[DRAFT] Condemn The Black Riders

[Muslim Nation]

RECOGNIZING The Black Riders (TBR) as one of the most feared and destructive invader regions in the world.

NOTING that on April 28, 2012, The Black Riders executed a large-scale invasion of Region of Reunited Muslim States, a large, peaceful, active community, and ejected dozens of native nations during the thirty-two day reign of terror that followed.

FURTHER NOTING that The Black Riders have invaded and disturbed many other peaceful communities such as Deutschland, Lost, Middle Earth, Stargate and Vlaanderen.

CONCERNED by the fact that The Black Riders continuously invades and defaces Muslim regions across the world.

FURTHER CONCERNED by The Black Riders conducting weekly multiple tagging raids, thus terrorizing small founderless regions.

DISTURBED by the manner in which The Black Riders defaces and griefs the regions that they invade, altering or completely destroying their culture and history.

DEFINING defacing as an act of changing the World Factbook Entry and the flag, closing embassies, removing tags and suppressing the posts on the Regional Message Board of the invaded region.

FURTHER DISTURBED by how little disregard The Black Riders have for the natives of those regions.

APPALLED that although TBR repeatedly raids and griefs peaceful communities, The Security Council has not condemned their actions.

Hereby Condemns The Black Riders

Co-Authored by Tim-Opolis

[Skyrim Diplomacy]

Looks rule-compliant to me, if not lacking on substance.

[Tim-Opolis]

Lacks quite a bit of substance. I'll give you some stuffing for that turkey in a bit.

Best proposal to Condemn TBR thay I've seen in a while.

[Reselia]

Not another one of these...

[Socialist Ecuador]

Better then most. Although the Muslim thing is more a coincidence then anything. Just like the Sci-Fi thing.

[Muslim Nation]

Lacks quite a bit of substance. I'll give you some stuffing for that turkey in a bit.

Best proposal to Condemn TBR thay I've seen in a while.

Thank you. It's only a draft, it will get better.

Not another one of these...

Why not? They must be held responsible for their actions someway. Even though this wont change anything.

Better then most. Although the Muslim thing is more a coincidence then anything. Just like the Sci-Fi thing.

It's a coincidence when you raid 4-5, but when you raid and deface all of them (founderless) repeatedly, that's no longer coincidence.

[Socialist Ecuador]

Lacks quite a bit of substance. I'll give you some stuffing for that turkey in a bit.

Best proposal to Condemn TBR thay I've seen in a while.

Thank you. It's only a draft, it will get better.

Not another one of these...

Why not? They must be held responsible for their actions someway. Even though this wont change anything.

Better then most. Although the Muslim thing is more a coincidence then anything. Just like the Sci-Fi thing.

It's a coincidence when you raid 4-5, but when you raid and deface all of them (founderless) repeatedly, that's no longer coincidence.

That's because there are a lot of smaller Muslim founderless regions out there. Why, we even have our own Muslim among here. We have Captain Scooby!

[Jormengand]

Against, even if it were the best written WA resolution in existence. And let's see:

NOTING that The Black Riders tried to grief a peaceful and active regional community like Region of Reunited Muslim States, setting a password and banning almost all the natives.

Standard raiding practice. Next?

FURTHER NOTING that The Black Riders invaded and disturbed other peaceful communities such as Deutschland, Lost, Middle Earth, Stargate and Vlaanderen.

WORRIED about the fact that The Black Riders continuously raid Muslim themed regions.

Those don't sound much like muslim-themed regions to me?

DISTURBED by the manner in which The Black Riders deface the regions they invade and by the way they treat the natives of those regions.

What, by... Kicking them out?

APPALLED that The Black Raiders is an one years old region, and since their foundation continuously raided innocent regions without being condemned.

Err... so?

[Feuer Ritter]

Is this like the 4th attempt to condemn us Damn we are bad

[Crushing Our Enemies]

Wellll, you can't really say that till one of them passes

I support all efforts to condemn TBR, as I always have. TBR is a region of ruthless bloodthirsty thugs with no respect for native rights or regional sovereignty.

[Feuer Ritter]

Yeah we are a ruthless band of raiders descending from the vikings, we plunder!

[Socialist Ecuador]

Wellll, you can't really say that till one of them passes

I support all efforts to condemn TBR, as I always have. TBR is a region of ruthless bloodthirsty thugs with no respect for native rights or regional sovereignty.

I've always wondered how we can be bloodthirsty when all we do is give nations an excellent vacation to The Rejected Realms. Oddly enough, the defenders have some sort of issue with TRR, apparently.

[Crushing Our Enemies]

I've always wondered how we can be bloodthirsty when all we do is give nations an excellent vacation to The Rejected Realms.

Just go with it man, I'm trying to help you out here!

[Socialist Ecuador]

I've always wondered how we can be bloodthirsty when all we do is give nations an excellent vacation to The Rejected Realms.

Just go with it man, I'm trying to help you out here!

Oh right. I killed a puppy last night, for the glory of Commies and Rum!

[Caotic chaos]

and i killed myself for not being prepared

also dont see anything out of the ordianry with the way tbr raids. its a raid. its what happens. and tbr is not biased against muslims.

[Sedgistan]

WORRIED about the fact that The Black Riders continuously raid Muslim themed regions.

The word 'themed' there may result in Rule 4 issues.

[Tim-Opolis]

RECOGNIZING that The Black Riders (TBR) has become one of the most feared and destructive raider regions in NationStates.

It just doesn't seem to flow too well. I'm also not sure if you're allowed to reference NationStates like that in a proposal....

What about?

RECOGNIZING The Black Riders (TBR) as one of the most feared and destructive invader regions.

NOTING that The Black Riders tried to grief a peaceful and active regional community like Region of Reunited Muslim States, setting a password and banning almost all the natives.

TBR did not try to grief. They did grief.

NOTING that The Black Riders griefed the large, peaceful, and active regional community of Region of Reunited Muslim States, and were only stopped by a Security Council Liberation.

FURTHER NOTING that The Black Riders have invaded and disturbed many other peaceful regional communities such as Deutschland, Lost, Middle Earth, Stargate and Vlaanderen.

*nods*

Added a couple of words to help the clause flow better

WORRIED about the fact that The Black Riders continuously raid Muslim themed regions.

We don't actually do this because they're Muslim. It's because they are usually fairly large and have founders who have been deleted/CTEd. If it was Christian regions that were fairly large and founderless then we would probably be hitting those.

But if you want to use it, maybe change to

CONCERNED by the fact that TBR continuously invades and defaces Muslim regions across the world.

DISTURBED by the manner in which The Black Riders deface the regions they invade and by the way they treat the natives of those regions.

Not really liking the clause... I guess you could change it to

DISTURBED by the manner in which TBR defaces and griefs the regions that they invade.

FURTHER DISTURBED by how little disregard The Black Riders have for the natives of those regions.

APPALLED that The Black Raiders is an one years old region, and since their foundation continuously raided innocent regions without being condemned.

Doesn't flow. Grammar problems. And the age thing.. meh

maybe change to

APPALLED that although TBR repeatedly raids and griefs peaceful communities, The Security Council has not condemned their actions.

Hereby Condemns The Black Riders

It's not a bad proposal.

I would maybe add some mention of tagging runs and emphasize how TBR defaces these WFE's and the regions sovereignty by changing tags and Embassies...

I'm not to the point where I'll start writing new clauses for you, but I'm glad to give advice and changes

[Sedgistan]

RECOGNIZING that The Black Riders (TBR) has become one of the most feared and destructive raider regions in NationStates.

It just doesn't seem to flow too well. I'm also not sure if you're allowed to reference NationStates like that in a proposal....

It's fine to use as the equivalent of saying 'the world'.

[Crushing Our Enemies]

The word "grief" is vague and loaded. Some use it to mean region destruction, others use it to mean ejection of natives, still others use it to mean ANY aggressive military action, including changing the WFE, posting on the RMB, changing the flag, etc.

The only definition recognized by the game is:

Griefing is playing with the primary aim of annoying or upsetting other people.

...and it's against the rules. For that reason, I wouldn't use it in the proposal, as it may cause confusion. Try using more precise terminology to describe exactly what they did; e.g. entered the region and forcefully seized the delegacy, ejected x # of natives over x # of days, etc.

EDIT: Here's yet another definition, from the OSRS:

Griefing: Harassing a nation or region because of what they did or said.

[Muslim Nation]

Draft modified according to Tim-Opolis suggestions.

[Feuer Ritter]

Nice, this is pretty good

[Tim-Opolis]

I think I'll probably have to concur with CoE about removing the term of griefing and instead just describing what went down.

I think what I did in my last proposal was to make a definition of it in one of the clauses, but that didn't go to well over when the proposal hit the floor.

[Muslim Nation]

Anything else to correct?

[Crushing Our Enemies]

NOTING that The Black Riders entered the region and forcefully seized the delegacy of the large, peaceful, and active regional community of Region of Reunited Muslim States, and were only stopped by a Security Council Liberation.

They weren't stopped by a SC Liberation. They were stopped by defenders. I would change this clause to something like:

NOTING that on April 28, 2012, The Black Riders executed a large-scale invasion of Region of Reunited Muslim States, a large, peaceful, active community, and ejected dozens of native nations during the thirty-two day reign of terror that followed.

It's not really important how the region was liberated, since that doesn't have much to do with TBR's condemnatory qualities.

Now make all your clauses as good as that one, and it'll be ready to submit.

[Tim-Opolis]

NOTING that The Black Riders entered the region and forcefully seized the delegacy of the large, peaceful, and active regional community of Region of Reunited Muslim States, and were only stopped by a Security Council Liberation.

They weren't stopped by a SC Liberation. They were stopped by defenders. I would change this clause to something like:

NOTING that on April 28, 2012, The Black Riders executed a large-scale invasion of Region of Reunited Muslim States, a large, peaceful, active community, and ejected dozens of native nations during the thirty-two day reign of terror that followed.

It's not really important how the region was liberated, since that doesn't have much to do with TBR's condemnatory qualities.

Now make all your clauses as good as that one, and it'll be ready to submit.

We were arguably stopped by an SC Lib. Had that not passed, RORMS would be ours

But Aye. I agree with CoE.