The Hitchhiker's Guide to South Asia Minor

[Qazox]

Awesomeness²

[TaQud]

Awesome. And Great Detail South Asia Minor.

[Bodobol]

This is the most hilarious thing I have read in a very long time.

[South Asia Minor]

Dr. Jackie Lockheart, MD, is a doctor in Mad Dogs and guidebook author living happily in western Untitled with her pet wolf, Saskia, and nobody else.

Born in the northern territories (which, to this day, are primarily under the control of bears) to an indifferent father and a dead mother, Lockheart learned to deal with life the hard way from a very early age, particularly since her father was a special forces officer that would give her no attention other than advanced military training regimes from the age of three due to a critical misunderstanding of the term "infantry". After many years crawling through mud, blood, pine needles and tears, Jackie Lockheart eventually reached high school age and, in her newfound maturity, the young girl aspired to nothing but the life of a successful, intelligent, hard-hitting and revered novelist until her vocational advisor told her that she was not only a girl but an ugly girl and so she should just set about finding a husband before it was too late. For the rest of her high school career she searched tirelessly for a husband to no avail. Upon graduation, Lockheart had finally learned that both men and vocational advisors were absolute tools and thus vowed never to fall for their chauvinist trickery ever again. Three weeks later she married a stockbroker from Katieville.

After leaving university with her degree in Mad Dogs, whatever that is, Lockheart focussed her efforts on her first novel; Love in a Time of Martian Invasion. Sadly, due to the weekly arguments she held with her husband over why he kept sleeping with Commandante O'Donovan despite the fact that he promised not to ever again the last time, the novel was never finished. After five long years of shouting, Lockheart filed for divorce, after which she lost all the money she'd ever saved from her tours in the Congo as the commander of an infamous mercenary company because the judge at their hearing was that guy who used to be her vocational advisor.

After the separation, Lockheart became a wayward traveler, part-time soldier of fortune and freelance journalist. In at least fifty different countries, she has engaged in such wacky adventures as participating in three different military coups, writing an expose on corruption in the postal service and violently ending modern slavery in several nomadic tribes. After her last novel, Ninjas on the Orient Express in Space, flopped, Lockheart resorted to writing about the only thing she knew anything about; how much the world sucks. She is now not only the most successful guidebook author in Untitled, but she is also the only guidebook author in Asia.

Dr. Lockheart is currently residing in a two room apartment, a bitter drunken nihilist committed to destroying any living trace of optimism remaining in her native land. She passes the time walking Saskia, playing Skrillex at full volume whilst firing off rounds from her Smith and Wesson .44 revolver in the middle of the night, and sewing.

~ Hermes Publishing and Sauna Company, 2010

Lockheart's other non-fiction works include:
A Thankless Life: Commanding an Infamous Mercenary Company in the Congo during the 1980's
An Evening with Pol Pot
Vegan Cookery for Assholes
The Hitchhiker's Guide to Somalia
Dirty Sexy Beautiful Lies: My Time in the Court of King Caractacus
Coup d'Etats for Dummies
Baseball in Northern Russia
A History of the Double-Action Revolver

Her fiction works include:
Vampiric Zombie Nazis in Love
Ninjas on the Orient Express in Space
Giant Killer Squid Meteor
Once Upon a Time in South Asia Minor
Spartacus vs. the Irish Citizen Army
Dianetics
When Lesbian Nuns Make Out

[Sungai Pusat]

Daaaaaaaaaamn you click bait! *shakes fists*

Count this as an accidental tag and a comment of relevance to this thread.