Please help me improve this proposal.

[Mizialand]

This is my first SC Proposal but I don't know how to write it. Will someone please improve it for me?
EDIT 1:OK OK... So you all are just ignoring my proposal, eh? All right, then I have read all the rules and gudes and re-written it here-

EDIT 2: OK.. So, it fails to acheive quorum. Many delegates informed me that the prop. needs to be more detailed. So, I have done some research and here is the new detailed prop.-

Condemn The United Soviet Socialist Republic

Category: Condemnation

Nominee: The United Soviet Socialist Republic

Proposed by: Mizialand


The Security Council,

1.Recalling that UNited Soviet Socialist Republic(USSR) has been a very voilent nation on the International Incidents Forum by engaing in many wars such as the War on Soveitta where the said nation has made brutal use of force to conquer Sovietta.

2. Notingthat these war are just for the "sake of fun" and have been launched to increase the terriotorial limits of USSR, therby highliting itself as an evil, imperialistic nation.

3. Realising that the nation has been running an active slave trade wherein criminals are being sold as slaves to foreign buyers, which is a complete infringment and voilation of basic Human Rights.

4. Horrified by the illtreatement of animals and citizens showing compassion towards animals, with such citizens being "publicly hung, short drop, and being caught spreading the lie of Ponyism are publicly given the guillotine."

5. Notingthat USSR has adopted a policy of armament and purchased many arms from other nations, thereby disturbing regional and World Peace and threatning to start wars on large scale. .

6. Realising that the nation has made a mockery of socialism by runnig an active slave trade as mentioned above and opposing tooth and nail, the entry of socialist nations such as Mizialand to the Alliance of Socilast Comardes, while masking itself as a socialist country all this time

7. Notingthat many nations have already condemned USSR's actions.

8. Believing that USSR has purchased massive quantities of Uranium which are being utilised for runnig its nuclear weapons programme.(OOC: Just like RL Iran)

Condemns The United Soviet Socialist Republic.

Earlier Drafts

Condemn The United Soviet Socialist Republic

Category: Condemnation

Nominee: The United Soviet Socialist Republic

Proposed by: Mizialand


The Security Council,

1. Realising that The United Soviet Socialist Republic (USSR) has been ranked in "Top 10% of the Most Corrupt Governments in the World" with no steps being taken by the Government to tackle the situation.

2.Recalling that USSR has launched many wars on innocent nations just for the "sake of fun".

3.Disgusted:
A. By the nations complete lack of correctional institutions.
B. By the Ill-treament of animals such as ponies.
C. By the Ill-treatment of its citizens who show compassion towards ponies.("publicly hung, short drop, and being caught spreading the lie of Ponyism are publicly given the guillotine.")

4.Horrified:
A. By the practice of unacceptable slave trade being actively run by the said nation.
B. By the minimal civil and political rights granted to the citizens.

5. Shocked at the masking of the USSR as it:
A. Calls itself a socialist state at certain instances but claims to be a communist state sometimes .
B. Calls itself a "Soviet Empire", though the nation's official name is "The United Soviet Socialist Republic"

6. Noting that the USSR initiates hate policies against Fasicm and Nazism by being part of the Alliance Against Nazis

7. Realising that many nations have already condemned USSR's actions.

Condemns The United Soviet Socialist Republic.

The Security Council,

1. Realising that The United Soviet Socialist Republic (USSR) has been ranked in "Top 10% of the Most Corrupt Government in the World" with no steps being taken by the Government to tackle the situation.

2.Recalling that USSR has launched many wars on innocent nations just for the "sake of fun".

3.Disgusted:
A. By the nations complete lack of correctional institutions.
B. By the Illtreament of animals such as ponies.
C. By the Illtreatment its citizens who watch show compassion towards ponies.("publicly hung, short drop, and being caught spreading the lie of Ponism are publicly given the guillotine.")

4.Horrified:
A. By illtreatment of criminals by forcing them into slavery which was stopped by one of the moderators but started again.
B. By the practice of unacceptable slave trade being actively run by the said nation.
C. By the minimal civil and political rights granted to the citizens.

5. Shocked at the masking of the USSR as it:
A. Calls itself a socialist states at certain instances but claims to be a communist state sometimes.
B. Calls itself "Soviet Empire", though the nation's official name is "The United Soviet Socialist Republic"

6. Noting that the USSR initiates hate policies against Fasicm and Nazism by being part of the Alliance Against Nazis

7. Realising that many nations have already condemned USSR's actions.

Condemns The United Soviet Socialist Republic.

Proofs-
1. http://www.nationstates.net/nation=the_ ... t_republic

2. viewtopic.php?f=5&t=177056

3. A. viewtopic.php?f=6&t=165339&hilit=slaves

B.

C.viewtopic.php?f=23&t=171190&p=9377641#p9377641

4. Locked- viewtopic.php?f=6&t=165339&hilit=slaves but restarted viewtopic.php?f=6&t=176922&hilit=slave

B. viewtopic.php?f=6&t=176922&hilit=slave

C. http://www.nationstates.net/nation=the_ ... t_republic

5. A. Calls itself a socialst: viewtopic.php?f=4&t=176810 but claims to be a communist: viewtopic.php?f=23&t=164650

B. viewtopic.php?f=23&t=177545&p=9180149&hilit=MBCS#p9180149

6.
http://www.nationstates.net/region=alli ... inst_nazis

7. viewtopic.php?f=5&t=177097&hilit=ISM

Also, He is a very poor roleplayer.

[Crazy girl]

This breaks rule 4 far too often. You need to keep in mind your proposal should be able to be read as if it's about a real nation, not the account of a fellow player on a game.

[Hungaristan]

Formatting is invalid, but I will agree with you on your proposal. I will place an embargo on this nation and cut of his access to my trade route via the Suez Canal. I will also see any threats this nation imposes on ny nation will be dealt with extreme prejudice.

[Skyrim Diplomacy]

The Security Council,

Realising that The United Soviet Socialist Republic (USSR) is a very voilent nation on the International Incidents Forum since its joining the forum.

Understanding that USSR has launched many wars on innocent nations and has shown incidents of very poor roleplay in the said events.

Believing that USSR is devoted to spreading communism and capitalism in the world while masking itself wrongly as a socialist nation.

Also Believing that USSR calls himself the "Soviet Empire" though his name is "The United Soviet Socialast Republic"

Confirms that USSR runs an active slave trade among varoius nations wherein criminals and ponies are subjected to this form of bondage.

Shocked by USSR's poor civil and political rights records and illtreamaent of ponies by selling them as slaves.

Horrified by USSR's poor roleplay, something which a nation with over 4000 posts should be ashamed of.

Disgusted by the lack of prisons and other form of correctional institutions in this nation.

Noting that many nations have issued an emabargo on USSR besides condemning his actions

Condemns The United Soviet Socialist Republic.

The red text shows R4 violations. While you have a decent amount of material, a lot nations participate in poor RP. That is the bulk of your proposal, and it isn't a unique/especially horrifying crime that this council likes to see in Condemnations.

[Drop Your Pants]

Not sure what you've done to the links at the top but they don't direct the way you want them to

[Mizialand]

The Security Council,

Realising that The United Soviet Socialist Republic (USSR) is a very voilent nation on the International Incidents Forum since its joining the forum.

Understanding that USSR has launched many wars on innocent nations and has shown incidents of very poor roleplay in the said events.

Believing that USSR is devoted to spreading communism and capitalism in the world while masking itself wrongly as a socialist nation.

Also Believing that USSR calls himself the "Soviet Empire" though his name is "The United Soviet Socialast Republic"

Confirms that USSR runs an active slave trade among varoius nations wherein criminals and ponies are subjected to this form of bondage.

Shocked by USSR's poor civil and political rights records and illtreamaent of ponies by selling them as slaves.

Horrified by USSR's poor roleplay, something which a nation with over 4000 posts should be ashamed of.

Disgusted by the lack of prisons and other form of correctional institutions in this nation.

Noting that many nations have issued an emabargo on USSR besides condemning his actions

Condemns The United Soviet Socialist Republic.

The red text shows R4 violations. While you have a decent amount of material, a lot nations participate in poor RP. That is the bulk of your proposal, and it isn't a unique/especially horrifying crime that this council likes to see in Condemnations.

He participates in Slave Trade and that's a crime.

[The United Soviet Socialist Republic]

Well its about time, honestly I was expecting this sooner. But this breaks the rules, quite clearly. First of all it seems to attack communism/socialism which is illegal. It seems to refer to me as a user rather than a nation.

[Sedgistan]

But this breaks the rules, quite clearly. First of all it seems to attack communism/socialism which is illegal.

How so?

[The United Soviet Socialist Republic]

But this breaks the rules, quite clearly. First of all it seems to attack communism/socialism which is illegal.

How so?

This seems to target communism/socialism, not to mention the attacks towards my RPing even though I RP well compared to many other people.

Believing that USSR is devoted to spreading communism and capitalism in the world while masking itself wrongly as a socialist nation.

[Mizialand]

How so?

This seems to target communism/socialism, not to mention the attacks towards my RPing even though I RP well compared to many other people.

Believing that USSR is devoted to spreading communism and capitalism in the world while masking itself wrongly as a socialist nation.

The point is you are a very poor RPer. None of your threads has something like a picture or some sort of formatting.

[The United Soviet Socialist Republic]

This seems to target communism/socialism, not to mention the attacks towards my RPing even though I RP well compared to many other people.

Believing that USSR is devoted to spreading communism and capitalism in the world while masking itself wrongly as a socialist nation.

The point is you are a very poor RPer. None of your threads has something like a picture or some sort of formatting.

Thats attacking the user not the nation, your acting as if im a user using NS, that and illegally attacking my RPing ablity. I could make a better condemnation of myself than you, I could condemn myself better. Seriously this wouldnt even be allowed in the SC, and I doubt it would pass. Brush it up a bit and stop the attacks on me as a user.

[Mizialand]

The point is you are a very poor RPer. None of your threads has something like a picture or some sort of formatting.

Thats attacking the user not the nation, your acting as if im a user using NS, that and illegally attacking my RPing ablity. I could make a better condemnation of myself than you, I could condemn myself better. Seriously this wouldnt even be allowed in the SC, and I doubt it would pass. Brush it up a bit and stop the attacks on me as a user.

Since this is my First SC proposal, its not so well written. So, I would like someone to help me in making this better. Also, with your insane slave trade and lack of correctional instituitions and voilation of international law and treaties and launching war and killing innocent people, your nation must be condemned,

[The United Soviet Socialist Republic]

Thats attacking the user not the nation, your acting as if im a user using NS, that and illegally attacking my RPing ablity. I could make a better condemnation of myself than you, I could condemn myself better. Seriously this wouldnt even be allowed in the SC, and I doubt it would pass. Brush it up a bit and stop the attacks on me as a user.

Since this is my First SC proposal, its not so well written. So, I would like someone to help me in making this better. Also, with your insane slave trade and lack of correctional instituitions and voilation of international law and treaties and launching war and killing innocent people, your nation must be condemned,

Honestly, I thought I would be condemned much sooner. But im being tempted to have my WA nation write a half decent proposal condemning me.

[Mizialand]

Since this is my First SC proposal, its not so well written. So, I would like someone to help me in making this better. Also, with your insane slave trade and lack of correctional instituitions and voilation of international law and treaties and launching war and killing innocent people, your nation must be condemned,

Honestly, I thought I would be condemned much sooner. But im being tempted to have my WA nation write a half decent proposal condemning me.

Why don't you do that then, huh?

[The United Soviet Socialist Republic]

Honestly, I thought I would be condemned much sooner. But im being tempted to have my WA nation write a half decent proposal condemning me.

Why don't you do that then, huh?

Why should I? Look, just clean this up and get rid of the obvious rule violations.

[Mizialand]

Why don't you do that then, huh?

Why should I? Look, just clean this up and get rid of the obvious rule violations.

I need someone to edit that for me becasue i am so busy.

[The United Soviet Socialist Republic]

Why should I? Look, just clean this up and get rid of the obvious rule violations.

I need someone to edit that for me becasue i am so busy.

Only the OP, you in this case, can edit a post.

[Mizialand]

I need someone to edit that for me becasue i am so busy.

Only the OP, you in this case, can edit a post.

But someone can Cut and Paste this proposal on their post and edit it there.

[The United Soviet Socialist Republic]

Only the OP, you in this case, can edit a post.

But someone can Cut and Paste this proposal on their post and edit it there.

When I feel like being feared as a vicious slaver I will create my own condemnation.

[Sedgistan]

Mizialand - it's highly unlikely that anyone else will write your proposal for you. The problems aren't that hard to fix - just read the advice given in this thread.

The United Soviet Socialist Republic - please stop giving incorrect advice regarding the rules, since you clearly don't understand them. I suggest you take some time to read over them before commenting further on proposal legality.

[Mizialand]

But someone can Cut and Paste this proposal on their post and edit it there.

When I feel like being feared as a vicious slaver I will create my own condemnation.

That is never going to happen since you are insane. Before that my proposal will pass. When I have time I will improve it.

Mizialand - it's highly unlikely that anyone else will write your proposal for you. The problems aren't that hard to fix - just read the advice given in this thread.

The United Soviet Socialist Republic - please stop giving incorrect advice regarding the rules, since you clearly don't understand them. I suggest you take some time to read over them before commenting further on proposal legality.

I agree. USSR is a very poor reader besides being an equally poor RPer. I will rewirte the proposal once i have time.

[The United Soviet Socialist Republic]

When I feel like being feared as a vicious slaver I will create my own condemnation.

That is never going to happen since you are insane. Before that my proposal will pass. When I have time I will improve it.

Mizialand - it's highly unlikely that anyone else will write your proposal for you. The problems aren't that hard to fix - just read the advice given in this thread.

The United Soviet Socialist Republic - please stop giving incorrect advice regarding the rules, since you clearly don't understand them. I suggest you take some time to read over them before commenting further on proposal legality.

I agree. USSR is a very poor reader besides being an equally poor RPer. I will rewirte the proposal once i have time.

You can stop calling me a bad RPer, I RP fine, yet you base a lot of your proposal on me being a bad RPer, stop it.

[Mizialand]

That is never going to happen since you are insane. Before that my proposal will pass. When I have time I will improve it.



I agree. USSR is a very poor reader besides being an equally poor RPer. I will rewirte the proposal once i have time.

You can stop calling me a bad RPer, I RP fine, yet you base a lot of your proposal on me being a bad RPer, stop it.

Have you ever seen your slave thread? It's so dull an illwritten. Just look at my threads. Here's my Embassy Programme- viewtopic.php?f=23&t=173937

Here's the Air Liberte thread- viewtopic.php?f=6&t=175803

My Factbook- viewtopic.php?f=23&t=175390 (compare it with your own)

I am a nation with only 300 posts. I have been on NS since last one year and I am such a good RPer.

[The United Soviet Socialist Republic]

You can stop calling me a bad RPer, I RP fine, yet you base a lot of your proposal on me being a bad RPer, stop it.

Have you ever seen your slave thread? It's so dull an illwritten. Just look at my threads. Here's my Embassy Programme- viewtopic.php?f=23&t=173937

Here's the Air Liberte thread- viewtopic.php?f=6&t=175803

My Factbook- viewtopic.php?f=23&t=175390 (compare it with your own)

I am a nation with only 300 posts. I have been on NS since last one year and I am such a good RPer.

Aww well aint that just nice, just because you add a few pictures and make overly long posts doesnt mean im a bad RPer. Now please, stop saying im a bad RPer and actually work on the dang proposal.

[Mizialand]

Have you ever seen your slave thread? It's so dull an illwritten. Just look at my threads. Here's my Embassy Programme- viewtopic.php?f=23&t=173937

Here's the Air Liberte thread- viewtopic.php?f=6&t=175803

My Factbook- viewtopic.php?f=23&t=175390 (compare it with your own)

I am a nation with only 300 posts. I have been on NS since last one year and I am such a good RPer.

Aww well aint that just nice, just because you add a few pictures and make overly long posts doesnt mean im a bad RPer. Now please, stop saying im a bad RPer and actually work on the dang proposal.

Ask anyone and they will say that you are too bad a RPer. I have a quote about You given by one of our allies.

Your ponies are being sold as slaves here, viewtopic.php?f=6&t=176922

We do not care, USSR is an amazingly poor roleplayer and an equally poor show. Pax Luna therefore is invoked upon him.

I will work on the propsal next week. I have a "big day" on Saturday and I am very worried about that.