Posted: Sun May 19, 2019 10:08 amEumaeus wrote:I have a few grammar related comments of varying importance:Sargon Reman wrote:The Security Council,
RECOGNIZING that since its formation fifteen years ago, the nation of Woonsocket has contributed overwhelmingly to the 10000 Islands through civil service and to the international community through military service as a long time member of the Ten Thousand Islands Treaty Organization (TITO),
When listing ideas it is best to keep the phrasing consistent between each item, even if there are only two items. Hence, "contributed to ___ through ___..."ACKNOWLEDGING that Woonsocket served with distinction in the role of Chief Executive and Founder of the 10000 Islands for nearly three years where they oversaw sizable regional development and demonstrated competent diplomatic skill which allowed for the creation of several treaties with important allies, such as The Rejected Realms, and cemented the alliances of the 10000 Islands with regions around the world,
That last fragment was kind of awkwardly phrased.AWARE that the military contributions imputed to Woonsocket are voluminous and include being a highly decorated defender in TITO for nearly a decade and having completed over 430 deployments; in this capacity they have been given the rank of TITO Knight Fleet Commander after serving as a TITO Tactical Officer for two years and have been decorated many times including with the Soldiers Medal, for dedication in military conduct, the Woonsocket Bronze Star, the Meritorious Service Medal, for consistent merited service, and the South America Defense Medal,
Something wonky is going with that "deployments,in". I think a semicolon would fit well there. You put a "for" when I think you meant "the". There's also a space after that last comma.COGNIZANT that Woonsocket participated in 10 refound operations, in which founderless regions were restored once again to peace and tranquility, including the refounding of USA, The Skeleton Army, Beyond the Sea, Australia, Natan Region, Animal House, Hogwarts, Urbanites, Greece, and United States Congress,
I did some basic edits. Your lack of an oxford comma disturbs me. Also, it wouldn't hurt to ad region tags here.PLEASED that Woonsocket deployed in support of operations in Feeders and Sinkers alike in the interest of maintaining lawful regional governments and protecting them from coups, including deployment to Osiris, for which they were awarded the Osiris Defense Medal, to The South Pacific during the Milograd coup in 2013, for which they were awarded The South Pacific Liberation Medal, and to Lazarus during the coup of 2015, for which they were awarded the Lazarus Liberation Medal,
This clause is kind of awkward because the second half of it is a list of awards as opposed to a list of deployments as implied by the first half.OBSERVING that Woonsocket served an 11 month tenure as Minister of Immigration in the 10000 Islands, during which they guided regional recruiting policy and oversaw a population increase to an all-time regional population record for user created regions on November 17, 2011 with 2,200 nations, including receiving 17 different immigration awards and various distinctions including the 10000 Islands Immigration Medal of Honor,
IMPRESSED that, according to 10000 Islands regional scholars, the government of Woonsocket has sent 133,173 manual recruitment telegrams as a regional recruiter while recruiting a grand total of 4,669 recruits to the 10000 Islands,
NOTING that Woonsocket was awarded the Legion of Merit for demonstrating an exemplary record of service to the Islands or the world and the Heart of the Islands trophy for nations who embody and exemplify goodwill,
FURTHER OBSERVING that while serving as Delegate for 6 months, Woonsocket helped to set the standard for voting on every World Assembly proposal, something which is sought after by subsequent 10000 Islands Delegates to this day,
There is an unnecessary comma.WISHING to celebrate and preserve this legacy for the international community and future generations,
HEREBY commends Woonsocket.
So I followed your suggestions.
how does this line sound now?:
PLEASED that Woonsocket deployed in support of operations in Feeders and Sinkers alike in the interest of maintaining lawful regional governments and protecting them from coups, among these are the support of the region Osiris, assignment to The South Pacific during course of the Milograd coup in 2013 and their role in Lazarus during the coup of 2015,
