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[PASSED] Commend Woonsocket

A chamber dedicated to the dissemination of inter-regional peace and goodwill, via force if necessary.

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Sargon Reman
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Postby Sargon Reman » Sun May 19, 2019 10:08 am

Eumaeus wrote:I have a few grammar related comments of varying importance:
Sargon Reman wrote:The Security Council,

RECOGNIZING that since its formation fifteen years ago, the nation of Woonsocket has contributed overwhelmingly to the 10000 Islands through civil service and to the international community through military service as a long time member of the Ten Thousand Islands Treaty Organization (TITO),

When listing ideas it is best to keep the phrasing consistent between each item, even if there are only two items. Hence, "contributed to ___ through ___..."
ACKNOWLEDGING that Woonsocket served with distinction in the role of Chief Executive and Founder of the 10000 Islands for nearly three years where they oversaw sizable regional development and demonstrated competent diplomatic skill which allowed for the creation of several treaties with important allies, such as The Rejected Realms, and cemented the alliances of the 10000 Islands with regions around the world,

That last fragment was kind of awkwardly phrased.
AWARE that the military contributions imputed to Woonsocket are voluminous and include being a highly decorated defender in TITO for nearly a decade and having completed over 430 deployments; in this capacity they have been given the rank of TITO Knight Fleet Commander after serving as a TITO Tactical Officer for two years and have been decorated many times including with the Soldiers Medal, for dedication in military conduct, the Woonsocket Bronze Star, the Meritorious Service Medal, for consistent merited service, and the South America Defense Medal,

Something wonky is going with that "deployments,in". I think a semicolon would fit well there. You put a "for" when I think you meant "the". There's also a space after that last comma.
COGNIZANT that Woonsocket participated in 10 refound operations, in which founderless regions were restored once again to peace and tranquility, including the refounding of USA, The Skeleton Army, Beyond the Sea, Australia, Natan Region, Animal House, Hogwarts, Urbanites, Greece, and United States Congress,

I did some basic edits. Your lack of an oxford comma disturbs me. Also, it wouldn't hurt to ad region tags here.
PLEASED that Woonsocket deployed in support of operations in Feeders and Sinkers alike in the interest of maintaining lawful regional governments and protecting them from coups, including deployment to Osiris, for which they were awarded the Osiris Defense Medal, to The South Pacific during the Milograd coup in 2013, for which they were awarded The South Pacific Liberation Medal, and to Lazarus during the coup of 2015, for which they were awarded the Lazarus Liberation Medal,

This clause is kind of awkward because the second half of it is a list of awards as opposed to a list of deployments as implied by the first half.
OBSERVING that Woonsocket served an 11 month tenure as Minister of Immigration in the 10000 Islands, during which they guided regional recruiting policy and oversaw a population increase to an all-time regional population record for user created regions on November 17, 2011 with 2,200 nations, including receiving 17 different immigration awards and various distinctions including the 10000 Islands Immigration Medal of Honor,

IMPRESSED that, according to 10000 Islands regional scholars, the government of Woonsocket has sent 133,173 manual recruitment telegrams as a regional recruiter while recruiting a grand total of 4,669 recruits to the 10000 Islands,

NOTING that Woonsocket was awarded the Legion of Merit for demonstrating an exemplary record of service to the Islands or the world and the Heart of the Islands trophy for nations who embody and exemplify goodwill,

FURTHER OBSERVING that while serving as Delegate for 6 months, Woonsocket helped to set the standard for voting on every World Assembly proposal, something which is sought after by subsequent 10000 Islands Delegates to this day,

There is an unnecessary comma.
WISHING to celebrate and preserve this legacy for the international community and future generations,

HEREBY commends Woonsocket.


So I followed your suggestions.
how does this line sound now?:
PLEASED that Woonsocket deployed in support of operations in Feeders and Sinkers alike in the interest of maintaining lawful regional governments and protecting them from coups, among these are the support of the region Osiris, assignment to The South Pacific during course of the Milograd coup in 2013 and their role in Lazarus during the coup of 2015,
Citizen of the 10000 Islands, Minister of Immigration. Author of SC Resolution #265.

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Eumaeus
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Postby Eumaeus » Wed May 22, 2019 2:37 pm

Sargon Reman wrote:PLEASED that Woonsocket deployed in support of operations in Feeders and Sinkers alike in the interest of maintaining lawful regional governments and protecting them from coups, among these are the support of the region Osiris, assignment to The South Pacific during course of the Milograd coup in 2013 and their role in Lazarus during the coup of 2015,

I feel like "among these" is a jarring transition into the second part of the sentence, but overall it is much better.
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Sargon Reman
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Postby Sargon Reman » Sun May 26, 2019 12:52 pm

This resolution will be put forward in the next week or sooner.
Last edited by Sargon Reman on Sun May 26, 2019 9:42 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Jakker
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Postby Jakker » Fri May 31, 2019 12:29 pm

Sargon Reman wrote:This resolution will be put forward in the next week or sooner.


I apologize that this wasn't caught before. You used the pronoun "he" several times which is a 4b violation, so I marked it as illegal.
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Kuriko
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Postby Kuriko » Fri May 31, 2019 12:30 pm

Jakker wrote:
Sargon Reman wrote:This resolution will be put forward in the next week or sooner.


I apologize that this wasn't caught before. You used the pronoun "he" several times which is a 4b violation, so I marked it as illegal.

I totally overlooked those when I skimmed. Note to self: read more in-depth next time >·<
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Sargon Reman
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Postby Sargon Reman » Fri May 31, 2019 12:48 pm

Jakker wrote:
Sargon Reman wrote:This resolution will be put forward in the next week or sooner.


I apologize that this wasn't caught before. You used the pronoun "he" several times which is a 4b violation, so I marked it as illegal.

Can I get the TGs back I just sent for it. Goddamit. :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:
Last edited by Sargon Reman on Fri May 31, 2019 12:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Jakker
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Postby Jakker » Fri May 31, 2019 12:51 pm

Sargon Reman wrote:
Jakker wrote:
I apologize that this wasn't caught before. You used the pronoun "he" several times which is a 4b violation, so I marked it as illegal.

Can I get the THe back I just sent for it. Goddamit. :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:


I'm not sure. You would need to submit a GHR.
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The Bruce wrote:Mostly I feel sorry for [raiders], because they put in all this effort and at the end of the day have nothing to show for it and have created nothing.

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Sargon Reman
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Postby Sargon Reman » Fri May 31, 2019 12:58 pm

I submitted a GHR and pulled the resolution.
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Bhang Bhang Duc
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Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Fri May 31, 2019 2:23 pm

Kuriko wrote:I totally overlooked those when I skimmed. Note to self: read more in-depth next time >·<

Likewise and I usually pick those.

Sorry Sargon.
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Sargon Reman
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Postby Sargon Reman » Fri May 31, 2019 5:30 pm

I will fix the error and resend the campaign soon.
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Sargon Reman
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Postby Sargon Reman » Sat Jun 01, 2019 5:01 am

I resubmitted the resolution.
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Hindu Puri
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Postby Hindu Puri » Sat Jun 01, 2019 6:38 am

I have personally witnessed the hardwork put in by Woonsocket. He is not just an excellent player, but a excellent human being as well. I urge all of you to support this proposal.

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Sargon Reman
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Postby Sargon Reman » Sat Jun 01, 2019 6:39 am

Hindu Puri wrote:I have personally witnessed the hardwork put in by Woonsocket. He is not just an excellent player, but a excellent human being as well. I urge all of you to support this proposal.

Thank you!
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Eumaeus
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Postby Eumaeus » Sun Jun 02, 2019 11:46 am

This proposal currently in queue. Good luck. o7
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mother, father, and friends, everyone calls me Nohbdy."

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Bhang Bhang Duc
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Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Sun Jun 02, 2019 11:48 am

Eumaeus wrote:This proposal currently in queue. Good luck. o7

Best wishes for the success of this proposal.
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Pierconium wrote:I see Funk as an opportunistic manipulator that utilises the means available to him to reach his goals. In other words, a nation after my own heart.

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Sargon Reman
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Postby Sargon Reman » Sun Jun 02, 2019 12:35 pm

Eumaeus wrote:This proposal currently in queue. Good luck. o7
Thank you for the contributions you made in the grammar of the proposal. I hope you are around next time. :)
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Sargon Reman
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Postby Sargon Reman » Sun Jun 02, 2019 12:36 pm

Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:
Eumaeus wrote:This proposal currently in queue. Good luck. o7

Best wishes for the success of this proposal.
Thank you
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Lord Dominator
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Postby Lord Dominator » Sun Jun 02, 2019 9:22 pm

Looks good, support.
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Borovan entered the region as he
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Postby Borovan entered the region as he » Sun Jun 02, 2019 11:53 pm

Against I hate long writing and they r not special
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Thuzbekistan
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Postby Thuzbekistan » Mon Jun 03, 2019 5:46 am

Really well written and not a circle jerk commendation. This is truthfully deserved. Support.
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Sargon Reman
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Postby Sargon Reman » Mon Jun 03, 2019 6:14 am

Lord Dominator wrote:Looks good, support.
Thank you LD.
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Sargon Reman
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Postby Sargon Reman » Mon Jun 03, 2019 6:15 am

Borovan entered the region as he wrote:Against I hate long writing and they r not special
Humbug
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Sargon Reman
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Postby Sargon Reman » Mon Jun 03, 2019 6:16 am

Thuzbekistan wrote:Really well written and not a circle jerk commendation. This is truthfully deserved. Support.
Thank you
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Witchcraft and Sorcery
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Postby Witchcraft and Sorcery » Mon Jun 03, 2019 7:10 am

Hooray! Super excited you’re doing this Sargon. You know this one’s got my full support ;)
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Postby Great Mojave » Mon Jun 03, 2019 9:26 am

I'm a simple man with simple methods. I see a commendation, I vote for it. I mean, who doesn't want the cool badge?
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