[DRAFT] Commend Omigodtheykilledkenny

[Alyekra]

Commend Omigodtheykilledkenny

A resolution to recognize outstanding contribution by a nation or region.

THE SECURITY COUNCIL

RECOGNIZES that The Mysterion Rising of Omigodtheykilledkenny has an outstanding condemnation from this same legislative body;

NONETHELESS DETERMINED to give credit where credit is due;

HEREBY:

APPLAUDING Omigodtheykilledkenny for his work in creating the only easily navigate-able list of passed General Assembly Resolutions, including those that have been repealed;

ACKNOWLEDGING how much work it must take to maintain a list of, to date, all two-hundred and sixteen resolutions;

IMAGINING ourselves taking on such a project and giving up after only about a week;

GRATEFUL for such a convenient list;

COMMENDS Omigodtheykilledkenny for his archival magnificence.

It needs work, but I'm not sure where.

[Skyrim Diplomacy]

It needs work, but I'm not sure where.

Everywhere. There isn't nearly enough material in this draft to warrant a commendation.

[Alyekra]

It needs work, but I'm not sure where.

Everywhere. There isn't nearly enough material in this draft to warrant a commendation.

I totally intended to bring up that he's written several proposals. Lemme add that.

[Unibot II]

Make sure he's okay with a commendation and do an interview with him to get an idea of what would be appropriate to commend him for, Aly.

We've had our disagreements to say that as an understatement, but he's certainly a commendable figure in the GA for his contributions to the GA, politically and culturally. The major threat to this resolution is 10000 Islands, for the same reasons as why "Commend Yelda" was shut down, what, three times?

[Crazy girl]

And fix the rule 4 violation.

[Skyrim Diplomacy]

And fix the rule 4 violation.

Ah yes, remove the "his" from the APPLAUDING clause.

[The Great Destruction]

Ohmygodyouresokidding!

I know that OMGTKK has been around for a looong time and is very influential, but wow! I neveer thought anyone would try to commend the nation. It seems like most of the good that comes out of there also comes with a personal agenda. I still may be inclined to vote in favor of this prop though.

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

"...so we are in agreement: we will convert the nation of Great Destruction to glass," declared Secretary Greene. "It's the perfect crime! I mean, they're already called 'the Great Destruction'! Who's gonna notice?" Around the cabinet table there were nods and murmurs of assent.

Greene smiled satisfactorily and glanced back down on her copy of the agenda. "Alright then, moving on. Our next item of business: the Security Council wants to commend us again."

Suddenly the room was filled with groans and grumbles of disquiet. "Not this crap again!" one of them objected. "Just burn the fucking place down already!" suggested another.

"Wait a second," Sammy calmly interjected. "Is this all we're going to talk about this afternoon? That stupid reality show?! Who requested this meeting, anyway?"

Instantly all eyes in the room were on Jack Riley. Guiltily the secretary of state surveyed the mass of accusatory stares and gulped nervously. "I'm just tired of everyone making fun of us over that stupid Security Council," he explained defensively. 'How are we supposed to be feared and respected if all of a sudden everyone started liking us?"

"Yeah, but they propose commendations for us every other month," Brad Heathrow pointed out.

"And you freak out over them every single time!" chimed in Steve Sax.

"I have to agree," interrupted Sammy. "Your obsession with that TV show has gotten out of hand."

"It's a TV show that is watched by tens of millions of viewers every week, Mr. President," Riley countered.

"Yeah, but it's also the only TV show on which this administration wastes tons of valuable resources monitoring and reacting to," said Sammy. "Who cares if misguided Security Councilors want to waste their time singing our praises to people who hate us, anyway?"

"If I may, Mr. President," Captain Chiang rose dramatically from her chair. "Secretary Riley is right to be concerned about this proposal. But I fear it might be driven by motivations far more sinister than even he suspects. I have recently obtained information to suggest that these repeated commendation proposals are driven not merely by a desire to mock and belittle, but to inflict actual harm upon us, by branding us with the mark of SC approval, and thereby subjecting us to the contempt of raiders, International Incidents superpowers, Gatesville, the Gruenbergers, and other assorted filth who oppose the Council. I humbly propose that we respond to this threat without delay, that we instantly mobilize all available resources in the area, and commence bombing the Security Council at the earliest possible opportunity."

More groans of annoyance filled the cabinet room. "That's your solution to everything!" charged Brad. "'Just bomb them!' I don't think we can count all the WA 'crises' you said could be resolved just by nuking Glen-Rhodes!"

"Right," Chiang shot back, turning on Brad with venom in her eyes, "and maybe if you idiots had listened to me, Glen-Rhodes wouldn't have beaten our record for most failed resolutions in UN/WA history?!"

"Alright, calm down everybody," Sammy instructed, holding up his hand to silence them. "Captain Chiang, I am skeptical of your plan, to say the least."

"You're right, Mr. President," Chiang reluctantly agreed. "Violence is not always the best solution to our problems. How about, instead of bombing, you allow me to torture my source for more information--?"

Another eruption of irritated objections ensued. "That's your other solution to everything!" said Brad.

"Well, I could have my source brought in and question him right here if you morons refuse to believe me," Chiang offered. Around the room attendees exchanged annoyed, knowing glances. As if it was any secret who her "source" was.

Nonetheless, moments later, he appeared, dutifully struggling against the grip of two rather large male Secret Service escorts, their charge's rather familiar boyish face glowering at his tormenters on either side of him. "Get off me, penguin-fuckers! I didn't do anything this time!"

"Silence, maggot!" shouted Chiang, slapping him hard across the face. She eyed her new victim with a pure hatred that manifested itself with a seething hiss. "You are everything I despise! You embody every sadistic, malevolent impulse, feeling, emotion, desire and passion that grates against the very fabric of my existence as a decent human being!" She stepped toward him dangerously. "You are a horrible, loathsome creature devoid of any shred of humanity, and were it not for the inexplicable compassion of my superiors, I would have destroyed you long ago!"

Susa's only response to Chiang's vitriol was a sly smile. "You know you want me," he sneered.

"I so do!" Chiang moaned, and the two of them instantly collapsed onto the table in a violent, lustful embrace. They rolled off the table and onto the floor, still hungrily devouring each other, as their audience registered a highly vocal, disgusted reaction.

"Can we never have a cabinet meeting that doesn't end with a lewd display of affection from those two degenerates?!" one of them protested.

"I know, it's outrageous," Riley insisted unconvincingly, whilst surreptitiously snapping pictures of the couple with an iPhone he held under the table.

[The Great Destruction]

Ha! It's already mostly glass. Ha!...Ah...ah....oh, shit.