The Daily Issues Thread [Read OP First]

[Amacrei]

President Middleton has authorized additional funding to the Navy Department for the purpose of constructing two additional aircraft carriers, raising the Fleet's total to six.

[Fatatatutti]

There was a short but dramatic altercation earlier today when an Alphonse impersonator attempted to throw a Whirnak impersonator out the window. Charges of "resisting Alphonse' are expected to be dropped.

In other news, the soundtrack album from the hit spy thriller Thunderpants continues to climb up the charts.

"Any woman he wants he'll get.
He will bite any man without regret.

"He knows the meaning of success:
Somebody else cleans up the mess.
His feet are flat, so he can't dance
But he's off, like Thun... der... pants!

"Thun-der-pants... Thun-der-pants...."

[Maraque]

The annual "government team build" outing is approaching. HRH King Whirnak and HRH Queen Jivani will split the Advisory Council into teams, and then those teams will compete in a series of events such as water orienteering, underwater soccer, and other events, to come out victorious.

Last year HRH King-Abdicate Furoq's team lost to HRH Queen-Abdicate Cetiz's team, after failing miserably in the underwater rugby competition.

[Bacteria Barony]

The price of a gallon of water will soon reach an all time high due to bacteria contamination.

[Ruskarkand]

Today, the unfortunate death of our glorious leaders wife was announced.
Whilst the leader of Ruskarkand, 'Storm', and his wife were at a meeting, it is believed that his wife, 'Soul', drank from a drink spiked with a carbon substence.
After the meeting, Storms wife told him that she did not feel well, they both returned home due to this predicament.

Two hours later, Storms wife collapsed in the living room of their home, as Storm came over to inspect, the body exploded from a hyper-reaction between the carbon and a natural gas found within Dragoons.

The funeral will be held sometime next week.

Another outcome of this event, is that our leader had a source of PTSD from his past re-triggered, he is now undergoing heavy therepeutic sessions in an attempt to fix this.

[The UEG-Space Command]

Deadliest Warrior is one of the longest running shows, it now uses even more advanced tech to show how something is done.

[The Philippiniada]

The Empire celebrates the 120th year of it's foundation today. Known as the "Kiloros Declaration", The name of the park where Danilo I and his 200,000 strong followers declared the formation of the Empire of the Philippiniada after a month-long armed revolt against the old Republic. Festivities around the Empire common in this day with the largest taking place on the site itself. Now named Imperial Square. A statue of Emperor Danilo I reading the declaration has been erected in the 1980s and since then a program was held here attended by the highest positions of the government. Including the President and the Emperors and Empresses.

[Radictistan]

Rumers abound that an animated Codzilla television series is in development.

[Oceanic Vakiadia]

Wreckage of one of the crashed colony ships was found 3,000 feet under the sea today. In it's wreckage an ancient history book detailing the empire that sent us to the planet. This has astounding ramifications for Imperial Historians.

[New Acardia]

The Inquisitor's office announced more incitements of (FCLO) the Federation of Certified Labor Organizations. Officials on corruption ,Murder, Money laundering, extortion and blackmail.

[Izzyshipper]

The Queen's attempted Assassin from last year was denied his appeal for execution on the grounds of mental instability. Three Psychological assessments declared him sane and in full knowledge of the consequences of his reaction.

He is to be executed by the end of the week, unless the Queen refuses to sign his death warrant.

[Ta Fortress 2]

We recently agreed to make the legal age to drink Bonk to be 16.

[Nodsliw]

President Nodsliw hopes to host a formal party in his nation, all nations welcome.

[New Amerik]

Shit has happened, people have died, stuff has blown up, babies have been born, and reality is kicked in the balls.

In other words, average day in the Holy Technocracy. No news or facts to currently report.

[Ta Fortress 2]

Shit has happened, people have died, stuff has blown up, babies have been born, and reality is kicked in the balls.

In other words, average day in the Holy Technocracy. No news or facts to currently report.

"Same here ya faulty commies."
Soldier

[Inkarzikan]

Today marks the opening of the McCanoe Wind Farm, 10 miles from Katonston. It is one of the world's largest wind farms, and it has raised the percentage of power from 2% to 10%.

[Dai Coon Ree]

Reporter: "Greetings and Salutations noble Citizens of Dai Coon Ree.

We are here at the *Tyssen&Krupp Fleetyards Essen Alpha* close to Gallonigher. His Highness the Emperor had came to this glorious Event from the Throne World with the royal Yacht *IES Assindia* to celebrate the Launch of the new Emperor Class Battle Carrier *IMV Germania*

TV Stations now get permission to sell Commercials due organisaorial Interruptions in the newly indtroduced "Spartacus Games". The imperial Senate decided all "complaining" from Organisations opposing this great Project will be rejected by the Senate. TV Sations willing to report exclusively are encouraged to send their bidings to the "Ministry of Finance"

Hollidays have begun all over the Empire. The CEO of the "D' Era Lines Ltd." estimates a increase of 12% for Citizens wanting to spend their Time on Cruises. Major Fleetyards and Sipbuilding Officals allready reported the increase for the demand for large Spaceliners.

Hallowed is the Empire!"

[Fatatatutti]

After thorough research, the Genealogical Society of Fatatatutti has announced that any links between Alphonse and the prominent Smith family are very tenuous indeed. Although a certain member of the Smith family did have a pet duck at one time, there are no definitive records of that duck's descendents, much less any indication that any of them were ever legally adopted by the family. The Society's spokesman added that it isn't even certain that Alphonse's real last name is Ponsonby-Smythe.

[Segmentia]

After many months of fierce debate, the Imperium has reformed itself as the Directorate of Segmentia. Every Imperial organization was reformed, the rights and influence of the Noble Houses were both stricktly cut back. Also the 'Non-human equal rights and protections' bill has been voted into law, enabiling all non-humans the same rights and protections as human citizens in the Directorate . This bill also allows former non-human familes that lived in Imperial space to present a claim to monetary compensation for forced relocation.

The High Lords will still serve as the rulers of the Directorate until a new system can be formed. The possibility of naming a new Emperor has also been discussed.

[Saurisisia]

Upon hearing of Non-Humans now being able to live on equal terms with Humans, Elizabeth Strumgri, still attending the Officer's Academy, expressed complete support at hearing the news.

Speaking of whom, Miss Strumgri stated that the rumors that she's dating a Ceratosaurus are true. The male in question is a Lieutenant Robert Duncan, another cadet at the Academy.

[The BranRiech]

a new branch of the military was formed today: helicopter command, formed due to the large amounts of confusion of having helicopters under command of multiple branches

[Oceanic Vakiadia]

Colonies were constructed on three moons of Kraspenil today. These colonies will serve as future launch ports for colonizing Eskila and as mining and industrial centers.

[Segmentia]

Upon hearing of Non-Humans now being able to live on equal terms with Humans, Elizabeth Strumgri, still attending the Officer's Academy, expressed complete support at hearing the news.

Speaking of whom, Miss Strumgri stated that the rumors that she's dating a Ceratosaurus are true. The male in question is a Lieutenant Robert Duncan, another cadet at the Academy.

Ms. Strumgris' family is being released by the Department of Internal Security, as Elizabeth no longer presents a major threat to Imperial military doctrine.


Also, the Commadant of the Directorate Officers Academy has expressed slight surprise and shock upon hearing that Saurisisia officer cadets are allowed to date fellow officer cadets.

[The UEG-Space Command]

Upon hearing of Non-Humans now being able to live on equal terms with Humans, Elizabeth Strumgri, still attending the Officer's Academy, expressed complete support at hearing the news.

Speaking of whom, Miss Strumgri stated that the rumors that she's dating a Ceratosaurus are true. The male in question is a Lieutenant Robert Duncan, another cadet at the Academy.

Ms. Strumgris' family is being released by the Department of Internal Security, as Elizabeth no longer presents a major threat to Imperial military doctrine.


Also, the Commadant of the Directorate Officers Academy has expressed slight surprise and shock upon hearing that Saurisisia officer cadets are allowed to date fellow officer cadets.

Same thing here.

[Saurisisia]

Miss Strumgri's family is free to move to Saurisia, if they so wish to join their beloved Elizabeth.