of many of these works of art reside within DGES's galleries;

Appreciating that DGES will loan out rare artwork to provide an opportunity for more exact copies of these artworks to be created;

Highlighting that DGES's historic gallery contains the well-known works of Soops, Mindless contempt, and Sionis Prioratus;

Pleased that DGES shares these rare works of art publicly;

Noting that DGES's serves in The North Pacific Cards Guild as a Deputy Guildmaster;

Impressed that DGES wrote an extremely in depth guide to help novice and experienced art collectors while collecting;

Encouraging that DGES’s support of others in their art collecting endeavours by donating priceless works of art to other nations;

Hereby commends Destructive Government Economic System.


Co-authored by Praeceps







The World Assembly,

Seeing as I need to make a preamble up then put it here;

Observing the sheer amount of historical works of art preserved by Destructive Government Economic System;

Knowing that the only known copies of many of these works of art reside within Destructive Government Economic System's gallerias;

Highlighting Destructive Government Economic System's historic gallery containing the well know works of Soops, Mindless contempt, and Sionis Prioratus;

Pleased that Destructive Government Economic System shares these rare works of art publicly;

Noting Destructive Government Economic System's serves in The North Pacific Card guild as the deputy Guild master;

Impressed that Destructive Government Economic System wrote an extremely in depth guide to help novice and experienced art collectors while collecting;

Commends Destructive Government Economic System.




First real proposal I am submitting for feedback!

I want to focus on DGES's work on preserving card history by collecting ex nations and low to single owner pieces of art work.
It feels short to me but I don't know the SC very well and I am getting advice from quite a few folks over in the cards discord and the WA discord if you have any other tips or suggestions put them here I'm work shopping the idea now
Last edited by 9003 on Fri Jan 24, 2020 1:36 pm, edited 11 times in total.
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Morover
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Postby Morover » Fri Jan 10, 2020 9:56 pm

"Hello! I've put general comments in red, suggested grammatical additions in blue, and suggested grammatical removals in green."


The World Assembly,

Seeing As I need to make a preamble up then put it here; While my matter of expertise is not the Security Council, I believe that the entire proposal before "Commends..." is considered a preamble.

OBSERVING the Sheer amount of historical works of art preserved by Destructive Government Economic System; Okay, so you do this throughout the proposal, so I admire your consistency at the very least, but after the first word in the clause ("observing", "knowing", etc.), don't capitalize that second word. Additionally, why is "observing" here in full-caps? Either choose full-caps or just the first letter caps, and keep it consistent.

Knowing That the only known copies of many of these works of art reside within Destructive Government Economic System's gallerias;

Highlighting Destructive Government Economic System's historic gallery are of the well know works of Soops, Mindless contempt, and Sionis Prioratus;

Pleased That Destructive Government Economic System shares these rare works of art in a public gallery publicly;

Impressed That Destructive Government Economic System Wrote (odd capitalization here) an extremely in-depth guide to help novice and experienced art collectors while collecting;

Commends Destructive Government Economic System. Why is commends italicized while the rest of them are bolded? Personally, I prefer the look of the operative clauses without formatting, but if you do choose to add a boldness or italicization to them, keep consistent with it.

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9003
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Postby 9003 » Fri Jan 10, 2020 10:58 pm

Is there a way I can cleanly shift to using DGES instead of the full name? it looks clunky having it spelled out every time.
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Morover
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Postby Morover » Fri Jan 10, 2020 11:10 pm

9003 wrote:Is there a way I can cleanly shift to using DGES instead of the full name? it looks clunky having it spelled out every time.

After the first use of their name, put a “(hereafter referred to as DGES)” or a “(henceforth known as DGES)” or something.

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Bhang Bhang Duc
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Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Sat Jan 11, 2020 2:14 am

The operative clause is normally written "Hereby* commends (nation name)", but that's a very minor point. Otherwise I think you have the basis of a proposal, but it really needs to be fleshed out more. For example you could provide more detail on their work in TNP or the guide they have written. Also you don't need a preamble, just go straight into the reasons why you believe the nation is worthy of receiving a Commendation.

Can't see any obvious illegalities so that's good.

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9003
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Postby 9003 » Mon Jan 13, 2020 12:13 pm

Thank you all for the advice thus far!

I, with the help of Praeceps, have created a second draft!
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Bormiar
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Postby Bormiar » Thu Jan 16, 2020 7:01 pm

Grammatical changes in red. I bolded punctuation changes to make it slightly more obvious.
[align=center]Observing that the sheer and unparalleled amount of historical works of art preserved by Destructive Government Economic System, henceforth known as DGES;

I would suggest usage of the term "artifacts" as opposed to "historical works", and elaborate on why "excavating" and storing "artifacts" is beneficial for history or something. This is one of the clauses in which you really have to focus on the IC aspect and provide context.

Knowing that the only known copies of many of these works of art reside within DGES's galleries;

I like to say that each copy of a card is an individual original work (in this case artifact) pertaining to a certain nation. Saying that each card is its own individual artifact or artwork suggests that each copy is a knock-off or something.

Appreciating that DGES will loan out rare artwork to provide an opportunity for more exact copies of these artworks to be created;

Detailed examples needed ofc.

Highlighting that DGES's historic gallery contains the well-known works of Soops, Mindless contempt, and Sionis Prioratus;

That's impressive, but you still need to make up am IC reason for why. E.g. something about aiding scholars in studying these historic nations.

Pleased that DGES shares these rare works of art publicly;

Wdym?

Noting that DGES's serves in The North Pacific Cards Guild as a Deputy Guildmaster;

Requires examples of what DGES does as Deputy Guildmaster. Also "Cards" guild? Cards aren't a thing in this proposal. Remember that art is a substitute for cards, so that should go for proper knowns too.

Impressed that DGES wrote an extremely in depth guide to help novice and experienced art collectors while collecting;

That's branded as part of the cards guild so it can be used as an example in the previous clause.

Encouraging that DGES’s support of others in their art collecting endeavours by donating priceless works of art to other nations;

Examples could help for this one too.

I think the biggest part of what DGES has done is being missed here. He really did create the ex-nation popularity in cards. I asked him about this and have a very large textwall I can give you.

Dm me, I can help write this thing.

Sidenote: Cards really have blown up, and likely generate more site activity rn than R/D considering all the farming. We even have [v] now actively taking suggestions and developing an NS API, and have branched out to the point of getting a badge, a new season, and, ofc, an SC resolution. Having another, a possibility which I recall someone complaining about a few months ago, is far from superfluous.
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9003
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Postby 9003 » Thu Jan 16, 2020 10:38 pm

Thank you all thus far feedback has been a huge help!

A new draft is up with some points I wanted to see what people think about.
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Valentine Z
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Postby Valentine Z » Thu Jan 16, 2020 10:40 pm

Good stuff, good stuff. I approve and will be FOR it, of course! ^^

Should have Condemned DGES too for hogging artwork like Koem Kab. :P
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Postby ROM » Fri Jan 17, 2020 3:42 pm

I still don't know how this is Commendable. I like DGES don't get me wrong, and they are a good player, but what I am seeing here is not desrving of being Commended. Against, as is. Maybe eventually this could be something I could get behind, but as is I'm not really seeing anything here that would make me want to support it as is.
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9003
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Postby 9003 » Fri Jan 24, 2020 1:39 pm

ROM wrote:I still don't know how this is Commendable. I like DGES don't get me wrong, and they are a good player, but what I am seeing here is not desrving of being Commended. Against, as is. Maybe eventually this could be something I could get behind, but as is I'm not really seeing anything here that would make me want to support it as is.



I know that cards are a newer frontier for proposals but I see that writing the massive comprehensive guide is a huge above and beyond point as well as the 16,000 ex nation cards that are becoming rarer and rarer an accomplishment I do not see anyone repeating Ditto with having 200+ single owner nations. Do you have anything else that he has done that can be added to make more?



Last call for feedback! I would love to hear any and last minute things I plan on submitting early next week
Thank you all thus far I appreciate the feedback a lot.
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Postby Tinhampton » Fri Jan 24, 2020 3:52 pm

Two final aesthetic suggestions before you go Proposal-A-Go-Go: In your "OBSERVING" clause, consider placing a comma after the word "System." Furthermore, given that you only mention the Ex-Nation group once after your parenthetical "henceforth" sentence in your second clause, omit the "PLEASED" clause and replace the "EMPHASIZING" clause (i.e. the second clause) with:
Pleased that DGES currently hosts the largest gallery of avant-garde art created by a group of artists named “Ex-Nation,” through displaying over 16,000 pieces of art by the group in a display entitled “I AM THE EX-NATION EXTRAORDINAIRE!!!”;
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9003
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Postby 9003 » Fri Jan 24, 2020 5:36 pm

Tinhampton wrote:Two final aesthetic suggestions before you go Proposal-A-Go-Go: In your "OBSERVING" clause, consider placing a comma after the word "System." Furthermore, given that you only mention the Ex-Nation group once after your parenthetical "henceforth" sentence in your second clause, omit the "PLEASED" clause and replace the "EMPHASIZING" clause (i.e. the second clause) with:
Pleased that DGES currently hosts the largest gallery of avant-garde art created by a group of artists named “Ex-Nation,” through displaying over 16,000 pieces of art by the group in a display entitled “I AM THE EX-NATION EXTRAORDINAIRE!!!”;


I will change the Syntex things and I do like pleased much more thanks!
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Morover
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Postby Morover » Fri Jan 24, 2020 5:43 pm

OOC: My only suggestion is to add a comma before "DGES" in clause seven.


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