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[DRAFT] Commend The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth

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Rivierenland
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Founded: Dec 09, 2018
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

[DRAFT] Commend The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth

Postby Rivierenland » Sat Aug 17, 2019 1:04 am

so this is my first WA resolution proposal and i don't really know if this is good enough to submit yet. I'll only submit after i get feedback and do the necessary editing. Help would be appreciated :) .




The honourable Security Council,
Recognizing that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has revitalized ]Europe's Foreign Office by expanding Europe's foreign relations, restarting the regional monthly updates, and revitalizing Europe's Diplomatic Corps,

Also Recognizing that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has managed the European Defense Forces during the previous N-Day, and that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth negotiated peace with other factions,

Acknowledging that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has been Europe's Foreign Secretary for over a year and has acted as Imperium Anglorum's second-in-command, contributing to The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth being proven as a very trustworthy and competent government official,

Also Acknowledging that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth helps manage Europe's democratic elections,

Being Aware that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has protected Europe from several raid attempts and trolls, specifically those of Operation Tabby Cat,

Pleased that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has been an active member of the European community for the previous three years,

Believing that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has contributed much to Europe, and that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth's efforts should be rewarded with a commendation,

Herby commends The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth

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Bhang Bhang Duc
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1853
Founded: Dec 17, 2003
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Sat Aug 17, 2019 3:16 am

Sorry but the nominated nation doesn’t appear to have done enough to deserve a Commendation.

Okay they’ve done a bit within Europe, but to the wider NationStates community they’re probably unknown.

Also your draft is illegal: Herby can’t Commend anyone.
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Armaros
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Founded: Apr 06, 2018
Father Knows Best State

Postby Armaros » Sat Aug 17, 2019 3:29 am

First of all, hello and welcome to the Security Council!

I’ll do my best to give some feedback on this.
Rivierenland wrote:
The honourable Security Council,
Recognizing that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has revitalized ]Europe's Foreign Office by expanding Europe's foreign relations, restarting the regional monthly updates, and revitalizing Europe's Diplomatic Corps,

A reasonable enough start, aside from the bracket marked in red.

Also Recognizing that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has managed the European Defense Forces during the previous N-Day, and that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth negotiated peace with other factions,

I’m not sure if N-day is legal to mention. You might want to reword it as “nuclear apocalypse” or something.

Acknowledging that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has been Europe's Foreign Secretary for over a year and has acted as Imperium Anglorum's second-in-command, contributing to The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth being proven as a very trustworthy and competent government official,

Good, but you might want to mention what they achieved during that year and why that is commendable.

Also Acknowledging that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth helps manage Europe's democratic elections,

Being Aware that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has protected Europe from several raid attempts and trolls, specifically those of Operation Tabby Cat,

You might want to explain what “Operation Tabby Cat” was and why it is mentionable.

Pleased that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has been an active member of the European community for the previous three years,


Believing that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has contributed much to Europe, and that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth's efforts should be rewarded with a commendation,

Fair enough.


As mentioned above by BBD, “herby” should be “hereby”.

I am also against. While I am fairly certain nations have been commended for their work in a single region in the past, I do not believe in that precedent. Good luck with this, however. :)
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Bhang Bhang Duc
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1853
Founded: Dec 17, 2003
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Sat Aug 17, 2019 9:44 am

I seen this has been submitted. Well at least you corrected the mistakes pointed out to you.
Former Delegate and Guardian of The West Pacific. TWP's Former Minister for World Assembly Affairs

The West Pacific's Official Welshman, Astronomer and Old Fart

Pierconium wrote:I see Funk as an opportunistic manipulator that utilises the means available to him to reach his goals. In other words, a nation after my own heart.

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Eumaeus
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 159
Founded: Jan 27, 2018
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Eumaeus » Sun Aug 18, 2019 9:42 am

It looks like the version to submitted is different from the latest version posted here, so I'm going to drop the updated text here. I've done my best to reproduce the bbcoding:
The honourable Security Council,
Recognizing that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has revitalized Europe's Foreign Office by expanding Europe's foreign relations, restarting the regional monthly updates, and revitalizing Europe's Diplomatic Corps,

Also Recognizing that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has managed the European Defense Forces during the previous "Nuclear Armageddon", and that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth negotiated peace with other factions,

Acknowledging that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has been Europe's Foreign Secretary for over a year and has acted as Imperium Anglorum's second-in-command, contributing to The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth being proven as a very trustworthy and competent government official.

Also Acknowledging that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth helps manage Europe's democratic elections,

Being Aware that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has protected Europe from several raid attempts and trolls, specifically those of Operation Tabby Cat,

Pleased that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has been an active member of the European community for the previous three years,

Believing that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has contributed much to Europe, and that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth's efforts should be rewarded with a commendation,

Hereby commends The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth



The honourable Security Council,
Recognizing that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has revitalized Europe's Foreign Office by expanding Europe's foreign relations, restarting the regional monthly updates, and revitalizing Europe's Diplomatic Corps,

Also Recognizing that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has managed the European Defense Forces during the previous "Nuclear Armageddon", and that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth negotiated peace with other factions,

There are two back-to-back instances of repeating beginning verbs. It comes off as unimaginative and repetitive. Also, this is partially a criticism of this proposal, but also depending the answer a complaint I have to the government of Europe: What the hell is the European Defense Forces? Is it just referring to an informal name for the collective IC/OOC military forces of Europe, is it an IC organization, or is it an OOC regional military? I cannot find mention of it (or at least explanation of it) in any regional dispatches or on the European forum (although I am viewing as a guest so perhaps it's just hidden from view). Either way a little bit more explanation is necessary.
Acknowledging that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has been Europe's Foreign Secretary for over a year and has acted as Imperium Anglorum's second-in-command, contributing to The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth being proven as a very trustworthy and competent government official,

You ended this clause with a period when the rest are ended with a comma. I also think that the last bit unnecessarily spells out what it is implicitly trying to convey. I think that this clause may also work better if it were the opening clause.
Also Acknowledging that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth helps manage Europe's democratic elections,

Being Aware that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has protected Europe from several raid attempts and trolls, specifically those of Operation Tabby Cat,

This is another area where a bit more explanation may be necessary. Glancing over the history of OTC, it seems that they have succeeded in causing disruption in Europe on at least two occasions, so I'm curious about how exactly PLC has been going about protecting Europe.
Pleased that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has been an active member of the European community for the previous three years,

Believing that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth has contributed much to Europe, and that The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth's efforts should be rewarded with a commendation,

Hereby commends The Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth.

Forgot a period at the end.

Overall, I don't think that the target nation has had a wide enough impact on the international community to warrant commendation, at least based off of the information presented in this proposal. Regarding the proposal itself, it offers only a meager amount of substance, and at times the arguments seem to come in a completely arbitrary order.

Though I have had no previous dealings with this nation to aid in offering advice, based off of their dispatches their founding of the European States Treaty Organization (ESTO) may be worth looking into for additional substance.
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