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[DRAFT]Commend Kazmr

A chamber dedicated to the dissemination of inter-regional peace and goodwill, via force if necessary.

Do you support this?

Yes
2
20%
No
8
80%
Abstain
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Total votes : 10

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Canton Empire
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[DRAFT]Commend Kazmr

Postby Canton Empire » Wed Dec 16, 2015 4:20 pm

Thespoilerty Council,
Realizing that a region can be one of the fundamental building blocks of nations,
Asserting that regions also hold the history of the World Assembly and pivotal events,
Further Asserting that when nations come along that save said regions, commendations are needed,
Notes that Kazmr is a nation that saves regions,
Citing Kazmr's pivotal role in overthrowing the New Lazarene Order, which had been puppet state of the Pacific, a region already condemned by this august body
Further Citing Kazmr's participation in the effort to free Hogwarts from raiders who threatened to topple the native community of said region.
Praising Kazmr for events such as freeing Paradoxia by influencing an effort that included nations from all walks of life
Applauding Kazmr for leading the Lazarene Liberation Army, an organization that stands for native rights and liberty,
Hereby Commends Kazmr

[box]The Security Council,
Wishing to recognize great nations for doing great things,
Believing that Kazmr deserves a commendation for their activities,
Citing Kazmr's pivotal role in overthrowing the New Lazarene Order, a totalitarian dictatorship, and one who's leadership had
a) Overthown a legitimate and stable government.
b)Ejected and banned several long term natives.
and
c) was condemned by this very institution, due to
this coup d'etat.
Further Citing Kazmr's actions in leading the Lazarene Liberation Army into battle, an organization that time and time again has fought DEN and Condemmed regions and nation, and has been successful.
In addition, Kazmr's participation in the Lazarene Liberation Army has let to this nations great and many commendable actions, such as,
a)Helping coordinate a diverse group of nations in to a fearsome force that retook Paradoxia from occuping forces
and
b) Assisting in the liberation effort in Hogwarts, which led to a stablization of the community there.
Realizing that Kazmr is under the political control of United Gordontopia and has been influenced in many things, such as
a)Creating and releasing documents that helped average nations recover their regions World Factbook Entry and regional flag.
and
b)Bringing two groups of nations to peace with each other.
The Security Council realizes that these are commendable actions and,
Hereby Commends Kazmr.


[/spoiler]
What do you guys think? Any edits? Additions? Comments?
Last edited by Canton Empire on Sun Dec 20, 2015 5:52 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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Nohbdy
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Postby Nohbdy » Wed Dec 16, 2015 4:26 pm

Canton Empire wrote:Citing Kazmr's pivotal role in overthrowing the New Lazarene Order, which was a puppet state of the Pacific, a region already condemned by this august body

August :P
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Canton Empire
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Postby Canton Empire » Wed Dec 16, 2015 4:30 pm

Nohbdy wrote:
Canton Empire wrote:Citing Kazmr's pivotal role in overthrowing the New Lazarene Order, which was a puppet state of the Pacific, a region already condemned by this august body

August :P

December ;)
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Canton Empire
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Postby Canton Empire » Wed Dec 16, 2015 5:05 pm

does an one know of anymore achievements by Kazmr?
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Flanderlion
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Postby Flanderlion » Wed Dec 16, 2015 5:07 pm

I would not say Kazmr would be someone who would be anywhere near the Commendable 500. A condemnation would be closer to the mark.

Edit: In case it isn't clear, this is me as a person, rather than me in any official capability of the NPO.
Last edited by Flanderlion on Wed Dec 16, 2015 5:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Canton Empire
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Postby Canton Empire » Wed Dec 16, 2015 5:09 pm

Flanderlion wrote:I would not say Kazmr would be someone who would be anywhere near the Commendable 500. A condemnation would be closer to the mark.

why?
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Canton Empire
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Postby Canton Empire » Wed Dec 16, 2015 5:10 pm

Flanderlion wrote:I would not say Kazmr would be someone who would be anywhere near the Commendable 500. A condemnation would be closer to the mark.

Ohh, because your are in the Pacific
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Canton Empire
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Postby Canton Empire » Wed Dec 16, 2015 6:34 pm

should/can this be submitted
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Consular
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Postby Consular » Wed Dec 16, 2015 6:52 pm

I fear you know very little about Kazmr... You may wish to start by looking into his main nation, United Gordonopia.

You might also benefit from browsing the list of passed commendations to see the level of quality expected. The first four lines of your draft (not including The Security Council) are all complete filler and a waste of space, which leaves it with very little actual content.

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Canton Empire
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Postby Canton Empire » Wed Dec 16, 2015 6:56 pm

Consular wrote:I fear you know very little about Kazmr... You may wish to start by looking into his main nation, United Gordonopia.

You might also benefit from browsing the list of passed commendations to see the level of quality expected. The first four lines of your draft (not including The Security Council) are all complete filler and a waste of space, which leaves it with very little actual content.

Ok, how can Incorporate his roleplay mentorship into my proposal?
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Postby Consular » Wed Dec 16, 2015 6:58 pm

Canton Empire wrote:
Consular wrote:I fear you know very little about Kazmr... You may wish to start by looking into his main nation, United Gordonopia.

You might also benefit from browsing the list of passed commendations to see the level of quality expected. The first four lines of your draft (not including The Security Council) are all complete filler and a waste of space, which leaves it with very little actual content.

Ok, how can Incorporate his roleplay mentorship into my proposal?

I'm not writing the thing for you. :P Just gave you a starting point for further research.

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Bhang Bhang Duc
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Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Thu Dec 17, 2015 3:07 am

Canton Empire wrote:should/can this be submitted

No. No overt illegalities, but a lot of filler and very little detail.
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Cormac Stark
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Postby Cormac Stark » Thu Dec 17, 2015 4:15 pm

I would support commendation of Kazmr, but not this commendation. It's lacking in detail and far below the quality he deserves.

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Canton Empire
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Postby Canton Empire » Thu Dec 17, 2015 6:15 pm

Cormac Stark wrote:I would support commendation of Kazmr, but not this commendation. It's lacking in detail and far below the quality he deserves.

ok, i take that into account
a new draft will be up next week
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Consular
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Postby Consular » Thu Dec 17, 2015 6:34 pm

I would support a commendation of United Gordonopia. His accomplishments under that nation are arguably more significant than those as Kazmr.

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Canton Empire
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Postby Canton Empire » Thu Dec 17, 2015 7:00 pm

Consular wrote:I would support a commendation of United Gordonopia. His accomplishments under that nation are arguably more significant than those as Kazmr.

hmmmm.
this goes back to a roleplay gameplay thing....
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Cormac Stark
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Postby Cormac Stark » Thu Dec 17, 2015 8:37 pm

Consular wrote:I would support a commendation of United Gordonopia. His accomplishments under that nation are arguably more significant than those as Kazmr.

He can be commended for both under one nation, if the other nation is said to be under his control. For example: "Recognizing that United Gordonopia is under the governmental administration of Kazmr..." or vice versa.

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Postby Consular » Thu Dec 17, 2015 9:01 pm

Cormac Stark wrote:
Consular wrote:I would support a commendation of United Gordonopia. His accomplishments under that nation are arguably more significant than those as Kazmr.

He can be commended for both under one nation, if the other nation is said to be under his control. For example: "Recognizing that United Gordonopia is under the governmental administration of Kazmr..." or vice versa.

Yeah very much so. I was suggesting UG should be the main target, the actual nation getting the badge, since its his primary nation and he's done more under it.

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Canton Empire
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Postby Canton Empire » Sun Dec 20, 2015 7:17 am

SECOND DRAFT OUT!
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Bhang Bhang Duc
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Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Sun Dec 20, 2015 8:16 am

Canton Empire wrote:SECOND DRAFT OUT!

Needs work on formatting and grammar. Some of the writing is not that clear.
Former Delegate of The West Pacific. Guardian (under many Delegates) of The West Pacific. TWP's Former Minister for World Assembly Affairs and former Security Council Advisor.

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Pierconium wrote:I see Funk as an opportunistic manipulator that utilises the means available to him to reach his goals. In other words, a nation after my own heart.

RiderSyl wrote:If an enchantress made it so one raid could bring about world peace, Unibot would ask raiders to just sign a petition instead.

Sedgistan wrote:The SC has just has a spate of really shitty ones recently from Northumbria, his Watermelon fanboy…..

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Canton Empire
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Postby Canton Empire » Sun Dec 20, 2015 8:18 am

Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:
Canton Empire wrote:SECOND DRAFT OUT!

Needs work on formatting and grammar. Some of the writing is not that clear.

Do you have examples on lack of clarity?
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Postby Bears Armed » Sun Dec 20, 2015 8:18 am

Have you asked him which name he'd prefer to see used, and whether there are any facts hat he'd like included?
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Canton Empire
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Postby Canton Empire » Sun Dec 20, 2015 8:22 am

Bears Armed wrote:Have you asked him which name he'd prefer to see used, and whether there are any facts hat he'd like included?

Id prefer to keep this a surprise.
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Bhang Bhang Duc
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Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Sun Dec 20, 2015 8:53 am

New Lazarene Order, a totalitarian dictatorship, and one who's leadership had


Why not say "New Lazarene Order, a totalitarian dictatorship that had:"

was condemned by this very institution, due this coup d'etat.


"due to" or "because of this coup d'etat"
Former Delegate of The West Pacific. Guardian (under many Delegates) of The West Pacific. TWP's Former Minister for World Assembly Affairs and former Security Council Advisor.

The West Pacific's Official Welshman, Astronomer and Old Fart
Pierconium wrote:I see Funk as an opportunistic manipulator that utilises the means available to him to reach his goals. In other words, a nation after my own heart.

RiderSyl wrote:If an enchantress made it so one raid could bring about world peace, Unibot would ask raiders to just sign a petition instead.

Sedgistan wrote:The SC has just has a spate of really shitty ones recently from Northumbria, his Watermelon fanboy…..

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Canton Empire
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Founded: Mar 24, 2014
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Canton Empire » Sun Dec 20, 2015 8:54 am

Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:
New Lazarene Order, a totalitarian dictatorship, and one who's leadership had


Why not say "New Lazarene Order, a totalitarian dictatorship that had:"

was condemned by this very institution, due this coup d'etat.


"due to" or "because of this coup d'etat"

Thank you!
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