Now that my vacation is officially over, and my flight has already been delayed 50 minutes, I'll go ahead and give some feedback.
Bormiar wrote:The Security Council,
ACKNOWLEDGING the existence of government-owned art collections within nations and the exchange of individual pieces and currency ("bank") that makes up the international art trade,
What started off as some minor edits became a complete rewrite of this clause by accident. Feel free to use it if you would like.
UNDERSTANDING that art reveals important information on the culture, ideology, and importance of the nation from which it originated,
AWARE that art is not bought and sold based on the artist, or the quality of the piece, but rather the culture that it expresses, so as to expand collections centered around specific nations.
DISTURBED that Koem Kab’s museums have collections so large and high-valued that masterpieces are not recognized for their beauty, instead glanced at due to the sheer amount of them. This disregard for art has been caused by the following:
1. Koem Kab’s museums' abundance of art from the world’s legendary nations, a description determined by a nation’s longevity, census rankings, and contributions to the world, among other factors. Koem Kab’s museums have an obsession with collecting legendary nations, a trait shared by many, but fulfilled by few.
Forgot an apostrophe.
2. Koem Kab’s active attempts at monopolizing art from NERVUN, of which Koem Kab has a staggering 52 NERVUNian pieces in its collection.
This could easily be a single sentence.
3. Koem Kab’s decision to hoard the artificially high-valued art from Queen Yuno, of which Koem Kab has 10 of these art pieces.
Unless you're talking about Z-Day you've used the wrong hoard. You put three "l"s in "artificially" by accident. Using single sentences here will keep the proposal's flow from feeling interrupted.
4. Koem Kab’s complete unwillingness to sell art unless the buyer is willing to meet unreasonably high prices,
AWARE of the effects of hoarding, which not only prevents nations from gaining intelligence on many prominent nations, but also, as stated above, devalues the art in the eyes of a tourist,
NOTING the importance of the distribution of art over a large number of nations, as it means that even if a government ceases to exist and its museums are abandoned, the knowledge and beauty they contained will continue to exist in the world. Therefore, Koem Kab’s control over so much art is risky,
I made a slight edit just to see how it looked, but I think that the last sentence is completely unnecessary.
DISGUSTED at the methods Koem Kab has used to develop such an abnormally large and high-valued collection, including:
Just a couple minor edit suggestions.
1. Intentionally avoiding the maintenance fees required to increase art collection capacity, which is imposed upon all nations. Unwillingness or inability to pay for a larger capacity results in the inability to be gifted art from other nations, but it does not prevent nations from buying and selling art. Koem Kab circumvents these limits by seizing control of another nation, Greatest Chernobyl, and receiving gifts from Koem Kab’s colonies on said nation. Then, Koem Kab often sells the gifts in Greatest Chernobyl, and uses the bank to buy art in Koem Kab, thus fooling the system.
2. Blatantly increasing the value of useless art from nations such as International Organization, Ortsync, Griet, Divine Will VII, Vacuole, The Home of Hope, Aummunati0n, Neutral Yugoslavia, Death Defiance 17, The CLU Empire, Moorwhyne, Sleepwalker, Jidal, Balmains, Westlandium, The Automobile Industry, and many more. This involves selling the art to a nation controlled by Koem Kab for a high price, which raises the value and thus the value of the collection. While done in smaller chunks it can be argued as a transfer of bank between two nations, but with amounts of bank in the hundreds, it causes Koem Kab's art collections to appear to be worth thousands more than than they actually should be, thus deceiving a tourist and increasing Koem Kab’s international ranking.
3. Koem Kab’s abuse of its massive amount of bank in order to buy low-selling art. This can be done by placing a bid for the art at a price slightly above the market value (a value calculated by the average of all sale prices), then placing another bid for an equal amount as the previous bid, in order to prevent "dropping", which is when another owner of the art will sell for the price bid by Koem Kab, then buy for the originally low price, in order to profit. This dropping-prevention tactic is one that few nations can afford, and often ends the bidding war, which prevents the naïve seller from getting a fair amount of bank for the art,
I'm not going to go into depth on these clauses, mostly because they are attempts to explain an aspect of card trading which is a feature of NS that I am completely unfamiliar with. I am, however, going to suggest that you look into editing these explanations down so that they are more concise.
4. Colonizing thousands of nations for the sole purpose of art production,
AWARE of the methods Koem Kab uses that are widely considered petty for nations with large collections, which includes bank transfer stealing and "pennybidding", which is bidding 0.01 bank above the next highest bid,
FURTHER AWARE that Koem Kab has contributed to the art value inflation. This has been done because the demand for popular art has not been met by the supply, so nations with lots of art from a single nation can demand much higher than its actual worth. This cost increase has made it more difficult for poor nations to own popular art, and ensured that most popular art will go to Koem Kab and other rich collectors, to the detriment of most nations.
I think "demand" is a more forceful alternative to "sell" in this context. You used the wrong "its". The bit in the third sentence was passive voice, which I usually don't care about but this instance was so painful to read I had to correct it (I guess even the most pointless grammar rules have points :/). I think the last bit is unnecessary, but if you insist on keeping it you've ended this clause with a period when the rest end with commas.
Glad to see that you came back to this, I was afraid you would forget about it
. Other than the grammar related feedback I provided I think this draft might be ready to go. There may be some pushback from people arguing that this is an attempt to punish a nation for its success in art collection/card trading, but I think you've adequately explained why it is detrimental to the international community.