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[DRAFT] Commend Oaledonia.

PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2013 10:42 am
by New Tyran
The Security Council,

Recognizing, that in the period during which the said Oaledonia did remain a region know as Planet Arcadia, which is now collapsed, the said Oaledonia did promoted peace during the haste and call for war, and that the Same did conduct such needy negotiations, with such nations, for the preservation of the peace, with the nation that founded the said region of Planet Arcadia, with a clear aim of keeping the region healthy and active,

Observing, the said Oaledonia's distinctive and laudable achievements and accomplishments, being cognizant in - founding the Independent Nekos Allied Forces (INAF), an organization with the object of rectifying mistreatment and misgovernment of the species known as the Nekomimi, in multiple nations; and in harboring the nation known as Equalium within New Odessa during ideological assaults by the region Islam against the said Equalium, while sustaining the risk of the destruction of Oaledonia itself,

Further Observing, that the said Oaledonia spreads religious and cultural tolerance as noted by the instance averred above,

Applauding, recent initiatives made by the said Oaledonia's to enhance the Peace being cognizant in the following, that is to say: - Aid and charity to an organisation of charitable disposition and cause known as the Transversal Red Cross, and recognition and subscription thereto, which sets to conduct humanitarian aid throughout war torn and less fortunate nations and regions; and a joinder in operation between the INAF and the said Transversal Red Cross,

by and with the advice and consent of the nations in this present Assembly assembled, hereby

Commends the Grand Imperial Union of Oaledonia.


OOC: This is my first ever commendation and something I've proposed to the WA so sorry if it isn't perfect but please do tell me how to improve in the future.

PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2013 11:13 am
by Eist
Not bad! However, I am wary of commending a nation that was only formed a couple of months ago.

Stylistically, try and make your sentences more simple. For example:

>Further Noting:That Oaledonia has founded the region New Odessa; which was founded on the premise of providing a safe haven for the routed nations of the region known as Planet Arcadia after a mishap with the delegate at the time, Moniodio led to a collapse in the region.

Further Noting: That Oaledonia founded the region New Odessa, which provides a safe haven for nations formerly residing in the collapsed region Planet Arcadia.

If you feel this part is important to your commendation proposal, then you should explain the specifics in more detail. Recognising:...

PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2013 2:30 pm
by New Tyran
Alright, I see what you mean. Please, I'm welcoming everyone to have a look at this and well see if this can be taken further and seriously.

PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2013 6:39 pm
by Themiclesia
New Tyran wrote:
Noting: That on the date March 17th 2013, the nation Oaledonia was founded.

Further Noting:That Oaledonia founded the region New Odessa, which provides a safe haven for nations formerly residing in the collapsed region Planet Arcadia.

Recognizing: That during Oaledonia's stay in the now collapsed Planet Arcadia, Oaledonia promoted peace in the war torn region while negotiating deals with it's founder to keep the region healthy and active.

Observing: That in Oaledonia's short dealings in International Incidents, this nation has accomplished the following feats:
Founding the Independent Nekos Allied Forces (INAF), an organization who's goal is to aid in the mistreatment and educate nations of the misunderstood species known as the nekomimi.

Further expanding INAF while urging the member states to educate nations of and protect all sentient species, while founding a security force within INAF to aid in the protection of it's member states as well as those who seek it's aid.

Harboring the nation Equalium within New Odessa during an attack on said nation's beliefs by the region Islam; while also disregarding threats made by Islam to bring about Oaledonia's complete destruction.

Further Observing: Oaledonia's attempts to spread religious and cultural tolerance as noted by the founding of INAF and providing a safe haven for Equalium.

Applauding Oaledonia's most resent contributions to peace that include:

Joining and then donating large sums of government money to the honorable organization known as the Transversal Red Cross, which sets to conduct humanitarian aid throughout war torn and less fortunate nations and regions.

Providing a linking nation between INAF and the Transversal Red Cross, which strengthened the overall effectiveness of both organization's ability to promote peace.

Hereby Commends: The Grand Imperial Union of Oaledonia.


OOC: This is my first ever commendation and something I've proposed to the WA so sorry if it isn't perfect but please do tell me how to improve in the future.


If I might suggest some changes, not in anything substantive, of course:

Whereas it is meet and expedient, and furthermore agreeable to the constitution of the World Assembly, to commend the Grand Imperial Union of Oaledonia, for divers meritorious deeds on sundry occasions, being of distinction in contribution to the Peace of the World, and to honour such a Nation; thus, by virtue of the Charter, the said Assembly,

Noting, that on the seventeenth day of March, in the year of our Lord two-thousand-and-thirteen, the nation Oaledonia was founded; and at a subsequent date the said Oaledonia did found and maintain the Region known by the name and style of New Odessa,

Recognizing, that in the period during which the said Oaledonia did remain a region know as Planet Arcadia, which is now collapsed, the said Oaledonia did promoted peace during the haste and call for war, and that the Same did conduct such needy negotiations, with such nations, for the preservation of the peace, with the nation that founded the said region of Planet Arcadia, with a clear aim of keeping the region healthy and active,

Observing, the said Oaledonia's distinctive and laudable achievements and accomplishments, being cognizant in - founding the Independent Nekos Allied Forces (INAF), an organization with the object of rectifying mistreatment and misgovernment of the species known as the Nekomimi, in multiple nations; and in harboring the nation known as Equalium within New Odessa during ideological assaults by the region Islam against the said Equalium, while sustaining the risk of the destruction of Oaledonia herself,

Further Observing, that the said Oaledonia spreads religious and cultural tolerance as noted by the instance averred above,

Applauding, recent initiatives made by the said Oaledonia's to enhance the Peace being cognizant in the following, that is to say: - Aid and charity to an organisation of charitable disposition and cause known as the Transversal Red Cross, and recognition and subscription thereto, which sets to conduct humanitarian aid throughout war torn and less fortunate nations and regions; and a joinder in operation between the INAF and the said Transversal Red Cross,

by and with the advice and consent of the nations in this present Assembly assembled, hereby

Commends the Grand Imperial Union of Oaledonia.

PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2013 6:42 pm
by Urran
I see nothing wrong here.

PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2013 8:14 pm
by Slovenya
I think it's great, and commend Oaledonia and New Odessa for this high honor on behalf of not only Slovenya, but the nations of Islam. May you continue on a prosperous path for a better universe

PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2013 8:31 pm
by United Federation of Canada
So a commendation for someone who has done what equates to "NOTHING".

NO!!

PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2013 8:32 pm
by Oaledonia
United Federation of Canada wrote:So a commendation for someone who has done what equates to "NOTHING".

NO!!

Nothing?

PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2013 8:36 pm
by United Federation of Canada
Oaledonia wrote:
United Federation of Canada wrote:So a commendation for someone who has done what equates to "NOTHING".

NO!!

Nothing?


You have existed for all of 4 months, and you expect a badge?

:rofl:

PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2013 8:41 pm
by Oaledonia
United Federation of Canada wrote:You have existed for all of 4 months, and you expect a badge?

:rofl:

Well no, and I didn't write it :?

Anyways, do you have anything constructive to say?

PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2013 8:47 pm
by United Federation of Canada
Oaledonia wrote:
United Federation of Canada wrote:You have existed for all of 4 months, and you expect a badge?

:rofl:

Well no, and I didn't write it :?

Anyways, do you have anything constructive to say?


No, because this is pointless.

Also, if you didn't write it, why are you defending it so hard? Sounds to me like you are expecting a badge, so my previous comments stand.

OCC: Not all comments need to be constructive. This is a debate thread, not an "Oh this is awesome, I would never say anything bad about this proposal thread".

Regards,

PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2013 8:52 pm
by Oaledonia
United Federation of Canada wrote:No, because this is pointless.

A respectable opinion, This nation is extremely young

Also, if you didn't write it, why are you defending it so hard? Sounds to me like you are expecting a badge, so my previous comments stand.

I made to this point what? two comments asking you to further add to this and why you feel this way.

OCC: Not all comments need to be constructive. This is a debate thread, not an "Oh this is awesome, I would never say anything bad about this proposal thread".

Indeed, nor is it intended to be. I was just inquiring more into your opinion on why it was wrong, which you gave me.

PostPosted: Tue Jul 09, 2013 1:45 am
by New Tyran
Themiclesia, I appreciate your feedback and yes I did just write what you suggested into the draft so I can take a good look at it and know roughly what it should look like.

United Federation of Canada, it's a bit unfair to ignore a nations achievements just because the account is only a few months old look at the real life Unites States they are a young country and have achieved some good and maybe the nation of Oaledonia is here as it's something that clearly concerns the nation.

Anyway, is this nation regardless of age worthy of a commendation? At least worthy of one.

PostPosted: Tue Jul 09, 2013 2:54 am
by United Federation of Canada
New Tyran wrote:Themiclesia, I appreciate your feedback and yes I did just write what you suggested into the draft so I can take a good look at it and know roughly what it should look like.

United Federation of Canada, it's a bit unfair to ignore a nations achievements just because the account is only a few months old look at the real life Unites States they are a young country and have achieved some good and maybe the nation of Oaledonia is here as it's something that clearly concerns the nation.

Anyway, is this nation regardless of age worthy of a commendation? At least worthy of one.


While they have achieved some interesting deeds, it is nothing new, nor noteworthy.

Read some of the other commendations, and see what kind of material and achievements are necessary.

This one comes to mind, and even after all those achievements I still opposed it.

OOC: On a side note, the last time I checked, we don't give god modders badges around here.

PostPosted: Tue Jul 09, 2013 4:37 am
by SkyDip
Going to have to agree with Ambassador Pearson. There's not much in here that's Commend-worthy. My paragraph-by-paragraph breakdown follows.

Whereas it is meet and expedient, and furthermore agreeable to the constitution of the World Assembly, to commend the Grand Imperial Union of Oaledonia, for divers meritorious deeds on sundry occasions, being of distinction in contribution to the Peace of the World, and to honour such a Nation; thus, by virtue of the Charter, the said Assembly,

I could stuff an entire bed with all the pointless fluff in this paragraph. "The Security Council" could replace this entire thing and do just fine.

Noting, that on the seventeenth day of March, in the year of our Lord two-thousand-and-thirteen, the nation Oaledonia was founded; and at a subsequent date the said Oaledonia did found and maintain the Region known by the name and style of New Odessa,

Not remotely unique or world-affecting. This is done by many nations, much more of whom have maintained regions for longer. Not good material for a Commendation and should be removed.

Recognizing, that in the period during which the said Oaledonia did remain a region know as Planet Arcadia, which is now collapsed, the said Oaledonia did promoted peace during the haste and call for war, and that the Same did conduct such needy negotiations, with such nations, for the preservation of the peace, with the nation that founded the said region of Planet Arcadia, with a clear aim of keeping the region healthy and active,

Again, a lot of fluff. Regional discussion about not going to war (which I'm sure was overblown to begin with) is, again, not Commendable.

Observing, the said Oaledonia's distinctive and laudable achievements and accomplishments, being cognizant in - founding the Independent Nekos Allied Forces (INAF), an organization with the object of rectifying mistreatment and misgovernment of the species known as the Nekomimi, in multiple nations; and in harboring the nation known as Equalium within New Odessa during ideological assaults by the region Islam against the said Equalium, while sustaining the risk of the destruction of Oaledonia herself,

The red is an R4 violation. A tiny little RP snippet that doesn't amount to much as well taking an acceptable view on religious tolerance is what I see in this paragraph. Do you really think either of those are rare and/or the SC should care about them?

Further Observing, that the said Oaledonia spreads religious and cultural tolerance as noted by the instance averred above,

"Furthermore, Oaledonia holds and practices beliefs in religious tolerance much like multitudes of nations throughout the world in a blankly un-unique way,"

Applauding, recent initiatives made by the said Oaledonia's to enhance the Peace being cognizant in the following, that is to say: - Aid and charity to an organisation of charitable disposition and cause known as the Transversal Red Cross, and recognition and subscription thereto, which sets to conduct humanitarian aid throughout war torn and less fortunate nations and regions; and a joinder in operation between the INAF and the said Transversal Red Cross,

Again, giving RP humanitarian aid? This is pretty weak stuff.

by and with the advice and consent of the nations in this present Assembly assembled, hereby

Not my consent, that's for sure.

Commends the Grand Imperial Union of Oaledonia.

Overall, this is pretty weak and thus far constitutes a lot of mundane activities that haven't affected the world nor the WA. I will be voting against, should this reach quorum.

PostPosted: Tue Jul 09, 2013 4:49 am
by New Tyran
Do you have anything that is actually useful to me that isn't some rant? Could you maybe give me advice and how to improve in the future and not make the same mistakes? Thank you.

PostPosted: Tue Jul 09, 2013 4:54 am
by Johto and Kanto
New Tyran wrote:Do you have anything that is actually useful to me that isn't some rant? Could you maybe give me advice and how to improve in the future and not make the same mistakes? Thank you.

I think they're saying that Oaledonia hasn't done enough to earn a commendation, or Oaledonia's listed achievements may not be relevant to the commendation.

Then again,I'm new to this section of the forum, so I'm not really sure if this is correct.

PostPosted: Tue Jul 09, 2013 4:58 am
by Themiclesia
United Federation of Canada wrote:
New Tyran wrote:Themiclesia, I appreciate your feedback and yes I did just write what you suggested into the draft so I can take a good look at it and know roughly what it should look like.

United Federation of Canada, it's a bit unfair to ignore a nations achievements just because the account is only a few months old look at the real life Unites States they are a young country and have achieved some good and maybe the nation of Oaledonia is here as it's something that clearly concerns the nation.

Anyway, is this nation regardless of age worthy of a commendation? At least worthy of one.


While they have achieved some interesting deeds, it is nothing new, nor noteworthy.

Read some of the other commendations, and see what kind of material and achievements are necessary. It is my firm belief that all nations, at one point or another, have engaged in godmodding in some way.

This one comes to mind, and even after all those achievements I still opposed it.

OOC: On a side note, the last time I checked, we don't give god modders badges around here.


I most certainly appreciate your feedback on the merits of the draft.

Regardless, we can let the Assembly decide whether Oaledonia is worthy of a badge.

PostPosted: Tue Jul 09, 2013 5:06 am
by New Tyran
Johto and Kanto wrote:
New Tyran wrote:Do you have anything that is actually useful to me that isn't some rant? Could you maybe give me advice and how to improve in the future and not make the same mistakes? Thank you.

I think they're saying that Oaledonia hasn't done enough to earn a commendation, or Oaledonia's listed achievements may not be relevant to the commendation.

Then again,I'm new to this section of the forum, so I'm not really sure if this is correct.


True but I want actually useful pieces of information that I can use to better myself in the future and if Oaledonia isn't worthy of one then fine but I would at least like to know that if the achievements are at least worthy of acknowledgment no matter how insignificant it is to some nation that's been here for years longer than me and Oaledonia combined.

PostPosted: Tue Jul 09, 2013 5:17 am
by SkyDip
New Tyran wrote:Do you have anything that is actually useful to me that isn't some rant? Could you maybe give me advice and how to improve in the future and not make the same mistakes? Thank you.

Don't include material that could be easily applied to 3/4 of the nations in the world? *shrug* Johto basically hits the nail on the head.

PostPosted: Tue Jul 09, 2013 6:48 am
by New Tyran
Alright, clearly no useful or helpful information.

PostPosted: Tue Jul 09, 2013 6:51 am
by Johto and Kanto
New Tyran wrote:Alright, clearly no useful or helpful information.

There's such a thing as negative yet constructive criticism...

PostPosted: Tue Jul 09, 2013 6:54 am
by Oaledonia
Johto and Kanto wrote:
New Tyran wrote:Alright, clearly no useful or helpful information.

There's such a thing as negative yet constructive criticism...

I agree with johto, Sky is actually trying to help NT. You should calm down a bit :\

PostPosted: Tue Jul 09, 2013 6:55 am
by New Tyran
I'm not angry...

PostPosted: Tue Jul 09, 2013 7:47 am
by SkyDip
I mean, all things considered, I probably don't know much bout getting resolutions passed. Wait.

*points to sig*

I would also back up Ambassador Pearson's assertion you should read some recent Commendations. It takes quite a bit more unique and world-affecting information than you have presented here thus far.