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[PASSED] Commend Duxburian Union (AKA Vincent Drake)

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Kuriko
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[PASSED] Commend Duxburian Union (AKA Vincent Drake)

Postby Kuriko » Thu Aug 15, 2019 7:39 pm

So, I know this isn't my greatest work and it needs a lot of fixing. The reason this proposal is so awkward is because European Union doesn't RP as nations, rather they RP as civilians of their nations and those civilians hold government offices instead of nations. I would have liked to just split this proposal into two, but concerns were raised that two might not pass so I did my best to combine them into one proposal.

I'm open to edits, and I don't really plan on submitting this until it's been decided it's well written enough to be submitted. Help is always appreciated :)

The Security Council,

Acknowledging that while the prototypical candidate for a commendation is well-known internationally, despite being of less renown, the nation Duxburian Union is worthy of acclaim, having made immense contributions to both their own region, and to the international community;

Lauding the significant role that Duxburian Union played in refounding their founderless home region European Union, freeing its 100-nation population from the fear of raid and destruction by enemy forces;

Noting Duxburian Union’s ongoing dedication to protecting European Union from external threats, including raiders and other enemy forces, through frequent region-wide inspections to identify enemy nations, and by training inhabitants in ways to identify such nations;

Highlighting the various positions that civil servants of the nation Duxburian Union have held within the government of the European Union, since the nation's inception in 2006:

  • Chief Justice on the European Court of Justice for 4 months between 2011 and 2012, 4 months in 2013, 4 months in 2015, and 4 months between 2016 and 2017. The civil servants of Duxburian Union that served in this capacity are seen as some of the most prolific judges in European Union history.
  • Speaker of the European Council for a total of 36 months, overseeing the largest volume of legislation in European Union history, as well as compiling the most comprehensive record of council proceedings at the time.
  • Commissioner of Internal Affairs for 7 consecutive months in 2012 as well as 4 months between 2013 and 2014. In this capacity the civil servants of Duxburian Union were able to keep the population of nations in European Union at a stable level.
  • Foreign Affairs Commissioner for 4 months between 2016 and 2017, as well as 16 months between 2018 and 2019. In this capacity the civil servants of Duxburian Union advocated for and pursued a more open foreign affairs platform for the region.

Cognizant of the notable achievements of the Duxburian Union by virtue of Vincent Drake, a proxy nation and contributor to the aforementioned regional refounding, and not to be confused with the former European Union official of the same name;

Appreciating the efforts of the technical engineers of Vincent Drake in the development of defender tools, specifically the advanced piece of defender tech codenamed Breeze++ that allows defender forces to react more quickly to raider threats;

Celebrating the many top-level positions held by Vincent Drake within the Defender region The Order of The Grey Wardens, including:

  • Chamberlain, whose duty it is to keep and update records of missions undertaken by Warden operative nations.
  • Constable, whose duty it is to lead defender forces into battle against raider forces as well as to train new defender nations.
  • First Warden, a critical command position, whose duty it is to lead the region to victory.

Emphasizing their participation in actions against raider forces throughout NationStates, numbering a staggering 6,556 operations, and including 3,822 defenses, 374 liberations, and 2,076 detags to clean up raider propaganda. Notable among these:

  • The liberations of The Monarchist Entente, St Abbadon, Souls, Boston, Belgium, Japan, Eireann, Philippines, and Anontia when all faced occupations of over 30 raider nations.
  • One of the leading roles in the refounding of Greece, which had lived under the despotic rule of Yauna for almost 10 years before being freed. Greece now sits as a peaceful and open region to all, without the fear of regular purges undertaken by the disgraced founder nation.

Believing that all of these actions for the betterment of the international community make Duxburian Union more than worthy of recognition by this Assembly;

Hereby commends Duxburian Union.

Co-authored by Candensia, Deadeye Jack, and THX1138.


The Security Council,

Following the time-honored tradition of bringing outstanding contributions of select nations to the World Assembly's attention;

Acknowledging that while the prototypical candidate for a commendation is well known internationally, and despite being of less renown, the nation Duxburian Union is worthy of acclaim, having made immense contributions to both their own region European Union, and to the international community writ large;

Highlighting the various positions that civil servants of the nation Duxburian Union have held within the government of the region European Union since the nation's inception in 2006:

• Chief Justice on the European Court of Justice for 4 months between 2011 and 2012, 4 months in 2013, 4 months in 2015, and 4 months between 2016 and 2017. The civil servants of Duxburian Union that served in this capacity are seen as some of the most prolific judges in European Union history.

• Speaker of the European Council for a total of 36 months, overseeing the largest volume of legislation in European Union history, as well as compiling the most comprehensive record of council proceedings at the time.

• Commissioner of Internal Affairs for a total of 7 consecutive months in 2012 as well as 4 months between 2013 and 2014. In this capacity the civil servants of Duxburian Union were able to keep the population of nations in European Union at a stable level.

• Foreign Affairs Commissioner for 4 months between 2016 and 2017, as well as 16 months between 2018 and 2019. In this capacity the civil servants of Duxburian Union advocated for and pursued a more open foreign affairs platform for the region.

Noting the various other ways Duxburian Union has dedicated its time to protect European Union from external threats, including raiders and other enemy forces, through frequent region-wide inspections to identify enemy nations, and training the inhabitants of European Union on how to identify such nations;

Cognizant of the notable achievements of the Duxburian Union by virtue of Vincent Drake, a proxy nation not to be confused with the former European Union official of the same name,

Appreciating the efforts of the technical engineers of Vincent Drake in the development of defender tools, specifically the advanced piece of defender tech codenamed Breeze++ that allows defender forces to react more quickly to raider threats;

Celebrating the many top-level positions held by Vincent Drake within the Defender region The Order of The Grey Wardens, including:

• Chamberlain, whose duty it is to keep and update records of missions undertaken by Warden operative nations.

• Constable, whose duty it is to lead defender forces into battle against raider forces as well as to train new defender nations.

• First Warden, a critical command position, whose duty it is to lead the region to victory.

Emphasizing their participation in actions against raider forces throughout NationStates, numbering a staggering 6,158 operations. These operations include 3,519 defenses, 355 liberations, and 2,011 detags to clean up raider propaganda. Notable among these:

• The liberations of The Monarchist Entente, St Abbadon, Souls, Boston, Belgium, Japan, Eireann, Philippines, and Anontia when all faced occupations of over 30 raider nations.

• The refounding of the large founderless region of European Union, which held over 100 nations, and ultimately ended up freeing the region from the fear of being raided and destroyed by enemy forces.

• One of the leading roles in the refounding of Greece, which had lived under the despotic rule of Yauna for almost 10 years before being freed. Greece now sits as a peaceful and open region to all, without the fear of regular purges undertaken by the disgraced founder nation.

Believing that all these actions for the betterment of the international community make Duxburian Union more than worthy of recognition by this Assembly;

Hereby commends Duxburian Union.

Co-authored by Candensia, Deadeye Jack, and THX1138.


The Security Council,

Following the time honored tradition of bringing outstanding contributions of select nations to the World Assembly's attention;

Acknowledging that although the prototypical candidate for a commendation resolution is well known internationally, there are nevertheless nations of more obscure reputation that deserve recognition for their efforts throughout the universes;

Recognizing that although the nation Duxburian Union falls under this category, they have quietly contributed a great deal not only to their own region, European Union, but to the international community as well;

Highlighting the various positions civil servants of Duxburian Union have held within the government of the region European Union since the nation's inception in 2006, such as:

• Chief Justice on the European Court of Justice for 4 months between 2011 and 2012, 4 months in 2013, 4 months in 2015, and 4 months between 2016 and 2017. The civil servants of Duxburian Union that served in this capacity are seen as some of the most prolific judges in European Union history.

• Speaker of the European Council for a total of 36 months, overseeing the largest volume of legislation in European Union history, as well as compiling the most comprehensive record of council proceedings at the time.

• Commissioner of Internal Affairs for a total of 7 consecutive months in 2012 as well as 4 months between 2013 and 2014. In this capacity the civil servants of Duxburian Union were able to keep the population of nations in European Union at a stable level.

• Foreign Affairs Commissioner for 4 months between 2016 and 2017, as well as 16 months between 2018 and 2019. In this capacity the civil servants of Duxburian Union advocated for and pursued a more open foreign affairs platform for the region.

Noting the various other ways Duxburian Union has dedicated its time to protect European Union from external threats, including raiders and other enemy forces, through frequent region-wide inspections to identify enemy nations and training the inhabitants of European Union on how to identify such nations;

Cognizant of the notable achievements of the Duxburian Union by virtue of Vincent Drake, a proxy nation not to be confused with the former European Union official of the same name, including:

• Holding top-level positions within the defender region of The Order of the Grey Wardens. They have held the position of Chamberlain, whose duty is to keep and update records of missions undertaken by Warden operative nations; the position of Constable, whose duty is to lead defender forces into battle against raider forces as well as to train new defender nations; and finally, but not least, the position of First Warden, whose duty it is to lead the region to victory.

• Participation in operations against raider forces throughout NationStates, numbering a staggering 6,158 operations. These operations include 3,519 defenses, 355 liberations, and 2,011 detags to clean up raider propaganda.

• The liberations of The Monarchist Entente, St Abbadon, Souls, Boston, Belgium, Japan, Eireann, Philippines, and Anontia when all faced occupations of over 30 raider nations.

• The refounding of the large founderless region of European Union, which held over 100 nations, and ultimately ended up freeing the region from the fear of being raided and destroyed by enemy forces.

• One of the leading roles in the refounding of Greece, which had lived under the despotic rule of Yauna for almost 10 years before being freed. Greece now sits as a peaceful and open region to all, without the fear of regular purges undertaken by the disgraced founder nation.

Appreciating the efforts of the technical engineers of Vincent Drake in the development of defender tools, specifically the advanced piece of defender tech codenamed Breeze++ that allows defender forces to react quicker to raider threats;

Believing that all these actions for the betterment of the international community make Duxburian Union more than worthy of recognition by this Assembly;

Hereby commends Duxburian Union.

Co-authored by Candensia and Deadeye Jack.


The Security Council,

Following the time honored tradition of bringing outstanding nations contributions to the World Assembly's attention;

Acknowledging that although the usual candidate for a commendation or condemnation resolution is well known internationally, there are those nations that are not as well known to the world that deserve recognition for their efforts throughout the universe's;

Recognizing that although the nation Duxburian Union falls under the category of not being well known internationally, they have contributed to the region European Union massively as well as the international community through the efforts of their national military through a proxy nation;

Highlighting the various civil servants of Duxburian Union that have held government positions within the region European Union since the nation's inception in 2006, such as:

• Ine Kelander, who served as Chief Justice on the European Court of Justice between October 2011 and February 2012.

• Acwellan Devoy, who served as Speaker of the European Council between October 2011 and January 2015 for a total of 36 months. Speaker Devoy oversaw the largest volume of legislation in European Union history.

• Davian Lamington, who served as Commissioner of Internal Affairs between May 2012 and December 2012.

• Antony Scalin, who served as Chief Justice on the European Court of Justice between March 2013 and July 2013.

• Dann Eriksson am d'Iunio, who served as Commissioner of Internal Affairs between November 2013 and February 2014.

• Anthony Scalia, who served as Chief Justice on the European Court of Justice between April 2015 and August 2015.

• Charley Baakre, who served as Foreign Affairs Commissioner between October 2016 and February 2017.

• Ine Kelander, who has served on the European Court of Justice a total of seven times, including three terms as Chief Justice between 2011/2012 and 2016/2017.

• Vincent Drake, who served two terms as Foreign Affairs Commissioner between February 2018 and June 2019.

Noting the various other ways Duxburian Union has dedicated it's time to protect European Union from raider and enemy forces, including frequent nation checks to identify enemy nations as well as teaching the founderless regions inhabitants on how to identify such nations;

Stating once again that not only has Duxburian Union contributed monumentally to European Union, but they have contributed to the international community under the proxy nation of Vincent Drake by defending founderless regions from attack;

Listing the deeds Duxburian Union has accomplished and undertaken through the proxy nation of Vincent Drake such as:

• Holding top-level positions within the defender region of The Order of the Grey Wardens. They have held the position of Chamberlain, whose duty is to keep and update records of missions undertaken by Warden operative nations; The position of Constable, whose duty is to lead defender forces into battle against raider forces as well as to train new defender nations; And finally, but not least, the position of First Warden whose duty it is to lead the region to victory.

• The massive amount of operations against raider forces throughout NationStates, numbering a staggering 5,921 operations. These operations include 3,341 defenses, 353 liberations, and 1,962 detags to clean up raider propaganda.

• The liberations of The Monarchist Entente, St Abbadon, Souls, Boston, Belgium, Japan, and Anontia when all faced occupations of over 30 raider nations.

• The refounding of the large founderless region of European Union, which held over 100 nations, and ultimately ended up freeing the region from the fear of being raided and destroyed by enemy forces.

• The refounding of the founderless region of Greece, which had lived under the despotic rule of Yauna for almost 10 years before being freed. Greece now sits as a peaceful and open region to all, without the fear of regular purges undertaken by the previous founder nation.

Appreciating the work put into developing defender tools by the technical engineers of Vincent Drake, who developed an advanced piece of defender tech codenamed Breeze++ that allows defender forces to react quicker to raider threats;

Believing that all these actions for the betterment of the international community make Duxburian Union more than worthy of recognition by this Assembly;

Hereby commends Duxburian Union.


Edit 1: Added "appreciating" clause
Edit 2: Amended "appreciating" clause
Edit 3: Added Draft 2
Edit 4: Did Nohbdy's suggestions
Edit 5: Added Draft 3
Last edited by Ransium on Fri Dec 06, 2019 1:29 am, edited 12 times in total.
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Postby Kuriko » Fri Aug 16, 2019 4:35 am

I forgot to add a clause about Breeze++, so I'll get to that today.

Edit: fixed
Last edited by Kuriko on Fri Aug 16, 2019 4:45 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:55 am

Hi Kuriko,

I'm having a hard time with this one. The draft is well written, but the way that it's split between an RP type Commend and a Gameplay one doesn't sit well with me. I'm not against the nation receiving a Commend, but this needs a lot of work to effectively marry the two "styles".

Just my opinion, others may disagree.
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Postby Fauxia » Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:56 am

Support, a very worthy candidate.
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Postby Kuriko » Fri Aug 16, 2019 12:45 pm

Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:Hi Kuriko,

I'm having a hard time with this one. The draft is well written, but the way that it's split between an RP type Commend and a Gameplay one doesn't sit well with me. I'm not against the nation receiving a Commend, but this needs a lot of work to effectively marry the two "styles".

Just my opinion, others may disagree.

Hey BBD! I actually kind of agree with you on that. I couldn't find a way to marry them together easily, or else I would have and it's been driving me crazy. That's why I said I would have preferred to do two separate commendations, one for Duxburian Union and one for Vincent Drake.

The reason it's so horribly meshed together is because of the way European Union's government is set up. In their region the government positions aren't held by the nation itself, like a lot of other regions have. Their government is set up so that characters from the nation hold the government position, which is why I needed to word it the way I did.
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Postby Fauxia » Fri Aug 16, 2019 5:50 pm

You mentioned Ine Kelander twice.
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Postby Kuriko » Sat Aug 17, 2019 3:30 pm

Fauxia wrote:You mentioned Ine Kelander twice.

lol, you noticed that right after I did Fauxia. I had already fixed the draft before you posted :lol:. Anyways, a second and much more improved version has been put up. I've also added to do-authors because the two listed were very helpful in revising and rewarding it.
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Postby Kuriko » Wed Aug 21, 2019 7:01 pm

Any thoughts on this?
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Postby Eumaeus » Thu Aug 22, 2019 2:55 pm

Kuriko wrote:The Security Council,

Following the time honored tradition of bringing outstanding contributions of select nations to the World Assembly's attention;

In case you don't want to use this rewrite, it should be nations'.
Acknowledging that although the prototypical candidate for a commendation or condemnation resolution is well known internationally, there are nevertheless nations of more obscure reputation that deserve recognition for their efforts throughout the universes;

I think that's a correct usage of "prototypical". I just wanted to see how it looked. Since this is a Commendation there really is no reason to bring the criteria for condemnation into this; I understand that it is part of an argument you're making, basically that the nations discussed in the SC are almost always the (in)famous ones, but I think it adds unnecessary noise.

The second part of the sentence doesn't feel like it is making an argument, when it very much is trying to do so. This nation is not well know, and it goes against standard voting tendencies to vote for such a nation. I tried rewriting it to reflect its status as an argument, and get rid of what I felt was a bit of repetition. Lastly, it should be "universes".
Recognizing that although the nation Duxburian Union falls under this category, they have quietly contributed a great deal to not only their own region, European Union, but to the international community as well,;

What started off as a few edits turned into a complete rewrite be mistake. Since you were already talking about obscure nations a sentence ago the reader should be capable of realizing what category is being referred to (to make it even more obvious you could find a way to include the word "category" in the previous clause).
Highlighting the various positions civil servants of Duxburian Union have held within the government of the region European Union since the nation's inception in 2006, such as:

I have a potential idea for a series of edits to attempt to address how disjointed the gameplay and roleplay sections of this proposal feel, but they could only be described as a complete overhaul of the entire proposal. Whether or not I even attempt it (it's not something I think I can explain via text) depends on the answer to this question: were each of these roles held by different characters, or were they all Vincent Drake?
• Chief Justice on the European Court of Justice for 4 months between 2011 and 2012, 4 months in 2013, 4 months in 2015, and 4 months between 2016 and 2017. The civil servants of Duxburian Union that served in this capacity are seen as some of the most prolific judges in European Union history.

Were these a series of 4 month terms?
• Speaker of the European Council for a total of 36 months, overseeing the largest volume of legislation in European Union history, as well as compiling the most comprehensive record of council proceedings at the time.

• Commissioner of Internal Affairs for a total of 7 consecutive months in 2012 as well as 4 months between 2013 and 2014. In this capacity the civil servants of Duxburian Union were able to keep the population of nations in European Union at a stable level.

• Foreign Affairs Commissioner for 4 months between 2016 and 2017, as well as 16 months between 2018 and 2019. In this capacity the civil servants of Duxburian Union advocated for and pursued a more open foreign affairs platform for the region.

Noting the various other ways Duxburian Union has dedicated its time to protect European Union from external threats, including raiders and other enemy forces, through frequent region-wide inspections to identify enemy nations and training the inhabitants of European Union on how to identify such nations;

Cognizant of the notable achievements of the Duxburian Union by virtue of Vincent Drake, a proxy nation not to be confused with the former European Union official of the same name, as highly beneficial to the international community, including:

"Cognizant of the notable achievements of the Duxburian Union by virtue of Vincent Drake" is a complete thought by itself, so the revelation later in the sentence that it was actually half a thought interrupted with an aside was quite the plot twist. However, since the second half adds nothing to the clause I don't think doing away with it will cause any trouble.
• Holding top-level positions within the defender region of The Order of the Grey Wardens. They have held the position of Chamberlain, whose duty is to keep and update records of missions undertaken by Warden operative nations; the position of Constable, whose duty is to lead defender forces into battle against raider forces as well as to train new defender nations; and finally, but not least, the position of First Warden, whose duty it is to lead the region to victory.

You don't capitalize after a semicolon; this is all one sentence. Also, am I the only one who feels really, really uncomfortable with the phrase "finally but not least"?
• Participation in operations against raider forces throughout NationStates, numbering a staggering 6,158 operations. These operations include 3,519 defenses, 355 liberations, and 2,011 detags to clean up raider propaganda.

• The liberations of The Monarchist Entente, St Abbadon, Souls, Boston, Belgium, Japan, Eireann, Philippines, and Anontia when all faced occupations of over 30 raider nations.

Did VD organize these operations? If not, I don't see how this is relevant. Sounds more like something worth recognizing at the organizational level, but not really the individual level.
• The refounding of the large founderless region of European Union, which held over 100 nations, and ultimately ended up freeing the region from the fear of being raided and destroyed by enemy forces.

This clause feels distinctly out of place, and illustrates BBD's point about the two sections meshing imperfectly. This clause is written as if we didn't already cover VD's service to EU, which this seems a pretty important aspect of. Again, I would need an answer to my above question before I make an attempt, but I would like to take a stab at restructuring the proposal.
• One of the leading roles in the refounding of the founderless region of Greece, which had lived under the despotic rule of Yauna for almost 10 years before being freed. Greece now sits as a peaceful and open region to all, without the fear of regular purges undertaken by the disgraced former founder nation.

Appreciating the efforts of the technical engineers of Vincent Drake in the development of defender tools, specifically the advanced piece of defender tech codenamed Breeze++ that allows defender forces to react quicker to raider threats;

Fixed some passive voice.

Are you guys trying to stress me out? There were so many apostrophe related errors in this that I'm convinced its a conspiracy to undermine my mental state. I mean it's. Fuck.

All joking aside, I'm intrigued by this proposal but think it has major structural problems. It's like a pile of pieces to a Van Gogh puzzle: individually well written clauses that still need to be organized into a masterpiece. I understand the reasons why you chose to separate the IC and OCC sections so meticulously and think it is possible to pull off what you're attempting, but the integration is noticeably rough. The clause about the refounding of EU is off-putting in its current placement, yet I can't find a good placement for it without rearranging other information.One potential solution may be to put the OOC section in front of the IC, but that will result in its own dilemmas.
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Postby Indo-Malaysia » Tue Aug 27, 2019 12:30 pm

Hold on Lenly.. Vinny hasn’t already had a commendation...


Well then, I hereby grant thou a:

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Postby Kuriko » Thu Aug 29, 2019 2:20 am

Eumaeus wrote:
Kuriko wrote:The Security Council,

Following the time honored tradition of bringing outstanding contributions of select nations to the World Assembly's attention;

In case you don't want to use this rewrite, it should be nations'.
Acknowledging that although the prototypical candidate for a commendation or condemnation resolution is well known internationally, there are nevertheless nations of more obscure reputation that deserve recognition for their efforts throughout the universes;

I think that's a correct usage of "prototypical". I just wanted to see how it looked. Since this is a Commendation there really is no reason to bring the criteria for condemnation into this; I understand that it is part of an argument you're making, basically that the nations discussed in the SC are almost always the (in)famous ones, but I think it adds unnecessary noise.

The second part of the sentence doesn't feel like it is making an argument, when it very much is trying to do so. This nation is not well know, and it goes against standard voting tendencies to vote for such a nation. I tried rewriting it to reflect its status as an argument, and get rid of what I felt was a bit of repetition. Lastly, it should be "universes".
Recognizing that although the nation Duxburian Union falls under this category, they have quietly contributed a great deal to not only their own region, European Union, but to the international community as well,;

What started off as a few edits turned into a complete rewrite be mistake. Since you were already talking about obscure nations a sentence ago the reader should be capable of realizing what category is being referred to (to make it even more obvious you could find a way to include the word "category" in the previous clause).
Highlighting the various positions civil servants of Duxburian Union have held within the government of the region European Union since the nation's inception in 2006, such as:

I have a potential idea for a series of edits to attempt to address how disjointed the gameplay and roleplay sections of this proposal feel, but they could only be described as a complete overhaul of the entire proposal. Whether or not I even attempt it (it's not something I think I can explain via text) depends on the answer to this question: were each of these roles held by different characters, or were they all Vincent Drake?
• Chief Justice on the European Court of Justice for 4 months between 2011 and 2012, 4 months in 2013, 4 months in 2015, and 4 months between 2016 and 2017. The civil servants of Duxburian Union that served in this capacity are seen as some of the most prolific judges in European Union history.

Were these a series of 4 month terms?
• Speaker of the European Council for a total of 36 months, overseeing the largest volume of legislation in European Union history, as well as compiling the most comprehensive record of council proceedings at the time.

• Commissioner of Internal Affairs for a total of 7 consecutive months in 2012 as well as 4 months between 2013 and 2014. In this capacity the civil servants of Duxburian Union were able to keep the population of nations in European Union at a stable level.

• Foreign Affairs Commissioner for 4 months between 2016 and 2017, as well as 16 months between 2018 and 2019. In this capacity the civil servants of Duxburian Union advocated for and pursued a more open foreign affairs platform for the region.

Noting the various other ways Duxburian Union has dedicated its time to protect European Union from external threats, including raiders and other enemy forces, through frequent region-wide inspections to identify enemy nations and training the inhabitants of European Union on how to identify such nations;

Cognizant of the notable achievements of the Duxburian Union by virtue of Vincent Drake, a proxy nation not to be confused with the former European Union official of the same name, as highly beneficial to the international community, including:

"Cognizant of the notable achievements of the Duxburian Union by virtue of Vincent Drake" is a complete thought by itself, so the revelation later in the sentence that it was actually half a thought interrupted with an aside was quite the plot twist. However, since the second half adds nothing to the clause I don't think doing away with it will cause any trouble.
• Holding top-level positions within the defender region of The Order of the Grey Wardens. They have held the position of Chamberlain, whose duty is to keep and update records of missions undertaken by Warden operative nations; the position of Constable, whose duty is to lead defender forces into battle against raider forces as well as to train new defender nations; and finally, but not least, the position of First Warden, whose duty it is to lead the region to victory.

You don't capitalize after a semicolon; this is all one sentence. Also, am I the only one who feels really, really uncomfortable with the phrase "finally but not least"?
• Participation in operations against raider forces throughout NationStates, numbering a staggering 6,158 operations. These operations include 3,519 defenses, 355 liberations, and 2,011 detags to clean up raider propaganda.

• The liberations of The Monarchist Entente, St Abbadon, Souls, Boston, Belgium, Japan, Eireann, Philippines, and Anontia when all faced occupations of over 30 raider nations.

Did VD organize these operations? If not, I don't see how this is relevant. Sounds more like something worth recognizing at the organizational level, but not really the individual level.
• The refounding of the large founderless region of European Union, which held over 100 nations, and ultimately ended up freeing the region from the fear of being raided and destroyed by enemy forces.

This clause feels distinctly out of place, and illustrates BBD's point about the two sections meshing imperfectly. This clause is written as if we didn't already cover VD's service to EU, which this seems a pretty important aspect of. Again, I would need an answer to my above question before I make an attempt, but I would like to take a stab at restructuring the proposal.
• One of the leading roles in the refounding of the founderless region of Greece, which had lived under the despotic rule of Yauna for almost 10 years before being freed. Greece now sits as a peaceful and open region to all, without the fear of regular purges undertaken by the disgraced former founder nation.

Appreciating the efforts of the technical engineers of Vincent Drake in the development of defender tools, specifically the advanced piece of defender tech codenamed Breeze++ that allows defender forces to react quicker to raider threats;

Fixed some passive voice.

Are you guys trying to stress me out? There were so many apostrophe related errors in this that I'm convinced its a conspiracy to undermine my mental state. I mean it's. Fuck.

All joking aside, I'm intrigued by this proposal but think it has major structural problems. It's like a pile of pieces to a Van Gogh puzzle: individually well written clauses that still need to be organized into a masterpiece. I understand the reasons why you chose to separate the IC and OCC sections so meticulously and think it is possible to pull off what you're attempting, but the integration is noticeably rough. The clause about the refounding of EU is off-putting in its current placement, yet I can't find a good placement for it without rearranging other information.One potential solution may be to put the OOC section in front of the IC, but that will result in its own dilemmas.

Thanks Nohbdy, I've done what you suggested so far. For the question about government offices, each one was held by different characters from the nation. Sometimes more than one character held a position, like the Supreme Court Justice for instance which had multiple. If you end up looking a draft 1 you'll see who they were, just ignore the part where I listed the same person twice :p
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Kuriko
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Postby Kuriko » Sat Aug 31, 2019 4:29 pm

Are there any more thoughts on this?
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Postby Eumaeus » Mon Sep 02, 2019 10:15 am

Kuriko wrote:The Security Council,

Following the time honored tradition of bringing outstanding contributions of select nations to the World Assembly's attention;

Acknowledging that although the prototypical candidate for a commendation resolution is well known internationally, there are nevertheless nations of more obscure reputation that deserve recognition for their efforts throughout the universes;

Recognizing that although the nation Duxburian Union falls under this category, they have quietly contributed a great deal not only to their own region, European Union, but to the international community as well;

Cognizant of the notable achievements of the Duxburian Union by virtue of Vincent Drake, a proxy nation not to be confused with the former European Union official of the same name, including:

• Holding top-level positions within the defender region of The Order of the Grey Wardens. They have held the position of Chamberlain, whose duty is to keep and update records of missions undertaken by Warden operative nations; the position of Constable, whose duty is to lead defender forces into battle against raider forces as well as to train new defender nations; and finally, but not least, the position of First Warden, whose duty it is to lead the region to victory.

• Participation in operations against raider forces throughout NationStates, numbering a staggering 6,158 operations. These operations include 3,519 defenses, 355 liberations, and 2,011 detags to clean up raider propaganda.

• The liberations of The Monarchist Entente, St Abbadon, Souls, Boston, Belgium, Japan, Eireann, Philippines, and Anontia when all faced occupations of over 30 raider nations.

• One of the leading roles in the refounding of Greece, which had lived under the despotic rule of Yauna for almost 10 years before being freed. Greece now sits as a peaceful and open region to all, without the fear of regular purges undertaken by the disgraced founder nation.

Appreciating the efforts of the technical engineers of Vincent Drake in the development of defender tools, specifically the advanced piece of defender tech codenamed Breeze++ that allows defender forces to react quicker to raider threats;

Lauding the role that Duxburian Union and Vincent Drake played in the refounding of the large founderless region of European Union, which held over 100 nations, and ultimately ended up freeing the region from the fear of being raided and destroyed by enemy forces.

Highlighting the various positions civil servants of Duxburian Union have held within the government of the region European Union since the nation's inception in 2006, such as:

• Chief Justice on the European Court of Justice for 4 months between 2011 and 2012, 4 months in 2013, 4 months in 2015, and 4 months between 2016 and 2017. The civil servants of Duxburian Union that served in this capacity are seen as some of the most prolific judges in European Union history.

• Speaker of the European Council for a total of 36 months, overseeing the largest volume of legislation in European Union history, as well as compiling the most comprehensive record of council proceedings at the time.

• Commissioner of Internal Affairs for a total of 7 consecutive months in 2012 as well as 4 months between 2013 and 2014. In this capacity the civil servants of Duxburian Union were able to keep the population of nations in European Union at a stable level.

• Foreign Affairs Commissioner for 4 months between 2016 and 2017, as well as 16 months between 2018 and 2019. In this capacity the civil servants of Duxburian Union advocated for and pursued a more open foreign affairs platform for the region.

Noting the various other ways Duxburian Union has dedicated its time to protect European Union from external threats, including raiders and other enemy forces, through frequent region-wide inspections to identify enemy nations and training the inhabitants of European Union on how to identify such nations;

Believing that all these actions for the betterment of the international community and its home region make Duxburian Union more than worthy of recognition by this Assembly;

Hereby commends Duxburian Union.

Co-authored by Candensia and Deadeye Jack.

Aside from some minor edits that were pretty much just removing or adding region or nation tags, all of the changes I made to the actual text of the proposal are in blue. I did some rearranging what was already there, and the blue clause (which was part of one of the lists) is also an attempt to segue between the OOC and IC sections of the proposal in a more natural manner.

I'm not saying my version of the proposal is all set and ready to be submitted, but rather that it is a proof of concept for rearranging the existing text.

Btw it just occurred to me that the "worthy of recognition by this Assembly" is kind of weird when the proposal is written from the Security Council's perspective instead of the World Assembly's. I don't mean this in a Rule 3 sort of manner, but more as a matter of consistency. Tossing a "World" in there, or changing "Assembly" to "Council" would alleviate the incongruence.
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Postby The Stalker » Tue Sep 17, 2019 11:52 am

Support.
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Postby Kuriko » Mon Nov 18, 2019 6:25 pm

I will be reviving this, and added a third draft with another co-author that has helped. Nohbdy, we're going to discuss your suggested edit because I think I forgot about it.
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Benevolent Thomas
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Postby Benevolent Thomas » Mon Nov 25, 2019 4:20 pm

Full Support! Duxburian Union has to be one of the least controversial choices for this recognition we've seen in a decade.
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Postby Kuriko » Sat Nov 30, 2019 12:14 pm

I've updated the draft, and if there are no objections I would like to submit this tonight.
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Postby Wallenburg » Mon Dec 02, 2019 12:48 pm

This is at vote.
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McMasterdonia
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Postby McMasterdonia » Thu Dec 05, 2019 12:46 am

The North Pacific’s Ministry of World Assembly Affairs has issued a recommendation of FOR. Of course it is passing handily already :). Well done Kuriko on another solid proposal.
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Postby The New California Republic » Thu Dec 05, 2019 2:22 pm

Support. Their contributions thus far seem noteworthy enough to warrant it.
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Postby Munkcestrian Republic » Thu Dec 05, 2019 10:29 pm

I would have voted against, but I forgot to.

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