You know you are...

[Rejistania]

For those, who also prefer the fun side of NS, I suggest we revive the idea of the 'you know you are...' jokes from Jolt. Remember not to use this for bragging, nothing is more boring than reading post after post of how OMGAWESOME your citizens are.


You know you are rejistanian if...
...work is optional, siesta isn't
...you sneak out of work to watch a match of the 2nd team of your favorite soccer club
...your boss does too, sees that you root for the other team and fires you
...you have no clear idea how your political systems works today
...you prefer to send CDs by mail than their contents via internet -- it is just quicker.
...you don't know which store accepts which private currency
...foreigners laugh hysterically if they see your car.
...you don't fear gangs and violence when going outside in the dark but open manhole covers
...you are proud to be seleken/lajikin/-vedan/-jeti/... (select one)
...you are as proud not to be lajikin/seleken/-jeti/vedan/... (select one)
...you can walk from one end of your capital city to the other one in less than one hour
...there are three catastrophes: death, illness, relegation
...you never had to pay a single lil'kansu income tax and that is only partially because the lil'kansu is so weak that you can't spend a single one, you still complain that the government is taxing you to extinction
...your government does tax you to extinction with sales taxes.
...your English pronunciation is terrible enough to justify rumours that not the army but the butchering of the English language drove the Allaneans out of the country
...you pelted the national soccer team with rotten fruits.

[Maraque]

-----

[Conserative Morality]

You know you're a Moralite if...

... You find the concept of personal cars foreign and barbaric.
... You find a five-room apartment too large for your tastes.
... You have never seen a blade of grass in your life.
... You find 'Foreign' to be synonymous with 'Barbaric' and 'Disgusting'.
... The very idea of Religious Persecution is almost unknown to you.
... Seeing packs of unowned dogs is comforting, and holds no thought of danger.
... You find the thought of wooden buildings to be absolutely terrifying.
... You find yourself puzzled at how music without lyrics can become popular.
... You find yourself cursing the government to eternal damnation and thanking it with all of your heart, in the same sentence.
... You have an ever expanding collection of military grade assault rifles and explosives.
... You find yourself wondering if you'll live through one civil war, or two.
... Your favorite social activity is Role-Playing with your friends.

[Walmington on Sea]

You know you are Walmingtonian if...

*you aren't sure that [X/Y/Z] is awfully wise...
*you have nightmares about standing up in front of your colleagues or classmates and realising something's missing.. and it's your bowler hat
*you can see Canada from the west-facing window of your house, but still aren't completely sure what hockey is**
*you think, the immediate threat of Fascist invasion aside, the only good reason for war is the defence of cod fishing grounds from maurauding Frenchmen/Canadians/Yanks/Icelanders
*the worst thing about being invaded by Exponent is that the 2nd cricket test with Ceyloba is probably going to be cancelled
*if you know one thing, it's that, as regards the old cold steel, they do not like it up 'em!
*Church is very important because it has sponge cake, which is definitely not for Catholics
*your little brother still wants nothing more than to be an engine driver
*it's raining
*you think that you're British, even if the British don't, blast them all! Why don't they like you? You should punch them! But they wouldn't, so you won't
*you just re-elected a Prime Minister you've twice booted out of office, possibly because you felt guilty about having done that to a nice chap
*you'd rather have a cup of tea

**Residents of Norbray county excepted, and not just because they probably can't afford windows.

[South Asia Minor]

-The word "gay" is a compliment.

Bah!

You know you're a Sami if you are...

-Recovering from a hangover
-Fluent in Arabic, French, Chinese and Hawaiian
-Aware of the lyrics to the Sami national anthem in all of those languages
-Regularly attending anti-war protests (which, in NationStates, is all the time)
-Fond of the insult "melon farmer"
-The proud owner of absolutely nothing
-Guilty of recently converting your footwear into airborne missiles projected at the President/Monarch/Leader of any country that comes to visit
-Used to using acts of kindness when making a purchase
-Living in a tree, commune or Imperial Palace
-A militant pacifist
-Stoned 48% of the time
-Recognisable for your non-ethnic Jewfro
-An avant Bob Dylan fan
-Wanted in 17 countries for narcotic smuggling and public disorder
-A hater of crack, heroin, and anything heavier than weed
-A guitar/mandolin/oud player
-Unaware of the term "oversexed"
-A member of the SAM Self-Defence Corps
-Prepared to defend the great Jamahiriya of South Asia Minor with militant force and the government-issued Kalashnikov you received in the mail

See? We look like a bunch of peacenik, pot smoking hippies, and we are, but we are also prepared to shoot anyone that threatens our right to be as such with the government-issued Kalashnikovs we received in the mail.

[Cazelia]

You know you're Cazatanian when...
... You don't pay taxes. Ever.
... You own more than one military grade gun.
... You're proud about putting the same party in power for the past five elections.
... You're a member of the local militia. You know everyone in the unit on a first name basis.
... You're a Deist.
... Your kid's first gun was a Questarian battle rifle.
... You hate communism, socialism and environmentalism because to you they are logical flaws.
... You hate all Londinians.
... You consider vigilantism to be a public service.
... You're confident the current government will give you the most freedom possible.
... You own a menacing looking dog that is really a harmless, loving fuzzball.
... You voluntarily join the military a few days before you get called for mandatory five month service.
... You've read both The Road to Serfdom and The Communist Manifesto. After reading the latter you use it as fireplace material.
... You have a natural fear of blenders.
... Your favorite social activity is the militia.
... Every member in your family over the age of 14 has a suitable home defense weapon in their bedrooms. No exceptions.
... You own a gas guzzling muscle car or a really old land rover. Anyone who criticizes your choice of vehicle is either a) a communist, or b) an enviromentalist and therefore not worthy of your respect anyways.
... When people want to feel like revolutionaries, they wear Thomas Jefferson shirts, not Che shirts.
... You describe yourself as a Market/Classical Liberal. If a leftist starts calling himself a liberal, you slap him in the face and tell him to stop stealing your word.
... You're jealous of the married lesbian couple across the street because they have more guns than you do.
... The lesbian couple across the street are also members of the militia, and classical liberals.
... Foreigners start telling 'Yo' Momma so tactical' jokes and you don't laugh because your mother is that tactical.

[Conserative Morality]

... You're a Deist.

OOC: Enlightenment age thinking for the win! *Country High five*

[The Archregimancy]

You know you're a citizen of the Holy Monastic Republic when...

• On Wednesdays and Fridays you eat seafood.
• You are more comfortable standing in church than sitting.
• You can suck/vacuum up the crumbs of bread out of your hand without coughing.
• You can sing ison to any song (and you know what an ison is…).
• Lent to you means peanut butter, tofu, soy, lots and lots of pita bread and hummus, and services at least five times a week.
• You’re used to skipping breakfast on Sundays.
• On your first encounter with long words, you pronounce them stressing the ‘next to the next to last’ syllable.
• You wonder why the Pope crosses himself backwards .
• You wear comfortable shoes to church, because you know you’ll be standing a long, long time.
• A ‘topless’ woman is one without a headscarf.
• You spend a lot of time figuring out the best way to remove smoke stains from your ceiling and wax from your walls.
• When you see Santa, your first instinct is to hold out your hands to get his blessing.
• Before you pray, you say a prayer.
• You don’t flinch when someone throws water at you.
• When you first tell people who ask what religion you are, at first they think you’re Jewish.
• You’re experienced at removing wax from clothing.
• The service routinely starts at least 15 minutes late and lasts 2 ½ hours — and nobody around you complains.
• You consider any service two hours or under to be rather short.
• The priest says, “Let us complete our prayer to the Lord”, and there’s still half an hour to go.
• At the end of Holy Week, you have rug burns on your forehead.
• You have seen all members of clergy in purple robes.
• You can differentiate between the eight different chanting tones.
• You typically celebrate a feast day by observing strict fasting.
• You celebrate feast days the night before.

[Fictions]

If you are Fictionese
-You are thankful for the revolution that brought democracy and take pride in the fact you voted in the first election.
-You take full advantage of your new freedom of speech.
-You know how football (not that American stuff) is played, especially if you are a man.
-You are lucky if you get two weeks holiday a year.
-You are amused by the English translation of your nation’s name.

If you died tonight…
-You believe in God (especially when you are in trouble)
-You don’t consider dogs, cats, monkeys, or guinea pigs to be food; however some insects are considered a delicacy in certain areas. Seafood is very common.
-A bathroom has a shower and a toilet. The washing machine may be in there too.
-If you live in a city your main method of transportation would be car, bike, minibus or taxi.
-It seems natural to you that the telephone system and railroads are either run by the government or by government enterprises
-You need to be 18 to get a drivers license.
-You think most problems could be solved if only people would be decent
-You have a court system which is relatively clean and just, but immensely slow, however suing someone for damaging you is not a possibility.
-You probably can get by in English and will often assume all foreigners are English speaking and you are slightly shocked if a foreigner can speak Fictin - after all, where did they lean it?
-Education is free through high school. University isn’t.
-If you live in the city it is certain you will live in an apartment
-If you're an urban dweller, your apartment has all the usual rooms, complete with electricity and running water. Outside the cities you may not get these things

Everybody knows that...
-The date comes first and the month second, as in 3/12/2009 (and you know what happened on that date?)
-Arranged marriages are very common, you are probably in one yourself, if you are not you know someone who is, it is almost certain your parents were. Polygamy is legal and common.
-The train system is the only mode of long distance transport for over 95% of people.
-if a man has sex with a man, he is gay and that is illegal.
-If you're a woman, you don't go to the beach topless. Ever.
-You'd rather a film be dubbed than subtitled. But don't really mind either way.
-You don’t seriously expect to be able to transact business, or deal with the government, without paying bribes.
-If a politician has been cheating on their spouse that is immoral but nothing would happen, he might be planning to marry her after all.
-In the cities almost every store and restaurant will accept credit cards but you mainly pay in cash.
-A company can fire just about anybody it wants explanations are an optional extra.
-You think that everyone in your country is of the same race. Unless they are foreigners.
-You don't think much about income taxes as they are deducted from your wages
-Commas are commas. Decimal points are decimal points and dots are full stops.
-Most food is imported and expensive.
-You use the metric system.

We see everyone as they really are, and aren’t afraid to say it...
-You studied Fictionese history in school and a small amount about other Tyrrhenian nations, but not much.
-You would consider the Volkswagen Beetle to be a normal sized car.
-The police are armed with submachine guns
-If a woman is plumper than the average, it improves her looks.
-The group most people make jokes about are Majali (from the city of Majal)
-There's parts of the city you want to avoid at night unless accompanied by a knowledgeable local.
-The people who appear on the most popular talk shows are mostly entertainers, politicians, or rather strange individuals sometimes the person in question is al of the above.
-You used to be a Grestonian colony, but get along with most Grestonians now.
-Your country has been invaded and occupied by foreign powers and you feel angry and resentful about it.
-The image of your country is extremely important. You feel that your country is misrepresented around the world.
-You care what family someone comes from and a foreign son/daughter-in-law is unacceptable.
-You see opera and ballet as being “too foreign” and the idea never caught on anyway. Plays however are popular.
-Cinema is very popular and you visit it regularly.
-Even if there is an answering machine on a phone you would probably not leave a message at the beep.
-Taxis are normally operated by locals who know the city and drive way too fast.
-You will haggle whenever you feel prices are too high, sometimes even if you don’t.
- You can count on excellent medical care (after a long wait)
-You are distrustful of foreigners and HATE Whiskeasians.

Space and Time..
-If you have an appointment, you'll mutter an excuse if you're an hour late.
-those organising meetings may reschedule it and not tell you until the very last minute and the meeting itself may be frequently interrupted.
-You might often simply show up at someone's place. People may invite each other but don't have to.
-When you negotiate and Also, in social situations, it is considered improper to be too direct
-If you have guests you will serve them a drink and if you are a guest you will not refuse said drink.
-You drive on the Right side of the road-- or anywhere else as necessitated by circumstance. You don't stop at red lights, even if there are people around. If you're a pedestrian, you will fearlessly and nonchalantly cross the street, anywhere you please, whether the light is green or not.

[Albaron]

You know you're from Albaron...
...if you have a shrine devoted to your Emperor in a slightly more revered position than a shrine to God
...if you scoff in alarm if anyone even mentions the term "democracy"
...when you need two sheets of paper just to write down the titles of your town mayor
...if you consider all foreigners as items "to be avoided"

[Duong Thanh Dat]

You know you are my country's citizen if:
- You are communist
- You are environmentalist
- You are socialist
- You believe in communism, environmentalism, socialism

[Theurgia]

You Know You Are a Theurgian if:
- You have a pet salamander
- You enjoy nude rituals in the woods
- All of your money goes to the government
- You are annoyed by tourists, but excited by pilgrims
- You are highly educated
- You are adept at midpoint delineation
- You worship at a pyramidal temple
- You have never seen a car
- You do a great deal of walking
- You enjoy slow barge rides
- Your sole purpose in life is to connect with the divine
- You find the idea of eating seafood to be an abomination
- The idea of eating land meat is also unappealing
- You worship nature
- You aren’t allowed to vote
- You visit temple prostitutes
- You love media in any form
- Your children are raised by the community
- You can recite the 7 Universal Laws
- You speak at least 5 dead languages
- Your electronic devices may be wiped out at any moment due to national defense tests
- You’ve probably never held a weapon
- You have passed through the fires of the Living Flame
- You are comfortable working with Azoth
- To you “sports” means martial arts

[Fatatatutti]

You know you're Fatatatutian if:

... you cut your coffee break short to go to lunch.
... your car has a 500cc engine.
... Alphonse the duck is your hero.
... all you watch on TV is Flintstones reruns.
... you don't know what a tie is or how to button a shirt.
... you send Christmas cards to people you met on the bus.
... you have your own grass skirt.
... pineapples are at the top of your grocery list.
... you have two barbecues but no alarm clock.
... your surfboard cost more than your house.
... you sleep on the beach at least two nights a week.

[Matsu-wa]

you know you are matsu-ian if you.

1. say how do you do more than 50 times a day
2. have a closet ,filled with the same outfit about 90 times
3.punch your kids in the eye for disrespecting the nobles
4. forget your birthday but remember national pine day because of all the red wine

[Sarrowquand]

You know you’re a DoSser if….

-You’ve been filling in forms on every aspect of your life since you reached majority age
-you were conscripted for two years, into the bureaucracy
-you wear too much grey
-you pay 100% tax and then petition the Grey Bureaucracy for your yearly supply of everything
-you live in a ridiculously densely packed city but there is green undeveloped parkland everywhere
-you almost certainly won’t qualify for the right to give birth/get someone pregnant
-you feel no ounce of patriotism, can’t be bothered to protest and never ever chant the national slogan (…mediocre for awhile…)
-you don’t know if there is a national anthem or not (there isn’t)
-you speak a ridiculous number of languages but couldn’t point to more then five countries on a map
-think that the arts need funding but that religion should be taxed at 100%
-joined the army so you could sit around all day guarding your gun
-are reasonably certain that foreign wars are things that happen to foreigners
-can’t imagine why anyone would want to devolve or rebel, I mean things are at least sort of ok aren’t they
-work a long, long shift
-you’ll probably go your whole life without leaving the country
-think wisdom and charisma are the bees knees when it comes to traits for an elected politician

[Altergo]

You know you are Altergan when you...

1.Crave a fight
2.Can stay up for weeks without sleep
3.Hate Sony's pitiful attempts to sell the PS3
4.Always caring a weapon wherever you go
5.Love sports
6.Excellent in Science and History
7.Can speak in multiple tongues
8.Enjoy all music except country

[Apanii]

You know you're an Apaniian if...
...You've ever used a sick day at work because you were just to stoned to go in
...You've ever paid for a healer with anything other than money
...You can speak various other tribal languages including the official languages of Piegan Blackfoot and English
...You've ever thought or debated the idea that all Indigenous people of the United States of America should have automatic duel citizenship in Apanii
...You have no idea what the locks on your doors are for
...You've ever come home from work and three of your friends are there already. With dinner waiting.
...You're almost as proud of your province as you are of your country
...You've ever beaten someone up for calling you a "dog-eater"
...You've ever gone to your boss' office to ask if you could turn the game on during shinny season, and he's already watching it
...Most of your superiors are female
...Every old person you see automatically becomes "Grandmother" or "Grandfather"
...You actually attended the last public royal function in the hopes that Queen Sarai would make out with her girlfriend
...You've ever been recommended to go to a traditional healer by a medical doctor
...You get a huge influx of neo-hippies from America during tourist season
...You've ever pretended you only speak Blackfoot during tourist season
...You have frybread eating contests
...You've ever thought the people of Hopi descent should get their own province and it should be called "Munchkin Land"
...You have at least two national flags on your property in addition to your province flag and or a military flag
...You're a male and you've never cut your hair before and the thought makes you queasy
...You use the word "ennit/innit" so much, you're not sure what it means anymore, innit?
...You can backtrack out of a bad joke or something that could be taken as offensive by going "aaayyyyye"
...You can point with your lips
...You can name the queens of the last one hundred years, their Blackfoot names and their tribal lineage
...Bring a bat with you to Dragging Canoe National Forest to ward of mosquitos

[PanzerJargerNagle]

Your from PanzerJargerNagle if

You belive the great leader, is well a great leader.
Your entire family is in the Army.
Your weekend is when you start your second job.
You have a unrainum mine in your front yard.
You are spend your entire pay check within 86 seconds of getting it.
You have seen a slug eat a man whole.
You own your house has been repurposed to a arms locker.
You cant keep up with your local politicions being executed.
If you have lost at least 5 family members for questioning the government.
You mail is adressed to you citizen number.
There is a government issued long range ballistic missile in your backyard.
You started work as soon as you got your first tooth.
You wife is named 'Bertha" or "Ersula", and she is more muscly than you.
You cannot remember a time in history when your country has not been locked in less than 4 armed conflicts at once.
You if you have never seen grass and are confused by the colour green.
You are not sure if your natinal laguage is English or German.
If you have ever seen anybody executed for spelling colour as "color".
If your casual wear is military grey.
Your cutlery is made out of frozen blue tack because the government confiscated all metal for 'special happy goodness tax'
If all the colours in your rainbow are a mix between grey, black and Red.
The sun is treated as a possible hostile threat and is targeted with ICBMs daily.
You natinal anthem is so impossible long that nobody can even get 1/48th of the way through without forgetting the rest.
By law you are expected to carry a machine gun two RPGs four SMGs and enough ammo to fight the closest nation on your own whenever you leave your home.
The entire moon has been claimed as a colony of you homeland.

[Jeuna]

You know you are from NSG:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3605/3633752862_d2a463fdca_o.jpg

[Swilatia]

- You ride in a train compartment with no air conditioning just because there are seats available
- You do not know what income tax is
- You write decimal numbers with a comma (0,5)
- You pay 3,20sw without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 0,28sw.
- You have a minimum of 5 "worst train ride ever" stories.
- you learned English from advertisements.
- You've never been asked for ID when buying alcohol or cigarettes.
- You have never seen snow
- You walk past a school playground, and all the kids are busy with their cell phones
- You can catch a wireless network with your laptop no matter where you go
- You have at least 30 different menus taped to your fridge
- You do not have a home phone, but use a cell phone as one instead.
- You get up in the morning and go online before getting coffee
- You get food in a restaurant, but you don't eat it there.
- You consider overnight delivery to be painfully slow
- After bumping into some-one, you check your wallet.
- There are only two seasons: A/C on and A/C off.

[Spredronia]

(This was taken from another game and from a PC magazine: guess the game and mag and get cookie.)

You know you're a mutant hillbilly when your moonshine glows in the dark.

[Goldsaver]

You know you are Goldsaverian if....

-You think a conservative is someone who tries to protect the environment
- You have never heard of Capitalism
- You look out your window and see endless sand
- You learned how to fly some of the most complicated aircraft in the world before you learned how to drive a car

[The Grand World Order]

You know you are from the GWO when...

-You lost a relative to a Communist/Liberal/Socialist
-You don't get lost in the horrid maze of streets, sub-streets, etc in GWO cities
-You own an automatic rifle, to kill those bloody Leftists
-You or someone you know is in the Civilian Militia
-You or someone you know is in the Military
-You or someone you know is a CCU Officer/State Police Officer/Federal Guardsman
-You think the Whiteshirts are actually a vigilante group and not a terrorist organization
-You own Mussolini memorabilia
-You refuse to say "GRIFFITH-II" without saying Grand Commander immediately beforehand
-You know what an Electrobaton feels like
-You've witnessed a CCU gunbattle
-You've attended an Orator Meeting
-You've attended an execution
-You think that the Liberty Confederation is part of Satan's Army
-You think Leftists are hellspawn
-You hate Leistungis
-You are mildly racist
-You live in "Indoor Suburbia"
-You've made the "Father, Son, Holy Ghost" hand signal in memory of Griffith Artiche, Benito Mussolini, Adolf Hitler, and/or Fransisco Franco
-You cannot picture Josef Stalin without seeing devil horns
-You cannot picture Griffith Artiche outside of a dramatic and glorious stance or scene
-You refuse to admit that the President that Griffith Artiche served was ever a GWO leader
-You are ashamed that the GWO was very briefly a democracy
-You hate democracy
-You hate "world policemen"
-You think the Enlightenment Thinkers were really the "Devolutional Chaos Bringers" and that Griffith Artiche is head of the REAL Enlightenment
-You own a car that resembles either a 1940's Buick, a Ford Crown Victoria, HUMVEE, or UNIMOG
-You think hybrids and sub-compacts are for environmentalist, communist, liberal pussies
-You sent a video to a starving refugee camp of you eating a large meal
-You've visiting Magna Polis
-You hate the sunshine
-You have witnessed a CCU officer/State Trooper beating the hell out of someone

[Silista]

You know you are from Silista when...

...you think a silicone implant is a GPS chip (and why would you put them in your breats?).
...Your countrymen fought a thirty-year war of liberation against overlords from just over the border before inviting in an overlard from thousands of miles away.
...your countrymen are Muslim, and your overlord is a Christian who rules a nation of Buddhists and Taoists...and no one has a problem with this.
...you were one of the poorest countries in the world, so you opened up chipmaking plants and electronics factories.
...you fell off your chair when you learned silicon can also be made into glass(???).
...you drive a tank instead of a helicopter or battleship because you get seasick or airsick (or carsick, if you drive one of the others).
...you plan to spend your retirement in a private country of your own.
...you spend your sick days practicing in the Live Fire Arenas.
...you thought Lawrence of Arabia was a total nimrod for not letting "tribes be tribes".
...your national wildlife has undergone a population explosion since they were privatized.
...you cheer when you hear that "the Sahara is expanding" 'cause you think it means your country is growing.
...you can't understand people who think cold fusion is "made up".
...you own a koza (human-level computer) but won't program Linux on it because last time it just sat around reading "xkcd" all day.
...you go around telling Europeans about how you're "the last colony in the world" (you're not, technically, but it makes them feel superior to know that--they're Europeans, after all).
...you're an arabic desert nation, and you think "camel" is a type of cargo helicopter.
...you watched "Lord of The Rings" and thought they said the Bedouin river.

[Greater Swedenn]

You know you are Sweddish when...
-you think the world is smaller than it really is
-you believe everyone out of Greater Swedenn is in need of a vacation
-when your job is to test new drugs
-you are a victim of a crime
-you are usually always blissfully happy, for no apparent reason
-you always have a sunburn